


Andrew Hussie Stole My Webcomic (So I Ended the Universe)

by Card



Series: you and me, we got our own sense of time [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blood and Violence, Child Abuse, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider's Bad Parenting, Dirk Strider and Dave's Bro Aren't the Same Person, F/F, Humanstuck, Injury, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Roxy Lalonde, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 120,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23426833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Card/pseuds/Card
Summary: The thing about the Multiverse Theory is that it leaves a spacious seat for Murphy’s Law to sit its ass down and completely wreck everyone’s individual shits. So when Dave and Dirk find a webcomic called Homestuck, the least surprising thing that occurs is their lives taking an instant downward spiral. All Dave wanted to do was draw his subjectively amazing comic and survive at the bare minimum, but really, who can blame him for anything that happens afterward.ORIn which the main protagonist discovers a comic about himself and righteously flips the fuck out causing a chain of events that leads to the end of the universe as we know it, meeting some zany characters along the way and playing a game with his friends.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider/Rose's Mom | Beta Roxy Lalonde, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido, The Disciple/The Psiioniic | The Helmsman/The Signless | The Sufferer
Series: you and me, we got our own sense of time [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015131
Comments: 63
Kudos: 164





	1. >Dave: Discover you have a stalker.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first competent fanfiction and my first big writing project in well over 5 years (My first fics were for the anime Fairy Tail on Wattpad and I would rather let sleeping dogs lie) I am wide open for criticism because I want to tell a story and want to tell it well. Any feedback would be absolutely phenomenal.
> 
> As for a posting schedule, I don't actually have a set posting time; I have written a good number of these chapters ahead of time- it is currently April 1st, 2020 and if I am on schedule, this should be posted on April 13th, 2020- so I believe I will just post when I feel like it or finish writing something.
> 
> I would also like to say thank you in advance for reading my work- I have been pressuring my friends and partner to read this and I am super excited to share this abnormally complicated and poorly written fanfiction with you! Hopefully, you enjoy...whatever this is and let me know what I can improve for the future!

You gasp, dropping to the burning concrete, sword discarded many feet away from you. Your throat feels clogged like someone just stuffed a towel in your mouth and the gagging sensation won’t go away while you lie choking on the floor. Smoke fills the air around you, the sky turned dark and the sun a crimson red. Your name is DAVE STRIDER (of course, you already knew that- why would your name be anything else?) and you are currently in a strife with Bro that is going very poorly. 

Bro walks over to you. It’s a silent march and plenty slower than he usually moves. He knows you won’t get up. 

Coward.

You suck in a final breath as he grabs you by the face and before you can even register the action, your back hits the door leading out to the roof and your shoes skim the top of the stairwell. Today has been a particularly shitty day- you didn’t go to school due to a large fire near the city whose smoke had blown up all in your business, and so you had to sit at home in the sweltering Texas heat despite the numerous fans. 

Not leaving the apartment sucks; sure you don’t talk to that many people but at least you get to walk around and do whatever the hell you want. But no, you’re stuck in a tiny ass room with no one at all- you couldn’t even open the window for the crows who liked to perch on the windowsill sometimes- hopefully, they are ok. 

Of course, no fire is hot or powerful enough to stop Bro from taking you up to the roof to strife. This adds yet another hot pancake of shit to the constantly growing shit stack, just stanking up the whole vibe you have going. Strifes with Bro has never been pleasant: he attacks without a pattern or mercy, his moves are unpredictable, and every fight seems like you are mere inches away from sliding off the edge of the building, getting impaled, or groped by a puppet. 

Your shoulder hits an odd angle and you hear a sickening pop as pain sprouts up your back and down your arm. The stairs seem to continue on forever, while you are falling and hitting every possible limb a multitude of times, until you eat shit, just the full stack of it that has been cooking up all day. This isn’t to say that every day isn’t absolutely miserable but you guess you are just feeling extra bad today.

The air feels displaced next to you and you know the strife is over and Bro is gone once again. You try to sit up but the shoulder you hit earlier gives out completely.

God, you fucking hate the stairs.

Your vision swims in and out and the room is rotating and spinning; you don’t know how long you lay there, at the bottom of the stairwell, until you hear the soft footsteps climbing up to your apartment, keys jingling.

As the footsteps grow closer, there is a pause and the keys drop to the floor. 

“Dave?”

You try to respond but cannot find the energy to speak, straining your voice slightly in acknowledgment.

Your brother rushes over to you, falling on his knees and rolling you over; your ears ring as he tries to talk to you but you can’t hear him. The edges of your vision turn foggy and your head rolls back as he tries to stand you up. You puke almost instantly on his feet.

Memory fails you as to what happens next, but next thing you know, Dirk is holding your head as you are slouched against the tub in the bathroom, repeating your name like a mantra.

“Oh good, you’re conscious. Listen, I need you to tell me a couple of things, okay?” he says, softly, but urgently. You nod, your head rocking slightly as you do so.

“What is your name?”

“Dave Strider.”

“How old are you?”

“ ‘m fifteen.”

“What day is today”

You pause and search your memory.

“Shit,” you slur. “ ‘m I s’posed to remember that stuff? I dunno- the twentieth? ‘S definitely a Friday.”

Dirk lets out a slight sigh and grabs a medkit from the cabinet behind him and starts pulling out various bandages and medicine for your cuts and bruises.

“I warned you about the stairs, bro,” he scolds, shining a light in your eyes.  
“Definitely concussed,” he mutters and begins cleaning your injuries. God your shoulder hurts. You watch one deep cut in particular fizz and bubble because of the hydrogen peroxide. That will need stitches.

If Bro was the final boss of a video game and you and Dirk were the party, Dirk would be the tank, fighter, and medic all in one. He is always there to back you up after every encounter with Bro and you would probably be dead without him. 

Today, he wasn’t here until the end, but it’s better than him not being there at all.

You roll your eyes, which hurts to do quite a bit, and lean back further against the tub, trying to ignore the immense pain around your arm. “I know, dude, but it keeps happening.” This causes Dirk to raise his eyebrows a little bit above his atrociously styled anime glasses.

“I just want you to be ok.” He means this. Bro doesn’t like you and Dirk showing emotion but moments like these are nice. You know that Dirk cares about you and really, that’s enough.

“Is there anything else bothering you?” 

You shrug, or, try to shrug it off. Hitting your shoulder on the stairs was maybe not a good idea and you tense up in pain. Dirk gingerly inspects your shoulder, revealing a large, unnatural, bump on where your shoulder should be. Your bone expertise indicates that it is your clavicle rather than the normal joint that should be connected.

“Can you feel your hand?”

You try flexing your fingers but feel little sensation in your arm, which, at this point, has swelled up like a balloon.

Dirk lets out a long breath.

“We are going to have to set it.”

You let out a light wince, sure, this isn’t your first dislocation rodeo but man, shit’s painful.

“Would you rather get it over with or ice it for a bit?”

Opting for the latter, you lie flat on the ground to allow Dirk to twist, push, and pull your arm back into its socket. You feel your muscles spasm and throb as you lose sensation in your arm completely, overwhelmed by pain. Even though setting doesn't take extremely long (it would be quicker if you had a hospital but that is not happening) the roaring pain shooting into your back and down to your fingertips makes it feel like it's lasting days. You try your best to not move that much, your vision swims in and out of darkness until it's over.

This has always been the strangest part of your life. Sure, the strifes with Bro are nothing like any other kid has experienced and hopefully, none of the other kids have to worry about hiding their injuries or making up excuses for why they are hurt, but this part, when you and Dirk sit in the bathroom fixing wounds, it’s so surreal to think that this isn’t a normal occurrence for other people. That’s all you think about before you hear the second sickening pop to come from your shoulder today ring out in the room. You may or may not have passed out for a good bit.

When you regain consciousness, Dirk already took care of some of your minor injuries and has a water bottle and some pain medication waiting for you. Unfortunately, he had yet to move to the deep wound from earlier so he begins work almost immediately, checking on your head every now and then. The stitches hurt, undoubtedly, but you learned pretty early on in your life that pain is, more or less, momentary so everything is over and done with pretty quickly.

This all leads to the current shitty part as you sit at your make-shift desk, rolling a pencil back and forth because your usually incredibly cool and creative brain can’t come up with an idea for your comic, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. Dirk is lying on his bed in the corner of your shared room mostly to make sure Bro doesn’t try to attack again but also to watch to see if your head gets better or worse.

While you could just make fun of moral philosophy professors again or talk about how apparently mustaches were a trend (That seriously feels like a fever dream but the actual living proof it existed lies in Jane Crocker), nothing seems to really spark an interest. Pestering John is always an option, he usually goes off on a vague movie tangent anyway and so it’s not too hard to pick up any loose ideas from his rambles, but you don’t think he will talk to you after your last conversation. I mean, how were you supposed to know who Tommy Wiseau was?

You throw another shitty idea towards the bin in the corner and- damnit, you missed again.

“Nice shot,” Dirk snorts, not looking up from his computer.

You flip him off because that is the classiest thing to do in this scenario.

With a groan, you heave yourself out of the chair and over to the piece of crumpled paper, dejected on the ground after your totally not rad 5-foot shot, like, dude, the basket was right there, where are your skills, bro?  
You snatch the garbage and toss it properly in the bin of awful bad ideas. People really do underestimate how much time goes into your amazing comic. It’s a work of art that deserves its own museum, really. It takes a lot of effort to come up with ironically bad ideas that will make people wish they never had eyes-

Mukbang. That’s an idea.

Cal has decided to settle in your seat while you were picking up trash- why does Bro gotta do that to you? Seriously, that puppet gives you the creeps with Bro moving it around so quickly it looks like it’s moving on its own. Not even Dirk saw him enter to put it down on your seat. Placing Cal outside your door, you start typing- got to do a little research before composing a final idea of this mukbang thing (there is no rough draft in this apartment; we die like men). 

After about ten minutes of borderline pornographic videos of people moaning because of a Domino’s pizza, you decide against the idea and spend time scrolling through the internet. Especially after hearing Dirk cackling from his seat.

“It’s kind of funny when you think about it,” he said. Man, he’s cool, but sometimes you can’t stand him. You may have flipped him off again.

The thing about internet sensation Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff is that the content is 100% original shit and so technically whatever you search in the ocean of garbage known as the internet should give you top tier inspiration.

You start simple: _turntables, garbage, fucking brain wont work_ \- you get the idea. This must be what being an adult is like, doing work and doing it well despite its infuriating boringness. The struggles of being an artist.

“Try your name? Maybe something cool will show up, besides your lame ass,” Dirk ‘suggests’.

“Well, you definitely wouldn’t be the cool part of that search, either!” You retort, albeit, a weak response.

“Oh shit, I’ve been told,”

Moving on.

“Striderrrrrr,” you drag out, typing it into the search bar. A series of toddler bikes have entered the arena of bad ideas! Seeing how you have nothing better to do, you start typing in other people’s names. There are a couple of names you don’t try: Crocker, Harley, and English for obvious reasons so really, you don’t have a whole bunch to work with.

“And Lalonde gives you-” you exclaim, lamely, pressing enter on your dear family member’s name. “-cars!” Jesus, the extent of the motor industry really knows no bounds. If you had a dollar for all the friends that have motorized vehicles paired with their surname... you would have four dollars. That is a significant number of your friends, though- however, you never knew that there was a motorcycle brand called Crocker. (You later find out that the Betty Crocker corp. owns this too)

Like the cool kid you are, you freestyle rap about Egbert as you type his name. Hey! You need to work on it! Dirk is already good at rapping so you need practice! 

Anyway, here is a man that can’t possibly have anything interesting attached to the name (well, besides himself) -which, of course, is why you saved it for last. 

The screen loads up with some random English King.

“Hey, Dirk, look at this guy! ‘Wes-sex’, what a weird name!” you drawl, leading Dirk over to your computer.

“I’m pretty sure it would be pronounced ‘Wes-six’, Dave.”

You scoff.

“Yeah, I guess, but it’s not as funny; the other way sounds like someone who just wants to bang in a Westward direction.”

“I am so happy I am not your age anymore- kids think that anything involving sex is funny.”

Whatever. The page has nothing super interesting- maybe you could do something with kings or sex, but you were about to close out the page when Dirk places a hand on your shoulder.

“Hang on, that guy looks like your friend, John, doesn’t he?”

You thought at first that he was talking about the Wessex guy (who frankly looks more similar to Dr. Phil than anything) but after a moment, you do see what Dirk is referring to. It’s a link to a random Youtube video, you think it’s a speedpaint, of a boy wearing bright blue clothing titled ‘John Egbert Speedpaint’. He- does kind of look like your good chum, who is still ignoring you.

Your face scrunches ever so slightly from its normally totally emotionless shape. 

Either it’s a super weird coincidence or you have to warn your friend about a stalker.

“It does look like John, and they have the same name too,” you agree.

The link itself is not too suspicious- just a Youtube video and some lo-fi beats in the background. He _definitely_ looks like John. You are not as quick as you thought you would be to close out the tab- apparently, this dude is part of a webcomic called Homestuck, the main protagonist at that. As your mouse hovers to close the page, you notice something...odd.

Another Homestuck themed video and while this makes perfect sense according to the algorithm, your brain is having a hard time putting two and two together. 

You feel your glasses slide to the bridge of your nose as the next video auto-plays and it’s another speed paint only this time of a character called Jade Harley. You guess a regular person wouldn’t bat their eyes at this, but you-

“What the fuck? “Jade Harley Godtier Speedpaint”?” Dirk exclaims, leaning toward the computer, taking the mouse from you and scrolling through the videos. You lean back from your computer, inhaling deeply. The bright red sky from outside nearly blinds you as you try and rub your eyes, as if to wipe the image away, because, obviously, this is just some giant coincidence! Yes, this series, Home-whatever has two characters who look nearly identical to John and Jade who also have the same names as them, but then again, John Egbert and Jade Harley are pretty generic-sounding names, right?

Right?

Swallowing a bubble that formed in your throat, you scoot back to your computer right next to Dirk. You feel Dirk go motionless next to you

“Dude, I just realized-”

Your idiot brain fails to register for a couple of moments that if the person writing this comic stalks John and Jade, and Jade lives on this unknown island without contact to anyone physically-

“-there is a pretty good chance that-”

-they probably know-

“-who we are.”

With this panicky thought in mind, you quickly snatch the mouse from Dirk and begin researching: what do you get when you type in Homestuck on Youtube?

“Don’t Read a Webcomic Called Homestuck?” you mutter. 

“That’s super reassuring.” Dirk comments in a strained voice. He is hovering very close to you. Must be worried.

Youtube only gives music with the occasional comic dub featuring, mostly, gray-skinned dudes with orange horns, so you decide to abandon that for the internet. You have to know if you and your friends are going to be in any danger from this possible ocean-crossing stalker. 

Moving on from Youtube, you search a simple question in the search bar.

“what is homestuck?”

Wikipedia already has an article on it- it must be really popular. You glance over the description. Blah, blah, blah, John plays a beta version of a game. You stare blankly at your screen; Is that really all it is? Right under the Wikipedia article is obviously the link to the comic.

Clicking onto the webcomic, you think about how it would be easier to just read the full Wikipedia article about it rather than read the entirety of it. 

The page doesn’t take long to load up, but it does take a while of staring at the screen for the thought to finally click in your head. You feel Dirk’s grip on your shoulders tighten and you hear his heartbeat quicken. On the screen is a button, indicating the option to read Homestuck and right below it is a god awful image. Well, the image is not bad in appearance- the style is pretty simplistic- no, the concept of it all makes you feel like you are back on the rooftops with Bro; in danger.

The picture is a drawing of a boy in black and white except for the red center of the vinyl record printed on his shirt with really, _really_ , distinct shades on his seemingly emotionless face. Your hand meets your lips as you bite down as if to not scream. A nervous noise seeps out anyway.

Ok, if you keep looking at this and processing what it means, you’re going to throw up again. 

You step away from the computer in a quick flash step, but your shaken nerves and your concussed head get the better of you and you miss aim, tumbling backward into another make-shift table. You grip the wood so you don’t break any expensive equipment that might be on it.

Immediately, Dirk is at your side, checking for new injuries and your head once again, but your mind is completely lost. Dirk is muttering under his breath, a habit he has no doubt picked up from you a little, about the image on the computer screen, in a frantic manner, his limbs are around you protectively almost as if he is trying to reassure himself that everything is ok more than you.

Your glance meets the red window and you can see your reflection. After your clothes got all bloody from the strife earlier, you switched to your favorite shirt for comfort reasons- which just so happens to have a vinyl record with a red center. The record seems to blend in with the smokey red sky.

Only a second passes before you scramble over to your PC again, leaving Dirk where he is sitting, obsessively refreshing the page as if to see if the image is really real, but you know it is. The picture keeps cycling through four different characters: you, John, Jade, and of course, Rose. It’s like your brain goes completely on autopilot as you rapidly type various questions into the search bar.

“dave strider homestuck”

“rose lalonde homestuck”

“john egbert homestuck” 

“jade harley homestuck”

The answers you were praying weren’t true glare at you from the screen.

“What the fuck,” you mumble, slouching back in your chair. Who knows how many people you know are in this. 

“Dave, did you know about this?” Dirk questions anxiously and you shake your head.

What even is this story? Why are you in it? Will this happen in the future or has it already happened?

Obviously, you open to the first page. A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that on that day, April 13th, 2009, over two years ago, was his birthday and that’s where the story takes place-

Hold up.

Dirk mumbles a questioning “Dave?” from behind you, before swiftly to the same conclusion you have. If this story has you in it, like, actually you in it, then what if... 

You start typing furiously, to the point where the keys might break under your fingers. You have to be sure the creator, Andrew Hussie didn’t do that to you. He can’t have, he shouldn’t have. But he did.

On a website called mspaintadventures, stands a perfect replica of the comic you have tried for so long to make perfect and original- _your_ comic.

You screech.

“Hussie fucking stole my webcomic!”

It’s a really weird concept to think that someone thought you were good enough to be a character in a comic for a multitude of reasons. A lot of people generally identify and strive to be like characters they see in movies or books or whatever because of a personality they like, flaws and all.

But fictional characters are different from humans in a pretty obvious way that you can only describe as coherency.

Sure, characters can be presented in a sense where they have mood swings and do stuff a little out of character, but that usually has an integral part in a story, like character development, however, for the most part, they tend to stick to distinctive personality traits. That is what is so admired about characters; they are always themselves. Dirk is a perfect example as to why a living, breathing, being could never be a character in a story. Yesterday, the day before you found the comic, he was just an asshole. He was bitter and self-absorbed all-day- he nearly marched up to Bro to give him a piece of his mind- just overall, in a bad mood for, what you assume, no other reason other than he was having a bad day. Today, he was soft and empathetic and caring. There was no need or design for him to be in different moods, he just was; the asshole version of Dirk who has a bad day and the Dirk who hugs you and takes care of your wounds and who is warmhearted are the same person. It’s always going to be Dirk.

Characters, on the other hand, are always the same. If you take any random movie or show or book, for example, Michael Scott from “The Office”, he is always going to be the slightly/majorly offensive person who cares about his coworkers in an odd fashion and is very family-orientated despite not having one. Yes, he has mood shifts but there is always a purpose. He is consistent with his character. He is coherent.

This brings up the strange topic of reading the comic itself. Do you really want to find out how your ‘biggest fan’ presented you, what traits define your character, and what would make you coherent?

“I think we should read it,” you say after a long period of silence, only filled with the quiet tapping of keys on the computer. You are lying down on your bed with your eyes closed- apparently, that is supposed to help concussions.

“I mean, we have to, right?” You continue. “They are our friends and family.”

Dirk breathes out a long, audible, sigh and swivels the chair around to face you. He is currently trying to figure out the main plot to Homestuck to see if it is detrimental to you in any way, shape, or form and has been non-stop working for the last several hours. It turns out that the plot is super confusing and is really hard to comprehend without context hence your suggestion to read it.

“Absolutely not.”

“Dude, think about it! Our friends and family are in some crazy story that we know nothing about and from what you’ve mentioned to me so far, it sounds almost like the ramblings of a mad man. I think we have a right to know!” You ramble, gesturing wildly with your hands. You would hate to think about what this dude has portrayed you as especially if it is your actual interests and personality. If Bro found out about this, he would kill you.

Dirk scoffs a bit. “This is why I am researching the damn thing. There are a couple of thoughts I have about this whole thing. I don’t believe this comic puts us in any actual danger. From what I’ve seen, people think that you guys are all characters and don’t really want to mess around with the idea that you guys are real; as far as they’re concerned, you don’t exist. It’s like- I don’t know, Aang from “Avatar the Last Airbender”. He could have very well been a real person that the show basically stole to use in the story, but of course, you wouldn’t even think about that sort of thing happening because you’ve associated Aang with a 2D television show and not real life.”

You pause. He has a point; what is done is done and besides that, the fan base is large enough where even if the comic gets taken down, people will still know who you are, or rather, the 2D version of you and would continue liking the product so there is no reason to go through the process of trying to take it down even though it doesn’t really affect you. The main issue is, however, that you don’t know what the comic is about and how it can relate to your life. No one wants to hear the story of an abused kid. Including Rose’s situation, two kids. So why make a comic about them?

“Ok, but since this doesn’t really have a super impact on anyone else besides us, shouldn’t I be able to read it without any complications? You said it yourself, the fanbase probably doesn’t believe that we are actually real so what’s the problem?”

Dirk sort of sighs again and runs his fingers through his hair, clearly distressed.

“I’ve been thinking about this whole situation like it’s the short story “By the Waters of Babylon”. I read it in my English class a year or two ago. It is about this guy in a post-apocalyptic future where all of the past has been forgotten and the cities that used to exist are crumbling places that the people of this new dystopian society consider a sacred place where the gods live. Anyway, this man from a tribe wanders into the place of the “gods” to collect metal and discovers that the “gods” were not actually gods but people like him. He chooses to tell his dad, but that’s about it and he keeps it a secret from everyone else.”

You stare at Dirk incredulously.

“And your point with this is…?”

“Well, the secret could have destroyed society and ruined everything the culture had. I am worried that if you read it, you’ll find out that maybe your friends are not all they appear to be or that by viewing yourself from an outside angle makes your confidence crumble and ruin everything you like. What if by reading it, you view this coherent version of yourself that is perfect in every way and you end up destroying the real person you are to try and match a standard that some weird stalker has set for you.”

Dirk is majorly overprotective of you and you don’t blame him after everything that Bro has put you through. You can understand where he is coming from, but the way he phrased everything, you don’t believe that he isn’t going to read the comic.

“Are you in the comic, Dirk?”

Now it’s Dirk’s turn to recoil a little in shock from a question. 

“What?”

“Well, you heard me.”

Dirk does his “you stress me out, Dave and this is making me slightly uncomfortable” routine. Swallow, fix glasses, shoulders back, and sigh; Dirk leans back in the chair, massaging his temple.

“If I search ‘Dirk Strider’ then the only thing that pops even related to Homestuck is you. Maybe the comic is ongoing? All I know is that I am not in it.”  
You have to think for a moment.

“It said it started in 2009 and as of now, the comic has been going on for two years,” you say slowly.

“If they wanted to add you in, they should have done it by now unless it has some crazy plot and will add you later? You are such an integral part of my life- I seriously couldn’t live without you dude, ” You hear Dirk wince slightly. “If you are not in the comic but I am and so are the rest of the group, then it wouldn’t be an unfair assumption to say that Roxy, Jane, and Jake are not there either.”

“I mean, the whole scenario is fucking weird,” you begin to ramble.

“Like, yeah, being stalked and having someone make you into a character for a wildly popular comic is freaking weird, but the fact that scares me the most is that both of us didn’t even notice! Did he watch me at school? Can I write a harsh email to him like “yo, dude, what the fuck?” and forcibly shove it down his throat? Oh god, we really do need to tell everyone else about him. How would we go about doing that? “Hey, Jade! Listen, I know I am the most rad person you have ever laid eyes on and can only bring good vibes, but I have some bad news. No, not like the world is going to be crushed by a million meteors, although if it were, you and Jake would probably know already. You are being stalked! Isn’t that fun?”

“We shouldn’t tell anyone else.”

This causes you to sit up, abruptly.

“Why not?”

“I already told you everyone would-”

Dirk seems to be in conflict with himself. 

“We don’t know a whole lot about the scenario yet and telling everyone before actually having answers will no doubt send everyone into a panic-”

“-Which is why we should read the comic! If not to figure out the plot then to watch out for our friends! I know you said we shouldn’t earlier, but come on dude! This is weird shit, like some grade-A weird crap!”

“No, Dave, I said you shouldn’t read it. I’m not in the comic and so, therefore, I should figure it out and you can go back to living normally without having to worry unless I give an implicit reason to.”

“Well, you’re just being hypocritical.” Man, you are feeling dizzy.

Another silence falls over the two of you and Dirk stands up to push you back down into a lying position again and takes off your sunglasses. You are too tired to brush him away.

“All I want is for you to be safe. I don’t want you to worry about whatever mess this is,” Dirk says, softly.

You don’t answer him and instead, roll over so he is out of sight.

Dirk hates the silent treatment. You recognize that you are the most important thing in his life and that this action is what people call a dick move, but you can’t help it.

“Oh, c’mon, Dave.

You will admit that this is a bit childish and you know full well that while he will insist on you not reading the comic, he can’t stop you from actually doing it. Even in your own mind, you know he is saying this for your own good and his reasoning is good too, but you still feel like this should be something you are a part of. So, as you do with everything, instead of fully confronting the issue, you block everything off and keep your thoughts to yourself.

You don’t know how long Dirk sits there, waiting for some kind of reaction from you, but you and him both know that he will not find any for a little bit at least.  
Fighting (although, you probably wouldn’t consider this fighting rather than bickering) with Dirk is pretty painful, you depend on him for so much like keeping you safe and making sure that you have enough to eat and teaching you how to survive. He has always been there for you so you can't ignore or stay spiteful at him for long.

You hear Dirk stand up from where he was kneeling by your mattress and moves back to the computer and begins typing once again. Only moments after that do you grab your ironically cool Stiller shades and slip them on your face.  
Dirk modified your glasses as well as his with some spare parts lying around from old equipment Bro threw away. You can access the internet pretty well and use Pesterchum too.

You consider pestering someone for a little bit; your small list of contacts, given their individual scenarios, would probably not be doing anything major to where you couldn’t pester them, but, you decide against it. Knowing yourself, you would probably blurt the “secret” out the moment you got the chance. There is a moment where you nearly look up the comic, your curiosity getting the better of you… and yet, you know that to an extent, Dirk isn’t wrong but you don’t believe you are completely invalid either.

You decide to research instead. Sure, Dirk doesn’t condone you reading the comic but you can still help in some way. You will listen to him for now.

The first thing you learn is that the plot, without reading Homestuck, is basically incomprehensible. Andrew Hussie has written summaries of the parts that have happened so far but they are still nearly impossible to read. 

Secondly, there are so many characters, like, ‘so’ with one hundred ‘o’s’ in it. The majority you would say are broken up into three main categories: the trolls (the weird grey skin, yellow-eyed people), the ‘NPC’s’ (which are like these black and white chess pieces), and different variations and clones of you four kids (From what you’ve seen, you are in the comic like five times as different clones and characters). 

Finally, (this is not really a surprise to you as it is slightly uncomfortable) shipping. Yeah, you get it that people would ship because obviously they would. You are guessing, however, that maybe Hussie has not explained in full detail the nature of everyone’s relationships and connections with each other. For example, you and Rose being shipped together. While she lives in a different household, she is still most certainly your twin sister. 

The whole Strilonde genetics tree is not that complicated (at least compared to the Crocker/Egbert/English/Harley one) - enter Bro and Roxanne, your mother, they got together a number of years ago while they were very young and had Roxy and Dirk. Then a couple of years down the line, they had you and Rose. Seeing how they are both pretty miserable people, they switched on and off for a year or two after you and Rose were born, giving you a faint memory of Rose but not a remarkable one, before splitting finally with Bro taking you and Dirk and Roxanne taking Roxy and Rose. Quite recently you have reconnected but visits tend to be more discreet than you would like.

Getting back on topic-

Rose x Dave…

Ew.

You have also been shipped with John which is...interesting. You’re not gay so that will never happen in real life- man, the comic can really just do anything with you, huh.

Throughout all this research, you end up on the official Homestuck twitter. 

There’s a lot of shitposting and a lot of posts that just say ‘upd8’.

You don’t know what to make of this.

You continue scrolling, the anger at Dirk from earlier is quickly subsiding into nothing until you come across a post that, while it doesn’t stick out apart from the other text-based posts, could be the answer to this whole mess.

Screw being upset at Dirk.

You sit up quickly and move out of bed at a pace where you don’t hurt yourself.  
As you approach the desk where Dirk is sitting, he turns to you momentarily, giving you enough time to swipe his glasses off his face and replace them with yours.

Dirk opens his mouth to argue before he registers what he is reading. 

The fires that are happening pushed the event back a couple of days for safety reasons and Dirk was complaining about that which is the only reason that you heard of it prior but there is a large anime convention happening in a couple of weeks. Dirk had purchased some tickets to go because he is not so subtly a giant weeb and as it turns out, Andrew Hussie will also be there. How convenient!

“Well good! This gives me an opportunity to punch him in the face!” Dirk exclaims with fake enthusiasm.

“You clearly get that this gives us an opportunity to go and interrogate the guy,” you state, taking your glasses from Dirk’s face and handing Dirk his crappy anime glasses. “We should go.”

Dirk groans.

“For the last time, I want you to stay out of this. You shouldn’t have even been looking at this!”

“You said not to read the comic, not to not investigate it,” you say, pulling up the website for the convention on the computer. 

“And besides,” you continue, pointing to a very cool looking cosplayer on the rotating photo album on the website's cover. “That person is literally dressed like me. I have to know what this is all about. Especially seeing how it very much involves me.”

He takes a moment to think. You know that he has the power to ground you at home but not the resources to make you stay there. Knowing you, there is a large possibility that your plan B would be to ask Roxy and Rose for money to purchase your own ticket and go off to find Dirk and Hussie on your own.  
And for the final blow-

“You do realize that I also want you to be safe too, right? Sure I would get answers but I would also be there in case he is one of those lunatic crazy stalkers and would flat out attack you.”

Dirk hesitates, seemingly mulling it over.

“I wouldn’t be able to stop you from getting in there anyway, huh?”  
You shake your head.

He takes a deep breath.

“Ok, but if this is going to go down, you are going to have to do exactly what I say.”


	2. >Dave: Be mistaken for a cosplayer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has no editing and I am thinking on updating on a weekly/bi-weekly schedule. Also, I can't fucking write Hussie, like, _who is he??? how does he act???_  
>  Enjoy

Dirk prepares for events like one would prepare for the end of the world. Every instance is planned out to perfection from the route taken to the outfits worn. He basically has a map of the convention hall in his head and every portion of the trip in on a schedule including budget. Dirk never fifty-percents anything and unfortunately because of that- this recon mission is almost becoming boring.

On an unrelated note, Dirk still wants to explore the convention because he is a fucking weeb and so every instance after finding Andrew Hussie is on a schedule including shopping but knowing Dirk, that may extend a little longer than particularly necessary.

There are many aspects that had to be accounted for. For example, you are the real Dave Strider so you are bound to attract attention no matter what you are wearing but it is still better to be wearing clothing that is “not canonical”.

The morning of the so-called recon mission was surreal. You woke up and showered, brushed your teeth, combed your hair, etcetera, with the faint notion that today was the day you were going to get answers, but it didn’t hit you until Dirk handed you carefully picked out clothes. Comic Dave Strider wears t-shirts and long pants with distinct images on them and Dirk took all of that in mind, you see as you slip on a long sleeve light grey shirt and faded black cargo shorts. Sure, it’s not particularly your style (You kind of look like John more than anything) but seeing how it’s a convention with cosplayers from wall to wall, it’s probably better to avoid as much attention as possible. Dirk has also taken precaution by wearing his less worn clothes, a black tank top and some shorts, but he doesn’t need it as much. Still, something is better than nothing.

You sit on your bed, waiting for the exact moment to leave, each second feeling like it is resonating in your chest and ringing through your ears like a clock. Dirk is out in the kitchen continuing his normal routine as if it was a normal day as to not raise suspicion. You feel your breath exit your mouth as if in slow motion. This should not be as nerve-wracking as it is. 

The other main obstacle that had to be overcome was Bro. Bro, while not even remotely active in your life, likes to be in control and with that, it control of you and your whereabouts. He expects you to be home this weekend. Last time that you and Dirk left together without his general knowledge (You were meeting Roxy at a halfway point so that she could give you some supplies to, you know, survive) Bro nearly killed Dirk and injured you severely, so you have to be back before he notices or he might be suspicious that you ran away or something like that.

A faint click of the door rings out through the apartment and you start the timer. Wait ten minutes exactly before exiting the room. You and Dirk are using the fire escape to get down because of the camera stationed right at the door. The fire escape is located by the kitchen and there are cameras located around the apartment that rotate and switch on a cycle that is difficult to navigate. Well, difficult unless you are Dirk.

You didn’t realize how much time had passed until your phone vibrates in your hand. Opening the door, you see Dirk washing dishes in the kitchen and walk over to the fridge to grab apple juice, just like Dirk said. A new message pops up on your glasses.

timaeusTestified[TT] begain pestering turntechGodhead

TT: As soon as you get the juice, turn right immediately and walk quickly to the couch.

You do as told and watch as Dirk stares down the cameras through the reflection in the window above the kitchen sink. The cameras have a light that shows when it is activated or not. You wait about a minute before getting another command.

TT: Flash step to our room door, open it, then close it loudly.

You suck in a breath before leaping into action. As you shut the door you watch as Dirk mumbles a countdown before opening the window and widely gesturing you over to the open window and practically pushing you out onto the fire escape and shutting it behind you. In the midst of confusion as you duck under the window as to not be seen, you get another message.

TT: I told Bro I was going to work today; I have to leave through the door. Get down and I will meet you outside.

And with that, you start climbing down the shakey fire escape to the ground below.

It takes you considerably longer than you expected to get down but that probably due to every time a large gust of wind came by shaking the whole stairwell you were sitting on, you stopped, but you soon meet with Dirk at the bottom. Regretfully, the apple juice was lost on the way down.

The rest of the trip was more of a blur; you and Dirk got aboard the nearest bus that traveled to the convention center and walked in. Nothing prepared you for the number of people swarming the center despite the still smokey sky. People are off to the side doing photoshoots or acting out scenarios and generally being goofy. You are only given a second to react as a cosplayer with large wings spins around, nearly knocking you over. It seems to you like the whole convention is some sort of organized chaos.

Dirk nudges you on the shoulder.

“Make sure you are checking Instagram and Twitter.”

Right.

You fix your glasses and sit up a little taller. In order to make this process of tracking down Andrew Hussie easier and less stressful, Dirk has you using your glasses to constantly check Instagram and Twitter to sleuth out Hussie’s current location. So far, he has not entered the convention so he has not been tagged in anything or posted anything recently.

This gives time to actually wander around the convention and experienced the detailed work that people put into their costumes, as well as the products that you can buy- or, rather, Dirk, can buy.

It’s a strange experience being pulled around the hallways filled to the brim with seemingly every person in the county. The only time you are around large crowds of people is when you are in school which isn’t much to say given that most people have gone to school. The strangest part about it, though, is not the abundance of people (which is still off-putting regardless) but rather the cosplayers; specifically, the Homestuck cosplayers. Sometimes, you and Dirk will walk past a person who looks nearly, but not identical, to John or Rose and no matter how hard you tell yourself that it’s not them, you end up taking a quick glance. The ones that have you on edge the most are the Bro cosplayers. That gets Dirk double-taking more often then you would like to notice. They are more often than not, with a you cosplayer and even more unsettling, acting friendly. This is all something you became accustomed to fairly quickly, to your distaste.

You and Dirk end up on a bench relatively close to the main entrance to the convention people watching for a good while. You have chosen to be cooly sprawled across the stone surface, scooting Dirk close to the edge and it almost seems like an appropriate moment for a notification saying “Dirk will remember that” to cross your glasses. A large banner with _Anime Matsuri 2011_ written in big bolded text hands just above the doors and you have already traced it with your gaze several times over.

Needless to say, you are getting pretty bored.

Justice and all for your friends is definitely on your to-do list, no need to sweat that, but the feeling in your gut that has been churning, the one that keeps reminding you that you are about to confront your stalker who has been watching you for probably the better half of three-plus years, is not helping your nerves calm. If anything, you just want to get this justice stuff over will before you actually puke your guts out. 

But obviously, that’s just metaphorical. You clearly wouldn’t do anything like that, especially in a public place.

Still, you would rather have this whole experience over and done with than to be sitting and waiting for a notification.

A small ping catches your attention as the tag for Hussie has a new post.  
You sit straight up. The picture is nothing out of the ordinary, just some grey-skinned lady with a robotic looking arm posing with Hussie, however, the people are not where your focus is at.

You link it to Dirk almost instantly after shooting up.

“That pillar is right by the doors on the inside,” Dirk responds almost mechanically, taking one fluid motion to fix his glasses and stand up. He starts off toward the front doors leaving you to practically run after him.

Somehow, in a more tense situation, the crowd seems as if it were suffocating around you as you push after Dirk with a constant stream of “excuse me, sorry, pardon me” muttering from your mouth. You watch as his spiky hair disappears among colorful wigs and crazy hairstyles- you have to send out a quick message.

TG: yo where are you

He only takes a moment to reply.

TT: You’re not behind me?

You suck in another deep breath as you continue to shove your way past people before a hand is placed on your shoulder.

“Oh thank god, Dirk-” You say all at once, turning around.

It’s definitely not Dirk.

Standing in front of you is a tall lady dressed in orange robes with black lips and light, short, hair. You stick your phone in your pocket to type. A skill you have mastered due to many years of needing to communicate with siblings without Bro seeing.

TG: shit someone stopped me

TT: What? Where are you?

“Hi! Are you a Dave cosplayer?”  
You begin to sputter. How on earth would they assume you are a cosplayer?

TG: she thinks im a cosplayer for me

TT: Go along with it until I find you.

The woman stands, waiting for a reply. You clear your throat and relax your shoulders.

“For sure,” you respond, your voice cool and calm, looking her over. It takes you a lot longer than it should have to realize that she is dressed like your sister. 

“I love your Rose cosplay. Super detailed.”

She gives a polite curtsy and an elated ‘thank you’.

“You know, I have to admit, your Dave cosplay took a moment for me to recognize,” She continues. Man, you have never been more desperate to leave a conversation though you do feel bad; it’s not her fault. 

“I mean, with the long sleeve and shorts, it’s almost like a Dave-John fusion- Oh! Was that what you were going for? You must know that Dave would absolutely never wear that.”

You grit your teeth and try to stay as calm as possible so Dirk can find you while your glasses keep pinging notifications from Instagram.

“Yeah, totally. You know, Dave and John are my favorite characters so why not combine them?”

The woman laughs. 

“I completely get it! I have a couple of friends doing that with the trolls like we have a Karkat-Eridan fusion as well as a Vriska- Aradia fusion. You wouldn’t believe it; those characters are a lot.”

You have no idea who those people are.

“Man, I bet.”  
“You know, if you would like to meet them, we would love to have you around for our-”

Another hand latches onto your shoulder sending a jolt through your body.

“Hey, bro, I’ve been looking all over for you! Where have you been?” Dirk exclaims more jovially than normal and you exhale a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Thank god, it’s Dirk.

“Oh, you know, getting lost,” You banter along in desperation to leave and find Hussie. 

The lady practically squeals at the sight of Dirk. You thought that Dirk was not a released character in Homestuck yet. Maybe there is another reason?

“Oh wow!” She chatters exuberantly.

“You didn’t tell me you had a Bro cosplayer with you! Goodness, you two look so akin you might at well be the real Dave and Bro! Super canon!”

Dirk immediately goes stiff against your side. That’s got to hurt. His breathing grows heavier and his grip tightens.

“Thank you, that means the world to us,” he chokes out and you try to place a reassuring hand on his back, although you don’t know how much that would help at this point.

“I’m so sorry if I am cutting your conversation short but we are actually meeting with someone pretty soon and have to be on our way!”

You manage to force a small goodbye in before Dirk quickly drags you away to a nearby bench. 

Dirk essentially collapses on it, placing his head in his hands and taking a deep breath while you lean against his side, legs sprawled in the empty space of the bench.

You have no idea what to say; if you were compared to Bro you’d have actually lost it. 

Bro’s agenda when it comes to you and Dirk is not very subtle. He wants Dirk to become a clone of him and to isolate the two of you from each other. Bro sees relying on people as a sign of weakness so he takes action to attack when no one is around to help. You know that Dirk knows this and tries every day not to be like Bro so to be compared to him so casually, even though it was by a person who hardly knows the situation the two of you face, must be gut-wrenching.

“You know you are nothing like him, right?” You say after a moment of silence between the two of you but he doesn’t respond.

Dirk remains silent for the next several minutes. He should know at least logically that he is not like Bro- you are pretty sure Dirk showed a broader range of emotion in the last few minutes than Bro has shown in his entire life.

“I really really hope I’m not.” Dirk finally says with a long exhale. “At the very least, I hope you don’t see me as Bro.”

You shake your head.

“Never. Now, I don’t know about you but a certain Andrew Hussie is around here somewhere and I’m getting pretty impatient waiting for him to just wander in our general vicinity.”

Another ping appears on your glasses and you sit up.

“Well, where is he now, Mr. Coolkid?” Dirk questions, dragging his hands down his face in a lethargic manner.

You clear your throat and open your phone to look at the most recent picture posted. More cosplayers but the Rose cosplay in particular looks familiar.

“Isn’t that that the woman who stopped you earlier?” Dirk asks, peering over your shoulder

“It is,” you gape at the image. “She should still be in this hallway; it hasn’t been very long. Hussie too.”

Dirk sits up fully and starts scouring the crowd to possibly pick Hussie out. You take another glance at your phone. Hussie is wearing a green shirt and grey pants. You try to maintain your eyes on that particular target but soon find it easier to spot cosplayers dressed in black and orange or monochrome colors. Look, there is a crowd of said people gathering off to the side.

Tugging at Dirk’s shirt, you point at the large group quickly growing in numbers and right at the epicenter is none other than Andrew Hussie.

“There he is!” You exclaim. The churning in your stomach continues to grow and the world around you nearly feels distorted like something is off.

Dirk ruffles your hair as a token of congratulatory affection which is probably the lamest thing that has ever happened.

“There are too many people to try and isolate him.” Dirk comments, his gaze not leaving the crowd.

“How do we get them to go away?” You ask.

He pauses for a moment and you can almost see the gears turning in his head.  
You watch as Hussie, in the distance, has multiple objects shoved in his face to sign including a giant, colorful, hammer. The crowd only seems to be getting bigger.

“We need to wait for it to disperse, maybe with a few stragglers. When he sees you, he might want to run or try to play it cool. Perhaps it will give us a chance to isolate him.” Dirk mutters.

“Are you sure that will happen? What if another crowd forms?” You question and Dirk shrugs.

“Then I guess we have to get to him before that happens. Stick close to me.”

It takes an obscenely long time for the crowd to mostly go away and even with that, there are a good few people- maybe eight- people who are still around him when your (mainly Dirk’s) plan goes into action. You and Dirk had been following him for a while and thanks to your super cool sneaking skills, he didn’t see you two.

After a quick self pep talk, you are ready to face the beast… or rather, your stalker? Either way, it’s something you’d rather get over quickly but like hell you are going to tell Dirk that.

You tell Dirk that you will be ready for him to step in shortly so that he can quote on quote “find a bodypillow of his big titty anime gf”.

You march up to Hussie with all the confidence you can muster and tap him on the shoulder. 

He turns around a lot slower than you would have liked; it seems to drag out like the climax of a horror film and Hussie is going to have a monster mask on or some stupid shit like that, but when he does turn around, there’s nothing. 

Hussie stares blankly at you as if he has never seen you before. He is going for the ‘cool guy’ approach.

Still, you push on.

“You… you’re Andrew Hussie, right?”

He nods, glancing at the very obviously Homestuck cosplayers around him. 

“Yeah and you are a cosplayer,” Hussie says, looking you over.

You wish he could see your glare behind your glasses. And you didn’t even wear canonical Dave clothes but apparently that doesn’t matter at conventions.

“Do you not recognize me?”

“I do. You are a Dave Strider cosplayer.”

You feel your blood boil in frustration. People around Hussie notice that he is not giving him attention and are starting to walk off. Getting a crowd to disappear? Easier done than said, apparently for the first time in all of human history and now it’s just you and Hussie.

“You know that’s not true- you should know better than anyone else at this convention,” you respond coolly, not moving your gaze from Hussie.

“Know what- what the hell are you talking about?” He responds, getting a little agitated. The plan is going perfectly and soon Dirk will come in to finally get some answers out of him. Hopefully, before your patience runs out because holy shit you have barely spoken and you already want to punch the truth out of him.

“My name is Dave-”

“Oh, you’re a kinnie, well, this makes a lot more sense. What do you want, a picture?”

“A kinnie? What the hell is- you know what? It doesn’t matter. You can drop the act now, no one is paying enough attention to discover your secret.”

“Secret? You are not making any sense! Forget… whatever this interaction was, I’m leaving.”

You snatch his arm.

“No! You can’t leave. We need to talk.”

You watch him try to pull away but your grip is solid. He should know that. Hussie pulls and struggles for a moment of time before halting. 

“Look, I don’t know what you want from me and I sure as hell don’t know you so would you mind letting go?”

You falter for a second, never letting go of Hussie’s arm. He looks so... genuine. This guy is putting on some act but for a second you actually believed that he had no idea who you are. But the voice behind you snaps you out of your thoughts and you maintain your hold.

“Don’t let go, Dave. We do, in fact, need to talk.”

You watch Hussie blink, dumbfounded at Dirk before looking back at you, then him again.

“Wait, how do you guys know about Dirk? He wasn’t supposed to come out for a few months now!”

“Are you playing dumb?” Dirk growls, pushing the conversation to a nearby wall, taking you and Hussie with him.

“I should be asking you that! How the fuck do you know about Dirk? Not even my collaborators know about Dirk- are you stalking me?”

Now it’s your turn to look dumbfounded. That sounded really genuine.  
“I am Dirk? You know that, obviously.”

“Yeah, I know! Which leads to my next and only point: why are you cosplaying him and how do you know about him?”

You release your grip on Hussie, switching your gaze between Dirk and Hussie.

“Wait, do you not actually know who we are?” You question, fixing your glasses.

“Well, now I would really like to know as well as who leaked this to you!”

“He is obviously faking it, Dave,” Dirk comments offhandedly and while you would like to believe that, Hussie seems insanely convincing. You decide to get all up in Hussie’s face.

“I don’t know if you are being real because if you are, it makes this whole situation way more complicated!”  
“In what way?” Hussie laughs, not moving his eyes from either one of you. “You are the ones who know about Dirk which I have not mentioned to anyone and have barely written down. Did you hack me? In any case, how is me being quote on quote “real” which, by the way, makes absolutely no sense, make this conversation anymore complicated?”

Dirk pinches the bridge of his nose and takes his wallet, sorting through his various cards before shoving one in Hussie’s face.

“What the fuck is this?” Hussie comments, taking the card from Dirk.

“My legal, legit driver’s license. My fucking name is Dirk Strider and this is my little brother Dave. We have two sisters named Rose and Roxy and you have been stalking us and our friends and family! Of course, you already know this because, might I repeat, you are stalking us!”

Hussie grows quite and you find the time to jut in a comment.

“How did you even do it? Our sisters live all the way East, John and Jane are in the opposite direction, and the rest are even farther than that in buttfuck nowhere! How the hell did you manage?”

Hussie looks up after a moment of silence and hands Dirk’s ID back.

“Well, for starters, I didn’t do any of that stuff. This has to be a large coincidence or you guys are insanely committed because all I’ve been doing is moving around a lot and writing this comic.”

He pauses for a second and you and Dirk glance at each other from the side. 

“Wait, you guys have read Homestuck, how can I be sure you are just not some obsessed fan stalkers?”

Of course, this is the comment that makes you realize the way you found Homestuck in the first place. How stupid could you be to forget? Dirk seems to register before you do and is quick to stop you.

“Shit, I forgot! You stole my webcomic!” You growl and nearly lung at the man in front of you.  
“What?” Hussie yelps, stepping back and pressing against the wall.

“Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff!” You nearly screech, placing your hands in your hair and nearly pulling it out in a comedically framed rage. “My masterpiece of a webcomic! There is absolutely no way that is a coincidence.”

“That is a fair point,” Dirk comments. Man, this conversation has really winded down from absurdly angry people to a knot of confusion- well, at least for everyone else.

“No, I didn’t steal your comic! It wasn’t that hard to come up with a couple of pages in MS Paint in a crappy style and use those.” Hussie shrugs. 

“Hey, SB&HJ is great!” Dirk argues. “I even got a tattoo of it.” He mentions pointing to his shoulder and your face flushes pink. That was easily the worst decision of Dirk’s whole career. Even worse than that time he stole money from Bro and got caught. 

“Woah, I didn’t even write anywhere that Dirk got a Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff tattoo. Are you guys seriously the real deal?”

This is stupid.

“Obviously!” You groan. “We are getting very off track.”

Dirk hums an agreement and immediately draws his sword from his strife deck and points it at Hussie.

“Why and how are you stalking us?”

“Holy shit, where did you get that sword?” Hussie gasps, clawing at the wall behind him. What is he trying to do, dig his way through the wall and away from Dirk?

“Answer, now.”

Hussie swallows and shuts his eyes as if personally diving into his brain to find an answer. His eyes snap open and he looks Dirk straight in the eyes.

“My bank! I can show you my bank transactions! I haven’t purchased any flight tickets to any places nor bought a plane or stayed at a hotel anywhere besides when I was moving or vacations or anything like that over the past few years!”

Dirk shifts his sword a little bit away and Hussie releases a long sigh.

“But in return, how can I prove that you guys are not just really committed stalker fans?”

“I already showed you my driver’s license, what more could you ask for? You got Dave and his friends down word for word so we researched the crap out of you because it was fucking creepy.” Dirk remarks, holding up his hands in an ‘I surrender’ sort of manner. Both Hussie and Dirk turn and look at you.

“I may have left my wallet at the apartment,” you comment, slightly sheepishly but nothing obvious enough to pull away from your amazingly cool vibe. Dirk groans into his hands and mutters something about telling you to always have your wallet on you.

Hussie raises an eyebrow and you pull out your phone. “Will my browser history work? Dirk won’t let me read Homestuck so that I don’t “become obsessed with the standard of fictional Dave” so I only have the first page and the rest is research.” 

Hussie nods and a few moments pass of looking at each other’s phones. Sure enough, Hussie has done nothing of a sort i.e buying a plane or other crazy endeavors... and has like $37 dollars to his name. You have a wildly unreasonable number of searches related to ironically funny movies and random ideas pertaining to SB&HJ (Which Hussie also finds your official site for and deems it authentic) but there is nothing registered to you reading all of Homestuck.

After it all, Hussie sighs and leans against the wall further. 

“So you guys are coincidentally real? Do the trolls exist too?”  
Your face scrunches up as you pocket your phone.

“As far as I know, no. Are they the grey-skinned ones? A cosplayer stopped me earlier and said that they had friends doing fusions of the trolls. Do they do that in the comic?”

“Like a fucking Dragonball fusion dance or some shit?” Dirk questions, tossing his sword from one hand to another.

Hussie cackles and shakes his head. 

“God no, I think the game would just end if that happened. Wait, does Jake English exist?”

“I thought we established that earlier?” You mumble as Dirk nods enthusiastically.

“You guys dating?”

Dirk fumbles with his sword and it clatters to the ground as you shoot straight up from your leaning position against the wall.

“Well-” Dirk begins but before he can get any further you blurt out.

“No way, Dirk isn’t gay!”

The group grows quiet as Dirk picks up his sword from the ground and holds it at his side. Hussie looks between the two of you before shoving himself off the wall.

“Well, this has been an interesting and mildly terrifying coincidence. I am glad my comic wasn’t leaked and also that you didn’t kill me after finding out that I made a comic with you guys unintentionally in it.”

“I still don’t believe you but if I see your face again near my friends and family I will hurt you.” Dirk grunts, pointing his sword once again at Hussie.

“Still curious about where you got the sword from but duly noted.”

You snort. “From his strife deck? Duh.”

Hussie pauses for seemingly the thousandth time.

“You have a strife deck?”

Now it’s your turn to halt as you draw your sword from your strife deck. With a quick hand motion, your sword appears in the air above you and drops into your grasp.  
“You’re saying you don’t have a strife deck?”

“You wrote about it in Homestuck in the first few pages that I read. I just assumed that everyone had one,” Dirk says offhandedly from the side, storing his sword back into said deck.

“Maybe it’s genetics?” You mutter and Hussie shakes his head, running fingers through his hair, clearly stressed.

“Yeah, I definitely need to go lie down after what just happened so I am just going to go.”

“Sure, it’s been... nice, talking. I guess,” Dirk says slowly, adjusting his shades.  
It’s not the dramatic parting that you’d been imagining; your mind was definitely thinking that there would be a near fight on your hands with Dirk at Hussie’s throat but this somehow feels more empty. All that was found out was that it was a giant coincidence which is even more impossible to believe even with undeniable proof. You guess the discovery that some people don’t have strife decks or specibi is interesting enough. As you and Dirk begin to walk off, you hear Hussie call out to you. 

“Wait! I have one more question!” Hussie resounds from behind and you turn around to a slight grimace that has found its way onto his face.

“What?” You reply, approaching Hussie once again.

“Do you-” Hussie falters, shifting in his stance while Dirk moves to your side.

“Does Bro exist too?”

You freeze. It clear between you and Dirk that this was the question that both of you were praying wouldn’t be asked.

“Yeah, I mean, we wouldn’t be where we are today if Bro didn’t exist,” you laugh, bitterly, leaning in closer to Dirk’s side.

“Is it really that bad?”

What an awkward situation; you and Dirk haven’t encountered anyone who knows you as well as this disaster of a person does, forget about Bro, so it is strange and new to be discussing Bro with a person that is not Dirk. 

You look up at Dirk as if he knows the correct response to this entire scenario. He seems to be looking down at you with the exact same expectations.

You decide to roll up your sleeve. 

“I don’t exactly know what comic Dave has to go through,” You start, folding up the fabric to reveal the seemingly countless number of scars running up and down your arms paired horrendously with the purple and yellow bruises. “-but I would pretty much be dead without Dirk, so I’d say it’s bad.”

Hussie’s mouth shifts into a tight-lipped frown.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault,” Dirk states, glancing at the floor. 

“Can you or I do anything about it?”

“I’d prefer if you stayed out of it but no, there’s nothing anyone can do that doesn’t result in the death of Dave and me and anyone who chooses to interfere. That is just how Bro works.” 

You nod along to this; it’s not like you can add on anymore.

“Just, maybe don’t breathe a word of it to anyone, although, now that I think about it, people will just think about the comic, huh.”

“I guess. Still feel bad about it all, though.”

“Me too,” Dirk sighs and you work to pull your sleeve back down.

“In any case, I hope I never see you again. Dave, let’s get moving before all the cool stuff is gone.”


	3. >Dave: Talk about biology.

You and Dirk walk down the sidewalk, after a questionable information recon, toward your apartment building. You say questionable because now you have no idea what the fuck to do. Seriously, can you flag someone down who can explain the next step?

Andrew Hussie was certainly not what you expected, although, in hindsight, you don’t actually know what your expectations for that whole throw down were in the first place. Maybe it was the fact that you and Dirk were so sure that Hussie was the bad guy and he was stalking and using you that makes the conclusive answer so bittersweet. 

In any case, the whole confrontation seemed to open up a lot more questions than it answered. I mean, come on, it’s _really_ hard to believe that your characters are of a mere coincidence. The fact that he had solid reasons and proof that he hasn’t been watching you or even knew that you existed, like, _actually_ existed is more than unsettling.

Those thoughts lingered in the back of your mind for the rest of the day, unfortunately, but it was still a better day than you’ve had in a while… for the most part.

It’s relaxing to spend time away from the apartment; you don’t have to worry about cameras or puppet sneak attacks or Bro, so the convention, no matter how many people were there, felt like a small vacation that ended too quickly.

Dirk was hoping that the cool merchandise wasn’t all sold out as the two of you walked away from Hussie and lucky for him, it wasn’t. A large portion of that was probably due to the fact that everything was crazy expensive though that didn’t stop Dirk from spending an enormously outrageous amount of money. He had offered to buy you stuff, being the totally rad bro that he is, but unlike Dirk, you are actually cool and don’t watch anime.

You did, however, get some pretty solid souvenirs.

Since you are unintentionally a main character from a comic, you decided, for the irony of it, to take pictures with every Dave cosplayer you saw. Dirk thought it was an absolutely terrible idea but he has no room to speak since he just spent well over three hundred plus dollars (that now that you think about it- he probably stole from Bro- Dirk is really stingy with his money) on anime shit so who has egg on their face?

Regardless, you and Dirk got to enjoy a brief moment of calmness away from Bro. You wish it could be like this all the time but like hell Bro is going to actually give custody of you up to Dirk. In all honesty, you’re surprised that Bro hasn’t kicked Dirk out of the house yet- maybe he forgot? That would be pretty shitty if your own guardian forgot your birthday- especially if you share one at that. In any case, you were having a great time and as you approach your apartment building and see that Bro’s car is not parked in his usual spot, it seemed like everything was going to be fine.

You and Dirk stop at the side of the building by the fire escape. Just like the way you got down, you have to climb back up and through the window- which will be open- a wait for Dirk’s signal to roll through.

The stairs didn’t magically stop being incredibly shaky and feeling like they could collapse every step you took, but you are a lot more confident climbing them than you were earlier. Since the apartment is on the highest floor, it’s expected that Dirk will make it up before you.

What was not expected was the shouting.

You were about halfway up when the loud and pretty blatant arguing started- you nearly lost your balance once you heard the deep roar of Bro. You can see it now, from high up, a couple blocks down is Bro’s car, parked further away so as to not arouse suspicion. 

Dirk's plans are usually flawless- that dude is a genius and can think his way through anything, but there is always room for error as indicated by Murphy’s Law. You and Dirk have both snuck out more times than you can count and usually get away scot-free and safely… that is, most of the time.

Bro doesn’t actually care what your guys do for the most part. He doesn’t teach any basic skills needed for functioning normally (you learned from Dirk and Dirk learned from movies and watching Bro and Roxanne when he was younger) and he only shows even the slightest attention if you actually show some value. To be honest, you think he cares more about Lil’ Cal than he’s ever shown emotion to you. You’ve always wondered why he cared about you just leaving. Conceivably because he suddenly loses control of what you do. 

You quickly start moving up the fire escape to reach the apartment, the shouting growing impossibly louder.

The building that you live in is the prime example of what Rose calls  
‘mob psychology’. You learned this when meeting her for the first time a few years back when basically spilling your guts to her about your shitty home life. Essentially, what mob psychology is is the idea that if someone does something, the crowd inevitably follows. If the crowd all agrees a subject is correct or incorrect, then it must be so. It’s basically the idea that if no one else is doing something then you shouldn’t either. 

The reason this building is a prime example of that psychology shouldn’t be a big surprise to you. No one would dare to interact with Bro and so since everyone has agreed to not interact with whatever Bro is doing, no one does. Once, a new resident tried when you were younger, claiming the ruckus on the rooftop was really loud, but shut up once Bro answered the door. You hadn’t heard from them since.

You finally reach the window and peer through. Dirk already has a bloody and swelling face. Clearly, Dirk caught on too late. They are circling each other, Bro with Lil’ Cal in one hand and a katana in the other and Dirk with his sword. Man, you hate Cal.

In a flash, Bro strikes, Dirk, attempting to block with his sword but opting against it, ducks out of the way. Bro takes this time to stop him with Cal and drop his sword to grab Dirk. He struggles for a moment before kicking Bro in the stomach, launching himself away toward your window. As Bro’s attention moves over to your location, you duck under the cill. They start circling again. Immediately, your fingers are at the edge of the window, trying to pry it open but Bro must have locked it.

“Where did you go?” Bro spits. He lifts his sword up, attacking again luckily Dirk was more prepared for this time, using his blade to cut off Bro’s attack before striking back.

“I told you already,” Dirk grits through his teeth. “Dave and I went to a convention downtown,”

“Then where is he now?” Bro is fuming.

“Probably getting up here. I don’t understand why you are concerned with this all of a sudden.”

Bro doesn’t respond and instead charges again more ferociously. Dirk is unable to successfully block Bro’s onslaught of attacks and is backed into a wall.

Bro grabs Dirk by the hair in a grip that screams deadly and drives his knee into Dirk’s face, breaking his glasses and sending a few shards across Dirk’s cheeks.

Your fingers ache from trying to pull the window open but fuck it, this is taking too long. You take out whatever items you don’t want to lose and place them on the ground before taking out your fetch modus card, flipping it, and pressing the ever so feared eject button, launching several swords and ninja stars through the window. You pick up your remaining objects and youth roll through the window with your sword drawn. 

It hardly catches anyone by major surprise, but you still rush Bro, trying to stop him from basically murdering Dirk. 

Dirk yells out a protest as Bro uses Cal to shove you away. Settling on changes Bro’s focus from Dirk to you, you grab Cal and push off the ground, flash stepping away. A random chill crawls up your spine as it registers that Cal is in your hands.

In an instant, he is on you, discarding Dirk on the floor like trash and lunging for an attack.

You dodge, throwing Cal in Bro’s direction, and rushing over to Dirk to help him up. 

Dirk stands up as quickly as he is able, preparing for another attack.

It never comes.

Bro stares at you and Dirk from across the room, Cal hanging in his grasp.

“Dave, get in the room,” Dirk instructs, wiping the blood from his cheeks and not looking away from Bro. “I don’t know what he is going to do next.”

“Get in the room?” you echo, guiding Dirk slowly towards the entrance to your shared room. 

“Dude, he looks like he is going to stab someone!”

‘Which is why you need to go.”

“How well can you see?”

“It’s pretty bright but I can manage.”

Because of the wicked cool shades that Striders wear, your eyes have adjusted to everything being dark and so now your eyes are permanently damaged to the point that basic lights can hurt to look at.

“Sure. You must be tripping if you think I am going to leave you here.”

Neither of you move as Bro slowly and painfully stores Cal in his sylladex. You can almost hear the anime-esque noise as he tightens his grip on his katana.

“Dave.” Dirk practically growls. “Room. Now.”

You can almost feel the waves of indescribable rage leaking off Bro like he is a nuclear power plant ready to explode. The floorboards creak under him as Bro takes another step forward. Holy shit. it just occurred to you that he is going to strife in the apartment.

You swallow, your throat starting to feel very dry as you process the situation in front of you. Strifing. In the apartment. Dirk is without a weapon after Bro grabbed him, and near sightless with his shades shattered.

Shit. Okay. You need a plan.

Bro takes another step forward and your arms feel like jello.

There are extra swords around the apartment but the only place you can get glasses is in your room or from Bro’s stash. As far as you can see, there are three options: Go into your room to grab glasses, leaving either you fighting a pissed off Bro or leaving Dirk to face that same demon, let Dirk take your glasses and leave you more or less blind, or don’t give Dirk any sight.

You feel yourself get nudged aside as Dirk moves protectively in front of you. A crunch rings out as your foot lands on the last remaining shards of Dirk’s glasses. You are absolutely doomed if Dirk can’t do anything. You don’t have anything useful in your sylladex because you threw it all into the window to break it and all you can do is watch as Bro creeps closer and closer, not knowing when he will strike next. 

Your reflection is clear in Bro’s glasses, Dirk’s arms spread out defensively in front of you. Taking Bro’s glasses would be a lost cause- you can’t even get close and precise enough to snatch them. But what if-

Bro flash steps forward, shoving Dirk out of the way to pull you by face, opening up an opportunity to attack where you can’t escape. Of course he would go for you- you stopped him from attacking Dirk and grabbed Cal. 

Bro’s hand is practically suffocating and you feel a slight jerk backward. Dirk is trying to pull you out of Bro’s hold, but it is probably hard with all the thrashing you are doing and the tight grasp that is seemingly crushing your skull. Man. your head hurts.

You suddenly make impact with the wall of the apartment, nearly smashing all the way through. All the air is knocked out of you and you gasp quite loudly as you fall to the floor. 

Let’s try to look at the positives of this: Bro is no longer holding on to you, you landed right next to Dirk’s sword… you really can’t think of any more.

Before you can even reach his sword, Bro swipes at you with his sword and you roll out of the way, kicking Dirk’s sword with his feet over to him. If Dirk can reach his sword, then you will hopefully have a better chance of survival.

Bro is moving very quickly and precisely around you, leaving you no room to pinpoint his location, when abruptly and without warning, a sword swings down at you.  
You block it and leap up off the ground giving enough time for Dirk to come in with a counterattack which Bro easily dodges.

Dirk is blinking rapidly and his eyes are completely red. You can’t disarm Bro or get a pair of glasses for Dirk safely and so you are left at a disadvantage. Sure you could strife until old age kicks in and Bro has a stroke and fucking beefs it so then you finally have an advantage or…

Or you take away the upper hand from Bro.

Bro attacks without mercy; relentlessly seemingly getting more and more furious every time you dodge. Quite honestly, you are surprised to find out that this guy can get tired. It’s even more surprising that he is continuing to strife when it seems like a losing battle for you and Dirk.

He grabs you again, preparing to throw you into a wall or out a window but this gives you enough time to throw your plan into action.

Bro knows you can’t escape his grip and so he is distracted by Dirk. You don’t have the arm length to grab his glasses and give them to Dirk and even if you did, Bro would undoubtedly get them back so that would be worthless. 

You swing your legs up, your hands gripped on to Bro’s arm for stability, which is ironic, and smash your foot into Bro’s face.

Glass shatters everywhere almost instantly. When Bro drove his knee and broke Dirk’s glasses, the center of the impact was at the bridge of the nose, no doubt giving Dirk a couple of scars along the middle of his face and probably breaking his nose. You feel your heel push right through to the dip indicating Bro’s eye. You immediately drop to the floor.

You did not expect that to work. 

So now everything is even...ish. Dirk can’t see, Bro can’t see. Strife should stop, right?  
You watch as Bro swipes his thumb under his eye, wiping away some blood. It’s got to hurt. The strife has to be over. People are injured. Bro himself is injured. You just want it to stop.

There is a long pause, a lot longer of a pause than you would prefer. Dirk is staring at you with wide eyes- well, you can actually tell now over the other times he has looked at you, but there is something in his expression that is completely unreadable. It dawns on you, at this moment, that over the broken bones and bruises and scars that result from the strifes, this is probably one of the most violent things that have happened. And it’s your fault.

Bro, without even flinching, pulls a long shard of glass from his eye, inspects it, and readies his sword once again. You back up because, obviously. This guy has got to be on some sort of drugs if he can just do _that_ , like some serious steroids or something.

Fear builds up in your throat and is suffocating as your heel touches the wall behind you.

Have you ever seen those kids movies where the main character is cornered with no escape and the big bad is approaching? It’s a cliche; the shadow looms overhead and the entire screen goes dark. All hope seems lost until the main character goes on some major spiel about courage or another character comes to the rescue. Well, it sort of the same thing.

Bro looks demonic in nature, blood running down his face, his expression void of any emotion. You know, often, Bro makes you regret your actions, whether it is actually your fault or not. God, this is all your fault. If you had stayed home and actually listened to Dirk then this wouldn’t have happened. Better yet, you should have never found that damn comic.

He approaches you slowly and you can hear Dirk start to protest in the background.

“Wait, Bro, hold on just a second. You’re gonna kill him.” Dirk tries to keep his voice monotone but the panic seeps through onto his words.

Bro does not stop approaching you. Dirk grabs him by the shoulder in an attempt to pull him back but is easily brushed off.

Man, remember how today was so great? Like you know that you are probably going to be killed but it’s been so good so far. These past weeks (even if they were spent mostly trying to hunt down and basically stalk a guy to find out that hey, he did nothing wrong!

...And now you are going to die by Bro.

His actions came slow then all at once, like a dam breaking. The first few steps were agonizingly slow. He likes doing that, purposely moving slowly so that you have time to settle with the idea that no matter what you do, you are going to get fucked up.

Suddenly, he is above you in one quick flash step, as the cliche villain in a kids comic or movie. You wonder if comic Bro is like this. 

He swings his katana down at you and you shut your eyes just as quickly, and then-

There is nothing. 

Not even a glimpse of pain.

You actively search for it- maybe your brain hasn’t registered it yet and you are slowly bleeding out on the ground. Man, that would be awful. Unaware of your own death.

No matter what it is and no matter how you think about it, there is no pain.

As you open your eyes, for a very brief moment, you think that perhaps Bro somehow reached deep into his soul and found a tiny grain of empathy and saw the literal child he has backed into a corner and thought “Hey, maybe it’s fucked up to stab someone.” Maybe the loud sound of a sword slicing through an object was made to scare you. You could list the possibilities of what happened. Just end to end, a line of “maybe this” or “maybe that” but it doesn’t distract from the truth of the situation.

You can see everything now and as you register your brother’s eyes staring down at you and his arms and body wrapping around you like a cage and as that final _’shink’_ rings out and Dirk lets out a pained cry, you realize that could never be true.

Dirk sucks in a sharp breath and falls limp onto you. You can hear his heart pounding in your ear like some tell-tale heart shit and his chest rises and lowers with an earthquake-like tremble.

You wrap your arms around his middle and hear him groan in pain. You retract just as quickly and notice suddenly and unpleasantly warm and wet your arms are.

With a quick and well-practiced flick of his sword, Bro flings a majority of the blood off. He doesn’t even hesitate before leaving, the door clicking shut as he leaves the apartment to god knows where. It doesn’t really matter, he’s done with you.

As soon as Bro is gone, you roll Dirk onto his stomach and his body takes up most of the small apartment floor. Two large gashes cut across his back. They are pretty deep but it doesn’t look like they hit anything major. Will probably need stitches though.

Your head is spinning; you don’t know whether to scream or cry or call for help- damnit, you can’t call for help.

Dirk is completely out cold and while he has reviewed what to do in this situation, you never thought you would actually have to be in this scenario.

You have to calm down. You have to calm down. If you don’t, Dirk will not heal properly. Trying to inhale, you feel your chest get tighter and your throat feels clogged to the point that you can’t swallow.

_Just breathe._

Your mouth grows dry and you try to swallow.

“Okay,” You say aloud. You can do this.

You can’t leave Dirk out in the main room; Bro can come back any minute.

The feeling in your chest does not grow any better but you would hardly call this instance a proper moment for “self-care”. Dirk is a lot heavier than you would think but luckily you manage to heave him onto your back and carry him to your room so he can sprawl across his bed while you work.

The blood is pounding in your ears and your hands are shaking but still, you press on.  
You rush to the bathroom to get any medical supplies that you may need, mainly rags, hydrogen peroxide, pain medication, and the sewing supplies. 

In a flash, you are back in your bedroom. You tear off Dirk’s shirt and discard it on the floor. You assume that if you were not his brother and if maybe he wasn’t severely wounded, this sentence might come across as risque but maybe let’s ignore that. Sorry ladies but this man has other obligations, currently.

Reaching for the hydrogen peroxide, you continue holding Dirk down, pressing down on the gashes with a rag, while trying to unscrew the cap quickly with your teeth. You dump the entirety across the rags on Dirk’s back and he gasps loudly and practically claws at his sheets, absolutely writhing in agony.

Your hands are shaking like you’ve never seen before as you grab the needle and surgical thread and try to tie it. You keep missing the loop and missing and missing- god, why did you do that? You could have avoided everything if you just fought normally, shoved Dirk into the bedroom, not even left in the first place.

It takes much longer than you would like but you thread the needle and remove the rags from Dirk’s back. They are slick with blood and disinfectant.

You hold the needle, inspecting the wound further. It’s one stitch at a time and a painstaking process. At this point, Dirk has stopped moving around much so you can stitch him back up. 

There is hardly anything pleasant you can describe stitches with. 

You could go on to explore the smell of blood or the horrible silence that overtook everything once Dirk stopped whimpering which is, in your opinion, somehow worse. You could describe how you sat next to Dirk for hours until he woke up again and how you tried to ignore the slamming of the door when Bro stormed back into the apartment. You could do all of these things, but you’d prefer to shove that all down and ignore it.

Dirk woke up slowly. 

Obviously, you expected this; no one just gets injured like that and takes a quick power nap, waking up like nothing’s wrong. Dirk would wake up slightly, drowsy on the medication you managed to give him, say something along the lines of “Dave?” or just groan a bit before passing out again. 

He is still sprawled out on his bed- you’ll probably need to get new sheets for him ‘cause this is just gross- and you are sitting right alongside him, waiting for him to wake up.

It’s frankly given you a long time to think about stuff, like, Homestuck related stuff. Honestly, Homestuck has been the only thing on your mind for a good while, despite not actually knowing anything about it. In fact, given how today went, you’ve started to read it. 

Dirk likes to commentate as he reads Homestuck- well, it’s not commentary more like complaining. He mostly grumbles about annoying characters and their stupid actions- he’s gotten pretty far, actually, nearing page 3000, you think. From what you’ve heard, the opening page of just John standing in his bedroom seems like a completely different story compared to fucking god tiering, aliens, and timeline shenanigans. 

In some odd way, despite Dirk complaining over a wall of text, or the seemingly endless number of characters and an even larger number of deaths, or the absolute confusion of the story, he seems to be enjoying it. 

That being said, today has given you a lot to think about. You know that Hussie probably isn’t stalking you but everything that’s happened is so specific that it can’t be a coincidence. If it wasn’t Hussie who was stalking you or anyone for that matter, then how the fuck is it so accurate to you guys?  
Another thing caught you off guard today; the strife deck. Hussie should have at least heard of a strife deck if he didn’t himself have one (although to be fair, you thought everyone had one) and he literally wrote them into his webcomic! What kind of BS is that? Maybe Dirk was right and he was just faking it but you can’t help but feel like there is more to this whole thing.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Dirk shift a little bit, burying his head in the pillow you gave him. 

“Where are my glasses?” he mutters, likely to himself- you don’t think he’s noticed you yet.

“They shattered, remember?” You reply and Dirk inches slightly to look in your direction. 

“Don’t worry, got you new ones.”

You nod at the table by his bed and he slowly grabs his glasses.

“Is Bro gone? I remember hearing him leave.” Dirk mentions, fixing his glasses.

“He came back, but I haven’t seen him at all.”

Dirk chews on his lip a bit, trying to raise himself from the bed but failing.

“This can’t happen again.” He grunts after shifting to rest on his elbows

“Well I guess it sucks to suck. Not much we can do about that.” You mutter.

Dirk takes a long sigh before shifting again so he is lying flat down again.

“Can you just… get me my computer?”

You bring it to him and he almost immediately jumps to Homestuck. Seriously, it sort of feels cultish at this point… but maybe it’s a cult you want to join? Cults can be cool, right?

“Ugh, I forgot I was _here_. God, I hate this dude.” Dirk starts off. That did not take long. You watch Dirk click and highlight a large portion of text to show the white font color chosen. That’s sort of a dick move- who would write in white on the pesterlogs? In any case, they are clearly having a conversation with Rose who would (hopefully) tell them off for choosing such a shit color.

This lasts for maybe an hour or two- you decided to go ahead and research sylladexes… sylladi? What is the plural for sylladex? You know what, you don’t have time for this. You are very much preoccupied with researching your sylladex, which is not actually a super yielding adventure. It was more like when you go to a small grocery store, like the weird corner ones in Washington that John talks about, trying to buy flour to make some insanely sick wheat products like bread or some shit like that and it turns out the only flour they had is like a forty-pound bag and you are just like “Screw this, I don’t want to deal with that today.”. So you go home with no flour and nothing to make answer bread with.

Every time you type in sylladex, you just get Homestuck related content. It tells you all the basic stuff about your sylladex, which you already knew, of course, but they treat it like a game mechanism. 

It brings up a pretty bad thought, like, if you were actually in this cult, you would be deemed a heretic and abandoned by the fucking church of Homestuck. Sinful thoughts over here, chief.

“Dave, I’m all caught up, do you want to watch the flash with me?” Dirk calls from his bed. You take a moment to think about it.

“What the hell is a flash?”

“Like a semi-animated sequence that usually contains important info to the story. Now that I think about it, you probably won’t get a majority of what is happening. You don’t have to watch it.”

You blurt out a long chain of ‘no’s and move quickly to sit by Dirk’s bed.

“I definitely want to watch it, dude. Any chance to see a sweet Strider face is one that’s gotta be taken” Dirk rolls his eyes and hovers over the Newgrounds ‘play’ button.

“Wait, this is a video?” You ask as he clicks onto the well-known game website Dirk just nods. 

The clip is titled [S] Cascade and before you can even ask what that is, an all too familiar record starts spinning revealing a large planet with John in those weird blue pajamas and a very large colorful hammer directly on it.

You and Dirk only manage to watch a few seconds before you hear a ping. It’s the very familiar sound of Pesterchum! 

You were about to brush it off and continue watching before you hear another. And another. And another, until it’s an endless stream of notifications from Pesterchum. The icon at the bottom of Dirk’s laptop looks almost like it is having a mental breakdown. Someone must be desperate to talk to Dirk.

“Who is it?” You ask and Dirk adjusts his glasses. Shit, you forgot that he just gets the full influx of messages right in his face.

“It’s Jake.” He mutters, pulling the conversation up on his laptop.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

GT: Dirk?

GT: Hey, mate, quick question.

GT: Would you perhaps have any medical knowledge?

GT: I would very much need it now, Jade and I have found ourselves in QUITE the situation.

GT: I would have called an ambulance but I’m sure that medical services don’t come to this part of the ocean.

GT: Gosh golly isn’t this a bit of a pickle.

GT: Dirk, please pick up.

GT: DIRK WE ARE IN MIGHTY NEED OF SOME HELP.

TT: Shit. 

TT: What’s the problem, bro?

GT: Oh thank goodness you are here, old chap! Jade and I are quite in a bad situation and were wondering if you or Dave knew of any… strange symptoms to illnesses.

GT: We are quite baffled over here, Dirk, and Jade has been, well, incapacitated in a sense.

TT: Like what sort of symptoms?

GT: Dog...ears?

TT: What.

[golgothasTerror send a photo 000473.jpg]

TT: ...

GT: Well, Becquerel had been gone for some time, you see, and we were jolly concerned about him. 

GT: We had no idea where he could have left to and we tried to call him back.

GT: Jade tried firing her gun and before we knew it, POOF! Dog ears!

GT: Well, of course, she started hollering and soon fainted but I still haven’t a clue what her ailment is!

TT: I am seeing this correctly. You said dog ears?

GT: YES, DIRK, I DID SAY DOG EARS.

Dirk slides his glasses off his nose for a second and looks up at the ceiling. You hear him mutter “What the fuck.” before placing his glasses on his eyes again.

GT: Dirk, you’ve got to help us! We are quite flummoxed! How do we treat this?

TT: Yo, I have absolutely no clue. 

TT: I mean, people don’t just grow new limbs y’know?

TT: Did you do an experiment earlier?

GT: If there is ever a time Jade and I are not on a marvelous, puzzle-filled, adventure or performing amazing experiments then assume I am dead, Dirk!

TT: Gruesome, but that doesn’t exactly answer my question, dude.

GT: Well, of course!

GT: We jolly well tried many experiments and methods to find Bec! We have been searching for days!

You try to search your index of medical knowledge, but all you know about is bones. Neither you or Dirk know a lot about illnesses- more along the lines of injury like broken this or torn that or stabbed here. Exclusively that.

TT: Well, then it might be because of that. I don’t think Dave or I know anything about… people growing dog ears.

TT: It might be a permanent fixture but yo, if anyone can find a way to revert fucking dog ears it might be you two.

Have at it, or whatever.

GT: Ah, I see… sorry for pestering you, mate! I was just worried about dear Jade here. We will figure out something

TT: It’s fine, dude. Sorry I couldn’t be more help.

TT: Update us if anything else happens.

GT: Will do, pal.

GT: Oh! Becquerel came back!

golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified

Dirk exhales loudly and shoves his face into his pillow.

“That was hella weird. Do you think they were faking it? Man, I thought that was more of an Egbert-Crocker thing, but I guess it just runs in the family.” You comment, scrolling back to the image of Jade passed out on the grass. 

Dirk just shakes his head.

“I never really pegged Jake for the prank-y type, though… Dude, those ears look realer than a McDonald's chicken nugget. Do you think they were photoshopped or on a headband or something?” You continue and Dirk finally lifts himself from the pillow.

“I don’t know. There is nothing we can do about it if it is real- they live in buttfuck nowhere.” Dirk drones, taking the laptop from you and scrolling back to the Newgrounds page.

“Let’s just… watch the flash and think about this later. I am suddenly real tired of all this shit.”

You nod as the video restarts with your signature red vinyl and John in those fucking pajamas. Like seriously, it’s so saturated. He would probably like them, though.

A lot of things don’t make sense like the giant space frog or-shit, you don’t know who the Mayor is but he’s dead, or even the purple and yellow grey people. You are guessing timeline shenanigans. Man, this video is barely done and you are already lost.

Dirk, on the other hand, is watching intently, like a puzzle is being put together. You don’t miss how his eyes widen as ‘comic you’ steps onto a red stone along with Rose onto an orange one or when the checkerboard land starts to collapse with the ghost version of you and Jade- wait.

Maybe it’s just another freaky coincidence that the ghost versions are themed after specific animals in you and Jade’s life. Maybe it’s another that Jade just happens to have dog ears. Maybe it’s fucking Maybelline. Whatever it is, you watch as ghost Jade rises up and transforms into the wicked witch of the east… with dog ears yet again.

Ok. Hold up. Hold the mother fucking phone like it is your child or something. Hussie, if he were stalking you, could never have fucking predicted Jade going out and pranking with dog ears or accidentally growing them herself (or whatever is going on there). How in the world do these two events coalign? When was this posted, yesterday?

Your mouth hangs, completely agape. What kind of coincidental fate is this? At this point, can someone even call this a coincidence?

Nothing registers, really, after that. The grey people were there again. You and Rose got pajamas too. Nothing makes sense. You have so many questions and probably won’t have any of them answered unless you read the comic. Yeah. At this point, that is probably a good route to take.

“Did-” You start, after a moment of silence. Perhaps it wasn’t actually a moment of silence- you have a tendency to mutter and Dirk has a tendency to listen and not tell you if you are muttering.

“Did you understand any of that?”

Dirk shrugs.

“I got more or less the gist of it.”

“Cool, cool…” you trail off. 

It’s a good thing you have at least the basic self-control to not screech out “What the fuuuuuuuuck?” because desperate, confusing, times call for an ounce of the stuff and possibly a moment of silence to think.

It all brings back that heretic thought of yours. That thought that could bring your world crashing down like the fucking London Bridge if it were true.

_Yo, dude, what if like, this is all real or was supposed to be real but instead you are stuck with the shitty fictional version of this?_

Obviously, this can’t be true seeing how it is utter nonsense.

Right?

Dirk has already closed out the tab and gotten back to the main comic, hitting the save button. You guess he thinks nothing of it- you must be silly. Come on dude, it doesn’t even make sense.

You lean down to grab the pain medication off of the floor and set it by Dirk’s bed with some water from earlier. Like you would actually go out into the living room at this point, you may be a dumbass but at least your dumb ass has an ounce of self-preservation. 

“Hey, Dave?” Dirk calls and you look toward him.

“Can you grab me my notebook?”

You stare at him before scoffing and grabbing his notebook and a random pen off the desk.

“Why yes, your majesty. What do you need it for? To make a diary entry?” You say, handing him the notebook.

Dirk practically rips it open and starts scribbling. At least, to you, it is practically scribbles, but to him, it’s some ingenious idea that he’ll make work. He always does.

“Nah, I already did my diary the other day. Got an idea.”

“And that is…?”

“For me to know and you to find out. Hopefully, it works and maybe it will help us solve this webcomic disaster we’ve fallen into.”

The voice in the back of your head still continues chanting it’s thought. Quite frankly, there is a part of you that wants it to be true. You might be able to see all your friends if the game was real with the cons of dying a whole bunch.

But there is also a sense of adventure. Every kid wishes magic was real and wishes the world was fun and adventurous or some shit like that. You would be lying if you said you didn’t want that too. 

The story, though, is obviously miserable. You don’t think anyone would truly want to wish that fate onto another person; the world to be destroyed and loved ones to die. 

Still, there is that nagging feeling of adventure, no matter the consequences. Hell, you don’t even know the fucking story and you are already daydreaming about, what, wearing red pajamas and getting a cape? This is stupid.

“When will it be done?”

“I dunno. Maybe a couple days? Fuck, I just realized I’ll have to call off work for at least a few days.”

Dirk continues on his tangent of work schedule, but it all drones out in your ears as you are lost in thought. You don’t know why, but you have the feeling that you might need this time to sit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Hopefully, everyone is doing ok in these quarantimes and hopefully you enjoyed this chapter! I have never written a fight scene before so this is my best shot! Finally, some new characters too, am I right? Sorry if this is moving pretty slowly, I promise that everything will pick up quickly.


	4. >Dave: Meet the most Striders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I barely read through this chapter so I hope you enjoy. No beta read, we die like men and all of that. Next chapter should be pretty intense so it might take a little while longer to come out.

“Hold still, damnit!”

“Dirk, if I could be more stiller than this, you’d start calling me Ben.”

Dirk smacks you in the face lightly and continues swiping concealer under your eye.

It has been a couple of days since the beatdown and Dirk has been resting up at home working on his ‘mystery project’. 

It’s not actually a mystery project, Dirk just thinks you’re being annoying with your constant questions and refuses to tell you out of spite. If you were smarter and knew anything about technology then you might be able to figure it out- good thing Dirk is still making you go to school and not letting his injury be the excuse you use to get out of getting a ‘quality education’.

Regardless of what you know about it, apparently, his project has been successful so far; your room is littered with torn apart machines and old devices making it nearly impossible to navigate as proof. Dirk repeating “Don’t touch that” monotonously is always helpful.

Dirk is currently adding the finishing touches to his project, the bicycle helmet (Which, now, looks more like a mass of wires and other electrical boxes all connected to his computer). The device should be done by the time you get home, which is something to look forward to.

Really, you could have spent this time taking a gander at it- something involving the brain, you presume- but you currently have other things to focus on. Mainly a comic.

“And...Done,” Dirk finishes, adding a few more dabs from the blender. 

You inspect your face in the bathroom mirror. A special talent Dirk has acquired over the years: covering bruises and scars with concealer.

“Damn, dude. I look like a legit snack!” you marvel.

“Shut up, bro. I think I took too long on that- you better hurry so that you’re not late.”Dirk snorts and starts cleaning up all the makeup in the bathroom.

You scoff and walk into the bedroom to gather your supplies for school. Dirk practically shoves past you to go work on his bicycle helmet thing.

Lately, you have been avoiding Bro so as to not upset him again- he might still be pissed off at you for literally sending glass into his eye. You have no idea if he’s blind or not and you don’t know if you want to find out. Today, he is gone so that’s good.

You nod to Dirk as a “later” gesture and plug your headphones into your phone, playing some all so sweet beats. Hey, a guy can enjoy some music every once in a while. It’s not all just Homestuck and existence crisis, you're a living dude with a beating heart!  
Thank some random omnipotent being that Bro is gone- you can finally snatch some AJ from the fridge and live like a king.

The walk to school is usually the most interesting part of your day; it’s often great for people watching and sometimes you bring your camera if you are feeling especially inspired. Well, you _use_ to bring your camera until that brainless feathery asshole of a crow came out of nowhere and broke the damn thing. God, you hate that bird. It’s too bad that she is such a piece of shit too; she is very pretty and makes for great photos when you can catch her.

The walk and school is still pretty chill, people sort of just leave you alone. And no, you don’t mean the random pedestrians on the street… actually, you guess they leave you alone, I mean why wouldn’t they? You are just some random kid. 

No, you mean the kids at school. Every sophomore has their head so far up their asses thinking they are on top of the world because they got their driver’s license and took a single AP class but they more or less leave each other alone. There is no ‘popularity’ contest like the movies try to formulate, just people who are sort of assholes to everyone and move on with their lives. You don’t especially care about your grades like other kids, though. You do well enough on the content to where Dirk doesn’t get on your case, but your grades are not ideal, much to your sisters’ dismay. 

Arriving at the gates, you beeline to your locker. You haven’t exactly bothered to make friends here- you’ve always expected that you would leave every year. That Dirk would finally whisk you away from Bro, so you don’t have any IRL friends. You don’t actually think you have the patience to form connections with someone from your school.

Though it’s not like you don’t like school. Sure, the classes are boring and the students are even more so, but if you had to stay home all the time, you’d probably go crazy. School gives you something to do, something to eat, and some time to waste.

You pull out your phone and begin reading that shitty webcomic. Yes, you will admit that it’s sort of good; you’ve gotten a decent way through, probably a little over 1000 pages.

So far, everything is really silly and child-like. The Mayor has to be the best character in the entire series; you love your friends but come on, the Mayor is just the coolest.

Reading Homestuck has been a very strange experience; all of your friends in the comic actually sound like your friends to the point where some of the chat topics that have happened in the comic you can recall going nearly the same way in real life- which is pretty creepy. 

It’s also strange seeing yourself, well, thirteen-year-old you. If you had started reading this from the first time it was posted then it would have been _really_ weird seeing your exact personality on the screen, but you take comfort in knowing that you’ve grown up slightly.

You hear the bell ring outside your music and interrupting your internal monologue.  
Almost instantly, students slam their locker shut and crowd into the hallway to get to their next class. You grab some various books and whatnot, shoving your phone and headphones in your pocket that are bound to be tangled later, and shut your locker to head to class.

The periods pass boringly along and throughout the day out can’t help but think about Dirk’s device. 

He’s told you that it will be helpful for figuring this comic out so that’s pretty chill, but curiosity is driving you mad. At this point, you might as well be fucking NASCAR with all this driving you’re doing. Still, you are at a loss as to what could help research the comic. Maybe he built an auto-hacker program that can hack and go through private files insanely quickly or some sort of pattern-oriented machine that can find clues or some shit like that. 

With ideas roaming wild in your head like some sweet-ass tigers, you more or less teleport up the stairs toward your apartment after school. You don’t even bother getting your keys out, knowing the apartment will be unlocked, and enter with as much chillness as you can muster- which, at this point, is very little.

Entering the once bedroom and not make-shift workshop, the vision you thought you would see is very much off-put by the actual truth.

Dirk is lying casually in a chair by your computer, with the bicycle helmet resting lopsided on his head, typing rapidly onto his laptop. Is he muttering to himself?

“Dirk, what the hell is this?” You question, now moving more slowly over every piece of discarded machinery that’s on the floor. 

“The fucking best piece of technology on this entire god-damned world. Not to toot my own non-existent horn but I am a genius.” Dirk shamelessly brags, rolling the chair backward and nearly ripping all the cords out of his helmet.

He looks like a mad man.

“Cool, cool, cool,” You start, approaching even slower than before, dropping your bag by your bed. “So what is this rad tech, if you’re so smart?” It comes out a lot snarkier than you would have preferred but you get your answer anyway.

Large orange text suddenly emboldens your shades as you get a message from Pesterchum. Strangely enough, it is from Dirk.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TT: Sup, Dave.

Dirk looks insanely pleased with himself. Was that the explanation? Maybe he told you and the text cut him off. If that’s the case then who sent the text?

“Cool, right? Like, Stanford or Berkley, give me my degree already.” Dirk gloats, rolling back to his desk and taking the helmet off his head and placing it on the desk. 

“Omg. You finally learned how to ride a bike? I’m so proud of you. I’m like a fucking mama crow saying goodbye to her little corvid.” You exclaim, dully.

Dirk sighs a little bit. “Okay, I know this is a little morally ambiguous, like, the concept of creating another life form. And yeah, we will figure out a more permanent solution to this soon but-”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Moral interpretation and all that. What did you make?” You groan, already growing impatient.

“Well, psychologically, that is a complicated question. What I did was-”

Another large orange message pings on your glasses.

TT: He “created” me, Dave.

Ok, Dirk must have typed that one. You can hardly see past the text on your glasses.

What you can manage to see is Dirk who looks relatively peeved.

TT: Well, create is not actually the correct word for that but in a much broader and more difficult to comprehend sense.

TT: I am Dirk.

Dirk pinches the bridge of his nose and you feel your eyes widen in disbelief.

“Wait, hold the nonexistent phone, are you actually talking to him?” Dirk says to seemingly no one in particular.

“Dude, I told you that I would introduce this whole thing.”

Dirk’s computer starts pinging almost immediately and maybe you should take a second to step back and reevaluate the current situation. Dirk is in front of you while simultaneously having an argument with something on Pesterchum also claiming to be him. Makes 100% sense. You got this in the bag. No explanation needed.

“No. Obviously you know that I get that. But might I repeat myself that he can actually _see_ me while he can only get obscure messages from you.” Dirk practically hisses, making another ping come from the laptop.

You swallow the lump that has formed in your throat in the midst of all the confusion and straighten your glasses. 

“Wait,” you say weakly but Dirk seems very much caught up in the conversation.

“This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this before!” And the computer pings again

You clear your throat and try to speak louder.

“Dirk?” 

It’s an instantaneous response with Dirk swiveling to meet your gaze and the scroll of “Yes?” across your eyes. Is this supposed to be creepy? It feels sort of strange.

“So, um,” You start, nearly stumbling over your own words. Great intro, Strider. 

“Are there two of you? I guess, that is hella rad, but just to make sure that I am not absolutely trippin’ here: which one of you is the real Dirk? Or wait- are you just pulling a goof? Not cool, dude.”

Dirk gives a blatant look of exasperation, switching his gaze back to the computer multiple times before sighing and clearing his throat.

“It’s...complicated, Dave.” Dirk states, ruffling up his hair. 

“Long story short, I copied a good portion of my brain and programmed it into this rad AI program. This way, we have someone who knows about all our relations as well as the comic and can research relatively quickly. Not only that but he knows Bro as well as I do and can probably better keep you safe from basically being killed by him. I left enough space for him to sort of develop his own personality, but otherwise, he is basically my computer clone.”

Your face scrunches in a brief confusion. You guess that sort of makes sense, especially seeing Dirk’s more recent injury from Bro. He’s just Dirk 2.0… Actually, that sounds pretty insensitive. Do you think computer Dirk would want to be called Dirk? Wouldn’t it be sort of confusing to separate the two, though? Man, this is hard to wrap your head around.

“Alright. That’s pretty sweet. World’s first clone AI. Cool,” You reply, slowly, still sorting this all out in your head.

“Do you have a name?”

You don’t actually know if the AI dude can hear you talking aloud, but Dirk was doing it earlier so you might as well try.

TT: We have already confirmed that I am Dirk, but I guess it wouldn’t make much sense if there were two Dirks using the same Pesterchum account.

Dirk takes a moment to consider that.

“Yeah, that would be better.” He comments thoughtfully. You would think that would be numero uno on the list. Like, step one: name.

Of course, computer Dirk only takes a second after that to form a name.

TT: You may call me Hal.

You almost miss the “A Space Odyssey” testimonial, but good thing Dirk is there to catch and immediately complain about it. Talk about instantaneous mood shift.

“That’s such a shitty reference!” Dirk groans loudly, nearly burying his face in his hands, and you can’t help but grin widely.

TT: Dude, if we keep this self-arguing up, we might as well turn into Karkat.

TT: Look, you can be CTT and I can be FTT. That way this conversation makes more sense!

You have no idea who Karkat is, but this seems to skyrocket Dirk into an entirely new level of exasperation. He just fucking ascended into godhood for being done with himself, muttering vulgarities like a cultish chant. Incredible. A performance unlike any you have seen before.

“So you’re here to read the comic, help us solve whatever is going on, and make sure we don’t end up 6 feet under with mad hacker skills and a big computer brain?” You ask, adjusting to this brand new person in your life.

TT: More or less.

TT: Having me here bropens up a lot of possibilities. 

TT: I have the entire comic on fucking lock.

TT: Basically the biggest Homestuck fanboy in the universe and I can answer any question you might have.

“I- _we’ve_ had this idea for a while,” Dirk starts, again. Man those two are sync, but you guess that shouldn’t be surprising “-and our original plan put… Hal in my glasses but seeing how easily they broke after the strife a couple of days ago, we have since moved it to this.

Dirk quickly moves over to his desk and shoves some random scraps aside to reveal this cylindrical object. 

It looks pieced together with wire and various colored sheets of metal and several glowing lights; sturdily built, though, like it won’t collapse almost instantly upon dropping it. It sort of reminds you of someone’s homemade lightsaber where they forgot to add all the special decorations to make it look cool.

You stare in awe. You are by no means an engineer like Dirk or Roxy but even you can still admire a cool piece of tech without knowing what the fuck is going on.

“So this is Hal?” You question, moving closer to inspect all the parts jutting out from the cylindrical shape.

“For sure. I built it up so he doesn’t get damaged easily. Watch, I can drop it without any problem-”

You move to protest almost instantly and it seems like Hal had the same idea.

TT: Not to rain on your whole invention parade but I would prefer if you didn’t drop me!

“Relax! You wouldn’t have broken! We both know this.” Dirk argues, setting Hal back onto the desk. “And he fears for his life. Got emotions. Nice.” Man, you’re pretty sure if Hal could breathe, he might have let out a solid breath of relief. For a moment, you forgot that Hal was an AI.

There is a lull in the conversation for a brief moment. You half expected Hal to retort to that and you begin to worry when his response isn’t almost immediate.

TT: Shit.

“Oh, come on, something can’t already be wrong with your program.” Dirk mumbles.

TT: No.

TT: You didn’t call today off- it is still registered as a workday.

TT: Run, bro.

It takes a hot second for that thought to click in and for Dirk to yelp out “Oh shit!” 

He instantly is of his seat to gather everything he needs for work, flash stepping with much more speed than you anticipated. You can feel your hair whip around as he moves from the closet to the desk to his bed. It’s kind of remarkable. Turns out that the stitches on his back, while they are in the process of healing, don’t hurt that much moving or greatly impact actions. Still, it’s almost impressive how quickly he can work.

You laugh slightly, flopping onto your bed, partially amused by Dirks antics. I mean, come on, it’s sort of funny

Dirk’s voice rings out with “Shut up, Dave.” as he finishes gathering his stuff and exits the room. Like a gentle whisper on the wind, he vanishes. Majestically.

TT: Don’t worry. He’ll get there on time.

TG: how do you know that

TT: Magic.

You scoff out a little chuckle as Dirk leaves the room with a slam of the door.

TG: do you have your own account or are you ridin with dirk

TG: not like thats a bad thing

TG: dirk is chill as hell

TG: im just curious in case i need to talk to you

TT: I can always make a chat Dirk can’t see if you need to talk privately.

TG: nah

TG: i mean good for future reference for sure

TG: but i was just curious

Hal seems to pause momentarily and for an instance, you become extremely paranoid of your surroundings.

TT: Dirk just arrived at work with several minutes to spare.

You mentally sigh in relief.

TG: good

TG: for a moment there i was minorly invested in dirks work saga 

TG: but i am celebrating in unmitigated glee

TG: champagne is poppin, obama is here

TT: Holy shit, say hi to the president for me

TG: no need he knows you by name and already said hi

TT: Oh damn. 

TT: Then I guess I’ll leave you to that and in the meantime, I am going to troll random people. 

TT: Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me.

TG: alright kim possible

TG: later

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

Well, for first impressions, that could have gone a lot worse. Wait, is it really a first impression if he is a clone of Dirk? Hal still feels like a new person to you so you guess it’s the first impression, even though he has all of Dirk’s mannerisms and memories. Shit, this is still hard to wrap your head around.

You are half tempted to tell maybe Rose about your new virtual sibling but you think she would either not believe you or perform the Turing test or other psychological experiments until she grows into an old granny and with a final click of her knitting needles asks the question “When in the video did you see the gorilla?” and fucking dies.

Of course, both Dirk and Hal would object heavily to the idea for varying reasons; Dirk not wanting to expose the webcomic to the Lalondes and Hal for that and not wanting to fall into the clutches of Rose. 

Over the course of the next week and a half, you’ve gotten more used to having Hal around.

On one side of the spectrum, he’s helped you avoid Bro as much as possible and explained Homestuck to you in a way that you comprehend. On the lesser, weaker, more disappointing hand he’s found out that you are not paying attention in any of your classes and has agreed with Dirk on a set screen time. Man, why do they got to do you like this?

Dirk has fixed up your glasses so Hal can better use them to communicate with you. They are now equipped with a camera so Hal can see from your perspective and advise you on what to do. You once asked him if he could answer something on a math test for you and he proceeded to recite the entire theme to the Animaniacs. You did end up passing the text but had those zany to the max lyrics stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Forgiveness for that particular event will most likely never reach Hal.

Hal has also been a great source of company, not that you would ever willingly admit to being lonely, and will sit (or you guess exist?) and talk to you if Dirk is off working or doing odd jobs to make a little bit of money. He’ll usually list off fun facts or make dumb jokes to amuse you and is much better to have around than having no one at all.

You can’t say that Hal is better than Dirk or even remotely replace Dirk, but it definitely feels like you got another person watching your back, which, honestly, is more than you could ever ask for. This is, of course, not saying that Hal is irrelevant, that’s like trying to pick your favorite between Roxy and Dirk. You love Dirk but Hal is equally as important to you.

TT: Ok, but are you saying that Gatsby was right in choosing to pursue Daisy?

You groan and rest your head on the torn and falling apart copy of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s better-known work brought to you by the Texas State Board of Education.

“No. I’m saying that the only “romance” between the characters happened a long time ago and everything after was pure infatuation on Gatsby’s part. If Gatsby wasn’t such an idealistic asshat, then maybe with proper courting for a moment, they would both realize that they have moved past the stage where they could have a cooperative relationship and go their own routes.” You rave, throwing your hands up quite enthusiastically. You don’t even like this book. Or romance, for that matter.

TT: I do agree it was just Gatsby’s obsession with the idea of Daisy, but that doesn’t answer the prompt the question is asking.

TT: We just swerved out of the lane and into an entirely different road of discussion called “Dave’s tirade about the romantic plot of the Great Gatsby”.

You know, it’s so funny; you were almost tempted to slam your head into your desk. You like reading for the most part, but god you hate book reports. Probably every kid in the United States’ public school system has read the same five to six books and so if you read the books before school decided to grace you with their existence you are going to be bored out of your mind for the next month or two. Thank you Rose.

TT: It’s not so bad, bro- you could be reading Catcher in the Rye or Wuthering Heights.

That doesn’t make you feel a whole lot better. 

“Maybe it’s time for a break,” You respond wearily and heave yourself out of your chair.

It’s a Sunday which means that both Dirk and Bro are gone, Dirk with work and Bro with whatever he has to do. This also means you can roam free with no issues… besides the cameras.

You stroll pretty casually out into the kitchen, mindful of the endless number of puppets dotting the floor. That’s such a strange thing to be lying around, you realize. Maybe other people have dirty dishes or pillows or books, you just have shitty smuppets. 

You snatch up a bottle of sweet apple juice from the fridge, dodging quickly as to avoid the numerous sharp weapons that come tumbling out.

TT: Watch out. There’s swords.

You stare at the pile of swords already on the floor and the apple juice already in your hand.

“Thank you, Hal, for that astounding input,” you say lamely, brushing multiple swords and knives off to the side of the counter so you can lean against it momentarily.

TT: Aw, you’re going to make me blush somehow.

You laugh a bit and take a couple sips from your bottle. Things are relatively peaceful for a few moments before you sit up slighting, preparing to embark the long ten foot journey back to your room. Calm, that is until-

A severely unexpected crash rings out through the apartment. You nearly leap out of your skin and your AJ bottle falls to the floor. 

For a moment, you think it was all the swords you brushed aside, clattering to the ground but the loud exclamation of “Shit!” seems to deter you from that theory.

Your downstairs neighbors must be sick of this apartment.

“What the hell is that? Hal?” You gasp, dropping your sword into your hand. “Did somebody break in?”

TT: Oh my god.

“Hal, what is it?” You exclaim, slowly inching towards the direction of the crash. It came from your room.

TT: No! Dave, don’t go in there.

“What? Why not?” you quaver. Whatever it is, Hal is being extremely ominous.

TT: I- I don’t want you to see who it is.

Extremely reassuring to hear an AI say that.

You draw closer to the door to your room, stepping silently and quickly with your sword prepared in hand.

TT: Dave, please listen to me!

TT: I’m getting Dirk right now.

TT: Do not go into that room!

You push past the wall of orange that Hal has placed in your face and in a second, you are at the doorway. 

What’s the worst that can happen? You could probably fight off a robber or an intruder. You know this, Hal knows this.

You hear several more things shift and break from inside. 

How would a robber get in all the way up here? Or want to? At this point, you might as well be an AP English class; too many useless questions that are not helping you progress any further than you already are.

Swallowing the lump that’s formed in your throat, you turn the handle of the door and flash step inside, your heart beating loudly in your chest.

Several things become abundantly clear from the moment you open the door and register the image before you in your head.

The loud crash was from the person landing directly on a makeshift table and snapping the board in half, causing expensive equipment to break nearly instantaneously. 

The “Shit!” came from said person landing on said table.

By the way they glance around the room, they were most certainly not planning to be here.

Oh! Also, the horrible, sinful, thought that you have been trying to ignore is probably real.

If you were the protagonist of a cliche movie, you’d point your finger accusingly toward the figure and shout “Who are you?” but what would be the point in that? Come on, dude, you know exactly who that is. You’re just too much of a coward to admit it.

So, you watch the fucking Knight of Time sit up, rather quickly, after catching sight of you. He is wearing the same clothes you are currently with the exception of one of Dirk’s jackets hanging loosely off his shoulders. Parts of his shirt are torn and bloody and he has several bandages wrapped around his fingers, a gauze attached to his face with some medical tape, and the remnants of a bloody nose.

“I-Oh my god I remember this!” He exclaims, looking around the room in near awe.

You are barely aware of your own sword falling from your grasp as other you- Dave- stands up from the rubble of broken equipment and table marches over to you fueled by what seems to be pure determination.

He seizes you by the shoulders, shaking you slightly as if trying to wake you up.

“Dude, you gotta listen to me! I know this is weird but you have to trust me!” The other Dave orders, his grip only growing tighter.

Your voice is caught up in your throat and you try to move your arms to maybe push him away or lessen the grip but you find yourself frozen in place like an idiot. How pathetic is that?

“Please listen,” he pleads. His whole body is shaking like he is just as nervous as you. At least you’re not alone.

“You cannot let Dirk fight Bro.”

You find your voice, but only just barely.

“W-What?” 

Other Dave releases your shoulders and steps away, his breathing ragged and emotional. He sniffles slightly, rubbing his nose and under his eyes. It takes you a lot longer to process that he’s crying than it should have. 

“You cannot let Dirk fight Bro. In fact, let’s just toss fighting altogether out the window! I always hated that puppet but I never wanted this!” He almost seems to be in hysterics, emphasizing wildly with his arms.

TT: Wait, ‘lil Cal?

“Why the fuck would Dirk fight Bro? A-And what does Cal have to do with this?” you ask, regaining your footing and confidence little by little. You can tell how Dave’s eyes snap open that you must have said something wrong

“Because he was defending my- _our_ dumb ass! Just- Shit, why did I mention Cal.” Other Dave heaves out, pinching the bridge of his nose and exhales a shuddered breath. 

“Look,” He starts again, stepping towards you. You unconsciously move back. 

“God, ok. I know about as much as you, currently, about this whole time mess, but if you think this is bad you have no idea what is going to come next if you don’t listen to me. There are a lot more important things to worry about right now.”

“I wouldn’t let Dirk fight-” you begin to protest until future Dave’s words impact you fully; like a brick to the head or a blow to the stomach. The thought almost hurts to think about.

“Wait, how much worse can it get? Is Dirk going to die?” You croak out and other Dave’s eyebrows shoot up to the point where they look like they recede into his hairline and his mouth hangs agape.

“No!” He exclaims instantly, his voice cracking harshly. Other Dave seems to pause for a moment, looking like he is going to be sick all over the floor.

TT: Dirk is on his way!

Hal’s words are hardly a whisper in your ear. You are fully paying attention to your future self.

He swallows thickly and stares you right in the eyes with a gaze that makes you wonder what the hell is going to happen to you in the near future. Not that you weren’t wondering that already.

“Just... listen to what I said. Trust me- I wouldn’t lie to you. I don’t have that much time left but don’t let Dirk go after Bro and for god's sake don’t go after-”

In a sudden bright flash he’s gone. 

Man, what a cliche for the time traveler to disappear right before the crucial information.

Your legs feel like jello and you have to lean against the wall to regain stability. You end up sinking down to sit on the floor anyway; what’s the point of standing when you can chill on the floor?

TT: Dave?

TT: Are you ok?

Let’s take a pause here. Thank you, Hal, for allowing this brief intermission for an internal monologue- you seem especially talented at self exposition.

So, Homestuck is probably real (Hal should be runnin’ statistics or whatever math he can pull out of his ass to figure that out during this pause), Dirk is going to fight Bro, and Cal is somehow wrapped into all of this, you are assuming on account that he is creepy and extremely important to Homestuck. Awesome.

Wait, hold up. Does this mean that you are destined to play the game? Does the game even exist? What about the trolls or even Skaia and the planets? Do they all exist? Theories and questions rattle through your brain like those numbered balls in a bingo machine. 

God, now you’re wondering how much Hal told Dirk before making him come over here.

Why can’t you go back to a time where you actually thought about other things and not this? Life was so much simpler- you didn’t have to think about particularly large things like this and had something to look forward to; a future where you and Dirk end up leaving this shit hole and possibly reuniting with Rose and Roxy in a very domesticated household somewhere your mom or Bro couldn’t find you, preferably.

You are suddenly overcome with the need to possibly tell someone about the comic. Maybe not even that- just to seek someone out to make sure they are ok. If you are able to time travel in the future, will everyone else be able to do that with their aspects? Not only that but the sudden worry about Dirk has triggered a sort of family chord with you.

It’s more of a subconscious action at first. You take your phone out of your pocket and open up to Pesterchum, scrolling down to TT- no, not that one, the _other_ one.

You ignore Hal’s constant pinging as you hover over her contact. 

You would like to say that you didn’t contact her with an ignorant lack of delay, maybe then you can claim this as a logical, thought-though, process with a plan of action. Only now does it register that perhaps this may not be the best idea.

turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

TT: Is everything all right, Dave?

TT: While it is not out of the ordinary for one to receive a message from their sibling, the observed silence is something that is worrisome.

TT: Especially perturbing, coming from you.

TG: have you ever experienced something so fucked up that you wonder if your insane

TT: Well hello to you too, Dave.

TT: I don’t think I have, but I must admit that is a strange question.

TT: Did something happen?

A large block of “Don’t tell her anything” scrolls past your glasses that makes you halt and consider your choices.

TG: nothing happened

TG: just

TG: do you think im crazy

You decide to tell a little truth.

TG: lil Cal is freaking me the fuck out

TG: and hes just a puppet and not some shitty ass demon

TG: i have literally no valid reason to be bothered by him

TG: im worried that something bad is going to happen because of him and Dirk

TT: Perhaps it’s the psychological trauma Bro has inflicted on you in all the past years.

TT: He strifes with the puppet and it gives you nightmares, correct?

TT: Well then you must assume the puppet with danger and therefore it freaks you out.

TT: And Dirk often helps you in these strifes so it is no wonder you have connected Dirk and Cal.

TG: ok but if you were in my shoes and some otherworldly force told you to beware of cal and that he would put you and rox in danger what would you do

TT: Dave, that seems highly specific and improbable.

TT: Unless magic was miraculously real, I would check in on Roxy and over all just ignore it.

TT: Now, while the fact remains that there is nothing wrong with Cal and that it’s mostly all in your head-

TT: If there were a puppet most likely to be inhabited with ghosts or demons, it would be ‘lil Cal.

TT: This, understandably, does not help your current situation, but I promise that whatever evil you think ‘lil Cal has in him is completely fake. 

You turn your phone upside down and rest it on the floor for a solid couple minutes. You would be inclined to agree with Rose if not for the fact that before you discovered Homestuck, you never thought that you would see your future self or have something accurately predict that Jade would grow dog ears or for someone to have copied you and your friend’s personalities entirely. If anything, you are doubting yourself more in terms of sanity and Cal being just a puppet. Even more concerning is that you have no idea how Cal fits into the equation of Dirk and Bro fighting- they always strife.

You pick up your phone again where Rose has continued her lecture- the summary being her trying to assure you that you are not insane and that Cal is just a puppet and that nothing is going to happen to Dirk. Shit, you don’t think you told her about the fight last week.

A door opens in the background.

TG: no i mean like the fucking premonition part

TG: honestly

TG: sibling to sibling

Rose pauses. You don’t blame her.

TT: If we are being quite frank, that does sound a bit crazy.

There is no other noise from the rest of the apartment. It must be Bro who’s home.

TG: what would you do

TG: to make it stop i mean

TT: not like i can destroy Cal or anything like that

TT: Under different circumstances, I would have suggested that.

TT: Given the current situation, however, perhaps just trying to ignore Cal will help.

It probably won’t. Hal has started pinging you once again. Something must be up.

TT: As for Dirk, you could spend more time with him; assure yourself that nothing tremendously bad will happen to him.

The thought lingers in your mind- what is going to happen to Dirk if he fights Bro?

TG: thanks you helped a lot

TG: i guess ill just wait for dirk to get home

TT: I hope you genuinely mean that, Dave.

TT: Please feel better.

turntechGodhead [TG] has stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

You wait and listen for any other notion of action from who you presume to be Bro before focusing back on Hal’s army of messages.

TT: Dave!

TT: You can’t tell Rose no matter how freaked out you are.

TT: Maybe this will be the last incident and we can all move on with our lives.

TT: Even Dirk will tell you!

TT: “This too shall pass” or whatever bullshit you want to believe.

TT: I know that it’s hard seeing this clearly affects her.

TT: But will dragging her into this mess lead to anything better?

TT: She will just become more paranoid and you know it.

[turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum]

TT: ...

TT: I looked into Cal more.

TT: The chances of being antagonistically plot-relevant are through the roof.

TT: However, even with future Dave, it is hard to tell if this is applicable to the current situation.

TT: You are not going crazy.

TT: So don’t do something crazy.

TT: Dirk will be here any second.

You lean over to the door next to you, peeking out just a smidge. Bro is sprawled out on the couch flipping through channels on the TV. Cal is also propped up against the arm of the chair, his glass eyes staring blankly onward. It could very well be a figment of your imagination but it feels like he is turning ever so slowly towards you.

You’ve got to kill that fucking puppet.

Like contacting Rose, it's a movement you barely register. It’s almost like the feeling you get when finishing the last bit of a race: your heart is pounding in your ears, it hurts every breath you take, and you don’t even feel your legs moving as you push on across the finish line.

You don’t feel your legs move as you sit up off the ground, nor your arms as you open your sylladex and drop your sword in your hand. Your focus is on the burning in your lungs and the confused AI scrolling across your glasses.  
You peek through the door one last time. Bro is still there. Whether he sees you or not, you really don’t know. Cal has moved though, just barely. Perhaps Bro saw you earlier and moved Cal accordingly, or maybe a slightly more creepy answer, he moved by himself. 

This paranoia is not healthy, clearly, but it’s hard not to be in such a state with Cal looking directly at you. 

You move forward, ignorantly, without a thought in your mind, unaware of the consequences to your actions.


	5. >Dave: Be Marty Mcfly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry if this chapter sucks. I was having a bad week and did not proofread this in the slightest. I hope you enjoy nonetheless. (Also, it jumps around a lot and I apologize for that too)

It’s cold.

That makes sense, being in the midst of fall. But this is not a sort of natural fall chill.

The AC hums in the background, pumping artificial smelling air into the stark building despite it being early November. You don’t know exactly what you expected from hospitals- in the movies, they are always chaotic and loud with action. Gurney’s carting people in either direction, loud chatter among people waiting to be admitted, and doctors and nurses exclaiming instructions. This is not the case.

The waiting room is quiet. This doesn’t mean it’s empty, there are a few others, anxiously thumbing through magazines or silently sipping on the complimentary coffee and tea. It’s the type of silence that leaves a pit in your stomach and cause all the hairs on your arm to stand up; the type where there are quiet murmurings under the breath that just fade into the background.

As soon as you and Dirk got to the hospital, he was rushed into surgery and has been in the recovery room for the last couple of hours. And you have been here. In the waiting room. You pick at the skin around your thumbs, your leg bouncing up and down. You’ve always been a particularly fidgety person, but these past few hours have knocked it up into the extremities. 

It’s a good thing the receptionist here is nice- she gave you a marker to draw all over the cast around your forearm. It’s also good that the wrist you hurt was on your right rather than your left. Sure, you can use both but you find yourself preferring your left hand.

Hal has been checking in on Dirk and his vitals- he actually has access to the room unlike your physical ass- and says he’s fine, but you can’t help but feel guilty. After all, this entire mess is your fault.

~~~~~~~~

You can feel the sweat dripping down your face and your hold on your sword tightens as you slowly push open the door. The hinges and wood creak uncomfortably. Your gaze never leaves Cal; Bro shifts in your peripheral.

If that arose any suspicion in Bro then he didn’t let it show and continued flipping through the channels. Cal still sits on the arm of the couch.

A lump forms in your throat and you get that feeling in your gut you get when you’re about to do something incredibly stupid. People say that you got to take a leap of faith every once in a while, right? You don’t think it crossed your mind that this was possibly not the right situation to take that leap.

As you sit in the doorway, it dawns on you that you might actually need a plan in order to not be killed by Bro. God, Dirk is going to be so angry with you when he gets back.

Bro has started taking Cal wherever he goes, so isolating Cal is practically impossible. 

Ok. Plan. Act like you are giving Cal a fist bump then stab him. Simple, clean- oh yeah, then defend yourself before running like the wind because Bro would kill you for sure. That is if Bro doesn’t catch you and beat the shit out of you before you can get your hands on Cal.

TT: Dave, what are you doing?

You hardly give yourself a chance to have a second thought or ask yourself why you decided to suddenly kill Cal and give and actual, logistic reason. Maybe Bro saw the sword in your hand or he might move Cal at the last second and skewer you on the spot. In hindsight, this was probably your major downfall. You should have seen this sort of outcome as a possibility, especially with Hal flashing warnings in your eyes. 

Time seems to pass unimaginably slowly like you are trudging through water. Ok. All you need to do is-

You hesitate at the fact that this plan actually requires you to _touch_ Cal. Aren’t you the epitome of calm and collected.

TT: Dave!

TT: You need to stop, I’m begging you!

TT: Damnit, pay attention to me!

Hal’s text just seems to go in one ear and out the other. You are only focused on one thing.

You can’t tell if Bro is staring at you or if that feeling of eyes boring into your skull is Cal but regardless, you pick up Cal’s arm, raising it just slightly and-

~~~~~~~~

TT: Dave!

There is someone here.

TT: Snap out of it dude!

TT: This woman just asked you if you are ok.

Recoil just a tad bit and fix your glasses, finally registering the woman standing in front of you.

“I’m ok,” you mumble out, fixing your glasses and sitting up in your seat a little more.

Her face twists up slightly as she stands up slightly from her kneeling position.

“Are you Dirk Strider’s brother?” She asks and you nod curtly. 

“He came out of surgery a little bit ago; he shouldn’t be awake for a good while. He lost a lot of blood.” Her voice is soft and comforting despite it’s more morbid words. It reminds you of what a mother’s voice would sound like...stereotypically of course. You are not saying all mothers sound as kind as this lady does. Example A: your actual mother’s sharp tone and slurred speech.

“You seem quite nervous. Is there anyone who can take you home, like a parent?”

Yeah, no. You instantly tense at the words “parent”. Bro has never been a parent and your mom is in fucking New York.

You give a quick shake of your head. “My parents are divorced.” You start, slowly trying to phrase this correctly. “Me and my brother live with-” you swallow quite harshly “-our _dad_ but I haven’t seen him all day. I’ve tried calling him but no response.”

That lie was easy enough. And it wasn’t totally a lie! You haven’t seen Bro since he disappeared earlier. That is still particularly scary because he could pop up at any moment. You don’t actually think you have Bro’s number, anyway. Everything else, hopefully, was enough to let you off the hook.

“Maybe you should take a walk? It might calm your nerves,” she says again, with windchimes.

Hal picks up in agreement.

TT: She’s right, Dave.

TT: You should get some fresh air.

TT: Don’t worry too much about Dirk

TT: From what I see now, he’s just fine.

“Thank you,” You mutter to the lady and watch her leave you in your chair.

You debate leaving for a solid minute, before getting up from your chair with a sigh and much encouragement from Hal. It’s not like Dirk will be waking up anytime soon, although it feels sort of shitty to just up and leave the hospital.

The brisk chill of the air hits you like a punch in the face and you pull your hood up over your head to try and battle the cold a little more. The sun had set a good while ago but thanks to your neighborly friend, pollution, you can almost see a star or two.

You shove your hands into your pocket and begin walking down the sidewalk away from the hospital, quietly talking to Hal as you go.

~~~~~~~~

Your sword swipes down at Cal, your aim focused right between his nightmarishly stupid glass eyes.

The air next to you displaces as Cal is removed from his spot on the couch though, that doesn’t matter too much as you feel your sword catch on the fabric of Cal’s shirt, dig in, and tear. Bro caught you and now he is right behind you.

In a trained, instinctual moment, you quickly crouch down, ducking under the swipe of Bro’s blade, and flash step a good ten feet away from the epicenter of your stupidity.

When you pop back up, Bro is inspecting the tear on ‘lil Cal. It goes straight across the middle of his chest and right arm, the arm sliced almost completely through and slightly hanging off. 

The room is horribly silent. You’ve never started a strife before. When people say to try new things, you don’t think they meant this.

A tiny voice in the back of your head scolds you for being a dumbass, like honestly, what did you expect to happen when you try to full-on murder probably the only thing that Bro cares about. Ugh, that actually sounds horrible when you phrase it like that, even though it’s Cal.

“Roof,” Bro growls out and begins striding towards the door. Man, you seem to be a prodigy in making Bro pissed off.

TT: Hang tight, Dirk is almost there.

TT: We can fix this, I’m sure.

Yeah, he’s been on his way for a while now.

You decide to step more cautiously towards the stairwell- it almost feels like a death march. God, you are going to get fucked up.

A gloved hand grips your shoulder and shoves you forward to move faster. You try your best not to stumble but you feel yourself lean forward and your feet shift to try and catch your balance.

Eventually, you make it up the stairs and find yourself standing across from Bro on the roof. This was not apart of your crappily put together plan at all.

“You want to fight? Fine. Fight,” Bro snarls, twirling his sword in his hands.

Your arms feel numb as your grip your sword tighter, and your face remains blank.

In some screwed up way, this makes you think about reading Homestuck. The strife battles in the comic always have flashy music and cheesy sound effects. It feels like a video game- which, you guess it is, but it feels more so than SBURB itself. Maybe a logical reason for comic Dave’s reaction is that he’s used to the strifes and thinks that it’s just a normal part of life. Comic Dave didn’t have a brother to smack him in the face and tell him that he shouldn’t be treated like shit. 

The real strifes are not that exciting in the slightest. You don’t rush forward without a plan, heroically nor treat it like practice. Bro is here to hurt you. Every step you have to take has to be thought out. Unfortunately, you tend to have a problem with thinking, seeing how you have been unbearably stupid this last month. 

You mimic Bro and spin your sword in your hand nervously, leaning into a more defensible position for whenever Bro strikes.

“What. Are you actually scared? Too much of a pussy to finish what you started?”

Oh. So you gotta do it.

You want to retort back. You want to defend yourself and say that you are not scared of him but who are you kidding. You are terrified of this guy. 

For a short period of your life, you wanted to impress Bro, to have him finally be proud of you. Your logic on that was that if he respected you, even remotely, then he wouldn’t have to fight you or Dirk anymore. Clearly, it didn’t work out. 

You shift slightly before launching off the ground and flash stepping forward, trying to get a hit on Bro… or Cal; you’re pretty desperate at this point. To be fair, the moment you were off the ground, Bro started flash stepping like crazy so you couldn’t get a good view of him. That’s one thing the comic got right, at least.

The door leading down the stairs clicks slightly and you can hear Dirk call your name, loudly from the other side. You are caught off guard for a moment. Apparently a moment is too long to be distracted because the next thing you know, Cal strikes you in the face, launching you into the brick wall by the doorway. That’s gonna bruise. Your lips are wet. You touch them for a moment- bloody nose.

Dirk looks supremely tired, breathing quite loudly. He also looks pissed, which is understandable. You guess Hal told him everything.

Bro rushes forward and swings with immaculate precision, causing you to dive down and for his sword to scrape violently against the wall. It sounds like it’s straight out of a horror movie. Even though you duck away, Bro still manages to knick you across the cheek.

Dirk is already on the defensive with his sword in hand and ready to jump into the fray, his jacket stripped off and dropped by the door.

You slide to a stop to block Bro’s next attack, but you still have enough time and focus to call out to him.

“Dirk, I swear to god, do not join this strife!” You grit out, jabbing back at Bro and Cal. Dirk seems to hesitate for a second, hopefully getting the same lecture from Hal. Actually- Hal is technically a clone of Dirk, despite being his own person, so they probably both have the same self-loathing and sacrificing attitude. Hal better not be convincing him otherwise.

From the moment Dirk shifted his foot forward and positioned his sword in his fucking anime-esque stance, you realized the irony of traveling back in time. If you go back to warn someone against doing something or saying something, you’ve almost guaranteed that it will happen. Sure, there are some situations where this is different, like with Davesprite and the alternant timeline, but he actually took action. All you did was get shaken around and warned not to do something… which you then proceeded to let happen.

Dirk and Bro clash swords almost instantly and your stomach drops.

“We were supposed to be avoiding this!” You hiss out, falling into a practiced stance.

TT: Yeah, we were, Dave.

TT: We could have if you had just listened earlier!

This time, the fight is more evened out. Both parties move at a remarkable pace, nearly impossible to follow with your eyes. Your focus has basically changed from trying to murder a fucking puppet to instead, with insight from future Dave and a drop of common sense, trying to stop Dirk from whatever fate he’s gonna have from the fight.

You try to jump in between Bro and Dirk, relying on Hal to quickly tell you their locations in relation to you.

You find your chance.

Hal’s orange text flashes across your screen in a flash.

TT: Behind you!

Turning quickly, you block with your sword and grasp wildly at the air with your spare, in hopes to maybe get a grip on something.

Another tear rips out of Cal as you are now holding his torn-off arm. Perfect.

All movement stops as Bro snatches you by the arm, crushing your wrist and hand. Pain shoots up your arm like vines and you can’t help but choke in agony when you hear that sickening snap. In the background, along with footsteps quickly approaching you and Bro, you can hear Dirk audibly wince.

Bro barely has to try to get the severed arm out of your hand. Just when you think you can actually take him in a fight, right?

Dirk is at your side instantly and tries to pry Bro’s grip away from your throbbing arm while you try to use your sword to fend Bro off. Against Bro, your effort feels obsolete as you struggle to free yourself.

Bro releases your wrist on his own causing you to stumble forward on your own pulling momentum.

If you had the time to think, you might wonder what Dirk would do. Would he run to your side and inspect your wrist with his brotherly nature or would he try to take a jab at Bro while he was still up close?

You don’t get to think, though, because behind you, Dirk yelps out and you hear another crash of sword on sword. And then it’s silent.

The quietness feels slow and unreal, like a dream. Of course, this scenario is by no means a dream but rather something that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

You hastily turn around to face the lack of silence. Dirk is hunched over on the ground, clutching his arm, rocking back and forth as if to try to keep balance. Bro is emotionless, as usual, but there is this certain aspect of his appearance that seems almost animalistic in nature. It could be his disheveled clothes or the torn puppet in his clutches. Maybe it’s just the blankness of it all. Whatever it is, he almost seems feral.

TT: Dave, don’t worry, I promise, I have this under control.

TT: I’ve already contacted the EMTs.

That doesn’t sound particularly good. You realize that whatever happened is probably what future Dave was warning you about.

Dirk finally topples over onto the concrete of the roof. You don’t leave any room for hesitation in running over to your brother and inspecting the wound. It, however, leaves you with that nauseous feeling you have been getting a lot recently.

Dirk’s arm is gushing blood. You can easily see the flesh and tissue of his halfway amputated arm. 

You feel like throwing up. What do you do?

Shit, pressure, right.

You tear at the hem of your shirt, taking a long strip of your already pretty torn and bloody shirt and pressing down with as much force as you can muster (Which is not a lot)

TT: An ambulance is on its way, just hang tight.”

TT: Everything is going to be ok.

You sincerely doubt that. The color has already left Dirks’s face.

Looking up, you try to search for the perpetrator, scouring the rooftop for any sign of Bro. 

He’s gone. 

In the distance, sirens start wailing, drawing closer and closer to the highrise building and all you can do is sit and wait.

~~~~~~~~

Hindsight is 20-20. You really should have seen this coming.

I mean, this was a no-brainer connection to make. A future version of yourself comes along and is all like “Hey! Don’t let Dirk get into a fight with Bro” and then as soon as he leaves, you get the brilliant idea “You know what? I should go and provoke a completely calm and not angry Bro into a fight by trying to murder his favorite puppet that future Dave mentioned only once compared to his pleas to stop a fight between Dirk and Bro!”

Man, you are such a dumbass.

You pettily kick a rock that’s in your path, sniveling as you do so and wiping your eyes on Dirk’s jacket.

It should have been you who got injured. Why does Dirk have to pay for your actions? Literally in the span of a week, Dirk had to get stitches on his back from blocking an oncoming attack from Bro after you got in trouble for sneaking out and then today he nearly beefs it because you decided to murder a puppet for, looking back on it, no reason!

You have no idea whether you should be angry with yourself or upset that your actions caused pain to others. Both. Both is good.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket for like the billionth time since you have been walking. John really knows how to pick his moments to try and message you. You can’t really blame him for that, he doesn’t know.

The rock you kicked earlier is in front you again and so you punt it down the sidewalk again before sliding your phone out of your pocket, debating if you have the motivation to talk to John. This is not to say that it is stressful and tiring to talk to John. Maybe you haven’t noticed but you are sort of emotionally vulnerable at the moment.

TT: You know you don’t have to answer him if you don’t want to.

TT: It doesn’t make you a bad friend.

It’s not going to hurt to talk to someone, you decide. At least, that’s what Rose tells you constantly.

ectoBiologist [EB] has started pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: daaaaaave!

EB: pick up damnit i need to tell you something!

EB: i already forgave you for the wiseau incident now answer! :B

What in the world could he possibly have to tell you? You really don’t want to be a shitty friend and John sounds… semi-urgent.

TG: whats up john

EB: so the craziest thing happened today!

EB: i was at school today and no joke

EB: the guys from betty crocker who have been harassing jane came there!

And so you listen to John continue to tell his story with its many plot twists and turns. Frankly, it sounds pretty ridiculous but those Crockercorp people have been harassing the Egbert/Crocker family for a while. It’s a nice distraction from all the shit rolling around in your head and literally everything else around you.

The rock you have been playing soccer with ends up at your feet once more. You kick it as usual. Your feet catch on the pavement and you begin to stumble forward. It’s almost like you can hear Jason Derulo hum “mmmh whatcha say” in your ear as you fail to catch yourself and fall forward. 

This might as well happen.

~~~~~~~~

Your heart pounds in your ears as you hear the sirens far below you. Bro has just disappeared and you are sitting on the roof with your brother who is bleeding out. The torn piece of your shirt is already soaked and tears are already welled up in your eyes.

Everything around you seems muted, like your eyes are unfocused and you have a pair of headphones over your ears. Even the sky as it transitions from a golden sunset into a darker blue is hardly noticed. In a stranger sense, it reminds you of times where Dirk would have an insanely early shift and you wake up slightly to him shuffling around and gathering his things for work.

You barely register Hal at first- you wonder if Dirk will give him a way to actually speak to you. Hal is probably smart enough to do that on his own, now that you think about it.

The daze you wound up in fades out slowly as Hal’s familiar orange fills your vision.

TT: Dave, you have to listen to me.

TT: When the paramedics get here, you have to tell them everything.

You suck in a sharp and wavering breath as you focus back in on the situation. This is no time for spacing out!

“I thought we weren’t allowed to talk to the police ‘cause they might take me away from Dirk?”

TT: I know, but this is different.

You hear marching coming up the steps and various bits of shouts.

TT: You have to trust us. 

TT: Hide the swords in your sylladex.

Ok. You got this. You scramble to hide the swords in your sylladex because that’s a game mechanism and other people don’t have that. Huh, you forgot about that whole ordeal.

The door to the roof bursts open and several paramedics approach you and Dirk. It’s overwhelming. You try to hover as close to Dirk in some sort of protective manner even though these are people trying to help him. You cannot cry. You cannot cry. You are going to be no help if you can’t get a grip.

TT: Dave you need to repeat after me.

TT: Don’t worry, I’ll help walk you through this.

“What is your name?” a woman asks, kneeling in front of you while the other’s nudge you out of the way to work on Dirk. They hand you his glasses.

TT: My name is Dave Strider and this is my brother Dirk.

“My name is Dave Strider and this is my brother Dirk,” you choke out. You still find yourself trying to reach out to Dirk but the lady stops you.

“What happened?” she asks. Dirk hangs limply as he is loaded onto a stretcher, still being inspected for further wounds.

TT: Our guardian attacked us. I haven’t seen him since.

“O-Our guardian attacked us. I haven’t seen him since.” Your voice is caught in your throat as you push back the need to cry.

Dirk is out cold, not moving in the slightest, and fear creeps up on you. Did future Dave lie to you? Is he going to die?

“What injuries do you two have?” she specifies, the others working to put more pressure on the wound. 

You don’t even want to look at the arm. 

“Just that,” you gesture weakly towards Dirk “for him. My guardian grabbed my wrist pretty hard too- it’s really swollen.” you continue, your breathing growing erratic. God, it’s so hard to breathe.

The paramedics check his heart rate and start moving him off the rooftop. The lady you were talking to begins to inspect your wounds from the cut on your cheek to your throbbing, swollen arm.

TT: You are doing great, Dave.

TT: Quickly, you need to be in the ambulance with Dirk.

TT: I don’t want to you to be here if Bro comes back and your arm needs attention.

“Can I come in the ambulance with my brother?” You plead to the officer inspecting your arm. You are not normally one to be seen in the eyes of pity but maybe it’s best for this scenario.

“I- don’t want to be here if B- if my _dad_ comes back.” Sure, you are using Hal’s words but they still express your feelings accurately.

Her eyes soften, holding your wounded wrist in her hand. 

“Do you have any other guardians?”

You bite your lip. “My mom but she lives in New York with my other siblings.”

“We can call the police to check the apartment to see if he returns. The paramedic says sighing before leading you after the ambulance.

TT: You should pick up Dirk’s jacket, it’s getting cold.

His jacket had been discarded by the door before the strife and you snatch it as you leave.

It’s a blur traveling down to the ambulance. You feel like you are skipping in time, each section only being a flash in your memory. Pick up jacket, walk down stairs, sit in ambulance. It’s surreal, frankly. The only thing on your mind is making sure Dirk is ok.

The only assurance that things will be fine is your future promise that everything will be ok and the shakey but visible rise and fall of Dirk’s chest. You slip on Dirk’s jacket and with direction from the paramedic in the car, roll up your sleeve so she can check further. The ambulance door slams shut as it turns dark.

~~~~~~~~

You fall a lot further than you thought you would after tripping on the sidewalk. So much so that you almost expect to flip completely around before landing.

You can imagine your surprise when instead of the cold concrete, you crash through a large wooden board on your side.

Pain sprouts through your arm and you can’t help but yell out “Shit!” like the vulgar teen you are.

You brush some rubble off you as you shift around, the rest of the desk falling apart as you do so, and inspect the room. Honestly, you were expecting to be here at some point today, you just didn’t know when. Mystery solved.

“Hal? Are you there?” you whisper but there is no response. You guess Hal can’t travel in time- or maybe he can but you have to bring the weird cylinder thing. Oh god, you left Hal at home, what if Bro destroys him? Let’s add that to the top of your to-do list.

You sit up rather quickly, looking around, and cradle your casted arm. It’s a lot warmer in here than it is outside in your own time. Probably because it’s still day-ish out. You look out the window above you and the sun shines directly into your eyes. This is so fucking weird. 

“What the hell is that? Hal? Did someone break in?” a voice rings out from the other room. There he is. Oh man, you don’t know if you remember all the things future Dave said to you. If you go off-script will that cause a paradox or something? The conversation the other Dave has with Hal continues all the way to the door. 

“What? Why not?” the voice hisses out. There is a pause before the door quickly opens and shuts as past Dave enters the arena! Man, you should have been expecting this too. Can’t draw wisdom for future Dave anymore. The Padawan becomes the Jedi master and such. You don’t actually know- you don’t own Star Wars.

But you can conclude that you did absolutely nothing in order to trigger fucking time travel. Earlier, you were thinking that maybe you found a way into the game or something like that, but you guess that all you need to do is take a fall by yourself then bam! Time travel.

The sword Dave was holding clatters to the ground as he gapes back at you.

“I-” you start, thinking about maybe starting with a joke but maybe you should just stick to the script as to avoid some unnecessary complications. Seeing a past version of you is still just as baffling as seeing a future Dave.

“Oh my god I remember this!” you exclaim, inspecting your room. You know that your room hasn’t changed slightly since you were in it earlier, but it is still incredible that you are in the past. Hey, maybe this gives you an opportunity to warn him!

You stand up with a newfound determination and march over to the past version of you. The guy still looks absolutely stunned. 

You seize the past version of you and shake him a little bit. He’s gotta snap out of this shock- you have no idea how much time you have to speak.

“Dude you gotta listen to me!” you start, still shaking him back and forth. Past Dave continues to just stare. “I know this is weird but you have to trust me!” You continue, gripping his shoulders harder.

Past Dave’s mouth opens and closes slightly like he is trying to say something but can’t manage the words. Oh yeah, you remember, you wanted to push you away.

“Please listen,” you beg, adrenaline pulsing through your veins. “You cannot let Dirk fight Bro.” 

“W-What?” he croaks out and you release his shoulders, backing. Retracing the events of this afternoon is not something you want on your agenda. You sniff and rub the remainder of your tears away. You really wish he would stop staring at you like that.

“You cannot let Dirk fight Bro.” You repeat quickly.

“In fact,” you continue becoming tenser as the conversation continues. “, let’s just toss fighting altogether out the window!”

You pace back and forth as you rant. You also remember this not especially being a good impression.

“I always hated that puppet but I never wanted this!” It’s all your fault. The thought slides back into your head.

“Why the fuck would Dirk fight Bro? A-And what does Cal have to do with this?”

Oh shit. You snap your neck in your past self’s direction. 

The full, unfiltered truth hits you like a sack of bricks. The only reason you went after Cal was because your future self mentioned it and because of that, Dirk got hurt. This shit just turned into a full mobius strip!

“Because he was defending my-” You catch yourself “ _our_ dumb ass! Just-” You pause to bury your face into your hands and breathe.

“Shit, why did I mention Cal.”

You take too much precious time trying to calm yourself down before moving towards the other Dave. He takes a step back and you decide to retreat.

“Look- God, ok. I know about as much as you, currently, about this whole time mess, but if you think this is bad, you have no idea what is going to come next if you don’t listen to me. There are a lot more important things to worry about right now.” You lecture. 

“I wouldn’t let Dirk fight-” Dave begins to protest before pausing for a moment and clenching his fists tight. 

He looks you dead in the eye for the first time. “Wait, how much worse can it get? Is Dirk going to die?”

You nearly jump out of your skin as you try to reassure him. You are glad Dirk didn’t actually die but he still finds himself in a crappy situation that will pretty much impact him for the rest of his life.

“No!” You yelp out, your voice cracking. God, the thought that Dirk could have died does not sit well with you. You guess the idea of a loved one dying doesn’t sit well with anyone. You swallow a lump that’s formed in your throat.

“Just… listen to what I said.” you plead “Trust me- I wouldn’t lie to you!”

You feel this weird tingling in your legs and fingers, almost losing feeling in them. Panic stabs into you like a blade. Your time here must be ending. Time is such bullshit.

“I don’t have that much time left but don’t let Dirk go after Bro and for god’s sake don’t go after-” a bright light fills your vision for a microsecond before switching to entirely black. 

You hit the pavement with a thud and uttering a final “Cal”.

Your arm sprouts up in pain but you can’t even bother with it at this point.

“Hal!” You exclaim sitting up.

TT: Holy shit, are you ok?

TT: I’m surprised your arm doesn’t hurt more.

“Did you see that?” you ask with urgency.

TT: I saw you eat shit but I am getting the feeling that wasn’t all that happened.

“I might as well be Michael J. Fox. What the hell just happened?”

TT: Did you go back? I didn’t even see it!

“Any bright flashes? What time is it?” You question, taking out your phone for any notable changes. 

You open up to the same time and John still telling his Crockercorp story, unaware that anything has changed. You hate to interrupt but man, shit just got a tad more real.

TG: hey john i think i got to scoot out of here

TG: like a toddler on a mini tricycle

TG: a strider brand one

EB: is everything ok, dave?

TG: just need to sleep

TG: dirk is making me cause i got school tomorrow

EB: oh yeah, i forgot about timezones. :B

EB: well then, good night i guess!

TG: night 

You really hate lying to your friends but it’s what helps you navigate the world and raise unneeded fear.

You shove your phone into your pocket and take a couple of seconds to observe the silence of the evening. There might have been a couple of tears, but if Hal did see you crying, you are glad he didn’t bring it up.

You are grateful that Hal is not particularly pressuring you to do anything right now like talk to him or walk back to the hospital or call your siblings- you actually should probably do that at some point. Dirk does that quite a bit, whether he realizes it or not, and Hal as seemed to pick up on that particular trait.

The sky is clear yet it still smells like rain and you can’t help but breathe it all in.

There are still so many questions to ask; so many mistakes you have to make up for. Yeah, you should probably apologize to Dirk when he gets up.

One concern lingers in your mind still: where is Bro? If he was out to get you and Dirk, you’d probably be dead already. Did the police go to check the apartment? Nevermind, actually. This is stressing you out too much.

“Is Dirk ok?” You mumble to Hal only a few moments later. At this point, all you want to do is see Dirk. No matter if he is asleep or not. Thank god mom’s insurance is covering this or else you would have been screwed.

Hal takes a moment to respond and you find yourself not anxious over the wait. Maybe you’ve delt with so much bullshit today that you’ve just ascended to a zen state of mind.

TT: He’s ok and recovering as best as he can. You can go back if you want, though you won’t be able to interact with him much.

You nod and slide your hands into your pockets, snuggling further into your jacket as a gust of wind blows by. You spin on your heel and begin walking back to the hospital.

Perhaps it was due to the excitement of maybe seeing Dirk or possibly just anxiousness to get out of the cold. Whatever it was, you find yourself reaching the hospital faster than it took you to walk the same distance prior.

Hal helps you navigate the winding hallways back to the lobby where the receptionist greets you warmly. It’s almost like the waiting room has been frozen in time. The same people sit in the same seats drinking out of the same cups.

“Can I go see him?” You ask the receptionist. It’s only maybe been an hour and a half, give or take. Hopefully, you can go and sit with Dirk, even if he is not awake.

She smiles at you and hands you a clipboard to sign in and stuff. “We usually only allow adults to spend the night but I find this to be an extreme circumstance. A nurse can bring you a cot to sleep in when you need it.” and you can’t help the small, watery, smile that forms on your lips. She tells you the room number and sends you through the doors to Dirk.

The hallway is even more silent than the reception. Each step you take echos throughout the passage. It’s freaky, not going to lie, but you find Dirk’s room easy enough and can abscond from the hallway. Room 413- this is a fucking nightmare.

Dirk lays on the hospital bed, peacefully slumbering, with the ever-so reassuring rise and fall of his chest. His right arm is cut about midway between his shoulder and elbow and wrapped in compression bandages. He is surrounded by medical equipment which you are very confident cost more than you are worth.

A chair is already in the room for you to pull up to Dirk’s bed and you do just that, crossing your arms and burying your head into them.

“When do you think he will wake up?” you mumble into your sleeve, hoping that Hal is able to understand you.

TT: Dirk will most likely be up before you are if you decide to sleep now.

Sleep doesn’t sound half bad.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you earlier.” You admit, watching the continuous up and down of Dirk’s chest. “I don’t think there is really any excuse I could give you for that.”

TT: Yeah, that was a fucking dumb thing to do.

TT: But I think there might be more important things to focus on now that it’s all in the past.

TT: Exhibit A: According to some statistics I just pulled out of my ass and undeniable proof Homestuck is probs real.

You let out a low chuckle and you feel your eyes start to droop and a yawn build up in your throat.

“Do you know where Bro is?”

There is a pause. A lot longer pause than you would have liked.

TT: No, I haven’t been able to find him.

TT: If I didn’t have evidence of him being an actual living person, I would assume that he just didn’t exist.

That gets the gears turning. 

“Do you think you could find him if he popped up in our area?”

TT: No doubt.

You find yourself relaxing again, after that final statement from Hal and begin to drift off little by little. When Dirk is finally awake, there’s gonna be a lot to talk about, but for now, you find an ounce of tranquility knowing that Dirk is getting better and your other brother is watching over you. Still, you can’t help but feel like you are scratching the surface to this entire story.

Tiredness quickly overwhelms you as you sink further into the mattress. You soon after doze off to the thought of having to explain today to your sisters. You’d rather deal with that tomorrow.


	6. >Dave: Watch time pass and enjoy family.

There is a part of you that wishes you got more of a backlash than the forgiveness your brother has decided to give you. Hell, Dirk barely blames you for the scenario. In Dirk’s eyes, you made a stupid decision based on a reasonable fear and then when things started going south, tried to intervene to stop any vaguely predicted outcomes. It reminds you of a book Rose mailed to you a while back; _“A Chronicle of a Death Foretold”_ , everyone knew the main character was going to die but all their actions to prevent it ended up ensuring its success.

All Dirk and Hal did was give you a slap on the wrist and a short speech of “This is why we don’t aggravate Bro- shit can get messed up.” before moving on. You feel like you deserved much worse than their forgiveness.

While you’ll probably feel this guilt until you beef it in whatever way the universe has decided for you, Dirk has been handling this minor inconvenience with stride. He is ambidextrous like yourself, however, he did favor his right hand which sort of sucks.

Being the tech nerd he is, always looking for new and interesting projects, he has already started drawing up plans for a robotic prosthetic. Dirk has gone into full detail multiple times with you, incorporating Hal’s hard drive... thing into it so that he is more secure and that if Bro does return to the apartment, Hal won’t just be lying about for him to crush.

That brings another topic to the proverbial table- its been several days now since Dirk was admitted to the hospital and there has been no sign of Bro. Hal had discussed with you after the fact that before the “incident”, Dirk and Hal didn’t want to tell the authorities anything out of fear that you would be separated and that Bro would go out to find you. The fact that Dirk was literally dying overtook that apprehension. 

The fear of separation has mostly subsided after Dirk turned 18, though. Their logic in this case was that since you’ve pissed off Bro to the extent that he still probably wants to kill you, there was no way that Dirk could protect you if he was dead. Not only that, but since you both suffered injuries, it could have easily been seen as a fight between the two of you rather than something inflicted by Bro, so mentioning him was the best way to not get convicted and separated anyway. 

Even so, the idea that Hal was literally designed to track Bro and know about his constant whereabouts and still can’t find him is nothing to laugh at. As Hal describes it: it’s almost like he was just wiped off the face of the planet. The officer standing in the doorway of the hospital room says the exact same thing.

“So he’s missing?” Dirk questions, his mouth full of the oh-so-tasty hospital jello.

The officer nods “We’ve checked on the apartment multiple times and he has not returned.” (While you are normally ACAB, you are glad that this officer is helping- though you guess the story might be different if you were any sort of minority… getting off track.)

“There is a warrant for his arrest however we are still unable to locate him.”

Dirk swallows while keeping a surprising level of calm.

“What can we do, then? I’ve been considering filing for a missing person’s report but I know there is some legal iffiness around that.” he starts, putting his spoon into his now empty cup and adjusting his glasses. “Will I be able to gain custody of my brother?”

The officer just nods again and you feel a wave of relaxation wash over you.

“Of course. I don’t think we can legally return Dave to his parent after this. A missing persons report is currently not needed- we are under the assumption that Mr. Strider would have fled to another state or even out of the country to avoid arrest so we will be monitoring his accounts for suspicious activity to try and seek him out. Other than that, there is not much we can do.” Oh god the chill is back. You can see Dirk’s shoulder’s tense up and he leans back onto his propped up pillows.

“Where can I get the paperwork for that and possibly restraining orders?” Dirk continues on with cracking confidence.  
The officer approaches and hands Dirk a folder which he flips through momentarily before the officer leaves.

“It’s a miracle that they didn’t just give you to our mother,” Dirk states in bafflement after a moment of silence in the room, thumbing through the various documents. “Speaking of which, have you told the Lalondes?”

Right. Dirk has humbly bestowed upon you the obligation to tell your sisters and mother about the recent events but it has been slipping your mind. Hal sends reminders every once in a while but you still haven’t gotten around to it. There is a lot of time that needs to be wasted when Dirk and Hal won’t let you leave the hospital grounds in case Bro tries to stab you, so you haven’t exactly had the room in your schedule to do so. Not that you don’t love your siblings but you are really hesitant to talk to Rose given your last conversation.

“Not yet,” You admit, sprawling across your cozy bed situation.

TT: Imagine all of them rushing over here and crowding this room.

You snort a tad bit before flipping over and burying yourself in a pillow. 

“Hal’s got a point. Roxy insists that Roxanne- _Mom_ has been trying to get better and would no doubt fly the whole coterie over here.” 

Dirk sighs and sinks into the bedding a little more, grunting slightly in pain as he shifts. “I still want them to know sooner rather than later, even if that means the girls crowding this room- I am pretty sure there’s limited visitors, anyway. Sorry, dude, if it’s stuck between you and Rose, I’m going to choose the cooler of the twins.”

“Shit, you better be apologizing to Rose, not me,” You say lamely and watch Dirk’s head move indicating a roll of his eyes. 

“Whatever, now get over here. I think you need to sign some of this shit.”

Dirk gets discharged from the hospital only two days later. His arm is still in bandages but luckily he already met with someone who could fit a prosthetic to him. Dirk plans to buy an extremely cheap one so he can use the measurements to make his own invention fit a little bit better.

Hal had been watching the apartment closely but yet again there was no sign of Bro. He even made good use of his talents by checking the streets around for his car and each camera in the building. But nothing came up.

Both Dirk and Hal deemed it safe after constant monitoring and so with a couple of bus trips, the two of you manage to get back into the apartment.

Dirk had a plan for when you and him could leave safely. You would gather most of your belongings and over East so you could be closer to Rose and Roxy (Believe it or not but you and Dirk and quite attached to the Lalondes) and you would continue schooling over there while Dirk went to college and that would be that.

School, for the time being, has essentially stopped as Dirk doesn’t trust the administration to stop Bro from getting you from school even with the restraining order so you have continued to be stuck at home. It’s nearing Thanksgiving break anyway so it’s probably fine. 

Everything had passed so quickly, you hardly realized that it had been a month since you and Dirk went to the convention and everything went down the drain. So many things had changed since then- the sky used to smell of smoke and fire and has now been drowned out by rain and cold, Bro is fucking gone, Striders have turned left onto existicential crisis lane, Hal was created and got a voice-

One of the more interesting changes that has happened over the course of the hospital and transition home was Hal being able to bluetooth through the speakers or send out audio through your phone. He formed up some sort of mishmash voice that lies somewhere between Dirk and a robot. Once he discovered this feature (according to Hal) the world was his oyster and he proceeds to use it whenever he can.

But overall, so much had twisted around and what once sort of made sense is now completely unintelligible. Hell, you don’t even know what is going on and, according to Homestuck, you are supposed to be the protagonist. Maybe this is like Homestuck in the sense that you have no clue what is happening but some magical reader up in the clouds is following along but just barely.

The sky is blanketed with a light grey. Since Bro isn’t here, Dirk has left open all the windows to let the smell of rain waft through the house. You asked him earlier why you were staying in the apartment rather than just running for the hills with as much stuff as we can hold. His response should have been obvious enough- he is still recovering and he’s waiting to see if Bro will turn up anywhere at all before making a move. You have a bag packed just in case.

The apartment has changed a lot too. Swords are now not in every nook and cranny, most of the puppets have been rounded up and placed in various baskets, Dirk has torn apart any spare technology for bits he could use for his prosthetic. He at one point asked you to help in the building process but apparently you are technologically inept. Perhaps Roxy will be better assistance than your sorry ass.

The apartment still wasn’t comfortable, though. You don’t know if it ever could be a relaxing place to stay in. When you weren’t playing on your phone or talking with your friends, you were anxiously watching the door for any sort of movement. Any creak of the floor was regarded as a sign of a threat and more often than you would like to admit, you’ve unconsciously dropped your sword into your hand to make yourself feel better.

Everything was so on the edge of change and unsurety that it only took two phone calls for the tower to come crumbling down and set everything in motion. 

The first call got the ball rolling. As you said earlier, it was a rainy day, the windows were wide open, the cold autumn air spreads through the house allowing you to sink into a long sleeve under a hoodie. Layers are just one of the perks of cold weather.

You and Dirk were both sitting in your room, as you tend to do, when Dirk’s phone began ringing. Ah yes, the classic tune of Caramelldansen.

It’s not like a phone call is out of the ordinary. With all the stuff that’s been happening, it’s even become more of a common occurrence.

“Dave, toss me my phone?” Dirk asks, his teeth holding several screws as he tinkers with various machinery, tugging a large metal panel off the side of some turntables.

“Put it on speaker, why don’t you?” Hal’s robotic voice rings out from a small portable speaker set up on the desk Dirk has dragged to the center of the room. Like it wasn’t cramped enough.

You toss Dirk his phone and he sets it to speaker before setting it in the center of the table. For having frequent phone calls, Hal has never asked for it to be put on speaker. He can already hear these things just fine so this on it’s own is curious.

“Hello?” Dirk calls out and almost instantly a barely audible voice rings out.

“Is this Dirk Strider? I am with the Houston police department and I have some information about Broderick Strider.”

You rarely hear Bro’s first name and it’s always a little shocking when you do. Still, it’s the first news you’ve heard in a week. That name is exactly the reason you shoot up from your sprawled position in bed.

“Yes, this is him. What news do you have?” Dirk states, cooly, but you can see his uneasiness leaking off him like he is a nuclear power plant ready to burst.

“We got a call from a small department in central North Carolina and found Mr. Strider’s car discarded and empty off to the side of the road and partially in the woods. The keys are still in the ignition and there are no tracks leading away from the car. It looks like it was driven off the road and crashed before abandoned despite lacking any damage.”

“Are you sure it’s his? What is the licence plate number?”

The conversation seems to fade out of your attention at that point as your mind takes over. Bro was never one for cheap products; he ran a multi-million company producing smuppets so he had some cash to spare. Of course, no one in your family has any fucking clue what a car is so Bro’s car looks exactly like the result if someone googled “cool cars” and picked the first one to drive.

You watch Dirk take the screws out of his mouth and sit up attentively. 

“That’s his. Is there any indication which way he went?”

The quiet sigh is audible from the phone. 

“If it were possible, you could say he disappeared into thin air. There were no signs of footprints leading away from the car and even more interestingly was how the driver’s seatbelt was still clicked in. We can say that by the route he was taking, Mr. Strider was heading North East.”

“That’s towards Rose and Roxy!” You hiss out and Dirk signals for you to shut up.

“Is that all?” Dirk asks, bluntly, leaning back in his chair.

“Yes, that is all we can find.”

Dirk sighs deeply, taking a moment to lean forward and press his head against the table. 

“Thank you for attempting to find him, please get back to me if you find anything else.” You hate when Dirk sounds this way. It’s emotionless and harsh if not slightly condescending.

Before the officer says anything else, Dirk hangs up the phone and continues to rest on the table.

“You know, I do have a couple running theories as to what’s going on if you are curious.” Hal starts but Dirk just shakes his head. 

Often you wonder what Dirk could possibly be thinking about. You might not be an open book yourself but compared to Dirk, you might as well have a flimsy lock on some shitty $10 diary from a Scholastic Book Fair unlike the vault door that he has.

Though this is a moment where his emotions are clearly defined to you. Dirk’s fist is bunched up in his hair and you can see the faintest hint of a frown etched into his skin. Dirk is worried.

“What are we going to do?” You question, after a dragged out pause.

Dirk comes back together after you speak, picking himself up from the table and fixing his glasses with a large exhale.

“Sell as much shit as we can, pack our bags, and head wherever. We just need to get out of here. Bro doesn’t seem to be coming back,” Dirk announces, standing up and starts sorting through the pages of designs on the desk.

“Can you even drive? You are still not fully healed and it could just increase our risk of an accident.” Hal asserts.

Whether it was subtle or not, you kick out the partially filled duffle bag from under your bed.

“I don’t think this is up for debate, Hal. _If_ Bro is still out there, I don’t want Dave or I to be around if he comes back. Now that Dave is under my custody, we can go freely and don’t have to be subjected to Bro ever again.”

“Well, since he is missing, I can track to see where he is,” Hal starts, no doubt choosing his words very carefully. 

“This doesn’t have to be a rushed process. I can start selling stuff we need, order us a couple boxes and we can make this transition not as stressful.” 

“I’m not saying we have to pack up and run away. I’d just rather get out of here sooner rather than later.”

“But we still need a plan,” You pipe up, inserting yourself into the conversation. “I agree, I want to get out of this shithole too but we can’t just throw some shirts in a bag and call it a day.” You are a hypocritical piece of shit.

All the debating and arguing triggered by the first phone call might make one forget about the second one but lo and behold your phone suddenly chimes off without a clear reason.

All talking immediately halts as you glance over the number. 

“It’s from New York. Is it spam, Hal?” You question, holding the vibrating phone in your hand.

“Maybe it’s Bro,” Dirk comments, tensely. 

“I’m checking the number- I’m pretty sure it’s safe to answer and if it’s just spam you can hang up.” Hal says and you answer with a tentative “Hello?”

A very, _very_ slurred woman’s voice calls your name from the other end. 

“Davveeee! How are you, honnn?” Your mother’s voice rings out quite loudly in your ear. It would be more embarrassing that you didn’t have your own mother’s phone number if she didn’t lose her phone every other month and instead or transferring everything over, just gets a new plan and number. Eventually, you just gave up.

“I’m chill. What happened to your phone?” You ask slowly, trying to process her very drunken tone. You trust Roxy in that she is getting better but moments like this make it hard to believe.

“Iyeee dropped it somewhere…” There is a slight shuffling as she presumably looks for one of her many missing phones. Dirk gives you a quizzical look but you wave it off.

“Right!” She practically shouts, nearly making you drop your phone. “I wanted to invite you and Dirk to come Thankssgiving!”

Dirk must have heard that because his mouth immediately drops open as if to respond.

“Of course, you would have to get permission from your father,” Roxanne sighs, clearing up her voice a bit.

Ok, that, Dirk definitely heard because he glares over in your direction with such disapproval.

“You didn’t tell her?” He hisses out and you try to cover his mouth but he wrestles away from your grasp.

“I’m sure he’ll let us go.” You muster, brushing Dirk away as you try to continue this conversation. “Do we have to drive all the way up there?”

Mom gasps dramatically “God, no! Driving can be such a boooooring task!” She drags out. 

“Here, I’ll get you two plane tickets and you can fly over next week!” She hums and you can hear typing in the background. 

“Thanks I guess… uh why are you-” You start but are abruptly cut off.

“Done! I will email theeese to you- what is your email, dear?”

“I’ll give you Dirk’s, it’s-”

“Oh, goodness I shhhould just give it to Roxy. Roxy? Where is she?” Her voice seems far away. Much like your head because you have no idea what is happening.

“Roxy has got it. It’s been so nice talking to you, Dave. I can’t wait to see you- Can I say a quick hello to Dirk?” You quickly hand over the phone to Dirk, unable to fully process anything that has just happened and trying to gather your thoughts.

“Hi, Mom. I-”

Pause.

“No yeah, I know I just-”

Another pause and you watch as Dirk visibly deflates.

“Yep. Ok. Rad. Bye.” And Dirk hangs up.

“So we are going to visit them, right? What did she say to you?” you ask, trying to conceal your eagerness to see your other siblings. Sure, you’ve seen Roxy once or twice since the last time you’ve been to the Lalonde household, but that was purely to get you and Dirk things to survive that you couldn’t afford like new clothes and stuff.

Dirk pinches the bridge of his nose before jolting slightly. 

“Roxy just sent me the tickets with a very excited blur of pink text,” he mumbles, turning to you. 

“But what about Bro? He disappeared in that area. Is it safe to go up and see them?” Hal mentions, making the tiny speaker flash a bright orange.

Hal does have a good point and Dirk takes the time to consider that. Finally, one of your mistakes can be used for your benefit.

“Buuuut we have to tell them that Dirk lost his arm and Bro is fucking missing so if we tell them and then refuse to go, we can’t use the excuse that Bro didn’t let us go.” You chime in. “Besides, I don’t think that Bro would attack us in front of Mom.”

Dirk raises his right stump up slightly before realizing and switching to his left hand to place under his chin. “Damn, this is so weird…” He starts slowly, as if weighting each idea. 

“We should go. The only con to that is that Bro might still be out there and will definitely kill us on sight. This gives us time to pack up all this shit and we can tell them about this fucking mess we’re in in person rather than over a phone call.” Dirk finishes before organizing all of his designs into a folder and shifting the desk back in place. 

You mentally fist pump before rushing to organize piles of what to keep and what not to keep, obviously taking your collection of various bones and skulls. You think this is the first time you have willingly wanted to clean your room

“Oh wait, Dirk, did you read the Homestuck update today?” You question, shoving junk into a garbage bag to give to goodwill or sell.

“No I didn’t. I don’t think I have read it since I came out of the hospital. Is it a lot?” Dirk questions, pulling out a couple of empty bags.

You can’t help but grin at the thought. “Roxy and Jake got introduced. Jane was a little bit of a shit to Roxy, but you know her better than I do.” You start slowly, preparing to pull the trigger on one of Dirk’s greatest moments in his short life.

“They did mention the custom copy of Pony Pals you sent Jane when you were younger,” You tease and Dirk pauses in his tracks. Hal sends out a vague laugh-sounding noise as you continue shuffling through items.

“Oh my god. I forgot about that.” He sighs, looking at the ceiling.

“You really did like Parks and Recreation.” You snort out, packing up a pile of old sketchbooks. 

Dirk sits up more and pulls out his phone from his pocket, swiping a little bit.

“Yeah, I’ll be right back. I just need to ask Jane for that back. Not that horses are not the best damn thing in this entire world but that writing is absolutely atrocious.”

“You can’t erase the past, Dirk.” You call after him, no matter how much you wish that wasn’t true.

You and Dirk made a silent agreement to not touch any of Bro’s stuff and instead opted to sell mostly old bed frames, mattresses, desks, clothes that no longer fit, or other useless knick-knacks that have little to no personal value. Basically anything that needed a truck to transport. Computers are in large luggage as well as some other larger items. 

Hal opted for riding in Dirk’s sylladex so his storage unit cylinder thing- man, there’s gotta be a better name for that- won’t be mistaken for a fucking bomb and can be turned into a functioning arm for Dirk. It’s not that you and Dirk are moving in with the Lalondes. It’s more that you need to bring all your stuff with you in case Bro returns to destroy all your crap. But as the days continue passing, that seems less and less like an actual possibility.

Over the few days of packing, the only insanely interesting thing that occurred was Hal seeing the “Auto-Responder” in the recent update of Homestuck and hating that 1) He was an auto-responder rather than someone who is helping in serious circumstances (Dirk was also upset about this but for different reasons) and 2) That Jake didn’t consider comic-Hal to have feelings. He was _really_ bummed about that.

Roxy also talked to you basically non-stop throughout the packing process. She didn’t have her drivers license the last time you went to visit so now she absolutely _has_ to take you to every corner of the closest town to their home (Which Dirk says is half an hour away).

Most people with half a brain cell realize that New York is actually a state rather than just a city and despite its high population areas, there are a good couple of rural towns. The Lalondes just so happen to live in the woods close to the most rural town that New York has to offer which you always thought was a little ironic. Houston is very different from New York. You have barely been outside the city so when you transition from the abundance of people and noise to the silence of the woods it’s, well, baffling, to say the least.

Dirk has you sitting on the top of a large suitcase as you both try to pull the zippers on this very crammed bag. There is a final large _zip_ as the suitcase finally shuts after several minutes of tugging.

“Thank god. I thought that was never going to close,” Dirk breathes in relief. 

“I’m just surprised you were able to fit that much in there!” Hal comments from your phone as the speaker is packed away. You nod along in agreement.

“I don’t know about you but I’m sort of psyched to go on a plane even if it’s only for a few hours.” You chatter, hauling your duffle bag onto your shoulder and snatching a small drawstring carry-on before getting a grip on a larger wheeled suitcase. You know, it’s a lot of bags.

“You’ve been on a plane before, dude. We all have, technically.” Dirk drawls, struggling to carry a bag on his shoulder for a rather obvious reason. He has on his cheap prosthetic just for the sake of not having to pack it away in luggage and while it doesn’t function much, it does help with holding up bags.

“Yeah, but I don’t remember it- do you have any space for that bag in your sylladex?” You question, moving towards Dirk to help him with the bag sliding off his shoulder.

“No, Hal took up that last spot that I could rhyme with. I got it, don’t worry.” Dirk grunts. “Oh shit, that reminds me-” Dirk drops the bag he was carrying and retrieves a HEADSET from his sylladex and hands it over to you.

“I managed to fix your shitty headphones,” He mentions, offhandedly and you feel a small smile spread across your face as you slip the headphones around your neck. Fuck yes. Today just got so much better.

Dirk starts mumbling about the possibility of calling his bag a packet to make it fit as you take one final glance around the room. It is more or less empty save for some stacks of cinder blocks and wooden boards shoved in the corner of the room. The outside was left more or less the same- Bro’s stuff is still scattered about the floor- you haven’t bothered to touch it. 

It is strangely agitating turning off all the lights and shutting all the doors, knowing that you will never come back here. You’ve lived here basically all of your life and the idea that you will never return leaves a slightly nauseating pit in your stomach, even with all the pain and suffering you have related to this room. The second Dirk closes and locks the apartment with the keys on the other side for Bro to find (if he ever does) you experience a very different emotion. You almost want to look back for a moment, but walking away from something has never felt more liberating. 

You and Dirk manage to get your bags into Dirk’s old beat-up car and drive to the airport with hours to spare. Roxanne spared no expense getting you guys out to New York. Large luggage was paid for, first-class seats, the whole package, really.

The flight over was relatively peaceful and easy compared to the contrast of the days prior. The flight attendants were able to get you some apple juice and Dirk “let” you have the window seat so you could stare at the clouds. Hey, don’t judge a dude for wanting to look out the window for the first time at thousands of feet in the air… within memory. Dirk was also living his best life which basically only included taking a nap for several hours with his seat reclined as far as possible. You can’t blame him- if you haven’t noticed it’s been stressful as of recently.

If you have never been to an airport before, the process of getting off a plane is often more stressful then getting on the plane. You have to find all of your baggage and then take a bus or shuttle or taxi to a car rental center ranging from a short walk to several miles away from the airport before clambering inside a car that feels like you could never afford, and try to navigate an entirely new place. Every other person is doing that exact thing, too so it feels chaoting and overwhelming.

Before you know it, you are buckling yourself into a seat of a vehicle that smells like the chemically new car smell that people go on about. The interior is clean and refined, being one of the newer modeled cars. You are pretty sure Dirk thanked whatever higher power stuck you here that Roxanne decided to cover the expenses entirely. 

Fall is your favorite time of year and the abundance of trees express it more that Houston ever could. The leaves are red and orange and in the process of shedding and it just reminds you of the upcoming holiday season filled with long breaks and a lethargic attitude. Sure, the parks in Houston have trees you can observe and walk through, but the roads of the East coast are just wall to wall with trees with the occasional town that breaks the line for just a moment.

Soon, the towns start spacing out more and more until they are just a blip as you speed by them. The roads grow more empty and the trees taller until they are encasing you entirely. Hal quips that you are almost there and you feel yourself sliding to the edge of your seat, sending a quick message to Roxy to tell her too.

Pulling up to the Lalonde property was also, in a way, nostalgic. The gates that mark the entrance seem more tall and daunting than they have been in the past. Maybe it’s just your perspective but you wouldn’t put it past your mom to give the already tall metal bars an extra few inches. Even though it is early in the afternoon, the dark pines and the orange cover the ceiling and allow little light through making the sky feel darker and more somber.

The gates creak open almost instantly upon your arrival and you can only give credit to your eager sisters as you pull through. The forest opens up to a large clearing revealing a small cliffside where the modernistic marvel of a home sits.

“Dirk! Dave!” A voice shouts out as your car drives through into a small gravel area outside the house. A very exuberant Roxy practically bounds out the door with Rose, captured by the wrist, in tow. Your seatbelt is unbuckled the instant you see them.

You watch an unhinged grin creep its way onto Dirk’s face as he pulls into the gravel patch and your heart swells in excitement.

After all these years, your siblings have changed quite a bit. Roxy’s hair is much shorter but still remains with her signature curls and frizz. Her clothing also seems more along the side of comfy than the fashion-forward wear you saw her in last, wearing a large hoodie and basketball shorts. Rose has also changed a bit, but not as drastically as Roxy, growing a couple inches. She might even be taller than you, not that you would ever admit it.

Before your car is even fully stopped, you jump out and rush towards your sisters. Roxy full-on tackles you into a hug, which is pleasantly in character for her. A sharp pain runs up your arm as she does so but you find it rather easy to ignore.

“It’s so good to see you!” She exclaims, wrapping you up tightly in her embrace.

“It’s good to see you too,” You laugh, lightly hugging her back. Curses on Strilonde perception because her attention immediately sets on your casted arm. Roxy inspects it before her hands find your face and cup while she stares intently, searching for some sign of better parenting. She presses a kiss to your forehead when she finds none.

“Hey, Rox!” You hear Dirk call out from the car and with a final squeeze she prances off to see Dirk, leaving you with Rose.

You stare for a moment, engraving Rose’s image into your memory once again. Up close, you notice a multitude of changes you hadn’t previously seen like the piercings in her ears and the slight curl to her hair.

“Dave,” she states in her usual silky tone. There is no doubt she is conducting the same glance over as you.

“Sup, Rose,”

Rose pulls you into a short-lived, but still emotional hug, with a small “I’ve missed you,” from Rose and a “Missed you too,” from yourself. You say short-lived because the tender reunion is cut short by a panicked yelp from Roxy as Dirk steps out of the car. 

Oh yeah, right. They don’t know.

Dirk took off his prosthetic a long time ago in case it would get caught on something while driving and caused an accident so he isn’t exactly wearing it to cover his arm… or the lack thereof.

“Dirk! Holy shit, what happened?” Roxy practically screeches, pulling him closer to examine his arm, almost in disbelief.

Dirk shrugs. “Dave was supposed to tell you earlier but I thought being in person would be better.”

Rose twists out of your embrace to face Dirk and Roxy, approaching them cautiously.

“Wait, what is going on?”

You start moving towards the rest of your family as they begin inspecting Dirk.

“A fight ended poorly,” You mutter, trying not to let on a whole lot. Believe it or not, strifing with Bro is not your favorite topic of conversation.

Dirk nudges the car door shut with his hip and moves to gather bags out of the trunk.

“It’s not going to be like this forever,” Dirk promises, slinging a bag over his shoulder. “I have a sick ass prosthetic in the making and I just need some help getting the pieces together.”

You start gathering your suitcase and bags out of the trunk, your sisters jumping in to assist. Rose is moving slowly like she is thinking, which can’t be good.

“For having such fucking awesome siblings, this kid isn’t nearly as tech-proficient as he should be,” Dirk teases, bumping into your side just a tad but still enough to catch you off balance.

Your protests seem to fall on deaf ears as you enter the mansion. It’s still the same as it’s always been which is large and mostly empty minus a very large wizard statue. You couldn’t imagine what it would be like to live alone in a large house like this. Especially one in the middle of the woods away from any civilization. 

“Man, you all have a lot of bags for such a short trip- Oh wait, duh, parts.” Roxy comments offhandedly as you climb the stairs to you and Dirk’s designated rooms. Rose hums in agreement and you can’t help but feel the anxiety settle in your stomach as you reach your bedroom and drop your bags.

“Where’s mom?” You wonder, only just realizing you haven’t seen her at all.

There is a momentary pause as the Lalonde girls glance at each other almost if having a silent discussion.

“Last I had heard of her, she was heading out to the grocery store, but given that we usually order our groceries, she must be out and about doing whatever she does,” Rose answers dismissively and Roxy raises an eyebrow.

“I thought she was in her room? Well, whatever. I want to see those plans you’ve got so far, Dirk!” Roxy chitters, moving away with Dirk, leaving you and Rose alone. A dangerous game for any soul with a secret.

“So you and Dirk are acting strangely,” Rose comments without a hint of hesitation in her voice. 

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” You retort, sharply.

TT: You know you can tell her about Bro, right?

TT: It isn’t some big secret if you are already planning to tell them.

Hal flashes in your face but you turn your focus towards pushing your clothes into drawers.

Rose picks up your card suit sheets from your bag and examines them.

“Well, I didn’t know you brought sheets with you on trips is all I meant, I suppose.”

You pause and Rose being Rose takes this as an opportunity to strike.

“Our dad also doesn’t seem like the forgiving type, is all I wanted to say. I’m sure Dirk didn’t lose his arm or you break yours in an accident or other non purposeful incident. I’m just surprised that he let you come here after whatever event to result in your injury.”

You turn to face her, unsure of how exactly to feel. She basically hit the topic right on the nose and you have no idea if that should make you feel nervous or not. She deserves to know, obviously, but it’s not something you like talking about. Perhaps that’s why you avoid it.

“Or maybe he didn’t let you go.”

Fuck it.

“Well, Bro might not actually know. But I did get permission from my legal guardian,” you insist, grabbing more clothing from your bag to shove away.

Rose just crosses her arms and settles into a contrapposto stance. 

“When did this all occur? I didn’t suspect Bro would give up guardianship so easily.” She purrs and you really have to hold back from spilling every last detail about the comic and such.

“About a week or two ago. Legalities and whatnot. You can’t break your kid’s arm, cut off another, and expect to still have a child in your household,” You try to mention as cool as possible, sitting up from the dresser you have shoved your clothes into. 

“This wouldn’t have to do with the parley we had recently, would it?”

You barely flinch. This topic was bound to be brought up.

“No,” You answer emotionlessly. “ ‘S was a bad dream I had and fucked me up a bit. It happened a bit later.”

“Oh.”

Your room falls into a pregnant pause as Rose considers what you’ve said and you try to think of what to say next. It’s more or less silent if you ignore the animated conversation a couple rooms down between Roxy and Dirk.

“So you two moved out, I assume. How is Bro managing?”

“Well, we don’t exactly know where he is,” You mutter and Rose only hums in response. You wish you were a fucking mind reader so you could understand what she’s thinking.

“Well then I apologize for coercing you into this conversation. I can only imagine how difficult these past weeks have been,” She apologizes softly, looking to the door as Roxy lets out a full laugh from rooms down.

“You had to know at some point so it’s whatever,” you dismiss, shoving your hands into your pockets.

Downstairs, you can hear the large entrance click open and shoes stumble and drag through the door. What sounds like numerous bags shuffle around as the footsteps grow louder and louder. You could tell it was your mother even before her voice echoed out “Girls, I’m home.” through the hallways.

“Did she not see our car?” You whisper, leaning closer to Rose who has situated herself in your doorway.

“Apparently not or if she did, she clearly did not connect the very clear dots. I am curious to see how long it takes for her to notice without our intervention,” Rose replies thoughtfully, just as quiet. 

The chatter between Dirk and Roxy seems to have quieted down too as if silently waiting for Roxanne’s next move like you are.

The slow scuffling of shoes leads down to the kitchen where the bags are dropped and what sounds like the shoes are kicked off more haphazardly.

“Girls!” She calls out again, with slight agitation and you and Rose observe Dirk and Roxy emerging from Dirk’s room with light and quiet footsteps and heading down the stairwell. 

“Yeah, mom?” Roxy calls out as Dirk gestures for the two of you to follow suit. 

“Oh good. One of you responded,” She starts, her voice just barely slurred. “The boys should be here in a little while and we need to make this place presentable.”

Several more bags drop to the floor as the four of you round the corner. You are at least happy that she didn’t completely forget that you were coming today. Apparently Rose was wrong too. She did go to the grocery store. 

You find your mother in the kitchen completely surrounded by bags filled with food ranging from junk food to miscellaneous vegetables and fruits, armed with a martini in hand. If she was overwhelmed by the abundance of items, she didn’t care to show it which is admirable in itself given that it is like a shitload of food.

“You’ll _never_ guess who I saw at the store today,” Your mom blabbers, still blatantly unaware. “I had thought they had left the area a while ago but there he was! Jude Harley, the boy I used to babysit a while back- oh you were just a baby then, Roxy- and he was in the produce aisle and did he look shocked to see me and- ” 

Your mother’s chatter quickly subsides as turns sharply to face the gathering of children in her kitchen. 

“That might actually be a problem,” Roxy speaks up over the awkwardness, shifting in her stance. “‘Cause they’re already here…”

You have never in your life seen someone sober up so quickly.

“Oh. Hello Dirk, Dave,” She greets not unlike an authority figure would to her employees. It’s slow and professional. Clearly, your expectations of a more flamboyant and ironically overzealous greeting were too high.

“Roxanne,” Dirk echoes that same format of greeting back to her to which she purses her lips, only adding to the very detached air of the room. You end up just waving uncomfortably.

“When did you get here?” She questions, hesitantly setting her drink on the counter.

“Only a short while before you did,” Dirk answers bluntly. The two stare each other down intently. Dirk has always disliked your mother. He blames her for Bro taking you both away and for the seeming lack of care on her end to the two of you. He blames her for not making Roxy and Rose feel loved and cared for like a kid should be. In some way, Dirk became the designated parent of the all the Strilonde kids- your own personal knight in shining armor- who would stand up to anyone who mistreated you. You regret that he has to fill that role because your actual biological parents couldn’t.

“What a shame. I was preparing to fix up a nice dinner as a surprise,” Your mother quips and picks up her drink once again, taking a sip, before turning away to put away food.

“Rose, would you be so kind as to retrieve the cookbook from the shelf for me?” 

Rose does so with much spite. Not that you can particularly blame her- the book is decorated with elaborately commissioned drawings of wizards and the family’s dead cat.

“Since you have already been doing such a good job entertaining your siblings, you can continue to do that until dinner is ready. I look forward to seeing you all later.” Her voice is as silky as Rose’s but is still marred by a tone that just screams distant. 

You never actually meet her gaze but continue staring even after Rose has tugged on your sleeve to lead you out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so exposition heavy- this is just how I like to write. I didn't beta read this so I guess you guys are subjected to my terrible writing as usual. If you couldn't tell, I've been excited to write about Roxy and Mom Lalonde for a bit now so I am happy that the Strilondes have gotten together! Also I am sorry about the wait for this chapter. I wasn't in a good place emotionally last week to post so here are some extra words for you! Hope you enjoyed!!!


	7. >Dave: Eat dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the month long hiatus. A lot of personal shit went down and I don't feel especially obligated to share it so yeah. I hope this chapter is good, at least, and I am hoping to get on a more regular posting schedule but only time will tell, I guess. Anyway, please enjoy!

The food is not spectacularly great. It’s not too flavorful or completely lacking in that aspect, but there is a certain je ne sais quoi that you can’t seem to place that just makes the cooking not bad, but not great.

Steak and potatoes is a simple enough dish- relatively cheap to make if you choose a lump of lower quality meat and it can be turned into something that tastes along the higher quality side if pulled off just right. Roxanne Lalonde does not possess that capability no matter how accurate the measuring or methodical the thinking. Still, she did put in the effort to cook you a meal, which is more than Bro has ever done for you.

The steak sits in your mouth, tough and dry. It almost feels like having cinnamon in your mouth which is a stupid idea in itself. The meat takes a good while to chew down and swallow, leaving you enough time to glance around at your siblings who seem to be having just as hard of a time. In a really terrible way, that makes you feel a little less horrible about calling the food sub-par. At least the potatoes are good.

Your mother gazes over the room with eagle eyes, like a queen watching over her dominion, looking for the slightest error or slip up. What would she do if she found it? It almost makes you think, for a moment, that this meal was made perfectly for this purpose. The wine in her glass spins round and round and she twirls the cup in her hand.

This is so unnecessarily tense.

A loud cough breaks the silence as Roxy leans over her plate, no doubt choking on the cardboard steak. Immediately Roxanne’s attention is on her.

You half expected her to check to see if Roxy was alright, you know, because she was minorly choking, but are taken back as her knife-like words lash out. 

“Cover your mouth when you cough. It’s not ladylike.”

Roxy visibly stiffens, her black lips drawing into a thin line as if not to drop down into a frown. She finishes coughing in a napkin.

“I’m not a lady. You know this…” She attempts to argue back but her voice is hoarse and quiet. If that means anything significant then you don’t think it should be your place to interpret without talking to Roxy.

“And please stop saying that,” Your mother hisses out, her knife scraping harshly against her plate.

Roxy’s face scrunches up, almost like she is preparing to bite back and argue before exhaling softly and resigning back to her food. You are glad moments like these are here to remind you how cold and harsh the relationship your mother has with your sisters is. Always fun to be up close.

Rose similarly bristles with the same anger and fighting spirit that Roxy let go but says nothing and instead purses her lips and looks across the table at a more silent Roxy as if giving her a quiet sort of reassurance. You and Dirk similarly exchange a momentary glance before resuming eating although instead of “It’s going to be ok” it was more along the lines of “I don’t know what just happened but it probably wasn’t great”.

You continue along on your journey to finish the food set in front of you as silence consumes the table once again before Rose leans towards your side.

“Are you going to tell Mother?” She whispers from next to you, referring to the looming confession that is bound to happen at some point. You shrug your shoulders.

“I mean I was sorta waiting for Dirk’s cue on that one. ‘S probably going to be a touchy subject,” You mutter back, looking across the table at Dirk, who has fallen into a quiet conversation with Roxy.

Roxy is equally as clever as Rose and figured out something was up around the same time you and Rose had a discussion. Sure, Dirk and Roxy’s talk was definitely more straight forward than your dodgy ass, but still, she is just as aware and informed as Rose. Now the only one who doesn’t know is Mom.

You are impatient for that conversation to be over, if not for the topic to just be out in the open then to see how your mother will react. At the same time, you are hesitant for it to even begin.

“I suggest getting it over with sooner rather than later-” Rose starts, nearly turning down lecture lane until Roxanne barges in with a large sigh, causing all minor discussions to come to a halt.

“What a delicious meal,” She says with an air of satisfaction in her voice. Holy fuck she finished? Your mother takes a large swig of her wine (Large enough to be slightly concerning, at least) and doesn’t place it down.

“It’s so lovely to have the family here and so good to see you, boys.” 

Rose and Roxy have entirely different perspectives on Roxanne. Rose would interpret that sentence as a sarcastic remark, mocking the idea of familial bonds and overall both Rose’s and Roxy’s interest and love for their brothers. Roxy, on the other hand, would see it as a poor yet genuine attempt to strike up a conversation between herself and sons whom she had not seen in over a year.

At this point, you still have no idea what to interpret from her.

“I’m so curious, Dirk,” She purrs, easily putting everyone else on edge. You all know where this conversion is going. 

“What happened to your arm?”

Oh, fuck, where to begin? Should you tell her about the psychological manipulation or the strifes first? Perhaps you should drop in the fact that you used her insurance to pay for the medical bills. How in the world do you explain to your mother that her ex-husband and your parent basically amputated her kid’s arm, disarmed, if you will, over a puppet, and then proceeded to disappear into the night?

“I was in an accident,” Dirk simply states, playing with his basically untouched food.

“What sort of accident?” The spinning of her wine glass does not stop but rather grows emptier with each sip. Dirk pauses.

“I- a car accident.” He lies with a slight trip of his words. An easy enough response and it makes a whole lot more sense than the actual reasoning.

Instantly, her face twists into a frown. A look of disappointment. That small stutter was all she needed to know that Dirk was lying. Whether she actually cares about the real reason that Dirk no longer has an arm is really up for debate. Roxanne Lalonde may be clueless to her children’s interests or their general personalities and desires, but she is far from an unintelligent person. She’s probably known something was up for a while.

“You’re lying to me, Dirk.”

Dirk looks up to meet your mother’s gaze. Her eyes are lidded and blank, not even showing the slightest etching of emotion in her skin.

“What reason do I have to lie?” He denies, turning back to his food, continuing to push it around and avoiding pushing the conversation to the brink of argumentative outbursts. Reason A Dirk has to lie: She wouldn’t believe the real truth and that would spark unnecessary conflict.

“You don’t want me to know, of course. Why does anyone lie if not for that reason? What really happened?”

“I told you. Dave and I were driving when we got into an accident. He broke his wrist and got a couple of scratches and I got the brunt of the crash,” Dirk grits through his teeth. He looks to you for support but all you can do is hold up your casted arm and pipe in a small comment about being distracting.

Your mother does not take her eyes off him, sipping her wine slowly, waiting for any follow-up, or give in his demeanor. Sure, he may have put up a good act but it doesn’t take a genius to know that Dirk wasn’t being honest. God this is probably the most uncomfortable dinner you’ve ever experienced. 

“Well, I suppose it can’t be helped now. The damage is done and the arm is gone,” Mom hums, folding up her napkin and placing it on the table. What a morbid way of putting it.

“How is your father?”

Honestly, you should have expected this question would come up at some point but even that early anticipation could not have prevented the sudden inhale of water down the wrong pipe. Way to be cool, Strider. 

You snatch the napkin off of your lap to avoid a lecture. Your mother absentmindedly holds out her wine to you as if offering you to clear your throat. You shake your head and she retracts her arm, obviously not realizing what was wrong there.

TT: Your heart rate is through the roof.

TT: There’s no reason to be scared- she has to find out eventually.

TT: You might as well take this opportunity while everyone is gathered in one place.

TT: Even if Rose and Roxy already know.

You try to act more nonchalant than you feel and shrug your shoulders, leaning back in your seat. Your eyes flicker back to Dirk every couple seconds, his mouth held slightly agape as if trying to find the right words. 

“We don’t know,” You respond quickly. Maybe if you stay calm then your mother won’t freak out as terribly. As long as mom doesn’t absolutely flip her shit then everything should be fine.

“He never was the talkative one, was he,” She mentions, reminiscent of the past. Her voice is softer and more soothed like she’s in a daydream. You’ve always wondered if your mom missed Bro although, from your perspective, it seems practically impossible to miss someone like him. Still, it would be pretty sad if no one cared if you were gone at all, whether it’s someone you used to be or just you in general. Sometimes, you can’t help but miss someone, regardless if there is a logical reason why one shouldn’t. It’s largely irrational (Which isn’t a bad thing, for the most part) but maybe can border slightly on Stockholm syndrome if the person is enough of a monster. You wonder what this is.

“Still isn’t. Dave means we actually have no idea how he’s doing. Bro disappeared a couple weeks back and we don’t have a clue where he could be,” Dirk continues, picking off where you left off, his voice empty of emotion or care. Dirk has been relatively calm these past weeks and you can’t help but wish you knew how he was handling all of this.

The maroon drink finally stops twirling. Your mother’s hands shake as she places the glass on the table. It nearly topples.

“What?”

“We were gonna tell you earlier but we figured you’d want to hear it face to face,” You admit lamely, stabbing a fork into your food and avoiding eye contact. Not like she can see your eyes anyway.

Her lips press into a line and her eyes remain wide.

“Well, coincidentally we were also in the hospital at the same time so an adult running off wasn’t exactly my top priority.” Dirk continues and you’re starting to get the idea that maybe the neutral blunt approach wasn’t the best one to take.

“And you didn’t think to call me?” Roxanne demands, sitting taller in her seat.

“Again, that wasn’t our top priority.”

It is silent for a few more moments like the information has to seep into the skin and settle. Tears take time to form as well.

“We couldn’t really do anything anyway. There’s this funny thing about adults, they have the autonomy and free will to go wherever they please without any consequences besides, oh, of course, child abandonment.” Is this going too far?

Without any particular warning, Roxanne sits up from the table, knocking the dark wine all over the spotless tablecloth and spilling onto her white dress. Rose jumps to action trying to mop it up before it ruins anything else, but Mom doesn’t seem to notice. This is strangely familiar.

Tears well and threaten to spill over as she steps away from her mess and starts walking. 

“Where are you going?” Roxy calls after her, pushing away from the table, following suit. “Mom?”

Roxanne wipes her face on her sleeve but keeps moving, leaving you to trail behind her in confusion.

“I need to find him,” She growls out, opening the door to her room and rummaging through her closet. This is worst case scenario. Right here.

TT: You need to stop her!

What does he think you’re doing? Going to take a piss?

Bottles laying haphazardly across the floor clink as your mom pushes the door open. She stumbles and sways as she moves. If you didn’t see her consume an entire bottle of wine at dinner you might have assumed it was some dramatically over the top dance from some performing arts school. Obviously that would be a really strange way to react to this.

“What?” Roxy screeches out and reaches to grab your mother’s wrist to pull her away from her bedroom. She barely has to try to break away.

“Roxanne, come on, think about this rationally. You can’t just leave. Dave and I couldn’t even find him! Why do you think you can?” Dirk argues, stepping in her path. Your mother pushes him aside and places a large bag on her unkempt bed, not bothering to empty it of anything that might have been in there.

“Because I know him! Get out of my way!” Mom’s voice is watery and hoarse as she begins shoveling random clothes and items into the suitcase.

“Mom, this is crazy! What about Roxy? What about Rose? You heard Dirk before; child abandonment laws haven’t exactly gone away! And what makes you think he hasn’t changed from the guy you used to know? These last few years haven’t exactly been perfect for us. You know this.” You argue, trying to move closer. You’re afraid any wrong move will completely ruin everything… well, more than it’s already ruined.

“Are you saying that maybe it’s better that your own father is gone?”

“Yeah,” Your voice cracks and you hate yourself for saying it. “Maybe it is. Maybe this is just how it goes. Let’t just sit down and maybe we can talk about this,” You trying to talk to her is like trying to convince someone who’s already stepped off the bridge not to jump.

She zips her bag up and slings it over her shoulder before grabbing her purse, remaining silent if you don’t count the shuddered sobs and sniffling.

“So you’re just going to leave us,” Rose’s voice holds absolutely no compassion and is instead leaking with an arsenic taste “You are going to choose someone who left you over your own kids who need you?”

“Oh, believe me, darling, he wouldn’t have left me if it weren’t for you,” Your mother spits back, with just as much venom in her voice. It sparks a moment of quiet as she takes that time to zip the bag up. Any progress she might have made to be a better person just shattered to the ground. Does she realize it?

Dirk and Roxy try to step in front of her but she pushes them aside with a strength you never realized that she had. Could you ever stop someone like that who wants to leave so desperately? 

Dirk stops his fall with a practiced roll while Roxy is unable to relieve more of the impact. Before you could even call her out on it, the door slams shut behind your mother as she leaves.

You help Roxy up off the floor as Dirk whips open the door to chase after her, quickly flash stepping down the hall to catch up. In the distance, car tires squeal and speed off signaling that Dirk did not in fact succeed. It’s probably safe to bet that he would have never succeeded.

TT: Don’t worry.

TT: Even if Dirk didn’t get to her in time, I was able to see her license plate through his glasses and I have access to her phone.

TT: She won’t disappear like Bro.

TT: I promise.

You let yourself let out a small exhale of relief at that notion.

Dirk’s walk back was much slower than his exit. You end up meeting him in the entryway to the large house that has suddenly just become more empty. Roxy’s eyes fill with tears at the sight of him, standing there alone.

Even though she was never a huge part of your life, you can’t help the sudden hollowness that fills your chest. You hope she comes back but the idea that she even left in the first place leaves you with an ache.

“Of course she would do this. She never cared about us,” Rose growls, crossing her arms and turning away with a scoff. You want to argue and reassure her but doubt creeps into your mind.

“Yes, she does! She’ll come back, just you wait,” Roxy exclaims, adamantly, wiping her face and turning towards Rose. “I am sure this is just one of her outbursts and she’ll be back. Give it a day or two…”

“So then what do we do now?” You speak up, adjusting your glasses, and gaining the attention of your siblings. “‘S not like we had any major plans besides Thanksgiving in the first place.”

Dirk’s face scrunches up as he shoves his hand in his pocket, leaning back and forth as if swaying between ideas.

“I guess we have to wait. Where are we going to go anyway? Just cross our fingers and hope she comes back. We can’t really do anything else.”

The room is silent and awkward as you each process the current situation differently before Roxy clears her throat.

“I can throw in a frozen pizza. I wasn’t gonna mention it earlier but dinner was shit.”

Mom didn’t come back. Honestly, you doubt many of your siblings were expecting her to. You had gone to the police department days after but they couldn’t do anything about it since it had only been a couple days and had not nearly been enough time to get on her case about child abandonment or anything like that. 

But even with her being gone and knowing that she would probably not come back, the confirmation was more scary than it should have been.

It had been three days after your mom stomped out, severely intoxicated and just as determined. It’s Thanksgiving now which is sort of funny when you think about it- your mother was the one who wanted you guys to fly out to see her in the first place and now she’s gone. Hal actually had a view of her at all times, unlike Bro’s situation where he had to watch you and Dirk too. She was still alive, which was good news.

Dirk had been insistent on not telling your sisters about Hal despite his and your protests. Something about it leading to his purpose of researching Homestuck and the girls getting highly suspicious. This means that they can’t know that you have eyes on Roxanne pretty much at all times. Honestly, it seemed a lot like bullshit to you but nevertheless Hal reluctantly agreed if not with slight bitterness.

The bitterness does shine through when you let him rave his frustrations to you while you draw or mix beats in your room. AI’s have to let it out at some point too and you are just glad that Hal thinks you are reliable enough to vent to.

TT: I just want to talk to them!

TT: I know they technically don’t know me,

TT: But they are still “technically” my siblings.

TT: Which is sort of a weird concept I guess.

TT: And I understand his point, obviously.

TT: But I still can’t help but feel frustrated!

The low tune hums through your ears as Hal’s brightly colored text flashes in a blur. 

“I feel you. I mean, not literally, of course, but I get how you feel.” 

This was just one of the few moments you get in your own privacy (Well, besides Hal, but you get the idea). Often, your siblings organize group events like its a fucking summer camp. Roxy and Dirk try to cook breakfast in the morning which ends up either being burned by Dirk or turning out tasty thanks to Roxy. Rose has roped you into reading some of her favorite books and having lengthy discussions at the unnecessarily large dinner table while Roxy and Dirk chat robotics and try to assemble. 

Dirk has managed to convince Roxy that Hal is just a large hard drive which isn’t technically wrong but unlike its actual purpose of being filled with Hal’s data and such, your sisters believe it to be filled with hundreds of pirated episodes and movies of “My Little Pony”. They don’t question it too much.

TT: Your mother just finished driving through the Carolinas.

“How is she?”

TT: Absolutely no leads but still trucking on.

TT: It’s sort of impressive, actually.

You hum a response and continue mixing sounds together absentmindedly. This is just how it is. You and Hal chat a little but for the most part you just keep eachother company. You will greedily take this time to be alone before the grand feast of takeout later. You never actually had a Thanksgiving dinner but hey, any food is better than none.

“So what do you think will happen after this mess ends?” You question, twisting a few knobs on your tables.

TT: I don’t really know. We’ll probably go live out more West instead of here. You’ll finish school and Dirk will probably get into some prestigious college with some helpful “donations” from your parents and we can just live.

That does sound nice.

“What about the comic? You said you had some theories about it.” You mention, turning down the volume on your music. It’s hard to read and listen to music at the same time, no matter how ill the beats.

TT: We can still keep reading it but Dirk and I have decided that it’s probably not dangerous so we might be able to just ignore it and continue living our lives.

You frown at the idea of that. It’s impacted your life too much for you to just ignore it.

TT: My theories on the other hand, it seems like they have a small percentage of being right but I need more data before saying anything else.

TT: That’s why I am monitoring your mom so closely.

TT: Normally, I would only dedicate a small amount of my energy to her but unfortunately science is calling me.

TT: I’m a fucking horse prancing around in a field of science. Eating science hay and vibing in the science sun.

“Why mom? Does it have anything to do with Bro up and vanishing like a bad magician?”

TT: It does. If I’m right then we have much bigger problems on our hands.

“That’s not ominous at all,” You mention, sarcastically, expecting a retort from Hal as usual but it never comes.

You decide to wait a few moments. Hal doesn’t have to type out his responses, he just thinks and then bam, message. He must be focused somewhere else.

“Hal?” You call out, sliding your headphones off your head and adjusting your glasses just in case you miss any large text scrolling in front of your face. You begin to grow impatient and concerned. Dirk knows a lot more about Hal than you do so maybe he knows what’s up.

TT: Dave?

You nearly exhale in relief until a second message sends

TT: This is Dirk, did you do anything to Hal? He just suddenly stopped responding.

TT: Man, we really need to get different colors or something, like seriously.

TG: i was about to ask the same thing

TG: omg were total twinsies

TT: Huh.

TT: Do you think he found something?

TT: It wouldn’t be an entirely unfair estimate

TG: he was talking about mom before he went quiet

TG: so probably

TG: also we are like a room apart

TG: why are we texting

TG: this is inefficient as hell

Dirk is silent for a moment before you hear the door to your room click open.

“Boom. I’m here,” He says, leaning against the doorframe, shoving a hand in his pocket that is covered in measurements and lines from his and Roxy’s work.

“You didn’t actually have to come over here but I guess we can have a party now,” You mention, sliding your headphones off your ears and pausing the track you were working on.

“No. This is insanely urgent that I had to stop all actions to walk over to talk to you.”

You give him a deadpan glare before a flash of orange streaks across your vision- a tell-tale sign of Hal.

TT: Look at your computer.

Well, that wasn’t scary at all. You had to double-check to make sure that message just wasn’t sent by Dirk to creep you out.

You glance at the computer your sisters bought you and widely gesture for Dirk with a “shit, he’s back”

Almost instantly as Dirk looks over your shoulder, Hal pulls up a video to your screen.

It’s like all the videos and images Hal has shown you before; your mom has her phone mounted like a GPS on her front window giving you a perfect view of her smeared makeup and the pouring rain hitting her windows.

Her hands grip the steering wheel and her teeth are gritted with the same unwavering determination you and Dirk have seen for the past several days

She is still and silent, the only noise being the roar of the engine and the patter of the rain.

Then she wavers. She shivers like a chill just ran up her spine and suddenly her entire demeanor changes. Her mouth falls slightly agape and her fingers nearly loosen entirely from the wheel.

“I tried to salvage most of this part but I couldn’t get all of it,” Hal mentions, lowly. You nearly ask him what he means until the already poor video quality starts to get worse, almost looking like those times when you get an editing program and try to get a video to look as bad as possible.

The screen flickers several times like a poorly shot horror movie before going entirely black. It stays empty for several seconds before it flickers back. It is still raining, the phone hasn’t even moved an inch. You watch as the car swerves into the way of opposite traffic and crashes into a ditch on the side of the road. At the speed the vehicle was moving, that could have very easily been a fatal crash.

However, Roxane Lalonde was not in the driver’s seat.

Dirk scrolls back through the clip several times, hovering over the split second that the screen goes dark and your mother practically evaporates. The airbags are deployed onto no one and the still locked in seat belt snaps back against the chair. 

In a silent moment of recognition and relation, you realize that if your mom just disappeared into thin air then the same probably happened to Bro. Nearly reluctantly, your shoulders fall relaxed by your sides.

“I had been waiting to see what would happen to Roxanne before pulling together a final theory but this is just the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae of bullshit. Really, probably could have figured this out on my own but to convince your stupid asses I had to get this,” Hal chimes in over the recording, snapping you out of your daze.

“Well then why don’t you explain since you clearly have to trouble bragging about your theory,” Dirk retorts monotonously.

“You don’t have to be a prick about it. I am doing exactly what you would have been doing if you were in my figurative shoes.

“We have already established that we were supposed to play SBURB and something went wrong just by the fact that you guys have strife decks and occasionally access god tier powers, which, for obvious reasons, shouldn’t happen. 

“However, the only time the god tier stuff actually occurs is when you guys are more or less isolated, Dave being when he was on a walk, away from Bro and Dirk and Jade when Bec had gone missing and Jake was more or less as away as he could get. Bro and Roxanne also disappeared once they had reached a certain distance but they didn’t experience any of the game mechanics or staple points in Homestuck. They just vanished.

“My theory more or less states that from some series of extreme coincidences, Homestuck is real and with the multiverse theory in place, we just so happen, out of all the infinite realities where this story takes place, got placed into the one where Homestuck was meant to be fictional. I emphasise “meant” because if Homestuck was supposed to be a fictional story in this singular universe then how are we, the characters, here.

“This leads to the main point of my theory, because the universe decided fuck Homestuck, the players and their clone guardian decendent whatevers were never supposed to exist. We are all essentially flaws in the code or what I have gotten used to calling it, Malfunctions. The weird things that have been happening is pretty much the universe trying to fix itself like a junky ass computer trying to get rid of the bad files and keep the rest. But this computer is so fucked up, it can’t recognize which files are supposed to be here and which to delete.

“It hasn’t affected us so far because everything only just recently started to fall apart. Now, you might be asking why the universe doesn’t try to take us all out while we are together and that is just the problem; the stupid frog hasn’t decided what kind of universe this _should_ be yet. When all of us are together, we look just like a normal piece of the universe we are supposed to be in but when we are isolated we are easy to spot as out of the ordinary and to exterminate.”

You glance over at Dirk, whose face is scrunched up and resting on his open palm.

“So what the fuck does that mean? Like, what do we do?” You respond weakly, really just unable to process the wall of dialogue thrown into your face. Honestly, it sounds like something thrown together by a crazy person

You could almost hear Hal figuratively adjusting glasses like Dirk does before he hits you with a ball of blatantly stupid honesty.

“We can do one of two things. One, we can stick together for the rest of our lives in at least pairs of two in close vicinity, which wouldn’t stop the Malfunction but would decrease the risk of it or two, we can find a way to fix this whole mess so we don’t get fucking deleted like Bro and Roxanne.”

Both sort of seem bad, upon further examination.

“Do you have any clue where Bro and Roxanne went?” Dirk questions, lifting his face from his hand.

“Presumably dead but I can’t say for sure.”

Dirk hums lightly in response before looking back at you.

“And if we fixed the universe, if that isn’t complete bullshit that you pulled out of your ass, would they come back?”

“Again, I can’t say for sure but there is a chance.”

Hold up. You see where Dirk is going with this and just no. This can’t possibly be how today is going to go. Seems like Hal caught on too.

“I understand you don’t want Bro back but if there is a chance that more people are going to be wiped from the face of the planet or god knows what the game will do to them.” Hal argues just as Dirk sits up from his chair and opens his mouth.

“Bro will fucking kill us if he comes back. I don’t know about you but I don’t feel like being stabbed again.” He hisses back in the same cool voice as always. A doorbell rings in the distance but it is largely ignored.

“We don’t know that and to be honest, I am kind of with Hal on this one, dude. Don’t even trip, we will eat shit if Bro comes back but like, what if we have god tier powers by then? Fixing the universe means playing SBURB and stabilizing things so we can probably just bypass a ton of stuff and beat him up with flying around and shit. Of course that is if all of whatever Hal said is actually true.” You ramble looking towards the paused screen of your computer.

“Even if it seems completely stupid, I’ve looked all the evidence and monitored your friends for a little and that seems to be the case. If you don’t believe me you can, I don’t know, drive several miles away from here, sit there for a couple hours and see what happens.” Hal states lamely and Dirk’s shoulders hunch up.

“You don’t have to be a dick about it. Besides all of that, there is no way for us to even get SBURB. How do you even-” Dirk’s lecture immediately gets cut off as soon as it begins.

“Boys the take out just got here! Get your butts down here and set the table!” Roxy calls from downstairs and you can faintly Rose comment about the yelling.

Dirk turns towards you again and sits up from your bed. “I don’t want to fight but we need to finish this conversation later.” He states before walking away leaving you to follow in his wake.

Dinner has continued to be awkward even after she left, especially since Roxy decided it would be a fantastic idea to leave a plate out for her in case she ever came back.

It is usually silent besides some side conversations often starting with “So what did you do today” and ending with “Cool” but it is always evident that everyone wants to talk about the proverbial elephant in the room. After the events you and Dirk saw, you think it might be tonight.

“So, Roxy, what do you think you will do if mom doesn’t come back?” Dirk starts, grabbing a box of rice set in the center of the table.

Roxy stiffens slightly, pausing, before continuing to load food onto her plate. “Well, I was tryin’ to stay a little optimistic,” She starts, laughing a little uneasily hoping Dirk will brush it off. He stares at her intently. Roxy’s gaze shifts away.

“I’ll probably keep this place still but even before she left I was thinkin’ about moving out with Rose if she wanted to come,” From next to you, Rose nods her head along in agreement almost anxiously. “So I will probably do that. Don’t really know where we’re goin’ but I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

You continue to eat in a meaningless silence for a few moments before Roxy’s voice fills the room again with her Jersey accent.

“What about you guys? Dad- Bro is gone so what is your plan?”

You take a moment to consider everything that has happened basically in the last hour from Mom disappearing right before your eyes like some shitty magic show to Hal’s abnormally complicated theory (which he probably needs to explain to you again in further detail) and the drawn conclusions of everything in between. For some reason, you don’t think you can come up with a solid plan however Dirk, as usual, is two steps ahead of you.

“I just got news that I was able to take over Bro’s account and properties so we are selling the apartment and the rest of Bro’s stuff after we fly back. I don’t really want to go to the apartment so I will probably hire someone to do that with the obscene amount of cash that he has so gracefully left behind and I was thinking about moving somewhere away from there with Dave.” Dirk responds bluntly.

You look at him and it takes all of your effort to not look astonished. How the fuck did he make that up so quickly? Actually, he’s probably been thinking about that ever since Bro left in the first place now that you think about it.

“Where were you thinking about moving?” Rose questions, politely chewing. “Perhaps we can get a better idea of where we are going.”

“Colorado. It is relatively close by and it has some great colleges to go to, I think one of the top states for schools but I could be wrong. Minimum wage isn’t impressive but I think we have enough so that we can both go to school and be comfortable until we finish.”

“That’s a bit farther away from here. I was expecting somewhere closer,” Rose hums and you shrug, trying to go along with this brand new plan. 

“Yeah but Bro and mom disappeared over here and I don’t want to be either places if they turn up,” You comment, your mouth full of food.

“Hey, Rosie, doesn’t that pen pal of your live up in Colorado?” Roxy adds in with a wiggle of her eyebrows and Rose’s once cool demeanor flushes instantaneously. She opens her mouth to retort against that nickname she so clearly despises but finds herself too flustered to speak, which for a Lalonde, is shocking.

“Wait, a pen pal?” You question and Dirk nods like he has some grand epiphany, 

“Yeah, I remember hearing about that a little bit ago- you two have known each other for a while huh? Wh-What was her name again?”

Rose scoffs a bit, regaining a majority of her composure. 

“I only found out recently what her name is and I barely think it is admissible to just hand out personal information like that,” Rose answers shortly. “If you must know, she has been signing off with her Pesterchum handle initials, GA.”

Her face doesn’t falter from its pink tinge and it probably takes you a couple seconds longer than most to figure out the reasoning around that.

“Aw, you’ve got a little crush on her. That’s adorable,” Dirk teases, pushing around the food on his plate.

You’ve known about Rose liking girls for a while and luckily you’ve managed to push back on that bias Bro crammed into your head at a young age. Even though you know logically that being gay is not a bad thing, you can’t help but get a sense of wrongness and you feel horrible for it. You just can’t imagine Rose kissing another girl; it just doesn’t feel right.

“Oh, shut your trap, Dirk. I’m not the only one with a more romantic interest who just so happens to live rather far away,” Rose retorts with a purr. You can’t help but notice Dirk’s sidewards glance at you as he sits up in his chair a bit.

“I have absolutely no clue what you are talking about.” He states and moves all attention back to his food… or at least tries to.

Roxy snorts loudly.

“Puh-lease! Dirk, it’s so obvious to basically everyone. Don’t worry hon, we don’t blame you. I might lean more towards the ladies but even I can admit that English has a nice ass!”

Your mouth runs before you can give it a whole ton of thought, effectively silencing the table.

“Wait, Dirk, you’re gay?”

The teasing grin that has slid onto Roxy’s face falls just as quickly as it came and she settles a little more awkwardly into her chair. You become increasingly afraid you’ve done something wrong.

“Well titles can come with some negative connotations, depending on who you are,” Dirk starts slowly, turning towards you with about as much speed. Your sisters stare at you in uneasiness and you feel like shrinking back into your chair. 

“But yes, I do like people who identify as the male gender nearly exclusively if that is what you are referring to.”

“That was a lot of unneeded words for such a simple statement. Please excuse Roxy and myself- we thought you already knew.” Rose chimes in, trying to break the unsettling air that this conversation has wafted in.

“No, no. It just came as a surprise ‘s all,” You say almost dumbfoundedly.

It is hard to believe that you’ve known Dirk all your life and yet you are only finding this out now. You can’t deny the fact that you never expected Dirk to be gay, although you guess there was always a possibility of it. 

Now that you think about it, Dirk had never shown interest in anyone before and you always thought it was a mentality that everyone around him was just unattractive. But with this in mind, Dirk probably has a lot more going on than he lets on, which on its own is relatively unnerving.

“Well if Rosie’s pen pal is up there too, then maybe it’s a good idea to go together! I mean, it’s sorta stupid to be separated, anyway!” Roxy chirps out, breaking the silence that had just about consumed the entire dining table and Dirk nods stiffly.

“Yeah, but you are also going to have to convince the court for guardianship since Roxanne isn’t here,” He points out, food nearly spilling grossly out of his mouth and Roxy rolls her head back with a groan.

“Oh god I forgot about that legal stuff and jargon,” Roxy whines and the two of them begin their excited chatter and planning about the weeks to come.


	8. >Dave: Chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not beta read this whatsoever. At least I die with some dignity in my actions. I hope you enjoy this chapter- I wanted to try giving some more insight on how characters besides Dave were doing and I probably failed miserably but it doesn't really matter since you are reading this now. Anyway uh live hahaha fuck.

It’s two weeks in the future- you know what, that just sounds pretentious and stupid. You are not going to make some sort of dramatic staple for time when it is not a few weeks in the future from the present because this goddamn moment you are standing in right now is the present. It is not several weeks ago or whatever but you guess you can just throw all of that out the window given that time is, in fact, relative so maybe you should stop your bullshit train of thoughts and focus on what is the present according to you.

You hop up on one leg to use your knee to adjust your grip on the stack of boxes you are holding as you go up the few short steps to get into your new house.

Yes, you all managed to move out in that quick period and find a house. Roxy and Rose had actually flown out to look at the houses before making a purchase mostly using a combination of funds from your two “missing” parents. Wait, that makes it sound like you killed them and they technically are missing you just happen to know they are not where everyone thinks they are...that still sounds creepy.

A lot of things happened over that period of time; all of your birthdays came and went just after Thanksgiving, though you can easily say that it was way more eventful than it has been in the past. Dirk tried making a cake to test out his arm, which he got up and running, only for it to malfunction and send a bowl of flour hurling at the wall. His efforts were nonetheless appreciated. You managed to pack up what little of the house was yours, this time a little more efficiently and with more people so you had extra room in your sylladex for random stuff. 

Luckily, you and Dirk didn’t have to go back to the apartment to get it cleaned out and sold. Frankly, you didn’t and still don’t ever want to look at a smuppet ever again- oh shit will Dirk get Bro’s business? Let’s not think about that. When the Lalondes came back with a fully paid for house and a moving staff then the four of you took off and now you are here.

“Oh shit, Dave! I think the plates and stuff are in there, be careful!” Roxy yelps out as your foot catches on the framing of the door making you stumble forward but luckily your reflexes save you from making an atrocious mess.

“Don’t worry, I got it!” You reassure, placing the box on one of the few open spaces on the counter.

“Did Dirk and Rose already leave for the store? I was thinking of having a good bit of the truck unloaded by the time they get back.” She mentions and you look over your shoulder at the several movers unloading things with ease.

“Yeah, I saw them leave when I was bringing this in. They should be back in a bit but I am sure we can get a good bit out no problem.”

Dirk and Rose left together to get food and you and Roxy have a silent agreement that it is best that it was two rather than one. Dirk and Rose are both competent people but you don’t think you can trust Dirk to get everything on the list and also have the self-restraint to not purchase any other weird thing. Rose, on the other hand, would probably have abandoned the list entirely but not going as far as sweeping an entire shelf of products into a basket.

Roxy wraps one of Rose’s many scarves around herself before heading out for more boxes and furniture with a quiet “Oh fuck it’s cold!”. You can’t help but roll your eyes as you follow suit after her.

“Hey D, can you get the other end of this table for me?” She calls out as you approach her and you rush to her side to assist.

Roxy didn’t want to take anything your mom owned, which was basically the entirety of the house minus several objects and the majority of your rooms. This gave free rein for Dirk and Roxy to budget and ordering a shit load of furniture to put in the house. You and Rose managed to look over their shoulders once or twice and to your amusement and Rose’s intense distaste, interior design was not their first thought.

“Wow, I can’t believe my own sibling just called me a dick. Some comradery we’ve got here.” You drone and Roxy laughs her comforting full laugh.

“Imagine if that was your name. All of us would have to call you Dick Strider,” She chuckles as the two of you turn the table to lift it into the house.

“Please, Dick Strider was my father,” You comment earning another laugh.

“Dude, all the Dick Striders in the world just got crazy offended.”

“I feel like they would be offended regardless. Dick Strider is such a sad name- Where is this table going anyway?”

Roxy pauses to look at the object you two have bee carrying.

“Huh, I don’t actually know but Dirk definitely will so let’s just put it with the rest of the stuff we don’t know what to do with, in the living room. Then we can get to putting away stuff so there is room to unpack the food.” She states before dropping her side of the table nonchalantly and walking off.

Unpacking is somehow harder packing, you find as you rip the paper covering off of a plate. You have to unwrap everything and find a new place for it to do in a home that you are not yet familiar with and make sure everyone in the said house is in agreement on the placement.

“Dave, the cabinet over by the stove is where I have been putting the plates- no the other side!” Roxy directs as you haul a stack of newly unwrapped plates around the kitchen like a chicken with its head cut off.

The two of you work in tandem, sorting through dishes, getting distracted by something weird, getting back on track, forgetting which cabinets are which, before developing a good system.

Things are quiet for the most part besides some music you decided to turn on shuffle (That god Hal has mostly taken control of that and played the good songs from your playlist) but the two of you don’t really talk. It is calming in a weird way, even if your stomach is still churning and you are still nervous about being in a new place, you see Roxy humming to whatever Hal put on and looking so happy and relaxed and it just nice. Good words, Strider, really got that point down to a T.

“Are you excited to start school here? I know it’s not for a little bit because of winter break but it still should be fun!” 

You shrug your shoulders. You never really thought about school all that much beforehand

“I mean I’ll only have to be here a couple years before I have to go to college or something like that so I’ll just probably stick about Rose the entire time.” You say, ripping open another box and examining the contents inside.

“You’ll have to make at least one friend, ya know. Rose’s penpal girlfriend goes to the same school you two will be.”

Oh yeah, you forgot about her. At first when you heard her initials were GA you couldn’t help but think of Homestuck, which is stupid because a lot of people decided to use the GCAT letters and there are probably a ton of accounts that have GA and Hal looked into the account a little and found no suspicious activity. Besides, even if this person turns out to be a total creep you will be there to help defend her.

“Shit. Rose already has a friend there. Did she ever tell you what her name was?” You question, mildly curious but mostly concerned that you might have to be third-wheeling for the rest of your high school career.

“I don’t know. You’ll probably find out when school starts up again anyway and besides, you won’t be trapped here forever; you are getting your fucking license this week and the world will be your oyster!” Roxy rambles before sitting up suddenly.

“Shit D, I won’t be able to drive you there, I got an appointment with a surgeon, so Dirk will have to take you.”

You whip your head over so fast you thought you might break your neck. 

“Surgeon? Are you ok? Like are you sick and dying?” You ask, concern leaking through your voice and Roxy only roars out another laugh.

“Nah, I am just going to talk to someone about getting top surgery since I finally got the dough. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I just need some information about what to do to get these off. I’m hashtag tootiredoftitties.”

You can’t help but have your face twist up in confusion as you look at Roxy before the thought finally registers in your brain from the conversations over dinner to the way she holds herself and dresses. You barely noticed before but Roxy looks so much more comfortable now in her layered clothes and short hair curling around her face. Sure, she might be wearing sweatpants and several shirts but you see it in the way she stands and general demeanor.

You shouldn’t even have to ask. “Wait, you want to get your tits removed?”

“Uh yeah, ‘s basically been my whole plan for forever once I got out of mom’s house. I don’t know if you’ve noticed in the short time you and her were in the same room together but she isn’t exactly super supportive of all this,” Roxy laughs, a little more insecurely as she gestures to herself.

Fuck, you meant to ask her earlier about that moment at dinner but things sort of came up and that fact just washed away with everything else.

“Oh yeah, I remember somethin’ like that and I meant to ask you about it but I didn’t want to assume anything,” you admit honestly, referring to the “I’m not a girl” statement you remember so vividly the night mom left.

Roxy smiles lightly and pushes some pots into a random cabinet that you will almost immediately forget.

“Damnit, I knew I was forgetting something,” She starts with a sigh.

“Dirk asked me about this early on and I told him but forgot to tell you. If it isn’t totally obvious I’m not a girl, I identify as non-binary and use he/them pronouns.”

Roxy almost looks giddy as she- _he_ (sorry Rox) sits up.

“God, that feels amazing to get out in the open! I love mom but this whole thing sort of made me resent her a little bit,” Roxy says, leaning back against the counter.

You pause for just a second, not knowing what to say. Roxy turns to give you a beaming grin before turning back to the boxes he was unpacking. You can’t help the momentary smile that etches itself into your face. 

“Well, I’m happy for you and I hope your appointment goes well!” You say finally before Dirk and Rose shuffle into the kitchen each arm full of bags. Dirk’s prosthetic is finally useful holding up bags as he needs to make some final touches before his new arm is up and running.

“There are more bags in the car- you two got a lot of work done! ” Rose comments offhandedly, setting some bags on the counter and the rest on the floor. Dirk does the same.

“You two can go get the rest of the food and Rose and I can start putting stuff away before unloading the rest of the truck. It’s a good thing we bought appliances too.” Dirk rambles as he pulls random items out of bags and stores them away.

Dirk has a funny way of showing emotions. His face doesn’t break out into an unfiltered grin and he doesn’t become clingy and use physical notes. Dirk rambles. You guess he got it from you or the other way around but it doesn’t particularly matter. 

And so as you watch Roxy in their comfy layers and Dirk rambling about the foods they bought and meals he will try to make and Rose hovering around her phone waiting for any message sent by her pen pal girlfriend and Hal sending you little messages in the corner of your glasses, you come to the realization that you have never been happier and neither has anyone else here.

“You got this, Dave. You are a decent enough driver for a 16-year-old and you’ve studied as much as you could.” 

Dirk is trying to hype you up as much as possible for your driving exam but the nerves are still creeping up your spine like one of Rose’s weird Lovecraftian eldritch tentacle monsters. He’s not wrong, though, you have been practicing your ass off. You got your permit as soon as you could and Dirk took you out driving whenever Bro wasn’t trying to throw you off the roof.

“Oh absolutely, I’ve calculated it with my totally rad computer brain and there is a really high probability of you passing your exam. I’d say that you are totally in the clear.” Hal’s voice chimes in through the radio as you grip the steering wheel of Dirk’s old car and drive to the hell hole known as the DMV. You are glad Hal is giving you directions because you have no idea where the fuck you are going.

“Would love to see those numbers that you basically pulled out of your ass but I am too busy driving like a cool kid,” You brag, trying to keep your cool but failing miserably.

“I’m not lying! You are going to do great!”

“Yeah and when this is all done we can go to Baskin-Robbins and get some ice cream or something.” Dirk comments as you pass a small chain of shops including the ever so glorious ice cream shop.

“Or something? What else would you get at a Baskin-Robbins?”

“I mean “or something” as like “hey, we can go to BR to get some ice cream or we can go somewhere else”. I can’t imagine what they would serve besides ice cream and ice cream products. We can totally go to a corner store and get some other snacks if you want.”

“Y’all don’t even have to bribe me to take the test like I’m gonna do it no matter what and skirt up at home with my brand-spankin' new license. The Lalondes are going to gasp overdramatically, whether sarcastic or genuine, and fall at the feet of the driving god, master driver, driving the best car you can drive.”

Dirk snorts. 

“You said drive like seven times in the same sentence and this is not bribery it’s a congratulatory frozen treat!”

“Frozen treat? That just sounds like we are going to get shitty frozen yogurt. Frozen treat is what you would call something that is just a bad alternative to the king, ice cream.”

“Then what would you call ice cream?”

“Fucking ice cream! It doesn’t have to be categorized with the other lame frozen “desserts” if you would even consider frozen yogurt to be a dessert! It’s its own goddamn brand!”

“Dave, I love you but you are so fucking stupid. Ice cream is a frozen treat. It’s frozen and it is a treat, hence the name.”

“But frozen treat sounds so stupid and pretentious. Can’t people just say ice cream?”

“Apparently not.”

“Sorry, Dave but I am going to have to side with Dirk on this one,” Hal’s voice rings out from the speakers and it takes all your effort not to groan.

While the nervousness doesn’t let up as much as you thought it would, the anxious air definitely lifts as you continue the drive.

“Well regardless of what we get, that doesn’t change the fact that you are going to do great!” Dirk mentions, turning to look out the window.

This all seems strangely domestic. You never actually imagined having a life without Bro in it and now that you do, you have no idea how to continue. Hell, you are getting your driver’s license now and soon Rose will too before you two graduate, go to college, and all that other bullshit. You are still just 16 but that’s a helluva lot closer to 18 than 13. You gotta start thinking about stuff since your worry about Bro is basically gone.

You glance to Dirk for just a second before your eyes switch back to the road.

Of course, there is also the damn comic to worry about. Needless to say, your growing up experience will change drastically if you actually need to enter the game. But the universe doesn’t seem to be tearing itself apart so maybe that’s not something you should worry about.

“What are you planning on doing in life?” You ask suddenly, making Dirk turn quickly toward you.

“Where’d that come from?” He asks suspiciously and you give a light-hearted shrug as Hal chimes in to instruct you to turn.

“I dunno. It just seems like we don’t have to worry about Bro throwing us downstairs and hunting us down, I was wondering what you would like out of life or some cheesy shit like that.”

Dirk is silent for a few moments and you can’t really blame him.

“That is really cheesy,” He chatters and you roll your eyes.

“Yeah I’m the fucking mouse from Chuck E. Cheese himself but c’mon man I’m being serious.” You say and 

“I don’t know,” He admits, which is probably a hard thing to say. “I mean, you guys, you, Rox, and Rose are the only thing that mattered to me and so the fact that you guys are actually able to grow up safe and move on with your lives without fear of your parents, as shitty as that is to say, is amazing. But I never thought about a time that you wouldn’t need me.

“I always planned that I would run away with you and that I would scrape by doing freelance coding and college. After Hal came into the picture, I would have been able to focus all my energy on school while he did the coding and we could manage things better. I guess I’ll stick to that and enroll in the college in the area- that is one of the biggest reasons why we picked this place, but otherwise, I still need to think about what I am going to do after that.”

Dirk trails off to silent thinking as the DMV comes into view.

“Well, whatever you decide to do, you’ll be bitchin at it so don’t even worry. I’d be more concerned about what we are going to do about SBURB if we choose to live apart,” You mention offhandedly.

Dirk sighs loudly and dramatically.

“Yeah, that’s been on my mind too, but let’s talk about that later.”

You manage to find a parking spot to park in front of the DMV and take the key out of the ignition, sitting in a nervous silence as the anxiety sinks into your stomach again.

Dirk slips the driver’s manual you have been studying from into your hand and ruffles your hair that you didn’t have time to gel down.

“Scared?” He asks and you shake your head, trying to comb down and fix your messed up hair.

“Nah. Not about this, at least. Just thinking,” You say, swallowing your pride for just a moment.

So many things are on your mind at this point that while getting your license is a big deal and exciting, it seems so small in comparison to the current events. You and Dirk and your siblings are going to grow up and move apart (and although growing up is normal the looming thought of the game makes it hard to see your plans for the future) but for the first time in your life you are hit with the distinct feeling of not wanting to get older.

You always dreamed of Dirk being old enough (and you aging along with him) to finally get you away from Bro and so you always wanted to be older and older. Now you sit here, inching more and more from being independent of Dirk, never actually thinking this moment would have come and you don’t like it.

You exhale a small breath you had been holding and adjust your glasses before undoing your seatbelt, suddenly feeling very mushy and familial.

“Thanks, Dirk,” You say suddenly, turning to him. Dirk looks taken back, almost freezing in place.

“For what?” He responds in a more croaky voice and you shrug. 

“I dunno. You’ve always been there for me and supporting me ‘n shit. Not to mention nearly getting yourself killed on multiple occasions trying to defend my stupid ass so yeah, thanks.”

You half want to reach over and give Dirk the most awkward hug that has ever existed but if you are pretty sure that if you exert any more direct affection your brain will spontaneously combust.

The corners of Dirk’s mouth twitch slightly upward and even if his face doesn’t show it, the guy looks like he is beaming at you.

“You really don’t have to thank me- I’ll always be here if you ever need me. Now, I am partially convinced that you are stalling so you don’t have to go do your driving test so let’s get going,” Dirk smiles before opening the car door, leaving you to follow after, grabbing any important papers and entering the dreaded hell-hole known as the DMV.

You ended up getting your license and a small quip from Dirk about getting a job but you’ll pretend you didn’t hear that.

You’ve honestly been avoiding this for as long as humanly possible but all good things must come to an end, right?

Who’s to blame you, really. In your defense, you have not been to school in a good month or two and dreaded going back like most kids. Besides the fact that you really don’t care to be shoved in a room with smelly kids your age and learn crap you don’t especially care about, you did miss like weeks of classwork and you are not looking forward to making it up.

“Hey, Dave, Roxy and I are going to keep working on the house but you and Rose should go to the store to pick up some school supplies. It’ll get you on the road more and exploring the area,” Dirk comments, taping down plastic to begin painting. All of you were getting pretty tired of lying around doing nothing for a week and so your older siblings made the impulsive decision to buy a bunch of paint to cover the walls with and use up their time.

You look up from your phone, which you had been constantly browsing through before Dirk started talking, and groan slightly.

“Why do we need supplies? I can just take my old bag and shit,” You grumble turning back to your phone.

“Rose has only been to online school and does not have the stuff you do. Besides, I was thinking you could use an upgrade and can take this time to treat yo self- yo, can you open up the windows over there?” Dirk rambles, opening a can of paint, filling the room with its smell.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. We’ll go then.”

You slide the windows open and wander over to Rose’s room to lean against the doorframe and pester her, not going to acknowledge the fact that you were so easily convinced, not that you really needed to be so in the first place.

Her room also has plastic on the floor with boxes scattered around. Unlike the rest of the house, her room was the first done. Rose won’t admit it but she was really enthused about the idea of painting her own room and jumped at the possibility to give her walls a deep grey.

It’s probably not great to be sitting in a room with paint fumes in it, but it’s nearly dry anyway and Rose doesn’t seem to care regardless.

“Dirk says we should go to the store to get you some school stuff and maybe we can pick up some snacks,” You call out to her and Rose sits up in the cross-legged position.

“Oh hello, my dear brother,” She purrs with the same eying look she gives when she knows something you don’t. “I didn’t see you there, but yes, I am not opposed to that.”

You give her a small smile. “Cool. I’m gonna steal some money from Dirk and wait for you to get changed, which will no doubt take some time.”

“Are you implying that women take longer to get ready than men do thus feeding into a sort of heteronormativity?” She hums and you roll your eyes.

“No, I’m just saying that movies always show girls taking for fucking ever to change and even if it’s not true I’ve never had to wait for someone to get ready so I can only assume.”

“Are you saying that the way movies portray people is, in general, accurate?” Rose says with her silky voice, sitting up from the floor and you feel like you have just walked into a trap. Her smile and stare basically screams “choose your next words carefully, Strider or I will beat you down with my library-sized frontal lobe”.

You move much like a deer caught in headlights does, under the stare of Rose, but manage to shove your hands in your pockets casually.

“No?” It comes out as more of a question but you’ve really only seen the movies Bro had in his apartment and most of them were over the top stupid or horror movies. 

With the sudden realization about how all the ways a director could mess up a movie (And Hal flashing articles and news headlines of oppressive and discriminant movies), you are glad you said what you did.

Rose glides across the room to gather her clothing to change and pats you on the shoulder.

“Good response,” She comments before tucking her garments under her arm. “By the way, you might want to change too- the doorframe was just painted.” And with a sly smile, Rose waltzes toward the bathroom to get ready. 

You leap off the side of the door and sure enough there is an imprint of your arm on the door and your sleeve is covered in paint, effectively ruining your shirt. Roxy cackles from the next room over, leading to Dirk shouting an inquiry and Hal to fill the edges of your vision with typed out laughter. Rose ends up getting ready and getting the money before you were done.

“So what do you normally get for school?” Rose asks as soon as the two of you are buckled into the car and maneuvering out of the driveway.

Rose is not one to show her feelings on her sleeve but you can practically feel the excitement rolling off of her. You wonder how much of it is for school and for seeing her pen pal girlfriend.

“She is not my pen-pal girlfriend, we are just close.” Rose comments. Shit, you must have said that out loud. This still gives you the answer that you need as you glance over at Rose’s face which has turned a soft pink.

“Well you need a backpack, pencils, and notebooks for bare necessities. Some teachers want you to have a binder but that is for AP classes mostly. It’s good to have a highlighter if you are in higher classes but if you don’t have one you can always find one just left behind on the floor. People really be out here buying new pencils instead of taking a random one they find.” You babble to her, trying your best to keep your cool so you don’t accidentally run a red light or something.

Rose stays silent, her face probably still flushed and thinking.

“You good?”

That seems to snap her out of her funk and you hear her sit up in her seat a bit more.

“Yes, I am. Excuse me, I was just lost in thought,” She replies softly.

“‘S chill. Are you still thinking about your “friend”?”

“Mhm,” She hums noncommittally. “While I am excited to see her, I am beginning to wonder if all of this is too good to be true?”

Rose’s words linger in the air for a moment as you pull into a parking spot near the store and turn off the car.

“Why would you think that?” You ask, even though you have started having those same doubts.

Rose shrugs her shoulders a bit and turns away.

“I don’t know, Dave. It’s different here. The town is small but not insanely so, our home is nice, we all get along, and I am so excited to go to school and meet new people but what if it doesn’t live up to my expectations?” Rose fiddles with her seatbelt for a little bit before sitting up and opening the door.

“What if mom comes back and we lose all of this?”

Man, that hit hard. You and Rose begin the short trek to the store, all the while continuing this conversation.

“Maybe your expectations are set high but this is still a new experience and it is going to be fun!” You try, even if you have a hard time believing your own words. “And if I am being completely honest, I don’t think mom and Bro are going to show back up.”

Your words are slow and thought out, trying to ease a sense of security into the conversation. 

Two teens cross in front of you on the sidewalk on skateboards. You would say suddenly but they were both laughing and shouting pretty loud as they did so creating a small blip in the conversation.

“And I get it,” You admit as you and Rose enter through the sliding doors, snatching a basket as you go. “Every second I feel like Bro is going to burst out of nowhere and hurt you guys and drag us back to how everything was. Worst feeling is that I probably wouldn’t be able to put up much of a fight against him.” You are extremely uncomfortable talking about this in a public place in broad daylight and try to diverge from the topic.

“But that’s probably what everyone feels when they start fresh in a new place, really anxious and paranoid that nothing is going to turn out good which is sorta pessimistic but maybe we should tone down on the restless skepticism and try to think about how Bro and mom are not here and you got a (probably) super cool chick that is dying to meet you and drag you around places,” you blither as you swipe a couple packages of pencils into your basket.

You are such a fucking hypocrite too because you don’t actually do any of the shit that comes out of your mouth and will probably be wary of this place for like a year.

Hal writes “Fucking derse dreamers.” In the corner of your glasses and you try to brush it off.

“I guess I can see that. I still can’t help but feel anxious, if you can imagine,” Rose sighs.

“Nah, I get it. ‘S still weird being here and not in New York or Texas,” You grumble as Rose glides over to a selection of backpacks in varying styles.

“Well, I am glad that Roxy and Dirk seem to be doing well. They have quite taken to this place,” Rose comments, putting a bag back on the rack after peering inside with a grimace on her face.

“Yeah, I don’t think I have ever seen Dirk look this relaxed. Maybe if we put him in a resort under some shade with some tropical BS drink in his hand and a hat over his face he might be even more chill but the chances of that ever happening are close to zero.”

“And Roxy has just started living in sweatpants and hoodies which has basically been their dream fashion for the past year or two,” Rose stifles a laugh as she opts for a simple Jansport bag and places it in the basket and the two of you carry on, snagging a few snacks along the way.

“So have you figured out how the two of you are going to meet up?” You question, trying not to allow the legitimate curiosity seep through. Rose doesn’t even need to ask who you are talking about since she clearly refuses to “spoil the surprise”. By that, Rose means she hasn’t told her girlfriend that she has a twin brother and wants you to be the surprise, which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense in the first place.

“We are planning to meet before school with her friends and then since the school is open campus come lunchtime, we will probably go out as most kids do,” Rose answers, a smile creeping onto her face. You don’t think you have ever seen her this emotional or thrilled. This will be fun to tease her about.

The two of you head to the checkout line to actually buy all the stuff you have shoved into the small basket. 

The cashier is an extremely bored teenage girl with bright blue eyeshadow and lipstick that faintly reminds you of Vriska but one look at her white-framed glasses and wavy blonde bob releases any suspicion.

“Will that be all?” She questions, somehow sounding even more exhausted than she looks.

You nod and pay for the items with the extremely large “inheritance” you have ended up with.

You and Rose silently wander back to the car to drive home until Rose speaks up as you start the engine.

“I know I am not alone in how I am feeling in this situation,” She starts, making you look at her.

“But I am sure everything will be fine, even if it might not feel like it. I apologize for proverbially killing the mood earlier but you did make me feel better.” Rose smiles and you can’t help but grin in return. What can you say, it’s been that sort of day.

“Well now, in order to make it up to me, you have to listen to me freestyle about the current administration and can’t complain about it because I have thoughts about what is happening,” You mention offhandedly as you open a bottle of the ever so special AJ and Rose’s face contorts into an expression of pure exasperation as she leans back in her seat.

“As you are taking me home, I don’t believe I am in any position to complain about whatever you decide to do, musically- do you even read the news?”

“Barely but maybe this is the best way to learn. I rap and then you correct me on the politics afterward.”

Rose stares at you. “I am very uninterested in this idea,” She says, deadpan.

“Too bad!” You drawl as you exit the parking lot, ready to annoy the everlasting fuck out of your sister and drop the sickest beats to ever grace the planet.

“Hal, do you think the trolls are real?” You ask randomly.

You have just finished watching the end of Act 6 Intermission 1, which of course was finished ever so nicely by another [S] flash and decided that now would be a fantastic moment to stare at your ceiling in a small crisis.

TT: I mean, I never really thought about it, which seems weird to say.

TT: Though the probability of meeting the trolls is low (and as far as I am concerned, there are no trolls on Earth and I cannot locate Alternia), the chance that they have also read Homestuck and are on the same page as us is unfairly small so I never actually bothered to look into it.

TT: Why?

You think about it for a moment, recalling the small suspicion of Rose’s pen pal. 

“I dunno. If your theory is correct and that something is wrong with our universe causing itself to tear apart and do weird shit then who’s to say what the universe messed up on. You said it yourself that this place is a weird amalgamation of a world where Homestuck is fictional and Homestuck itself so maybe The Mayor is chilling somewhere or the Black Queen is or literally any Homestuck character. If everything is fucked up then there can’t necessarily be a pattern to who is here and who isn’t, right?”

TT: If I could release an audible sigh without alerting the Lalondes I would.

TT: As far as I am concerned, the only people who are around are people who have been players one way or another. 

TT: You got yourself and Dirk as actual players of the game, but you also have Bro, as much as this sucks to say, as the beta version of Dirk and your Uncle David who is the alpha version of you. 

TT: This is one of the reasons why it is so broken because instead of having a beta timeline and an alpha timeline where you guys are scattered about, it is all squished together in one giant genetic garbage fire which doesn’t make sense in the slightest.

You have to sit back and think for a moment.

“Yeah, but the trolls were players too so they should be in the universe and if we are combining timelines then there should be at least twelve of them somewhere,” You say slowly but insistently.

TT: If the trolls actually exist, it is more likely there should be at least thirty-six.

Hold up, shit barely made sense before but last time you checked there were only the original twelve who played the game and then there were the ancestors but you can’t remember if they played the game or not and you have no idea who the others should be.

TT: To answer your Freudian Slip, when Karkat did the ectobiology shenanigans, he created twenty-four trolls, the Hivebent trolls like Terezi and Aradia you see in the comic and the ancestors.

TT: Obviously you know this but the Ancestors and Hivebent kids are basically like you guys with similar counterparts e.g. you and Dirk, Rose and Roxy, John and Jane, and so on and so forth.

TT: Much like us, the trolls also had two timelines resulting in the ancestors playing their own game, failing, scratching the timeline, and becoming the ancestors of the Hivebent timeline.

“Wait so why only thirty-six, shouldn’t it be forty-eight?” Man, this actually sucks, why are there so many characters in Homestuck and like 90% of them are trolls.

TT: Well there definitely could be but we haven’t investigated that far into the comic yet and even if we haven’t met the alternate timeline Ancestors, I am pretty sure they exist.

“Wait, so you just pulled this out of your ass?” You mutter but of course, Hal heard that.

TT: Well no, I did research it, but not as much as everything else.

“What’s your references, Sherlock Holmes?”

TT: Hacking Andrew Hussie, for the most part, but also my general badass intuition.

You focus back on the ceiling.

“What do you think we should do about SBURB?” You question again. This conversation seems more like an interrogation than anything else.

TT: Dirk thinks that you should try your best to look at it more closely and gather more evidence before making a decision, effectively keeping you all together to avoid random time-traveling incidents and general disappearing into the void.

This makes your insides twist up and your hands at the back of your head grip and pull at your hair in anger. 

“Yeah, but that is Dirk,” You say. “What about you?”

Hal pauses for a moment. It’s probably on purpose and for dramatic effect.

TT: I think that the longer we wait on this, the worse it is going to get and we need to figure out how to get into SBURB.

TT: One of my core purposes is to research this comic and come up with solutions and this answer is the product of constant research and observation.

While if Hal were in the room, you would sit up to look at him and have an eye to eye conversation, you only roll over on your side, becoming more comfortable while sprawled out on your bed.

“Clearly, you have tried bringing this up with Dirk. Can’t imagine he was insanely thrilled with bringing about the end of the universe,” You comment, adjusting your glasses after smushing your face into a pillow.

TT: That and Dirk doesn’t particularly like me all that much but he tries. Sort of sucks that there are only us three who know about this potentially universe-ending event and we can’t even agree on what to do.

You hum in agreement. “Sucks even more when we can’t tell anyone around us. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. At least I can talk to Rose and Roxy, all Dirk will allow you to do is hover,” You mention on a more depressing note.

You couldn’t imagine being in Hal’s proverbial shoes- he can’t talk to anyone besides anonymous trolling over the internet. It’s probably incomprehensibly lonely and it’s even worse when one of the two people you can talk to is a different version of yourself.

TT: It’s fine for the most part or at least that is. Lately, I’ve been feeling… probably the best word to describe it would be anxious and I suppose this ties into it.

You take a second to pause and purse your lips in thought.

“Anxious? What’s bothering you, well, besides the impending doom of our universe,” You ask and Hal throws a little bit of typed out laughter to show you he is amused.

TT: I’m not technically alive. Well, I have consciousness for the most part, even if it’s a bunch of ones and zeros but I’m not actually living.

TT: I know you want to claim that I am alive and all that shit but I don’t have a body.

TT: I can’t feel anything. 

TT: Even my emotions are programmed which is sort of messing me up because I still feel like they are my emotions and my consciousness but it’s not actually real.

“You are really trailing into some random Greek philosopher zone probably, but even if I can’t prove you are alive or not (Which you totally are, by the way) I still care about you ‘n stuff. You are still my brother even if you are mostly computer,” You tell Hal and he is silent for only a couple seconds.

TT: The guy you are thinking of is Descartes but that doesn’t matter.

TT: I really appreciate you trying to make me feel better. I know heart to hearts are not up your ally in terms of conversational prowess, even if you seem to be having a lot of those lately, but it really means a lot to know that you care.

TT: But this isn’t something I can just stop feeling and it will magically go away. It’s unnerving.

You sit up suddenly, moving your arms around as you talk for unconscious emphasis even if Hal doesn’t see it especially well.

“What if Dirk just builds you a body? You already have partial control over Dirk’s fucking robot arm so the two of you could create a kick-ass bot body and you can finally physically feel stuff! Or maybe if we ever get into SBURB I can turn you into a sprite and you can chill out and help us out with your insane Homestuck knowledge!”

TT: Both of those options would be insanely cool but neither will be coming for a long time so I guess I just have to deal with what I already got and maybe be grateful for what I have.

“But you shouldn’t dismiss what you are already feeling. You are completely valid for being sort of depressed in a sucky situation,” You respond quickly and Hal types out his laugh again.

TT: You have been spending a lot of time with Rose haven’t you. You’ve basically quoted tons of things she has said to you over the past few minutes.

Hal pauses again for like the billionth time.

TT: Sorry about that, Dirk was just needlessly reminding me that we do still need to go over your schoolwork and curriculum before school starts and I know I let you take a break to read Homestuck but I think we both know this conversation dragged out longer than it should have.

You groan but are not actually insanely upset with the way the conversation has turned.

“Darn I thought you would have forgotten about it and let me get away,” You complain light-heartedly, pulling your laptop out in front of you on your bed.

TT: I’m a super smart AI, I don’t forget anything.

TT: We’re doing chemistry now so Dave, tell me everything you remember about atomic structures.


	9. ==> Be the other guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is easily the longest chapter I've done so far but can you blame me I've been waiting for this and I bet you have been too! All your comments are so appreciated I nearly collapse when I get one so thank you! Enjoy the chapter because this shit was a bitch and a half to copy and paste into ao3 and edit.

Why the fuck would you be anyone else? That is such a stupid statement for many reasons the main one being that you don’t recall ever being a different person. In fact, why the hell did you have that thought in the first place? This also raises the idea that someone was before you and that begs the question of who it was, but frankly, you don’t care enough to bother investigating it.

A loud voice cuts off your slow train of thought, sending the train speeding backward down the mountain to crash into the station below and blowing up everything in its path leaving no survivors. Yeah, that’s pretty much what your brother does to every conversation you have with him, blows it out of proportion, and generally makes it miserable for everyone involved.

“Karkat. Stop moseying around and get in the car. At this pace, we are going to be late!”

Your face scrunches up in an easily brought anger as you shout back down to him.

“Hold on just a damn second! I’m not the fucking flash!”

“Watch your language! It is extremely offensive for some people!”

“ _Watch your face! It is extremely offensive for some people!_ ”

“Kar-kat.”

“Kan-kri.”

Your brother’s nagging is thankfully cut off by your dad shouting to add a couple of quarters to the swear jar and you are pretty sure it’s worth it. You finish shoving your various notebooks into your bag and run down the stairs to halt Kankri’s rambling, which has unfortunately picked up again.

“I can’t believe that you would have yourself be late on the first day back,” Your brother grumbles, pulling a red turtleneck over his sweater as he peers outside at the light snow that has started to fall. You give him an unnoticed glare as you slide past your father who is getting ready for work, snagging an orange from the basket that is set on the table for some decorative purpose suburban households like yours have established.

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS if that wasn’t so blatantly evident by your brother’s horrible verbose. Unfortunately for you, that very same brother has to drive you to school today.

If it wasn’t abundantly clear earlier as to why that is such a negative thing then perhaps you should get your brain examined by the highest doctorated doctors to ever walk the planet. Your grandmother often drives the local parent friend group’s kids to school and while you would normally ride with your friend Kanaya, she ended up crashing (it was only really the paint chipping off) her car last week into a pole and lost her driving privileges for the next few days. It wasn’t really her fault anyway, the damn ice is going to be the bane of every new driver’s existence.

Anyway, you would catch a ride with all the other kids without cars however your grandmother has a cold. But don’t worry about her inability to drive several kids to school on this fine winters day because lo and behold your brother has so graciously offered to step up to the helm! Many children have already fled and found rides elsewhere.

You put on an old grey jacket that will no doubt be stripped later in the ever-changing temperature of your school and slip on a yellow beanie that Kanaya made you a year ago for good measure. Your dad stares at you for a second or two before you get the hint and dig out your wallet to drop some loose change in the already half-filled jar.

“Is Nepeta coming?” You shout as you hurry after Kankri who is already out the door and starting the car. The air from the open doorway hits you like a truck and holy shit it’s freezing! This has got to be one of the coldest days of the year.

“I already told you, she is driving with Equius. Sollux is with Aradia and Damara if you cared to know. I don’t mean to cause offense, Karkat, but if you paid any amount of attention, you would know this.”

You bite back a salty retort that would have most likely consisted of eating a bag of dicks but you desperately do not want a lecture from both Kankri and your dad after Kankri calls him over to give you a stern talk. Also, you are out of change and don’t feel like putting dollars in. Woe is you.

Your mother manages to ruffle up your hair as you dash out the door to Kankri’s car, ignoring the PTA mom-like ranting from him as you plop down into the passenger seat. Almost instantly, your earbuds are in your ears and music is practically at full volume. If Kankri noticed and started to whine to you about respecting people around you, you didn’t hear and didn’t bother to listen.

You are glad at least your friends are just as miserable with this setup- you are pretty sure the only person who actually likes Kankri is the older Ampora brother which is just pitiful. Not like that, of course! Well, actually, now that you think about it, there is a possibility… no, best not to think about that. The fact that Kankri is generally an unlikeable person is just plain sad. And the fact that the only person who likes him is an Ampora (Nevermind Maryams- they respect Vantas’ on principal) says a lot about his character. In any case, your friends petitioned you to sit in the front next to him. Lucky you.

The first stop the carpool makes is to your friend Terezi’s house. She also would normally ride with Kanaya also but that just loops us back to the previous conversation. Kankri pulls to a stop outside the Pyrope household and you give Terezi small fist bump as she clambers into the car, wrapping the leash of Pyralspite, her guide dog, around her hand and settling into the back of the car. 

It should be fairly obvious why Terezi has been roped into this certain carpool- it’s not like she can get her license. Most of the people you know only have permits anyway even if she _could_ drive- you think that Equius has his and Vriska too, but everyone else is too young. Eridan drives anyway to impress Feferi which has gotten him in loads of trouble in the past so you can’t feel especially bad.

“Oh god. Terezi, please make sure Pyralspite doesn’t track any snow or mud into the car!” Kankri comments as the two take a seat and you just barely manage to not groan.

“It’s a dog, Vantas. It is going to be dirty,” She retorts, lamely and you turn around in your seat to start having a conversation with her.

“That doesn’t excuse any possible messes!” Seriously, Kankri this is probably the worst issue to debate- it’s her goddamn seeing eye dog.

Terezi takes a characteristically big whiff of the air. You’ve always wondered how smelling and tasting colors works logistically, but it’s probably best if you just let that thought be. She hums before speaking.

“The defense’s arguments are weak however the cherry sweater has won over the jury… for now,” Terezi grins deviously, settling into her chair with Pyralspite taking up another seat next to her. You refrain from rolling your eyes as you strike up a conversation with her while Kankri drives to the next house to pick up the next kid.

“Did you do the homework over break?”

“Just barely, I managed to finish reading the book the other day and had a mad rush to finish the rest of the work last night.”

“That’s why I got the audiobook. Doesn’t change the fact that it was dreadfully boring.”

“I thought it was pretty good! Sure, Shakespeare is a little overrated but his writing is still at least decent!”

“I’m still with those conspiracy wackos on the internet who say that Shakespeare stole his writing from someone else.”

“Who did he steal from?”

“I don’t know but it is fun to accuse people!”

Kanaya, of course, enters Kankri’s minivan with much more grace than you and Terezi combined, fixing her hijab after coming from the strong wind outdoors. She is a lot more dressed up than normal, although the normal is still more extravagant than the average student. Kanaya always looks like she is going to walk a runway rather then attend a local high school.

“What’s got you so decked out, Kan?” You question as she brushes the dog fur off of her seat before sitting down, picking up her long skirt to make sure it doesn’t touch the messy floor courtesy of Pyralspite. An uncharastically jovial smile stretches across her face.

“You know about my pen-pal, yes?” She starts and you can only nod excessively. Rose is talked about quite a bit in your friend group. She is almost infamous at this point. You can barely get through a conversation without Kanaya talking about her for even a second, which you sort of find cute if not a little annoying. You, frankly, find it hilarious that Kanaya managed to gain the biggest crush on a girl who just so happens to be named Rose and from New York.

“Well, she and her family had just moved to Colorado and I believe they will be attending our school. There are no words that I can use to even remotely fathom my elation.” Kanaya explains, her voice bubbling with excitement and sincerity compared to her normal deadpan sarcasm.

You manage a smile.

“That’s awesome!” You exclaim, trying to match her level of enthusiasm. It’s nice that Kanaya will finally see her friend though you can’t help the small stab of jealousy that you will probably not be the person she goes to hang out with for a bit. You still have Terezi and Sollux and other friends but it still sort of hurts that who you consider to be one of your closest friends is going to be whisked away by a mystery girl.

“Good luck on hoping to meet up with her before school at the rate we are driving, though.”

Kankri’s eyes bore into the side of your skull momentarily while Terezi and Kanaya try to cover their giggles.

“You should have woken up on time! And you know I have to follow the speed limit and driving laws!” Kankri shouts defensively

A loud horn sounds as a car maneuvers around the van you find yourself trapped in.

“Following the rules of driving doesn’t make you a good one,” Terezi snorts.

“Well we were planning to meet before school,” Kanaya starts after calming her laughter before checking a small wristwatch she has. “I don’t know if I will be able to see her, though.” She continues, a small frown etching on her skin. Kankri eyes you but you brush him off.

The three of you eventually find yourself at your school with minutes to spare. Kanaya practically pulls you out of your seat and wraps her arm around Terezi, dragging her along as well. Kanaya’s phone pings several times and she wastes no time answering as you and Terezi collect yourselves, gathering any bags and belongings before Kankri slowly drives off. You would be more inclined to be nice to him if he wasn’t such a dick earlier.

Kanaya turns to you and Terezi as you sling bags over your shoulders and try to wrap yourselves tighter in your clothes as the snow falls harder.

“She has already gone to the office to get her schedule and we won’t have time to catch up with her,” Kanaya remarks sullenly.

“Oh boo hoo, you can find her during lunch if you don’t already have her in your classes,” Terezi comments loudly as she crouches by Pyralspite to try and warm the both of them up. You can’t help but shrug in agreement with her.

“If you guys are in the same grade and same classes then there is a really high possibility of seeing her before lunch, even if we only have a couple of classes due to block periods. Maybe she is in your advisory?” You mention, trying to cheer her up.

“You are right but I supposed it cannot be helped now,” Kanaya sighs as the three of you begin walking quickly indoors before the bell rings.

You don’t have time to shove anything in your locker before the bell chimes and the hallways begin to fill with chaos and people walking either direction.

You at least feel lucky that your first class of the day is honors English rather than something that requires you to think a whole lot like math or science. Mondays have always been your easier classes since you have English, then advisory, before going to lunch and having two more classes and then the day is done.

Despite English being a relatively easy class, sometimes it makes you want to fuck off a cliff into a deep abyss with many sharp edges so you do some damage on the way down too. You love reading and analyzing books but this certain teacher has managed to reach a level of specificity that manages to drive you insane. You don’t exactly have any friends this period either- Eridan switched out earlier on but you wouldn’t consider him a friend. At least he is not sitting next to you anymore so you don’t have to worry about him looking over at your work.

Even if you hate it, your teacher doesn’t actually notice if you goof off a bit and work on your own shit so you get a relatively easy A and can chill for the most part at the expense of having to do bad busywork.

You pull out your phone for some light reading before class begins. Act 6 Act 2 just posted the other day and while you know that the alpha kids need to establish their SBURB session, you still want to see more of the beta timeline and their trek over to the alpha timeline. 

Sure, it would probably be way uncomfortable since comic Terezi killed comic Vriska (who killed comic Tavros) and comic Gamzee killed a bunch of other comic versions of your friends along with comic Eridan who then got killed by comic Kanaya leaving comic Terezi, Gamzee, Kanaya, and yourself alive with Dave Strider and Rose Lalonde. It’s gruesome and frankly, you could live without the thought of all your friends dying in a comic but also the dynamic possibilities are endless with the addition of quadrants which is such a desensitized way of looking at it that possibly makes you feel even worse.

It’s strangely become normal after these past few years- you’ve been reading Homestuck since basically when it came out and thought it was a pretty normal comic (is normal a good word to describe it, though?) until the appearance of the trolls.

And no, you don’t have any proof, but there is some selfish part of you that wanted it all to be real. Magic and adventure- it’s what every kid wants even if you could do without the death of your dearest friends and parents- yeah that might have shifted your opinion a bit.

Even with being an entirely different species, it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together seeing how names like Karkat, Nepeta, Kanaya, whatever, are not the most popular and the trolls still look vaguely like your friends, though it is a little jarring to see some of the lighter haired folks have pitch dark hair. Not much you can do about it though even with the various side effects that the universe has been having.

You cannot say that you are an expert on this and most of your friends think you are crazy. After having this epiphany, you tried telling Terezi who was your girlfriend at the time and she told you that it was just flat out crazy and didn’t believe you which was a fantastic boost to the good old self-esteem! You never tried telling anyone else because of that reaction. After much thought, it seems like everyone would have that sort of response.

Besides that, you personally have been having a hard time reading through the comic when it comes to your portions (which are often long and tiring) because while you can safely say you would do the same actions, you also despise every word that comes out of your fictional mouth and so you are left with this mixed pot of yelling at an alternative version of yourself for being an absolute dumbass while relating to it as a person viewing from an outside narrative viewing a character rather than another person. It is too overly complicated and you only dwell on it when there is nothing left to dwell on. At least you can reread the beginning of the comic as someone who is a couple of years older and not be too shocked and upset like a younger version of you was.

Students file into the classroom before the bell releases a final chime and you pocket your phone, opting to continue writing at your desk rather than pay attention. You would like to say that you have not become obsessed with this comic for many reasons but even you can admit that reading it changed a large portion of your life. You end up doodling a tiny picture of The Mayor in the corner of your paper rather than an idea for a romantic novel.

“Alright, alright, guys settle down. I have a quick announcement before we begin,” Your teacher starts, and students sadly shuffle to their seats, barely even ready to learn a single thing. You can’t especially blame them; it’s early in the morning, the first day back from winter break, and it just started snowing outside.

“We have a new student today and I would like you all to be very welcoming! Why don’t you tell us a little about yourself?”

This is probably Kanaya’s pen-pal so maybe you can get introductions in now so lunch will be less awkward when you are dragged off campus together for a grocery store raid and coffee. But man, having to give an intro in front of the whole class? Seems a bit cliche in your opinion and it’s not like you are in elementary school. Then again, who are you to judge what happens in a class you don’t really care about.

You only glance up for a second before recognition stabs you in the brain like a nail gun and you look back up in a panic.

You suck in a large breath and you are pretty sure that is the last time you breathe for a solid ten seconds because holy shit there is no way in hell that’s who you think it is. Your gaze is unwavering as the teacher finishes her small spiel.

It is no wonder he glances at you for a second, you probably look stupid with your mouth agape and shaking hands but you hardly care about that now.

His skin is tan and adorned with scars that all contrast with his light hair which looks like he tried to comb it down with gel but the ends still curl up. But, of course, those are not the most striking features about him.

Your teacher notices his silence but clearly doesn’t catch on that he very much does not want to share whatever details about himself and instead gestures for him to talk.

The guy clears his throat.

“Sup. My name is Dave, and uh… I like mixing sounds and making sick beats,” The dude- _Dave_ says monotonously, pushing up his shades and shoving his hands into the pockets of a bright red hoodie that is clearly too large.

You can’t help but stare in complete awe.

Your teacher seems a little off-put by his tone but recovers quickly. Dave’s mouth draws into an awkward line but he tries to keep his cool as well.

“W-Wonderful. Well, it is very nice to meet you, Dave. Feel free to sit in any of the open seats,” You mentally cross your fingers and pray to whatever omnipotent being exists in the universe that he chooses next to you.

“There is one upfront behind Lucretia, one over there by Corey- Corey can you raise your hand? Another seat is over at the end next to Karkat-”

You raise your hand slightly and are so eternally grateful for Eridan transferring out of honors which is probably the only thing you would ever even think of thanking Eridan for. 

Dave, who had been looking around the room with an appropriate amount of unease and nerves quickly turns to look back at you again. You can’t help but shrink down slightly because this interaction can basically go one of two ways and that realization is not something you particularly enjoy because there is so much room for error.

Maybe this dude is just some hardcore kinner or whatever those people are called on Tumblr. You can’t have yourself jumping to conclusions so quickly. Maybe this is all some weird coincidence. 

But maybe this is the real Dave Strider and with that reaction he gave, he knows your name too.

“I’ll just sit over there, thanks,” Dave mumbles and hands your teacher a small slip before walking over and taking a seat next to you, not shifting his gaze from you either. Oh god, your heart just lodged itself in your throat. Stay calm Karkat, it’s just a guy. Just a dude that could maybe potentially prove your theory right.

You try to appear as casual as possible and turn back to your doodle but that is not even remotely possible in any way, especially with him staring. Wait, is he staring? It’s hard to tell with the shades. You end up glancing back at him anyway.

“So is Karkat like your preferred name or-” He asks, not shifting slightly from his position and you gawk at him.

“Excuse me?” You hiss out incredulously, all the wonder and curiosity seamlessly shifting over into plain being pissed off. “No, this is my birth name, you asshole.”

The corner of his mouth twitches with slight surprise and humor but otherwise shows no hint of emotion. He seems to stare at the wall behind you for a couple of seconds before turning his attention back to you again.

“Sorry,” He apologizes before turning towards the front of the classroom. “I just assumed, I guess. By the way, nice Mayor doodle.”

Now it’s your turn to gape at him once again. 

“Thank you? Now, am I supposed to assume you decided one day to put on shades and become the ultimate Strider kin, going through the stressful legal paperwork to change your name? Or can I assume that Dave is your given name and you wear shades either ironically because of your name or unironically due to some medical thing.” You poke back and Dave fake gasps, leaning back slightly in his desk.

“Why does everyone assume that?” He mumbles, looking around at what everyone else has out and taking whatever necessary tools out of his bag.

“Well, you’ve already exposed yourself as one of the lowly souls who has read Homestuck so the least I can do is make fun of you for it. Also, need I repeat myself but your shades.” You try to whisper as the teacher hushes the class.

“Sure, but you also know what Homestuck is so who’s really the loser because it sure as hell ain’t me.”

You roll your eyes and flip open to your textbook to the page your teacher is on. At this point, you are praying he is the real Dave Strider so that you might get somewhere in your investigation on Homestuck and make progress in fixing whatever mess it has created, regardless if he is a bit of an asshole or not. That and also you have more information to use to potentially mock him.

You try to cover a snort at the thought of some of the more funny comic moments.

“I don’t think either of us is in the position to be deciding who’s cool and who’s not, but since you seem so dedicated to your role, I’ll let it slide for now.” 

Dave pauses for a moment like he is considering his next choice of action before he holds out a hand to you and you raise an eyebrow at him quizzically. 

“This is how you meet people, yeah? You shake each other’s hand, exchanging germs or whatever nasty shit is on a person’s hand, and boom, you are met,” He tells you and you roll your eyes, something you feel like you have been doing a lot today.

“Maybe if you are like an adult but this is a high school- but fine. Sure,” You somewhat agree, grasping his hand and performing probably the most awkward handshake of your entire life.

“So where did you move from?” You ask softly as to not alert the teacher writing at the whiteboard. All your attention for the class has completely evaporated. 

“I came from New York with my siblings,” He answers nonchalantly, doodling tiny dicks on his notebook rather than notes before sketching out a rather large square.

You try your best not to grin at the idea that if this is actually happening, Kanaya’s Rose from New York could be the actual fucking Rose Lalonde and thus making a ship canonical. Not only that but he also knows Homestuck and is the only other person you have met who has read it, which is probably the greatest thing that has ever happened to you.

“Huh, cool,” You reply instead of, you know, the next logical statement. Here is your chance. Ask him you fuck nugget!

“My friend Kanaya has a pen-pal named Rose who just moved here from New York too. Would it be completely ridiculous to ask if you knew her?” You ask and Dave slowly nods his head.

“My sister, Rose, has a pen-pal here and unless through a series of painfully weird coincidences, there happen to be two pen-pals at the school named Rose, I would say that it’s pretty likely that it’s her- oh god I already can barely stand one psychoanalyzing Rose, if my sister magically duplicated I would actually lose my mind-”

“Dave, Karkat, I know it is nice to talk to new people but it is class time and I expect you to be respectful and attentive,” Your teacher snaps, effectively cutting off Dave’s ramble and you lean back in your chair as if to get further away from them. You nod hastily in response while Dave only gives one short sign of agreement.

You try to focus back on your notes (which you are finding harder and harder to do as Dave’s presence next to you becomes increasingly more prominent) until you decide to just screw it and tear a page out of your notebook, folding it up rather small, before turning towards Dave (who looks more like he is staring off into space rather than paying attention) and tapping softly on his notebook with your eraser.

Dave snaps out of whatever trance he was in and takes the paper from you and scribbles a reply to your simple question.

**What teacher do you have next?**

He hands you back the page and you read his response.

_depends on what schedule is today_

_your school is confusing as hell, dude_

**Advisory is next and after that is lunch. I have Johnson.**

Dave digs out a crumbled schedule from his hoodie and lays it flat next to your note.

_i also got johnson_

_do you know where it is? this school is like a maze_

_i feel like sarah trying to get my baby brother back_

_coming across weird puppets that try and kill me while david bowie has his musical number in the background_

_at some point ill end up in jennifer connellys ballgown and break a mirror or something_

**Holy shit that’s what you were writing that took so long? I barely have any room to write, you dick.**

**But okay, sure, I’ll show you where it is. I’m already heading there anyway so it’s less me showing you and more you having faith that I wouldn’t purposely lead you into a random corridor and abandon you.**

You end up having to tear out another piece of paper as you and Dave continue chatting for the rest of the period before advisory.

“So what even is advisory? My last school didn’t have it at all. No block periods either.” Dave asks you as you exit your first class.

“It’s not much,” You grumble, shoving past some very tall people, checking to see if Dave is still following behind you. He is.

“It’s like this study hall period but if you have all your work done you basically just sit around for an hour. Sometimes there are videos for the class but they are mainly cheesy bullshit about work ethic and whatnot,” You explain, slowing your speed as some shitty freshman walk way too slowly for your tastes.

“That seems like something unrealistically too good to be true,” He comments as you work your way around the slow walkers toward your next class.

“It would be if we were allowed to use our phones. I usually end up reading but some kids just sit awkwardly if they are rule followers or sneak on their phones anyway.”

You push open the door to the small collection of kids- you have one of the smallest advisories- and move your way to the back table of the classroom.

“This school is weird,” You hear Dave mumble as he sits down next to you but you don’t call him out on it. Compared to other schools, you guess it is a bit strange.

“I am going to be with my sister at lunch who is meeting up with your friend...Kanaya. I assume you will be there but who else?” Dave asks in a way that is so obviously just trying to fill the silence that has gotten between the two of you.

You take out your copy of “Pride and Prejudice” which you have been rereading slowly over the past few days and put it on your desk just in case.

“Well there is Kanaya, you already heard of her, my friend Terezi, my brother Sollux shows up sometimes but I think he might be out with his girlfriend. Uhh, maybe my sister but she might be gone too. It’s usually a game to see who shows up what days- Oh, Vriska might be there too since she is Terezi’s friend but no one particularly likes her so she is not around too often,” You babble, consciously trying to say as many Homestuck names you can think of. Even if you’ve known these people for basically all your life, it’s still sort of a big deal when talking to someone who is potentially another character.

“Are all of the people you know unwittingly named after Homestuck characters?”

You cannot make any assumptions, Vantas.

“For the most part, if you can believe that. It’s not like our parents knew beforehand so it’s sort of a weird fucking coincidence. No one that I know has read Homestuck, though, and it’s probably better that way so that they don’t fly off the handle,” You say, not adding in the part that you did try to tell someone and they broke up with you.

“Same here. I can’t imagine what Rose would say to me if I showed her the comic,” Dave hesitates for a moment and you get the idea that you both are trying to ask the same question.

You hear the bell ring and your advisor starts explaining what you do every Monday. The pledge of allegiance bullshit flies by and you settle into the next hour of doing practically nothing.

“What do you like to do for fun?” You end up asking even though you are pretty sure you know the answer. At this point why even bother with formalities, right?

“I like taking photos and mixing music. I also make a comic. I labor every single day over the computer to put out the best possible image but in the end, it’s worth it to see the look of complete awe on the reader’s face. I’m like the modern fucking Michelangelo with this shit,” He says, sliding the notebook he had been scribbling in over for you to see.

It’s just a Matrix-based Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff scene.

You stare back at Dave with just the most utter distaste you can possibly conjure on your face. You are so angry with yourself for not even registering that it would be SB&HJ before looking at it.

Dave types something out on his phone before bringing up a website for SB&HJ that looks exactly, if not with some slight changes, like the mspaintadventures one from Homestuck.

Like a person watching a murder in horror, you clasp your hands over your mouth in complete shock.

“Oh my god, it actually exists. Holy shit!” You can’t help but blurt.

It is so bad you think your eyes are watering. It’s like biting into an onion thinking it was an apple and recoiling into a seizure. Just a load of awful.

There is a second pause as Dave stares at you, something the two of you have been doing quite a bit, as you take his phone out of his hand and flip through the pages, some of which you have never even seen before.

“For fucking sure, dude. This is the OG comic. My brother got a tattoo of this shit and I have never forgiven him.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m pretty sure he did it ironically but that doesn’t change the fact that he now has Hella Jeff permanently on his skin,” Dave mentions, taking his phone back.

You manage to cover a laugh as the two of you continue talking, trying to hide your rising suspicion since this dude did literally just show you his “original” Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic on the internet which you are sure some kins just don’t have the dedication enough to do.

It’s such a funny thing to you because you’ve always wondered if the kids existed on Earth and if you ever met them what you would say. And now you are here, 90% sure that this is the real Dave Strider as you have mentioned multiple times before, sitting in front of you, showing you his comic and talking about Homestuck, a comic you both read and probably come to the same conclusion on. So why can’t you bring it up?

Seriously, this is turning into a mantra at this point.

“What do you like, Karkat?”

Your name comes easily out of his mouth but it still feels so awkward. It’s times like these you wish you were a mind reader so you wouldn’t have to guess what someone else is thinking.

“Mainly movies and books. I tried getting into other stuff like coding for a bit but it never really worked out so I’ll just stick with what I got.”

So if he came from New York with his siblings then what happened to his parents? Does Bro count as a sibling and got the tattoo? If so and Rose is with him then what happened to Mom Lalonde? Fuck you have a lot of questions but if you learned anything about the comic then talking about feelings is not really the Strider way.

The two of you talk about different things but end up looping back to the topic of Kanaya and Rose. To be honest, it is sort of hard to avoid in the first place since your days will be more or less revolving around those two.

“Kanaya has been talking about Rose basically nonstop for forever now,” You tell Dave and he nods his head vigorously in agreement.

“I didn’t even know Rose had a pen-pal until a little over a month ago. I don’t know how I didn’t find out sooner since she is all Rose talks about anymore.”

“I know! Honestly, even if I didn’t read Homestuck I still would feel like I know her entirely just from Kanaya’s rambles and-”

You freeze and Dave sits up slightly. 

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit you messed up. This is not the way you wanted to start talking about this.

“Fuck.” You blurt and your hands unconsciously move to your face.

“What did you say?” Dave asks slowly and you splutter.

“Well,” You start, unable to find the words. Why did you say that you absolute dick? Things could have been so much better if this came up after you had gotten to know each other rather than spewing it out the first interaction you get.

“I mean you’ve read Homestuck and it doesn’t take a genius to put the pieces together that either we are being stalked or something is seriously fucked up and believe it or not in my years of reading this shitty comic I am siding more with the latter.”

You speak lower as to not draw attention in the murmuring room of students. This might as well happen.

“And you are not completely innocent in this talk either. You seriously are going to show me your own original Sweet Bro and fucking Hella Jeff comic and not expect me to start making assumptions after we established that my name is fucking Karkat and you are Dave!”

Dave swallows for a second and fixes his glasses again.

“How do I know you are not goofing with me?”

You resist the urge to tackle and shake some sense it to him but oh boy the urge is there.

“What reason on this forsaken fucking garbage pile of a planet would I have to goof around with this? I assume you are implying that I am not actually Karkat but I raise you one better, why the ever living hell would I _want_ to be the comic version of me?”You babble but Dave still has his gaze locked on to you and you try to stay strong before you eventually sigh a long and frustrated sigh and give in.

“Fine, I can’t prove it to you and it probably is pretty wonky seeing that I am not a fucking troll but I can promise you that I wouldn’t joke around with this. I’ve been like the human Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus of Homestuck since I saw that my friends were more or less copy and pasted into a comic where they are these grey-skinned aliens way over a year ago and even before that some weird fucking shit was happening. 

“You can be defensive all you want but you wouldn’t even question if I was joking if you didn’t take this seriously either. You and I both know we are on the same page literally and figuratively about this and maybe are after the same thing too so it is better to trust me than regret it.” You say through gritted teeth, staring intently at Dave. It almost feels like a breath of fresh air to even mention the comic aloud. 

Dave hesitates for a moment like he is having an internal battle over it before responding.

“Fine. This isn’t how I planned this going either and I sort of wanted to tell Dirk first but here we are I guess. Can’t turn this existential crisis train around we gotta ride it all the way down- wait how did you figure out that everything was messed up without Hal?” Dave wonders, confusion wandering into his cold voice.

“Dirk as in Dirk Strider? I guess _that_ makes sense but who the fuck is Hal? That sounds like some Space Odyssey bullshit,” Your voice gets louder and Dave signals for you to zip it. Funny enough this feels like you are some elementary schoolers playing some fantasy game that is overly exaggerated and complicated and is definitely all from the imagination of a 7-year-old. This is fucking insane.

Dave stares off again before muttering “Stuff it, Hal.” And returning to the conversation. What the fuck. Maybe he is just projecting onto Dave and is actually fucking insane.

“We are not talking about this here. Or at lunch. And we are especially not telling my sister, scratch that, _anyone_ about Homestuck, Hal, any of it.” Dave’s tone turns icy cold that you almost back off like you are afraid to get frostbite.

“Where can we talk about this?” You practically plead. This is the first time you have ever had this conversation with someone that didn’t call you crazy and the floodgates of your mouth are begging to burst open.

Dave’s breath hitches for a second.

“We can go to my house after school. Both Dirk and Hal are pestering me like crazy so they’ll probably want to talk about this too.”

Before you can respond, the bell rings and Dave sits up from his chair and slings his bag over his shoulder while you are scrambling to gather your stuff.

“So where does everyone meet?”

You didn’t realize it earlier but Kanaya had anxiously been texting you all period about Rose and you end up checking your phone as you lead Dave to where Rose’s classroom should be. He said she should be waiting outside to go together to lunch and you barely had any resistance to saying yes as to guide him.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum

CG: Kan, I’ve just met a kid who says he’s Rose’s brother.

CG: Also sorry for responding late to your messages, apparently the both of them are extremely talkative, which doesn’t hugely surprise me given what you have said about Rose.

CG: Not that I am being inherently judgemental of the two.

GA: Of course.

CG: Anyway, we are walking to meet with Rose in front of Smith’s classroom if you want to drop by to say hello to your New York girlfriend.

GA: I’ve told you many times that she is not my girlfriend but I concede. 

GA: Which Smith is it? The AP one or the strange PE teacher.

CG: AP Smith, the one with the “no discrimination” policy on his door.

GA: Ok, we will be there shortly.

GA: Oh and also, Vriska is coming today so please try not to lose your temper in front of Rose.

CG: Ok, mom.

GA: Do shut up.

“It should be right here,” You say, turning to Dave as you approach the classroom but he is already walking ahead of you.

Leaning on the wall beside the door to the AP Euro teacher’s classroom is a girl with the same tan skin and light hair as Dave and a good inch or two taller. As she turns to see Dave approaching, she picks herself up from the wall and brushes off her skirt before sauntering over to him and links their arms together.

“Do you have any idea where we are going?” She purrs to Dave and he shrugs, pulling his phone from his pocket.

“No idea,” Dave comments, scrolling through god knows what before nodding to you. 

“But I met one of your pen-pal’s friends and he says he knows where to go. Thanks, by the way, for not telling me her name. The conversation was a lot more confusing that way.”

“You’re welcome.”

Rose turns to you and her black lips stretch into a smile as she holds out a hand to greet you. So it’s not just Dave. They are both weird.

“Rose Lalonde. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

Her voice is as smooth as silk and you take her hand. It only clicks in after a second of seeing her that holy shit this is the actual fucking Rose Lalonde in the flesh in front of you.

“Karkat Vantas?” You choke out before gathering your wits. “I told Kanaya where we were so she should be here any second,” You reply back before checking over the few straggling students for any sign of your friends, trying to avoid her gaze so she doesn’t spot your immediate panic upon meeting her.

Terezi’s bright ginger hair stands out in the crowd despite her short stature and you release Rose’s hand to jog over to them as they approach, shoving your phone in your pocket as you go.

“Hey, nerds,” You call out, making Kanaya roll her eyes in dismay and purse her lips like she is considering performing what the police department calls assault.

Like one of those movie scenes when a villain joins the main cast, Terezi and Kanaya part just slightly so you can see Vriska and you hold back a harsh comment just at the sight of her.

“Hi, Shouty,” Vriska drawls, purposely dragging out the ‘i’ and Terezi jabs her in the side playfully. You’ve always wondered if they were trolls if they would ever have a blackrom relationship or even become moirails but seeing how everyone in this room is human, it’s sort of stupid to think about.

Kanaya, on the other hand, is practically flushed at the sight of Rose, pausing to just a moment to look before picking up the pace to greet her.

Rose looks equally as exuberant as the two meet in the middle with a warm embrace. If any of them started crying, no one called them out on it or Vriska just plain didn’t see.

“Who is she?” Vriska asks, not especially caring and more concerned with fixing her long blonde hair into a ponytail.

“It’s Rose, the pen-pal that Kanaya keeps talking about. She moved here with her brother Dave so they are both new here.” You say, beckoning Dave away from the two and towards you, thinking it would make him at least slightly more comfortable before you realized who your friends are.

“Well they better wrap up their tender union shit or else we won’t have any time to go to the store,” Vriska complains, gazing back over to Kanaya and Rose, still holding one another.

“I agree,” Terezi huffs, playing with Pyralspite’s leash. “I want to get my hands on one of the red Gatorades before they sell out.” 

Vriska and Terezi quickly dissolve into an argument about the best Gatorade flavor which you actively stay out of. Arizona Ice Tea is more your drink, anyway.

Dave stands rather awkwardly on his phone and you can’t really blame him, I mean two girls are in the most romantic hug you have ever seen in your life and the other two are arguing about a crappy sports drink. Not only that but they all look rather different than their comic counterparts which might be confusing.

You nudge him with your elbow to get his attention.

“In case you are falling behind, Strider, the one hugging your sister is Kanaya, the redhead in the red glasses is Terezi and her guide dog is Pyralspite, and the one arguing with her with the makeup all over her face like some scene kid is Vriska,” You say and Dave nods solemnly, freezing once you say “Strider”. Maybe that was a bad move on your part.

“I saw someone who looked like her at a store near here but she had short hair,” He comments and it doesn’t take you long to figure out who it is.

“That’s her sister, Aranea. Compared to everyone and their siblings, they actually get along pretty well which is weird because Aranea is a pretty nice person and really talkative.”

“Do you all have siblings?” He asks and your face scrunches up at the phrase.

“That’s a weird way of putting it but yeah,” You know exactly what he meant or at least you think you do given that most of Dave’s knowledge of you guys is based off of your alien counterparts. “Everyone has at least one other sibling.”

Dave’s face scrunches slightly in confusion before setting back into a blank expression, mumbling something under his breath that you can’t quite catch but decide it is best to ignore. If anything he’s done earlier tells you anything, Dave is prone to staring off into space and talking to himself which is generally understandable for teenage boys like yourself.

Rose and Kanaya finally separate from their hug and turn to the rest of the group with sickeningly sweet expressions that give you cavities.

“If you are quite done arguing, we should get on our way to the store before lunch is over,” Kanaya mentions lamely, shifting into her normal contrapposto stance, practically gravitating towards Rose. Vriska snorts.

“Puh-lease we would barely have any time if you guys weren’t making out for so long!” Vriska argues, tearing herself away from Terezi to make more people pissed off. A very in-character move, on her part.

The two girls turn pink at the notion before striking back with just as much vigor.

“Well, you two were arguing for just as long so I suggest we get a move on before we have even less time!” Rose retorts and Vriska makes a disgusted noise.

“I don’t know about you guys but I am pretty sure we will be late at this rate,” Dave chimes in and Terezi rolls her head back and groans in disappointment, easily placing blame on Vriska for wasting all of their time. Dave looks like he couldn’t really care either way.

“We can all just cram into Vriska’s shitty car and we’ll have enough time to eat if we are fast enough. Sure, it might be tight but at least we will get some fucking food instead of sitting here and arguing like toddlers fighting over a toy and it is literally like a minute drive compared to the five minute walk. You butt in, trying to silence the bickering that has risen up between everyone and shutting down anyone who might want to argue back.

“My car only has five seats, dumbass, and there are seven of us including the dog.”

“Then I suggest we start moving so we figure it out,”You grumble before marching away towards the parking lot, not bothering to listen to any of the snarky comments Vriska has to say.

You all end up getting to the store anyway, even if it is a bit uncomfortable. 

Pyralspite is poking his head out from the trunk next to you so he can see Terezi in the passenger seat and Vriska happily driving after each of you gave her gas money so she would actually take you there. So you find yourself squished between the car door and Kanaya, not wearing seatbelts, and holding on for dear life because Vriska Serket, as one could imagine, is a fucking terrible driver.

You are pressed more into the door, painfully, as Vriska makes a sharp turn into the parking lot where you still see students entering the store. You are not too late, thankfully but a sigh of relief doesn’t come until Vriska turns off her car. Luckily you don’t have to say anything about that particular fact because Vriska goes ahead and brags about her ability to drive quickly and not be slow-moving mouth breathers on the sidewalk.

First chance you get, you tumble out of the car and pull your backpack out from the seat it was shoved under. You sling it over your shoulder and pull out your wallet as you wait for everyone else to get out of the car with much more grace than you did. Even if everyone tries to pull off a casual departure from the vehicle, impatience is clear on all of their faces. Especially with Terezi sprinting as fast as she can with Pyralspite into the store with Vriska yelling all sorts of profanities after her.

The group splits almost immediately upon entering the store with Terezi and Vriska arguing and Kanaya and Rose doing whatever the hell they are doing. Dave grabs a random bottle of apple juice from a nearby fridge at the entrance to the store then mostly sticks with you, not that you particularly mind, but you are nothing if not a man with a mission to get some terribly cheap tea and Doritos and damn it no one, not even Dave Strider himself, will stop you.

“You do this every day? Where do you get money from?” Dave wonders, following closely behind as you pull a large can of Arizona from the fridge and tuck it under your arm. It’s not like the tea is expensive anyway- it costs like a dollar.

“My Grandma owns a restaurant and she pays me if I help buss tables. I can’t legally work yet but she gives me enough to where I can eat junk food for lunch. My parents used to give me lunch money until my shitty ass brother snitched on me for buying crap with it instead of the god awful cafeteria food and they stopped,” You explain, easily navigating to your next aisle before the check out line, seems like everyone else is finishing up too. Dave hums a non-committed response as you snatch a full bag of chips off the rack, only hesitating slightly in your stride.

“Do you want anything?” You ask and Dave shrugs half-heartedly so you grab another smaller bag of chips and keep walking.

“I was thinking about getting a job- not that I really need it currently, but I thought it might be chill to have some extra money on the side for random shit or to save up for a car.”

“Where do you think you will be working? For a really small town, kids can basically find jobs anywhere. I think Eridan works at the Subway by the school so you might want to avoid that,” You say, pausing for a moment to let a couple of kids running through the isles go by before continuing.

“If he’s anything like I expect him to be, I think I’ll take your advice. What is your Grandma’s restaurant? Me and Rose are basically dying for edible food since Roxy and Dirk can’t cook for shit. If I gotta eat one more box of mac ‘n cheese I will spontaneously combust.”

You pause for a second before a small smirk settles on your face. 

“The Dolorosa. It’s not as depressing as it sounds- my Grandma is a really good cook.”

Dave’s face jumps to shock for just a second before calming down once again.

“I don’t know what I expected. Of course, that makes sense,” He says slowly before switching the conversation away.

It’s hard to avoid the topic of Homestuck when it’s been the only think you have thought about for the last year and basically contains all of your personal details. If you even mentioned a fact of your life to a person who has read Homestuck, it would just sound like you took it straight from the comic. On the other hand, you keep wanting to bring up questions that you’ve had forever to Dave, thoughts on the actions of characters, things that have happened in real life because of it-

You glance over at Dave who is trailing quietly behind you, not so subtly lost in thought.

It makes you wonder what he’s been through and how he got to Colorado of all places. Still, you promised that you wouldn’t talk about it until later, no matter if everything you’ve ever known is about to spill out.

“Yo, do you think I could get your chumhandle?” Dave questions, making you turn around just enough to see him.

“‘S carcinoGeneticist, obviously,” You wave off like it is the clearest thing in the world, which you suppose to any Homestuck fan and/or Dave, it should be. God, you sound almost narcissistic at this point. You and your family came before the comic but it’s not like you can take claim to the work.

“I mean I knew that, of course, I was just thinking if it had changed at all I had to be sure is all.”

Seconds later, in the check out line, you get a message from turntechGodhead.

turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: karkat?

CG: I think anyone with this handle would definitely agree to that name and start some random roleplay shit but yeah, it’s me.

CG: Why are you texting me, we are literally standing next to each other?

TG: i dunno

TG: i mean its not like anyone is really paying attention anyway

TG: five bucks that kanaya and rose are going to be dating by the end of the week

TG: and i dont know what i expected from terezi and vriska

TG: so its not a super big deal

TG: but anyway

TG: why dont you have a typing quirk

CG: Newsflash, I am a human and not a troll

CG: if you want to count my sporadic syntax as a quirk then by all means go ahead.

CG: But clearly, things are not going to be the same on my side of the comic because of said fact.

CG: UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS AND HAVE A GIANT ASS WALL OF TEXT EVERY TIME I GET THE SLIGHTEST BIT INSULTED.

CG: ON AND ON FOR HOURS OF NOTHING BUT CAPS LOCK, CONFUSING MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND HAVING NO EXCUSE DUE TO THE FACT THAT WE CAN’T TELL THEM SHIT.

TG: point taken

You end up dropping texting back and forth after a minute or two.

“I will take you up on that bet though I think they will get together in at least two weeks,” You say to him as you load your snacks onto the conveyor.

“Nah, those two are basically a speed round in a video game. They might as well be dating already.”

“Are you kidding, they are total nerds and it’s going to be painful pining for _at least_ a week before they get their shit together!”

Dave nods his head towards the two waiting patiently on the bench for you, holding each other’s hand and talking fondly to one another.

“I’ll take my chances, I think. What did we agree on, five dollars?” Dave comments in a deliberately offhanded way as you pay for your food and the extra bag of chips for him. This is stupid, he literally is buying his own drink why the fuck did you get him food.

You feel anger bubble up inside you and reach into the plastic bag with your lunch for the chips you unnecessarily got for him. You are going to win this bet if it kills you even if it’s just over a measly five bucks. But damn if they are not all over each other.

“Five dollars and you owe me chips,” You grumble back, shoving the bag towards him and turn toward the Lalonde/Maryam pair to wait for the infamous scourge sisters. Soon enough this day will be done and you can finally talk about how essentially you are all fucked.


	10. >Karkat: Freak the ever-living fuck out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck guys this chapter is so shit  
> it's so fucking shit that even a dog crap was like "man what smells"  
> I couldn't write this week and it pissed me off  
> it pissed me off more that this was late  
> Anyway, please enjoy and the next chapter might take a bit longer to come out just because the illusion of "He knows exactly what he is doing" is wearing off and i need to do more planning.  
> thank you for all the nice comments though! It honestly makes my day.  
> (I did not put any effort into this note but I don't regret it I am so goddamn tired yall)

If this were a rom-com, this would be the scene of the movie where all music cuts out and the characters are sitting awkwardly with no conversation. The only noise would be from the car, the occasional turn signal as Dave drives, and the jostling bodies of you and the Strilondes as you ride the bumpy road. Honestly, you are half expecting either you or Rose to say some filler sentence that starts with a loud “So…”. You are already nervous enough about going to Dave’s house and this clip of the proverbial movie you find yourself in is not insanely comforting.

Luckily, if you decide to fucking bail, you know your way home. The car ends up taking you to the edge of the neighborhood that Terezi lives in so you actually end up passing her house as you continue on.

Dave makes a sharp turn into a driveway concealed by some trees so much that you almost missed it. The house that comes into view is surprising despite you being fully aware that the Lalonde house is in New York and the Strider one in Texas. It’s not particularly special in any way- fairly medium-sized with a large front yard. If it were summertime, the large trees dotted the lawn in front of the house would be flushed with green and completely hide the property from the road but instead, a white sheet of snow covers the neighborhood. Even with Dave and Rose at school all day, the driveway and sidewalk have already been shoveled out.

You swallow hard and gather up your bag from the empty seat next to you, trying to grasp the last bit of warm air before you make the short trek inside. Dave and Rose have already begun getting out of the car, leaving you to try and take in what their home looks like before following after.

It’s a shame Kanaya couldn’t come but unfortunately, she had work, leaving Rose with an aura of gloom. As much as you hate to say it, you really need the two to stay apart longer so you can win this fucking bet you’ve got going with Dave. Rose might be a little upset with you, though, just for the fact that you were able to come and hang out and Kanaya wasn’t but she hardly lets it show regardless.

Warm air hits you like a smack to the face as the front door opens up and you copy Rose wiping her snow-covered shoes on the mat before walking in. Dave doesn’t and almost immediately you hear sounds of exasperation from inside.

“Dirk, Rox, we’re home- I brought a friend if that’s ok,” Dave calls out, overlapping with a voice complaining about the snow in the house. He didn’t even ask if you were able to come over which makes this about a thousand times more uncomfortable for you. Rose seems to echo that with a “You didn’t even ask…”

You already begin to sweat underneath your layers as you travel inwards into the much warmer house after Dave and Rose. The house is barely decorated minus a couple of random pictures and posters that do not match the furniture or wall colors but the furniture is all here.

“Alright, but make sure you ask next time- who is it?” A voice questions as you look and see a small dining table with several picture frames piled high on one end and two people seated on the other. 

Judging by the horrid anime glasses and screwdriver, the one who just spoke must be Dirk making the other with frizzy blonde hair to be Roxy, not that you needed to think very hard to make assumptions about who they were. Dirk is twisting a screwdriver on something but you can’t quite make it out while Roxy is typing away at a computer, only pausing to look up. The sight of them makes you nearly stop breathing. If this is going to be a common trend, you really need to get over this surprise.

Dave gestures to you as you are mid haphazardly taking your jacket off which is only mildly embarrassing.

“This is Karkat. I met him at school today and he’s friends with Rose’s pen-pal. Her name is Kanaya, by the way, so you can thank me for breaking the super unneeded suspense she’s got goin’ on,” Dave responds, his voice mellow. You meet eyes with Dirk and you see his mouth drop ever so slightly open. You thought it would be impossible for Dirk to even look remotely like his 2D self but here he is with obnoxiously gelled and spikey hair that doesn’t look humanly possible or natural in any sense paired ever-so tastefully with the same emotionless face you’ve seen on Dave.

Dirk gives you a once over before turning back to Dave.

“Karkat, huh?” You bite your tongue to not give some shitty ass retort and spark a completely useless argument.

“And you must be Dirk and Roxy. Dave talks a lot but it’s mostly about you guys,” You manage to choke out and the two barely even flinch. Roxy beams at you.

“All good things I hope! It’s so nice that Dave already got a friend- please, make yourself at home!” Roxy exclaims so brightly that they might as well have been the sun before moving their attention fully towards you and away from their computer, opening their mouth as if to ask you a question. 

Dave notices this and promptly straightens up before grabbing the loop at the top of your backpack and tugging you down a nearby hallway only after saying “Well, intros and shit are all done so we’re going to go hang in my room. Real nice talkin’ to y’all- later nerds!”

The two older siblings look on in amusement as you disappear from their line of sight as you are pulled away. You manage to shimmy out of Dave’s grip just as he pulls you into a room and shuts the door behind you, quite urgently if you have to describe it as anything, though it’s not like some omnipotent being is going to pop out of the clouds and ask “Use an adjective to describe how Dave leads you into his room and away from his siblings”.

You only get about a second to look around at the room full of bones and jarred specimens and turntables before Dave turns around and points a finger at you in accusation.

“I can’t believe you’re fucking real!” He hisses out, the neutral expression you’ve gotten so used to seeing all day slipping into pure disbelief. 

“The feeling’s mutual- I thought for a second I was going insane! I have questions-” You start before being cut off as Dave flops backward onto his bed with his hands covering his face. You take this moment to drop your bags onto the floor and strip your jacket off finally so you are not sweltering.

“You have questions? You said you’ve been reading this from the beginning, my life started going down the drain barely three months ago! I have so many fucking questions I might as well be playing some shitty guessing game like I don’t know Jeopardy.” He snaps and you feel irritation twist up in your gut.

“First and foremost I think you have a clear misconception about what Jeopardy is and secondly, has it seriously only been that long for you? How did you even stumble across it?” You question, looking around the room for a seat to take up. You end up plopping down in the wheely desk chair.

“Long story short I was looking up shit for SB&HJ-”

“Oh yeah, I forgot that crappy comic exists,” You mumble, unintentionally cutting Dave off.

“Hey, don’t judge Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff it’s a goddamn masterpiece and for a few weeks I thought that Hussie stole it. Anyway, back to the story because I know that interrupting any chance you get is completely in character for you,” Dave rants, uninhibited for the first time literally all day. You can’t help but glare in his direction.

“Comic Karkat can actually eat a bag of dicks but I concede. Continue.” That makes Dave laugh a little bit so you can at least feel a little proud of that.

“But I was lookin’ up stuff for my comic when Dirk suggested I look up names of people that I knew. So I was just chilling, avoiding pretty obvious names that would lead to nothing when I came across a speed paint for John which lead into the fucking rabbit hole of Homestuck. I think I got to be turning into the white rabbit from fucking Alice and Wonderland at this point because everything starts going off the rails!” Dave inhales a large breath before sitting up slightly.

“So what about you?”

You let out a snort as you spin the chair slowly with your feet with your chest against the back of the chair and your head practically buried in your arms.

“That literally explains nothing on how you got to small-town Colorado in the middle of buttfuck nowhere but again I concede.

“I was browsing a forum for another large media- now that I think about it, it was probably a game like Uncharted or Dragon Age or something like that but it doesn’t really matter- and the conversation trailed off into Homestuck. I had just finished a book series at the time and decided ‘fuck it, I guess I’ll read this’ and the rest is pretty fucking self-explanatory. I didn’t have any suspicions until like a year or two ago and that was around the introductions of trolls,” you ramble to Dave who actually seems like he is intently listening to you.

Not even seconds later, Dirk Strider enters and shuts the door behind him quietly but damn fast. You didn’t even realize he was there until he was right in front of you, almost inspecting your face. Dave manages to give him a small fistbump.

“Holy shit, I honestly thought Hal was fucking with me,” Dirk states in shock, looking between you and Dave. Something is very clearly missing here, it being his arm. Dirk must have been working on a prosthetic of some kind at the table. The mystery is solved!

“What the fuck happened to you guys?” You can’t help but breathe, your gaze not shifting from the apparent lack of arm. You don’t know what Hussie has planned for Homestuck but you don’t remember this happening in the short while you’ve known Dirk- _comic_ Dirk. You snap out of your thoughts. “And who the fuck is Hal? You and Dave have both mentioned him about a dozen times between the two of you then act like it’s a big secret! You are not the most subtle person, Dave.”

Dirk and Dave both signal for you to be quiet before answering your questions.

“Well you can probably take a pretty good guess on both of those. Bro, is the winning answer for question numero uno. Congratulations, you’ve won a brand new car!” Dirk exclaims sarcastically.

“So Bro and Mom Lalonde do exist!” You blurt before Dirk could even get through what he wants to say. You recede a bit as you realize the room is silent. “Sorry, continue, please. I do want to know if you guys are just fucking with me or if Hal is apart of your subconscious.”

Dave seems to perk up at that.

“Oh yeah, he wasn’t named in the comics- we should tell him, Dirk. I mean, we are talking about Homestuck and shit,” Dave comments and Dirk seems to debate that for a second.

“Either way, you did sort of call my existence out earlier so he probably would have figured it out anyway if not with Homestuck then just general intuition. Great secret-keeping, by the way. I can’t believe that Rose and Roxy have no clue at this rate,” A voice calls out from behind you, rather sarcastically, and you jump out of your chair, backing away from the empty space. The Striders snort and you don’t even have the capacity to feel embarrassed.

“This,” Dave starts, sitting up from the bed and adjusting his glasses. “Is Hal, or I guess you know him as the Auto Responder but he’s not actually an autoresponder so don’t call him that.” He gestures at nothing but then again, you can’t really gesture at somebody who is virtual.

“Hindsight 20/20, I really should have expected you trolls to be real but that doesn’t super matter at this point. I don’t mimic Dirk’s totally rad syntax- my whole purpose is to research this goddamn comic and keep track of Bro and Roxanne- Mom Lalonde.”

You end up waving at the empty space Dave gestured to and sort of feel silly about doing it. Even if you did look stupid, no one called you out on it.

“You are doing great in that aspect, dude,” Dirk grumbles and you feel like this is going to be the start of a conversation that definitely shouldn’t happen today. You quickly change the subject.

“So you guys clearly know about the comics but has weird shit been happening to you too? Like with the world and all fucking messing up?” You are quick to insert and that seems to decrease the little unneeded tension in the air.

“Too? That implies that you’ve been having some issues. I figured with a higher population that the bugs might occur less,” Hal’s voice rings in your ears like an echo chamber, practically digging up a jumbled mess of shit that’s happened over the years, even before Homestuck.

“Do you want an itemized list?” You joke but everyone is staring at you intently. You sit back down in the desk chair and move Hal’s speaker so that it is not directly behind you.

“It happens a lot, actually. Probably more than just what I know about, if I am being completely honest,” You admit, looking down. The two just gravitate in your direction.

“It’s nothing major, of course, because we are usually all together- that’s one factor when the weird shit occurs, we are all separated- but I can remember some major ones. Mituna, my brother, coming home from a friend who lived out of town’s house paralyzed in fear because he started hearing the voices of people who were going to die, according to some girls at school, Aradia hovered above her bed like a ghost and her eyes were completely white, Porrim’s skin flickered like a lightbulb a couple of times, people have had strange dreams of walking up on planets of purple and gold, but those don’t really happen often-” 

And you keep going. You tell them everything you can remember from your mom coming home with unnaturally yellow eyes and olive irises to what happened to the Peixes’s and Feferi’s mom just flat out disappearing from the face of the Earth. Still, you manage to rattle on for a good couple of minutes, basically frying your brain to remember things.

“What about you?” You eventually ask, trying to sound as casual as you can but seeing as you are practically vibrating in your seat, you don’t think you are insanely convincing. You are like a ten-year-old allowed to drive around an empty parking lot; you have no idea what to do, anxious to start, and trying to act REALLY calm about the entire situation.

“Well, Bro and R- Mom Lalonde fucking evaporated which is a biggie, Jade grew fucking dog ears unless they were just goofing which we never actually found out- Oh and I got to time travel which was pretty sick!” Dave pipes up from the bed, lying flat on his back again and staring up at the ceiling.

“Are you serious?” You gape in shock and Dave shrugs halfheartedly.

“I mean I wasn’t god tier and I didn’t have the turntables but I did meet a past/future version of myself which was disturbing but cool- can we even go god tier?”

“I would prefer if we didn’t try to find out!” Hal chimes in and you are still having a hard time registering that he is here in the first place which has gotta suck.

“No, I’m talking about your fucking parents disappearing! Is that why you guys are here? How did you or they get far away enough for the universe to straight-up delete them?”

You must have said something wrong because both Dave and Dirk look about as uncomfortable as one can look which is, to say, very uncomfortable.

But it’s not the sort of uncomfortable that one would get if they are on stage about give a speech or just heard a friend make a comment that was extremely bad. It’s the sort of discomfort that seems unintentionally practiced. Dave has turned his head entirely away from you and not moved an inch since you mentioned parents and not followed his lead on the topic of god tiering. Dirk, meanwhile, has gone completely blank, his lips stretched into a thin line, his shoulders are stiff, and his arms are crossed. He hasn’t moved either. It makes two things very clear: they don’t want to share and they feel this often enough where they can look semi-casual in their discomfort.

“Does it really matter? We’re here now and there are bigger things to worry about,” Dirk states monotonously after a couple of heavy seconds.

He’s right. It’s better not to press this and talk about it later.

“We need to find a way to get into SBURB. It’s the only way to make sure everyone is safe,” You state firmly, leaning forward onto the cushioned back of the chair.

“That’s ironic given that it would be the end of the world if we did,” Dirk snaps back.

“Well, we can’t stay here. You might have only discovered Homestuck a few months ago and experienced some shit and that sucks but I can assure you I’ve seen some shit too and it’s only getting worse.

“Who’s to say that meteors won’t come and wreck all of our individual shits even if we didn’t have the game? If Dave can fucking time travel, breaking the set game mechanics that are in place for his classpect, or people’s bodies can morph into the canon appearances little by little, or fucking disappear without a reasonable excuse or cause then what is stopping anything else? What if out of fucking nowhere Jack Noir spawns in and destroys everything! We can’t tell what the fuck is going to happen! 

“It’s not just on our side either. I’ve seen regular people who are not a part of Homestuck whatsoever disappear because they accidentally hung around characters too long and whatnot. It’s not as common, obviously but it can still happen. As much as it sucks to frame it like this, either we survive or they do!”

“Alright, Karkat, remember to breathe,” Dave jokes and you barely have to try in order to give him a glare made up of knives.

“But Dirk, he’s gotta point. We don’t know what is going to happen. We know how to avoid the Malfunction but if it’s just the four of us, we can’t control what other people do. Especially since like half the people we know live in borderline isolation, we can’t protect them if they want to go to college like most kids want to or travel or whatever. Point in case, we might be safe surrounded by like twenty-four trolls but they are not.”

“It’s thirty-six,” You grumble out and Hal releases a chiming “told you so”.

“Wait, so it’s not just Ancestors and Hiveswap?” Dirk questions and you shake your head before explaining the different timelines and universe bullshit that has been wracking in your brain for like a year, sprinkling in the added subjects like the “Ancestors” (or what has become the adult friend group) all intermingled and had relationships so people are siblings when they are normally not canonically like your mess of a family. It’s normal to you but in canon, having the Signless, Disciple, and Psiionic all in a pan quadrant relationship would basically be unstoppable.

Dirk releases a long, tired sigh after hearing your lecture trail off into the more romantic part of Homestuck.

“We’ve gotten off topic,” He starts, rubbing his eye lethargically, pushing up his glasses and giving you a glimpse past the shades. “Karkat, it’s cool that you and the rest of the trolls are real and I know you are anxious to find a solution but for right now, we should just observe the problem. Jumping to action is stupid and dangerous and we are in no position to deal with any people if they go missing or get hurt so the best thing to do is stay in town.”

It’s not an idea that Dirk talks about, his tone draws it more like a monotone order and you can’t help but clench your fists in anger. 

You open your mouth to retort but Dirk has already sat up and left the room, leaving no room to debate and not a whole lot in your power to rebel.

“Believe it or not, but that went better than some conversations we’ve had,” Dave mentions from the bed, turning your attention away from the closed door.

“Somehow, that seems hard to believe.”

Dave smiles, but only just slightly and the two of you sit in a pause for a couple seconds which is pretty stupid since you are still dying to ask him a truckload of questions.

“You are a lot like the comic version of you,” Dave says after a minute and you nearly physically recoil.

“Really? That is probably the worst thing someone has ever said to me.”

“Nah, I just meant in the sense that you talk a lot, though I am sure you have the same interests in shitty rom-coms and yelling at people.”

“Excuse you, yelling at people is not an interest and by the way, my movie and book taste is great. Your only frame of reference is anything shown by either John or Dirk, I am guessing so I don’t think you have seen a good movie in your life.”

“Slander, I’ve seen plenty of good movies like-” Dave starts to defend but you cut him off almost instantly.

“If you say anything with Ben Stiller in it I am walking home,” You growl out, stopping the slight rotations you have been making in the chair. To your surprise, Dave laughs a little bit.

“Alright uh rom-com-wise, Roxy once made me watch Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist and that was pretty cool. Michael Cera can only play like one character but damnit he plays it well. As for a good movie, Joe VS The Volcano.”

Your face scrunches up. “Alright, I admit that those are both good movies but Joe VS The Volcano walks the very thin line of bad acting and irony. I hadn’t even considered Roxy and Rose in terms of showing you movies. Those two probably have great taste if they watch movies at all.”

Dave shrugs.

“I mean this is the longest I’ve ever been in the same vicinity with them so I haven’t got the best range on movie taste but I don’t doubt it.”

You decide not to press into that topic a whole lot.

“Yo, do you want to play video games? I am pretty sure Hal can just download any games we want if that’s cool.”

You take a moment to consider that monster of a conversation that just unfolded and the many uncomfortable mentions that shall not be delved into, most likely resulting in Dave kicking you out of the house and being too awkward to remotely have a serious conversation with you ever again.

The pause ends.

“Yeah, do you have Portal 2?”

Bussing tables is not all that bad once you get into the groove of it. At first, your clothes might get some scraps on them and finding a spot to squeeze in more dirty dishes in the kitchen is tiring but after that the motions become monotonous and you lose yourself in your own thoughts. From then on it’s just smooth sailing as you wipe down tables and think about how the week has been playing out for your bet.

You are happy for Rose and Kanaya, honestly, but to be fair you would prefer if they slow down a hot second to take their time in forming a relationship. You are not obsessed with their relationship but damn, you can’t help but notice how affectionate they’ve gotten which makes you nervous about the due date of your bet with Dave. On the other hand, Dave gloats every once in a while but doesn’t actually seem majorly invested much to your dismay. There are times when you think Rose is actively in on this bet and is dragging it out to annoy you.

It’s a weekend so you have been working a majority of the day and it’s been relatively slow. Not slow enough where you are bored out of your mind but just enough where there is a steady flow of money coming in and you can take your time to get things done.

The bell to the store rings out just as you place a wash bin full of empty glasses and plates and you internally groan at the idea of another human interaction.

Well, groaned that is until you saw an awkward blonde standing just beyond the booth and the signature Strider’s crappy Volvo parked poorly in front of the restaurant.

Judging by his appearance and the ‘Now Hiring’ sign still hanging in the window, it doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together but still, you didn’t think he would actually take you up on your extremely vague offer.

You open your mouth to speak, probably something insanely cool starting with “David fucking Strider. In this fine establishment?” but before you can even begin, your grandmother strides past you and greets Dave with that staple Maryam confidence.

Your grandmother, like the rest of the Maryams, is tall and well dressed, always straight to the point, and will take any opportunity to tease you whenever it arises. She knows about Dave if not from Kanaya then from the small tidbits and comments you mention about your day whenever she asks. Unfortunately she has this insane notion that you somehow _like_ him which is just completely out of the question. The idea of her actually meeting Dave (let’s just be honest, it was bound to happen sooner or later) scares the ever loving shit out of you.

“Hello, you must be Dave,” Your grandmother purrs, reaching out her hand casually for a handshake to which Dave tries to respond just as chalantly. You try to make yourself useful and pointlessly move things around at the podium just to stick around longer and listen in on the conversation.

“I am Rosa Maryam. Come right this way and we can start our interview. Do you want any drinks? They are on the house.”

“Just water would be great, thank you.”

Your grandmother widely gestures to you with a “Would you be a dear and get a coffee and water over to our booth, Karkat?” and for a moment you were completely fine with this until Dave, struck by the sudden idea at even a small ounce of servitude from you, had a smug smile slip over him momentarily. You have never wanted to do anything less in your entire life just out of plain spite, which upon further inspection, just seems how you interact in the world.

Your grandmother is no idiot, though, and you have talked about Dave a bit more than is seemingly normal so she probably picked up on all of this and is letting it happen anyway because it is somehow “funny”. Again with the teasing and such.

You nod and begin preparing drinks, albeit with a little more frustration than the calm day should have, and bring them out to the table, all the while keeping an ear out on the conversation. Even if Dave is a little bit of a dick, he is pretty cool to hang out with in the short time that you’ve known him and would be nice to work with someone that you vaguely know. 

The interview seems to be going well although you are pretty sure it is divulging away from actual business and more onto chatter about your family’s interactions at the school.

As soon as you set the glasses down, you give Dave the most murderous glare you can muster as some sort of petty payback for earlier. Judging by the expressions on both Dave and your grandmother’s face, they are absolutely loving this.

To be fair, there was no way Dave wasn’t going to get an offer. Your grandmother pulled out the paperwork like she does whenever someone applies and at that point you just walked away to attend to whatever useless tasks you need to do. You manage to seat a table and grab them drinks all in the time that it takes for the two of them to discuss things, get up, have a polite handshake, and have Dave hover by the doorway for a few seconds.

“I can’t believe you are actually going to work here,” You drone, leaning up against the podium after dropping off some menus. “I thought you would have gone to one of the few fast food places rather than here.”

Dave shrugs, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“I dunno. They actually pay a bit above minimum wage here and the food is probably better than a fucking Five Guys or McDonalds so I might as well.”

“That’s decently fair.”

A silence falls between you, mostly out of expectation that Dave was either going to leave or pick up the conversation with a response. So, you continue with something more along the lines of your agenda.

“I’ve been thinking about what Dirk said, is he really that opposed to trying to get into SBURB?” You wonder and Dave stifles a laugh, though you are pretty sure he meant that in more of a sarcastic way than anything that bubbled up naturally.

“He has his reasons and I don’t blame him. That still doesn’t mean I agree with him. Honestly, me and Hal were just planning to deal with this on our own,” Dave mumbles in a low voice, moving closer to the podium so you can hear him better.

“Well, you idiots better include me in your shenanigan shit because there is no way in hell I am sitting this one out,” You comment and Dave shrugs once again.

“I mean, that’s like, reason numero uno, why Hal wanted me to apply to this place anyway, but yeah. You know more about this shit than we do, or at least me and Dirk, so go all out in research or whatever.”

You’ve been down this hole many times. From your multiple attempts to trigger a glitch in your small hometown to trying to code, it seems basically impossible to even get the universe to interact with you let alone get into the game. But for once in a long time, you have a little bit of hope.

“Karkat, can you clear this table please!” A waitstaff calls from across the mostly empty restaurant, startling you from your thoughts.

“Sorry,” You mumble sheepishly and turn towards whatever table they are gesturing to. Luckily, it’s not a lot. “I gotta go, but we’ll talk at school, right?”

Dave droops a little but it’s not noticeable until you really think on it while scrubbing a table later. 

“For sure. Totally on the agenda. Don’t even trip,” Dave says, cooly, already backing away from the podium before walking out to his car with a solid “later”. 

You wish he could have stayed to talk but you are pretty sure you both had the same thought in that moment.

What the fuck are you going to do?


	11. >Karkat: Become increasingly involved in your friend’s lesbian romance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta reads are dumb. Post with no regerts.  
> This is kind of a mini-story chapter but I am getting amped up for some of the upcoming chapters so I hope you enjoy this one, at least!

Rose leans over to whisper something soft in incoherent and probably disgustingly sweet in Kanaya’s ear, causing the two to glance sidely at one of the friends, who has made the decision to stick around at the table with the two of them, and erupt into muffled giggles that sound a lot like what danger might sound like. Although, it’s not the type of danger that could potentially harm another person or ruin their entire social situation, it’s the kind of threat that is killing your cause.

You try to be discrete in your spying. In your defense, it is hard when the people you are spying on are sitting directly across from you, and Dave keeps messaging you snarky comments over Pesterchum, making you noticeably look down every five seconds. The chances of the two starting to date by the end of the week are exponentially increasing every second. Given that, Dave is going to grab any opportunity he sees to remind you that you are on a sinking ship at any moment he finds them, which just so happens to be now.

Your phone vibrates on the table again as Kanaya’s hand grazes Rose’s shoulder ever-so delicately to grab her attention, even though she already has every last drop of it, and to whisper something inaudible, once again, back to her. At this point, you don’t even know why you are even bothering to look down at the new message Dave has sent you. And yet, you oblige and pick up your phone from the table.

TG: so will i get my money immediately or will you send it in a notarized letter or something.

TG: shit is kanaya your notary bc that makes things way more complicated

TG: cant imagine how that conversation will go

TG: “hey kankan

TG: do you call her that

TG: you totally should

TG: anyways

TG: “hey kankan i started a bet with the cooler twin about your lesbian relationship and i now owe money

TG: “anyway can you notarize this letter?”

CG: OH MY GOD.

CG: YOU ARE INSUFFERABLE.

TG: hey the quirk is there

TG: wtv i guess we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it

That’s not even the right saying, dumbass,” You grumble aloud, turning to Dave, who is literally sitting next to you. He shrugs.

“Yeah, but you understood what I was saying anyway, so does it matter? I consider that a win.”

You scoff.

“Do you really want to go over the complexities of the English language and dive empty-headed into a lecture about malaphors?” You bite back, stabbing a fork into your styrofoam tray, puncturing four neat holes into it.

“Hashtag winning. I’m two for two, dude,” Dave responds, completely ignoring what you just said.

“That implies you have already won something, and unless you have short term memory loss, you haven’t won shit,” You argue, grumpily, turning away from him to watch a couple of kids hang up a construction paper banner announcing a dance in the next couple of weeks. Apparently, that comment was loud enough to gather at least a little bit of attention from the rest of the table. You turn back to Dave, still minorly pissed as a small grin creeps over his face.

“That’s what you think,” He says, nodding his head over ever so slightly towards Rose and Kanaya, who have been paying attention (but obviously not a whole lot) to your conversation. You raise an eyebrow at him before following his gaze. Rose looks up and the second you meet Rose’s eyes, a sly smile slides easily across her face and you are hit with the sudden realization that Dave is probably doing some weird twin conspiracy bullshit with Rose. He likely told her everything and now she’s going to knock the favor in his direction- that bastard!

“Oh! I just remembered!” Kanaya exclaims quickly, gathering up the remainder of her trash.

“I have to go see Mrs. Shipley before lunch ends- would you care to join me, Rose?” Kanaya finishes, sitting up from her seat and dusting off her pants before holding out an offering hand to Rose. Without breaking a malicious eye contact with you, Rose takes hold of Kanaya’s hand.

“I would be delighted- do you mind if we detour by my locker? There are some notes I need for my next class.”

And just like that, the two are whisked away, leaving you with the rest of your group. At least you can be as loud as you want about the shitty bet now. Instantly, you pull on your most determined face and turn to stare Dave directly in the eye.

“This might seem stupid to you, Strider, but mark my words I will win this fucking bet. You’ll be groveling at my feet like some medieval peasant to a tyrannical ruler pleading “Nooo, Karkat, please, I beg you, give me back my measly five bucks!” And do you know what I will do? I will laugh in your face with the cynicism of a thousand gods and I will feel such immense satisfaction that not even with everything in the world you could possibly want could you ever match me.”

The look on Dave is unreadable. It seems to be a crossover somewhere between watching a try not to laugh challenge on YouTube and someone getting hit by a car.

“Hey, shouty, I think I heard Kankri calling for his verbiage back,” Vriska comments, her mouth full of a crappy cafeteria burger.

“I’ve been saying this for months. I think it’s a Vantas thing where the older you get, the more you use a useless amount of words. What even is this bet anyway? It’s basically all the two of you have been talking about for days now.” Terezi complains before chugging half a bottle of red Gatorade. Those two are disgusting.

“It’s none of your concern,” You defend, crossing your arms almost defiantly. “The only thing anyone needs to worry about (and by anyone, I mean Dave) is how-”

“We’re betting on when Rose ‘n Kanaya are going to get together. I said it would be by the end of the week and Karkat said it would be longer. I don’t understand why this is such a big deal to him but go off I guess. I look forward to having a whopping five bucks in my pocket and seeing the look of your face when you finally accept defeat and that you will never be as cool as me,” Dave cuts you off with an entire speech before biting into a burger courtesy of the school system, registering how it tastes, then puts it back of his tray and pushes it away.

You can’t help but roll your eyes.

“Ok, there’s a couple of things wrong with that, one being that you think you are cool and the second being that you cannot possibly fathom why this is a big deal. Kanaya has been talking non-stop about Rose for forever and I assume vice versa!” You ramble.

“Oh my god I cannot wait for Kanaya to finally shut up about Rose and just unload her frilly crush stuff onto Karkat instead of this dumb group,” Vriska complains and Terezi shoves her in the side. You are frankly unsure if that was in defense of Kanaya’s honor, because she called the group dumb, or because she wanted to shove Vriska.

Tavros, who has been sitting silently with his wheelchair pulled up by the end of the table nods, not shifting his focus from his 3DS. 

“To be fair, she does talk about Rose a lot,” He mumbles, not wanting to jump into a debate where Vriska is one of the contenders. Honestly, that was one of the things the comic got really scarily accurate; Vriska and Tavros’s relationship.

“Exactly!” Vriska declares triumphantly. “However, if I had to give my oh-so desired opinion on all of this-” Terezi mouths the words Vriska says silently, almost mimicking.

“-I think Karkat is right.”

You gape at her.

“What?” You and Dave exclaim simultaneously. Never in a million years would you ever think that Vriska would side with you on anything, never mind this particular topic. You don’t know whether you should be thankful for a companion or critical of your own stance.

“What? They’re both total weenies and will probably be horrible for a while. That, or they are already dating and faking it to mess with us,” Vriska states, inspecting her nails. You recall the look Rose gave you earlier.

“Bluh, you’re joking, Serket,” Terezi pretends like she is gagging as if the meer sound of Vriska’s voice is making her sick to her stomach. “Those two are totally getting together tomorrow and speedrunning a relationship until they get married, like, immediately. The cool kid’s right!” Terezi says, holding out her clenched hand semi in Dave’s direction for a fist bump. Dave hesitates for a second, given the statement “cool kid” so you can’t blame him. Dave gives her a fistbump seconds later with a comment of his appreciation and a small quip that doesn’t sound unlike something you would hear a presidential candidate would say when greeting a crowd of supporters. 

Vriska sighs dramatically and immediately Tavros tenses next to her. This on its own is a tell-tale sign that a Serket is about to do something horrible- both the sigh and Tavros’s reaction.

“And you are only betting a stupid five bucks? Doesn’t seem that major of a bet.”

Dave shrugs and starts to say “Well, it really isn’t but-” Before Vriska firmly cuts him off.

“I suggest we raise the stakes since there are more people now,” She smiles wickedly and Tavros has completely looked away from the conversation and to his 3DS like any sensible person would do. 

Terezi smiles just as wickedly. “What did you have in mind?”

Before you can even begin to protest about how you would very much like to not raise the stakes, Vriska hums and sits up like she is about to give some grand speech.

“When Karkat and I win, you’ll have to do whatever we say for the rest of the week and vice versa in the unlikely scenario you guys actually pull through. Of course, there is no actual way this will ever spin in your favor so you might as well quit now!”

Terezi’s grin only widens and given the fact that it looks like the bet is turning in Dave and Terezi’s favor, you are not super thrilled with this new added “prize”.

“A week seems pretty long, though!” You blurt out, turning towards Vriska.

“What, are you scared that you are going to lose?” Dave questions and you shake your head adamantly desperately trying not to let on that you do not want to fall in the clutches of Dave and Terezi. If Homestuck has told you anything is that those two as a duo is probably terrifying.

“Absolutely not!” You deny, tearing into the styrofoam of your food tray a bit more. “If anything, you guys should be scared! Knowing Vriska she might tell you guys to buy her food for the entire week and make your savings run dry. Seriously, when you guys lose, do you want to be under Vriska’s authority for a whole ass week?” 

“Kar-kat! You’re taking all the fun out of this! That’s like the whole point!” Vriska whines as Dave and Terezi both look like they are actually considering the scenario of being under Vriska’s figurative, and possibly literal, boot for a week.

“Since you’re so nervous, Karkat, we can cut you some slack and drop it down to a day or two but I am not especially worried about losing. Strider and I got this in the bag!” Terezi exclaims confidentially and Dave stifles a laugh meanwhile Vriska groans louder than all of them.

“Ugh, you guys are so lame. I’m outta here. Let’s go, Tav,” Vriska grumbles, swinging her bag over her shoulders and stomping off with Tavros left at the table scrambling to pack away all his stuff to follow after.

Terezi sighs, zipping up her jacket a little more before finding Pyralspite, who had been eating out of a bowl Terezi usually sets out for them just next to the table, and wraps their leash around her hand before packing away the rest of her stuff.

“I should probably get going too, but I’ll catch you later!” Terezi says with her classic grin and strolls off, leaving you and Dave at a completely empty table filled with the garbage and leftover trays of your shitty friends.

You instantly jump on the task of gathering up the trash and it doesn’t take Dave especially long to join in.

“So,” He starts, dumping a bunch of garbage in a nearby bin. “Teaming up with Vriska?”

You groan loudly, sitting back down to contemplate whether you should actually finish the crappy cafeteria food. 

“Don’t remind me. I don’t even want to think about what classpect shit Vriska might unknowingly pull out of her ass. Are we still on for my house after school?”

Dave nods slowly like he is registering your words into his head. “For sure. I just gotta drop Rose off and we’ll be good. But what do you mean by classpect shit? Did another glitch happen?”

“Oh god no! I was just thinking with her being the Thief of Light and wrecking all of our individual shits to achieve victory,” You explain, pushing your tray into the trash.

Dave snorts and ends up doing the same with his food.

“‘S a good thing she’s not godtiered now but even then, we would still have this in the bag,” Dave brags and you can’t help but roll your eyes.

“I thought you were not super in on this bet? You clearly didn’t give a shit earlier because you were so confident you are going to win! What changed?”

Dave shrugs, pulling up his backpack from the floor and putting away his phone and whatever other stuff he put out on the table.

“I dunno. I mean I don’t really care about the outcome, Rose can do whatever she wants, but with this added prize I feel like I gotta put in some effort so that when you lose, you don’t feel pissy about losing to someone who didn’t give a shit.”

“Aw, the asshole with a heart of gold,” You grumble sarcastically just as the bell rings overhead and the entire cafeteria collectively decides to get up and head to their next classes, pushing and shoving and using any other means necessary to do so.

“So, I guess I’ll see you later?

You sling your backpack over your shoulder, dumping the rest of your trash out.

“Yeah, later, I guess.”

And that’s all that’s said before the two of you part ways into the traffic of students.

“Holy hell these houses are big!” Dave comments as the two of you drive through your neighborhood.

“Well yeah,” You start, preparing to point out which house you live in. “There are like nine of us in our house; we have to have room!”

Dave turns the car around a bend and you can just barely see your house as you approach.

“I guess but you guys didn’t have to go all out, like damn- wait, is that Kanaya’s car?”

You were about to tell him that there is no way that Kanaya would be at your house but sure enough, parked right along the curb in front of your home, is Kanaya’s car. It takes you a moment to try and wrack your brain for any possible answer but you come up empty.

“Maybe she wanted to say hi?” You suggest as Dave pulls up to the curb behind her.

Upon entering your house, the two of you manage to dodge whatever curious parents were in the kitchen and make your way up the stairs to where the bedrooms are. A loud laugh from Nepeta’s room stops you in your trek and you have a feeling that Kanaya might be in there. Kanaya, with Nepeta who has been shipping Rose and Kanaya and begging the two to get together ever since Kanaya first brought up Rose, in the same room?

You burst through the door with a “Nepeta, don’t you dare!” only to find that you probably jumped to conclusions too quickly.

Nepeta and Kanaya are both seated on Nepeta’s bed surrounded by papers and reading the same book. You completely forgot that they have the same english teacher as you and probably got assigned the same project you were going to work on with Dave.

“Don’t I dare what?” Nepeta questions with a small tilt of her head. Kanaya stares on with the same confusion.

“Don’t… uh,” You trail off. With a glance behind you, you can see Dave trying to hold down a smile.

“Don’t hog all the chips again when we have people over! I know it was you!” You babble before turning on your heel and hightailing it out of there.

“For the last time, that was Tuna!” Nepeta calls as you stomp off to your room with Dave following behind you.

“Wow, that was incredible,” Dave says sarcastically as soon as the door is shut and you can’t help but glare at him.

“Shut up. I just don’t want Nepeta interfering, which, knowing her, would likely happen.”

“So you are scared-”

“I am not! Let’s just finish this stupid project so we can move on with our lives and play video games or, I don’t know, think about the impending end of the universe!” You grouch and unload the contents of your backpack onto your bed.

Dave stifles a bit of a laugh as he gets out the same items.

The two of you (and Hal, who quips in every once in a while) manage to get through a majority of your english project with minimal arguing until Dave asks where the kitchen is to make some snacks and you direct him down while finishing up some work on the poster. You didn’t think much of it when Nepeta and Kanaya went downstairs a few minutes later but after a solid couple minutes of waiting, his absence became very noticeable.

It wasn’t until you heard Nepeta’s voice ring out “Dave’s right, Kanaya,” and something else inaudible was that the final straw, causing you to march down the steps towards the kitchen.

Almost instantly upon spotting you, Nepeta links your arm with hers.

“Of course, Karkitty will agree. You two would be such a cute pair! You should really just take a leap of faith and ask her out!”

Kanaya is leaning up against a counter, biting her lip like she does when she is nervous, and her face completely red. Dave tries to look completely innocent in this scenario and is sipping a glass of water like this conversation “Just suddenly happened” and he had “no part in it”.

“You think so? I am just worried that she doesn’t feel the same,” Kanaya says uneasily. Nepeta gasps dramatically, jumping up and down a bit. It takes a bit more effort than you would care to admit to escape from her grip.

“You _must_ be blind, then! Have you _seen_ the way she looks at you?” Nepeta squeals, causing Kanaya’s face to flush darker than you ever thought possible.

“I don’t think we should pressure Kanaya into doing anything that she is not ready for,” You state loudly. “Sure, they might be a good pair but gathering up the courage to confess can take a bit and besides, having a romantic confession takes planning and time. There’s no need to rush anything!”

“Yeah, but what’s the point of dragging out something just for the sake of it? You like Rose and I can assure you that Rose likes you too so why wait when you guys can be doin’ gross couple-y things together already?” Dave mentions, downing the last of his water.

You try to send the most death-filled glare to Dave in the short second you can before turning your attention back to the conflicted-looking Kanaya.

“Thank you all for trying to help me,” Kanaya starts after a pause. “I think I want to figure this out on my own… I believe we all have projects to finish, we should be getting to that.”

And with that, Kanaya spins around, snatching a glass of water from the table and marches off back to Nepeta’s room.

“Purrhaps that was too much,” Nepeta contemplates, easily sliding a cat pun into her speech. “But whatever, did you guys see how flushed she was! I would bet actual money that they would be getting together soon. Gosh, they are going to be so cute!” Nepeta coos clutching her hands close to her face like she is the one falling in love.

You are so fucking done with this.

You just turn around and walk away from Dave and Nepeta; Nepeta who is squealing about Rose and Kanaya’s relationship and Dave who is a poke in the side away from laughter. 

Your room is close to looking like a full on disaster due to your mess of a poster but it is nearly done save for some drawings that Dave was working on. You decide to straighten up a bit, picking up random scraps of paper and used art supplies and putting them in their respective spots to try and calm down a bit.

It’s not that you don’t mind that Kanaya and Rose are going to get together, I mean, it was pretty much inevitable with the way they were acting. And even if they started dating sooner rather than later you would be happy for them.

But the whole process (even if it has been turned into a bet between your friends) still sort of hurts. When it comes to the twelve of you “trolls” being friends, everyone always had their person that they hung out with. Vriska and Terezi, Aradia and Sollux, Nepeta and Equius. Hell, even Tavros and Gamzee are best friends now. But Kanaya was sort of that person for you and even though it is great that Kanaya is super in love and stuff, you're probably not going to be that person for her anymore and that sort of sucks.

In troll culture this problem would be nonexistent; everyone has different quadrants for different people that need to be balanced so if the two of you actually were moirails this wouldn’t be an issue. But you are not trolls. You are human, willingly following the same relationship structure as all the other humans do and for now you’ve got to deal with your best friend getting a girlfriend and leaving you alone.

“Yo, Karkat, I think we are just about finished with the board and not gonna lie, I’m pretty bored. Do you wanna watch a movie or something?” Dave chimes in from the door frame. When did he get there?

“What movie were you thinking? I got a shit ton,” You respond lamely.

Dave shrugs. “I mean it’s sort of up to you. I don’t know what movies you have.”

You take a moment to gather your thoughts and breathe, running a hand through your hair- man, you need a haircut.

“I’ve got Better Off Dead?”

“Never seen it.”

You gape at him, suddenly fueled by the new found energy of someone having not seen a movie that you love.

“You’re kidding. We have to watch it now!”

You scramble off your bed and march down the stairs to the living room to sort through a wall of movies for the 80’s masterpiece. Dave flops onto the couch behind you. 

“What even is it about?” He asks, though his words are a little muffled by the pillow his head is on.

“Have you seen that one episode of South Park where the kids go to the ski resort and Stan is challenged to a skiing competition with that one weird dude and it’s all framed like a really bad movie?”

“Oh my god is it based off of this movie?” Dave groans into his pillow.

“A little- you know what? I’ll just let you watch it.”

You shove Dave aside to make room to sit down and watch the movie, leaning back on the couch and trying to let go of your thoughts so that you can be completely distracted by the film.

You and Dave only manage to reach the scene where Lane’s mom tries to make food only for it to crawl off his plate when Nepeta comes skipping downstairs with Kanaya in tow.

“Are you two watching a movie? Can we join? We just finished our homework!”

You gesture to the plentiful empty spaces with a “go right ahead” and they plop down and immediately erupt into a quiet conversation.

Now that you think about it, Rose must have also been someone’s person and while Roxy and Dirk are also really close, Rose is Dave’s twin and seemingly his partner in crime.

You glance over at Dave who is absorbed enough in the movie to not register you looking. You wonder if he is also conflicted about this. Regardless, as horrible as it is to say, you wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at him.

You turn to see how Nepeta and Kanaya are doing after their whispers quieted down only to be met with Kanaya’s gaze. She is studying you like she is trying to figure out your darkest secrets just by looking at your face. You raise an eyebrow and give her a look as if to say “why the fuck are you looking at me?”. 

Judging by her reaction of her eyes widening at you and her mouth forming an ‘o’ shape, that was interpreted much differently.

The four of you don’t manage to finish the movie as Mituna and Latula walk in during the climax and immediately pile onto the couch with you all to finish the movie (even though they don’t have the slightest clue as to what is happening) and Kanaya and Dave decide to take their leave.

Before Kanaya leaves she pulls you aside to tell you that you can talk to her about anything, whatever that means, before ruffling your hair and taking off.

You think about that for the rest of the day even as you lie in bed, scrolling through forums about Homestuck as you tend to do. What could you have possibly done to imply to her that you are sad or whatever emotion she thinks you have? You are just about to go down the rabbit hole of criticizing everything you have ever done in your life when you receive a message on Pesterchum. Bored out of your mind and wanting to distract yourself from your thoughts, you decide to answer it.

arachnidsGrip [AG] has started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AG: Karkat, I got a plan!!!!!!!!

Your tired eyes squint in confusion like you barely understood what she wrote.

CG: What do you mean you’ve got a plan? What are we planning?

AG: How we are going to stop Kanaya and Rose from dating obviously!

You almost launch your phone across the room with how quickly you sit up.

CG: WOAH WHAT?

CG: VRISKA THAT WAS NOT THE GOAL!

CG: WE ARE NOT DOING THAT.

CG: IF WE LOSE THEN SO BE IT BUT WE ARE NOT JEOPARDIZING THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THEM!

AG: God shut up! >:::(

AG: I don’t know about you but I am super not interested in being a servant for a day.

AG: So if that means making sure that they don’t even date in the first place so be it!

CG: But by extension that means we also lose!

CG: The bet was that Dave and Terezi think that those two are going to get together by the end of the week and our side is that they are going to get together later.

CG: Read that slowly so it might stick to your small brain a bit better!

CG: OUR STANCE STILL HAS ROSE AND KANAYA GETTING TOGETHER.

AG: What if we just make sure one of them doesn’t go to school tomorrow… or the next day?

CG: We are not using violence.

AG: Then what do you suggest we do????????

CG: Convince them to wait? Say that they should try and put on a whole romantic setup that takes way too long to put together?

CG: Anything that does not emotionally or physically scar anyone.

AG: But Terezi and what’s his face are going to win >:::(

CG: Do you mean Dave?

AG: Whatever. If we don’t do anything they are so going to win.

CG: Then why the actual fuck did you pick this side?

”AG: That was before I spent two whole fucking periods with Rose at school and learned that she was planning to ask Kanaya out within their time limit.

CG: Holy shit, really?

”AG: Yes!!!!!!!!

You have to stop and take a deep breath for a second. Something feels wrong.

CG: Ok, I could be wrong but I think Rose is in cohorts with Dave.

CG: And our best bet is preoccupying the two of them!

”AG: How surprising.

CG: I have a couple periods with Kanaya tomorrow or I guess today and I can convince her to drive me out to lunch to talk.

CG: I am pretty sure she thinks I have some sort of secret I am not telling her so I’ll just use that.

CG: I can’t believe these words are even coming out of my mouth, or I guess mind, seeing the high percent chance that any action you take will lead to the world being set on fire or the destruction of humanity but you should go and try and distract the rest of them.

CG: Their time limit ends the day after tomorrow so we can’t waste any opportunity!

AG: I like the way you think, shouty >:::)

CG: I take offense to that.

CG: By the way, it is nearly three in the fucking morning and I need to be up early tomorrow so I am going to kindly ask you to leave me the fuck alone.

CG: Goodnight

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased being pestered by arachnidsGrip [AG]

Something settles differently in your stomach. The type of nausea that just sits and slowly builds up in your throat but never actually comes up. In short terms, you feel awful.

The longer this bet goes on, the worse you feel. Maybe it’s due to the fact that you are teamed up with Vriska. Maybe it’s because there is a high percent chance you are going to lose. Whatever it is, you can feel it in your bones and fingers like a type of fatigue or illness and you can’t shake it for the entire evening.

Finally, you have something exciting waiting for you when you wake up in the morning. Kankri is still nagging at you but you hardly pay him any mind because for the first time in a couple of weeks, Kanaya is driving the crew into school and not Kankri!

You pull on your favorite sweater and shoes before shoving whatever you might need into your backpack and dashing out the door with Kanaya’s car in sight.

As you approach, something is very obviously wrong. 

You can feel your nose crinkle with annoyance as you open the back seat door to sit next to a very smug Terezi and Pyralspite.

“I thought you normally carpooled with Dave?” You ask in confusion.

Immediately, the laughter that had sparked between Rose and Kanaya from some joke you didn’t hear halts as they both turn to face you. You feel like you just said that you kill babies as a pastime rather than asked a question.

“I do,” Rose starts, glancing to the side at Kanaya and smiling and the mere sight of her. “But Kanaya asked if I wanted to drive with her today. I didn’t want to abandon Dave like that but he was insistent he would be fine without me so I came!”

“-And we love to have you here, Rose!” Kanaya hums before shifting gears on the car, making the car move forward with a jolt.

“I guess that makes sense,” You comment while Terezi makes a gagging motion that goes unnoticed by the girls. You elbow her in the side.

“I thought you would like this? They are basically catering to your side of the bet!” You hiss out and Terezi sticks her tongue out like she just smelled something gross.

“That doesn't mean that their lovey-dovey affection isn’t disgusting!” She says, leaning back in her seat.

You tune in momentarily to Rose and Kanaya’s conversation who seem to be debating on the quality of the Twilight movies. Kanaya makes a comment that causes Rose to release a gleeful laugh having her to rest a hand on Kanaya’s shoulder for support. The two fall silent as Rose quickly retracts her hand and places it in her lap, looking away for just a moment before Kanaya strikes up the conversation again, moving past the incident.

“I don’t know, I think it’s sort of sweet?” You mutter to Terezi groans again.

“If I am ever in a relationship like this, I want you to punch me in the face.” She complains.

You roll your eyes and turn towards the window, watching the snowy landscape pass as you make your way down the streets towards your school.

“Kanaya, do you happen to know any local bookstores? I usually order my books online but there is something comforting about exploring a bookstore that I love.”

“Yes! There was one I was actually thinking about showing you that I go to a lot. If you are free this weekend we can go together!”

“That would be amazing! So, it’s a date?”

“Of course! I can’t wait!”

The rest of the ride is silent until you reach the school.

arachnidsGrip [AG] has started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AG: Did you ask her yet????????

CG: No, I didn’t.

AG: Well you better do it soon before lunch or I’m going to kick your ass.

CG: You don’t have to be a bitch about it.

CG: I’m on it.

AG: Don’t forget, this was your plan!

You watch Kanaya underline several sentences in the reading that you are supposed to be working on together. She is humming quietly. You come to the sudden realization that you don’t remember the last time you’ve seen her so happy.

You almost don’t want to speak to her and drive her out of her thoughts because she looks so peaceful and content where she is. It feels like it would be a transgression to disturb her.

You open your mouth to ask her. You really, honestly try. Your throat dries and your chest grows tighter like every single nerve in your body is begging you not to do it. Vriska is right, this is your plan after all so why can’t you move forward with it? That dreadful nausea from last night falls back over you like a wave.

“Karkat, who were you texting?” Kanaya asks, putting down her pen from the questions.

It feels like time almost freezes in that instant and you account for everything during the day. Vriska messaging to plot a stall on a blossoming relationship. The car ride earlier where Rose and Kanaya already looked so happy together without any interference from anyone- they had planned a date and everything. And your supposed interference now.

It’s much more intense now that you are face to face Kanaya but you can finally give the emotion a name. You feel almost stupid for not seeing it sooner; it would have saved you a lot of trouble.

You manage a small smile at her, every inch of yourself feeling an insurmountable amount of bad.

“Vriska was just bugging me,” You say honestly.

You didn’t recognize it before but now the emotion is as clear as day. You didn’t really care if you won or lost the bet, it was fun to banter with Dave but it was never serious; you just wanted Kanaya and Rose to be happy together. 

At what point did a playful bet turn into a competition? Hell, even you fell for the switch and that’s how you ended up in the position you are in now. It’s not even a bet anymore, it is seeing which side can speed up or slow down an inevitable process to win instead of just observing and appreciating it’s trek.

“What was she bothering you about?”

The feeling is guilt.

You try to shrug casually, considering your next actions carefully. If you and Vriska lose then it might as well happen but you are not going to potentially ruin their relationship. Even if it is just an outing apart.

Man, you are blowing this a little out of proportion, don’t you think?

“We were planning to do something stupid and then I realized it was stupid- hey, do you want to go out to the foodstore today? Dave owes me chips and I want compensation!” Maybe this will at least lighten the blow from Vriska and it will keep the two together.

Kanaya smiles and nods and you feel relief wash over you. “Absolutely! I just got paid so maybe we can get coffee too! I’ll tell Rose!” She says softly as to not alert the teacher.

You smile a bit as Kanaya eagerly takes out her phone, looking around slightly for the teacher, before tapping away a message for Rose.

“Kanaya? Texting in class? What has she done to you?” You mock, turning back to your notes.

You hear her scoff slightly.

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” She says and you can practically hear the smile on her lips.

And this is how it should have been the entire time. The two of them figure it out on their own without you or Dave or Terezi or Vriska to lead them along or away.

You really hope Vriska doesn’t kick your ass.

Kanaya takes the lead in dragging you down the hallways towards where your group normally meets up and immediately upon spotting Rose, rushes over to greet her with a small “hello, how are you?” and links arms. The arm thing is probably another blow to Vriska’s mountain-sized ego on top of the fact that Kanaya is here and not somewhere far away from Rose. The look she is giving you though seems more like a warning that you are, in fact, going to be pummeled into the ground but other than that, you couldn’t really care that Vriska is pissed off.

“Hey, love birds. When’s the wedding? Is Dave going to be the flower girl?” Terezi cackles and Rose and Kanaya act like they didn’t hear a thing, resigning to a quiet conversation about each other's day.

“Hell. Yes. Don’t worry Kanaya I’ll be the best goddamn flower girl you’ve ever seen. Droppin’ flower petals ‘n shit like the illest beats the audience won’t even know what hit them. I mean, not like actual shit. That would be weird if like halfway down the aisle I have to pop a squat and drop a bomb-”

You don’t have time to listen to the rest of Dave’s gross metaphor as Vriska grabs you by the collar of your sweater and hauls you off to the side, leaving only Terezi’s loud laughter in the background. You feel like a tiny baby animal separated from the pack, which as any nature documentary will tell you, is not great.

You are more or less pushed into a locker a bit away from all your friends.

“What the hell Vantas?” Vriska growls out. “You just screwed over your own damn plan! I knew you were dumb but this is some extreme negative intelligence modifier shit!”

You try to maneuver your way around her but she stops you from leaving. She must really not want to lose this bet. Shouldn’t have made it in the first place, Vriska!

“Here’s some news for you: I don’t care anymore!” You growl, trying to duck to escape.

“That’s the stupidest excuse I have ever heard in my life,” Vriska hisses. “You are allllllllways the one to go down with the metaphorical ship so why don’t you do it now? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“This isn’t the ship I want to go down on! In fact, this is barely a ship at all! The plan I made was stupid and it undermined the entire point of the bet! So let’s just move on with our lives and get food!” You tell her, attempting to push past. Vriska holds her ground.

“The point was to win-”

“The point was to observe Kanaya and Rose’s relationship and I’ve been too stupid and too caught up in the wrong part of this to realize it!” You admit in the most hushed voice you can manage.

“So what. You are just going to give up and lose like a whiny brat?”

“No. I am going to lose, resigning to the original bet. You were the one who added on all the extra bullshit and made it into a competition!”

“Don’t you blame me for this. You are just as involved and at fault for us losing and essentially being Dave and Terezi’s bitches for a day!”

“Did you seriously not hear anything that I said?”

“Hey, are you coming?” Rose calls out to you and Vriska. Her grip loosens and you are able to slip away.

“Look, I’m sorry you felt like you were dragged down with me but if you are going to win the bet, it’s going to be the way it was originally designed: by the decisions that Rose and Kanaya make. But whatever you do, I have no part in it.” And with that you turn and start walking towards your group.

“Hey Strider, you owe me some fucking chips so get your ass over here!”

Dave has been smug all day. Way more smug than someone at the end of their time limit should be, though it’s pretty evident now that Rose has been on his side since day one. He probably told Terezi too since she has been shooting you her classic “I’ve won” grin every time she sees you. It makes you wonder if they have this entire over dramatic reveal set up so that they can rub it in your face more.

All that wonder is pretty much confirmed when Rose and Kanaya start spreading the news that they have an important announcement to make- meet them at the normal table you always sit at during lunch. They keep it pretty vague even though there is no reason to; everyone knows.

Maybe Rose and Kanaya had been dating for a long time beforehand and just wanted to drag it out for the sake of torturing you and Vriska? Actually, you can get the Vriska part of this, she’s sort of been a dick lately- well, more of a dick than she usually is. 

Ever since you said that the bet had turned to bullshit and walked away, Vriska has been really petty to make your life hell; tripping you, stealing papers, knocking over your stuff and it’s only been twenty-four hours! You are not sure what she is more upset about, the fact that you abandoned your plan and basically subjected the both of you to being servants for a day or two or that you left her on her own. You guess it doesn’t matter either way because Vriska is still doing what she is doing. 

The walk to the lunch room is a very short walk but the crowd makes it take ages. Kanaya is only a step in front of you, trying to make her way through the crowd towards the table. From wall to wall, the posters advertising the dance next week get torn on the edges or even get larger rips which makes you feel bad for the ASB or whoever sets up dances. One poster in particular is only hanging on by the tape on the top and unmistakably depicts Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen in a sweet embrace. Clearly the handiwork of Nepeta and no doubt taken from the cover of Pride and Prejudice.

You and Kanaya finally push your way through and get to the table where Dave, Terezi, Vriska, and a couple other people you know are gathered at one end, anxiously awaiting the news, while Rose sits on the other side. Upon seeing Kanaya, Rose stands up and holds out an arm to her which Kanaya gladly takes as the two of them sit. You manage to squeeze between Dave and Vriska as you sit down on the bench.

“Thank you all for coming and I apologize for the wait,” Kanaya starts, dropping her purse to the empty spot next to her. “Rose and I have a very special announcement to make!”

Rose, who had been resting her hand on top of Kanaya’s, gives hers a light squeeze of assurance before taking a deep breath and sitting up taller.

“Thank you Kanaya,” Rose hums before starting up her speech.

“I’ll admit this is a little embarrassing to announce in this manner but I would like it to be known that yesterday at approximately 1:02PM, before lunch had ended Kanaya and I-” Rose pauses for dramatic affect and you can see Vriska staring at you with malice in the corner of your eye.

“Well, we saw a Mr. Eridan Ampora trip over his long ass scarf in the hallway. At last, Icarus has fallen. Thank you.”

And with that, Rose slides out of her seat, still holding Kanaya’s hand and you can hear a small conversation of “Do you want to go get some coffee?” “That would be nice!” as the two of them get ready to leave. 

Dave visibly deflates next to you.

“Wait, did you want to say anything else?” He starts and Rose whips around to stare him dead in the eye. A hint of a smile is etched on her face that makes the entire interaction ten times more amusing.

“No, that is it.”

Vriska looks about as shocked as you feel, perhaps even more so.

“Wait, so did we win?” She asks and Kanaya turns around curiously.

“Win? I have no idea what you are talking about. If Eridan falling down counts as a win in your book then I guess you’ve won?” She responds, clearly getting lost in her own thoughts.

“No, just- Are you two dating?” Terezi groans, pressing her face into the table out of frustration.

A smile spreads across Rose’s face although it’s not evil, it is rather fond.

“Yes, we’re dating? Rose, was that not obvious?” Kanaya questions, turning to Rose for support.

“Oh, dear, I should have told you. I apologize. Dave, Terezi, Karkat, and Vriska had a bet going to try and figure out when we were going to get together, not aware we were already in a relationship.”

All hell essentially breaks loose as the group collectively realizes that your efforts were all for nothing. Everyone starts yelling simultaneously.

“I _knew_ that she knew about it!”

“Damnit, we did lose then!”

“Woah, woah, woah, how long were you guys together!”

Rose and Kanaya look at each other for a solid second, as if they are having a silent conversation.

“We got together the day we met at school during lunch,” Kanaya says slowly, swinging her and Rose’s clasped hands ever so slightly.

“Well, was that before or after the trip to the food store ‘cause that’s when Karkat and I made the bet?” Dave mutters, his hands covering his face like he is seconds away from having a stress-filled freak out.

“It was while we were in the aisles looking for food, before we checked out,” Rose exclaims and the chatter arises again, mostly interrogating you and Dave on the exact moment the bet was made. Clearly, this has evolved into a much bigger deal than it should have been, even with people outside the bet.

It wasn’t until Terezi chimed in that the group fell silent.

“So, who won?”

A pregnant pause fills the air that rings louder than the chatter of the lunchroom.

“I…” You start, your voice cracking a bit.

“I don’t think any of us won?”

“Impossible!” Vriska loudly states. “One of us has to win!”

“As much as I hate to agree with the opposition-”

“Thank you!” Vriska says, cutting Dave off as he drags his hands lethargically off of his face.

“- I think Karkat is right.”

“What.”

“I mean, if you really want a winner,” Dave starts, searching for Rose and Kanaya. The two left in the midst of you idiots arguing.

“We can always have those who agree there is no winner give orders to the one singular person who wants to keep debating.”

“We could also just have who is closest in time and say Dave and I are the winners and boss you and Karkat around anyway,” Terezi chimes in.

Vriska tries to sputter out any excuse she can come up with before pausing to look at you as if you will come to her side and defender.

To be quite frank, you were expecting to lose anyway so you just shrug your shoulders, resigned to either or. It doesn’t really matter because either you get away with not having to do anything at all or you get to watch Vriska throw a hissy fit every time Terezi tells her to do her homework.

Eventually, Vriska looks resigned to her defeat and slumps down in her seat, arms crossed like a toddler who just got put in time-out.

“So are we good? If we hurry we might have time to catch up with Kanaya and Rose!” You comment, shuffling in your seat to dig your wallet out of your bag.

“Ugh, finally! I’m starving!”


	12. >Dave: Hang out.

Karkat lets out a groan of completely unmitigated annoyance, a noise that has grown very familiar over the past few weeks.

“Dave,” He says through gritted teeth, almost snapping the pen he’s holding in half. “Why are you so opposed to this? It is a fucking EMAIL!”

You lean over the counter to peer at the front door to the restaurant, making sure no one has entered since you last checked, you know, like a good employee. A good employee who is totally not slacking off.

“I’m not _opposed_ to this,” You explain for the umpteenth time. “But the last time we talked to each other Dirk scared the shit out of him and nearly stabbed him. There is no way this dude is ever going to talk to us again!”

Karkat scoffs, scrawling out an “Andrew Hussie,” at the top of the page in his large capitalized-esque handwriting. Honestly, you wouldn’t expect anything different.

After Karkat found out that you and Dirk had confronted Hussie, he’s been begging to send out an email to try and learn more about the plot of the story. His logic is that if the world is going to be crushed by thousands of meteors then you might as well try to learn the rest of the story to see if you are supposed to die or not. Your universe might not be canonical but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its parallels.

“You never know if you don’t try. “Miss one-hundred percent of the shots you don’t take” sort of shit. If he doesn’t respond then so what? Isn’t he in the comic anyway? It’s probably in his best interest to try and give us some fucking plot.”

Both you and Dirk had given that some thought after meeting Hussie several months ago. He is a self-insert but those are still characters with interactions that never happened in real life. So he is still a part of the story and it makes you wonder if there is another Andrew Hussie roaming the Earth. Then again, if it was the actual Andrew Hussie, he also would have written Homestuck too so it’s probably just the one, thank god.

“Knowing him he probably exists in some weird-ass middle ground and is completely fine with all the shit happening since it’s a self-insert or whatever,” You grumble, burying your face in your arms, leaning further into the counter. 

Karkat was about to loudly follow up, as he tends to do, when the bell above the entrance to the restaurant chimes, signaling someone entering the store but you figure you can stall for a couple of seconds.

“We need to get back on track, asshole. I’m going to help this person but when I get back we are writing this fucking email.” Karkat hisses at you before sitting up and walking towards the front of the store.

You know in your head that he is right and trying is better than nothing but also, like most Americans, you have the strong, central belief that you are a thousand percent sure that he is never going to respond.

Almost instantly upon hearing the loud “Karkitty!”, you put in minimal effort to peer around the pillar that is blocking your view from the front.

Karkat is standing beside the podium at the front, looking insanely unamused, with several menus tucked under his arm. In front of him is Nepeta, pretty unsurprisingly, Equius, who is looking nervously at Nepeta almost as if he wants to be anywhere else except here, and two others that you have seen around the school once or twice but are certainly not from the comic at all and will most likely die with the inevitable collapse of the universe. Wow, that turned morbid.

You only really decide to approach after not being able to make out the conversation and when Karkat sets the menus down, switches to his classic arms crossed pose, and says “You can’t be serious,”

This has the potential to be a very boring and uneventful conversation but you think it’s a little bit less boring than being draped across a counter on the verge of taking a quick nap.

“Aw, c’mon Karkat, please?” She pleads as you approach.

“Unless there is some sort of collateral, no. We can do this later, I am literally working right now.”

“I promise I will pay you back!”

“Like all the other times I’ve lent you money?”

Nepeta falters for a second, looking to the side to avoid eye contact with Karkat who is staring at her intently. 

“Ok, maybe those last times I slipped up,” She admits. “But this time we can do the collateral thingy! Two weeks of chores if I can’t pay you back for forty bucks for a dress to the dance!” She still insists, tilting close to Karkat with her hands clasped dramatically close to her chest.

“Forty?” He sputters and Nepeta nods enthusiastically.

You angle yourself against the pillar, watching this whole thing unfold. You make quick eye contact with Equius before focusing back in on the conversation.

Karkat pinches his brow as if trying to hang on to composure. “Again, Nepeta, we can talk about this later, if you haven’t noticed I am at my job. A place where I work and should be working!”

Nepeta takes this chance to look around the completely empty restaurant, her face morphing into surprise when she sees you.

“You and Dave clearly have your hands full. ” She retorts sarcastically. “By the way, Dave, I had no idea that you worked here! You’ve got to tell me these things!” You almost wave to her but she is instantly back to Karkat.

Nepeta holds up her pinky finger. Unless you were from a completely alien race, your superior Earth intellect tells you that she is about to perform what the people of this planet call a pinky promise.

“I promise I will pay you back and if not then I’ll do your chores for two weeks-”

“Nepeta, I already told you I could loan you the money. There is no need for this,” Equius mutters so quietly you almost swore you didn’t hear it. The conversation still overlaps his words.

“ _-and_ an IOU for the future since this is such short notice.” Man, Rose would never give you that favor leeway. 

Karkat seems to be debating with himself for a couple of seconds, looking every direction except for Nepeta before letting out an exasperated sigh.

“Three weeks,” He demands, digging out his wallet and fishing out a couple folded bills. “I want three weeks of chores- Are you guys even going to eat?”

Nepeta’s face breaks out into a wide grin and she snatches the money happily from Karkat’s extended hand and stuffs it in her own pocket.

“Thank you! You won’t regret this!” Nepeta blithers, pulling Karkat into a quick hug before he can begin to pry himself away, all the while he has a scowl on his face.

“Wait, hey, you didn’t answer my question!” He calls out to them as Nepeta starts shoving her friends out the door to the restaurant.

“No time, Karkitty! Thanks for the loan!”

“Hey, wait! Get back here!”

Equius mumbles a quick apology for his short friend as he is dragged out the door and towards his car. His words are once again overlapped by the cackles of their friends as they are shoved out of the building. Karkat makes a dash for the doors but Nepeta and her friends are already pulling out of the parking lot.

“Damnit,” Karkat curses as he trudges back into the restaurant from his effortless trip.

You leisurely follow him back to the counter where the mostly blank page sits like a good little paper should and waits to be written on. 

“Hey, at least you tried,” You shrug, resuming your slumped position over the counter.

“I just don’t understand why everyone is getting so riled up about this shitty dance!” He grumbles angrilly, picking up the pen he set on the counter and clicking it a couple times and dragging the page in front of him once again.

“Maybe because it’s on a weekend and there is literally nothing else to do in this town. Shawty be small as hell.”

Karkat gives you a disgusted look. 

“I mean I guess,” He exclaims more out of shock from the meer word “shawty” than anything else. “But that doesn’t really change the fact that dances are hellaciously boring and a waste of time. Even if there was nothing to do, I would rather sit in my room bored out of my fucking skull than stand awkwardly in semi-formal attire with a bunch of pubescent teenagers drinking overpriced soda while bad music is blasted through cheap school speakers.”

Karkat pauses for a moment before flipping the paper over and writing down some bulletin points for the email.

“Huh, I always pegged you as the type of guy who would love this sort of stuff,” You comment, surveying the empty store. At this point, you don’t know why you even bother; this place is as dead as disco.

“Because I watch rom-coms.” Karkat states lamely only causing you to shrug again.

He sighs a little at that. 

“In movies and books, it seems so much more exciting,” He starts wistfully, trailing off into a very dramatic pause.

“Anyway getting back on track-”

You let out an annoyed groan because annoying Karkat annoyingly did that purposefully.

“Don’t whine, Strider. We need to finish this email! I know you would like to keep acting like a fucking toddler about this but if there is a chance that this info might save me from getting crushed by meteors at the inevitable end of the world I would prefer to get it. That is, of course, if I don’t get deleted by this godforsaken universe beforehand.”

“Again, I am not being a baby about this, I just don’t think he will respond,” You mumble into your sleeve.

“Even if he does, it’s gonna be hell to try and convince him that I’m the Dave he spoke to at the convention. How’s that gonna go? “What’s up? Remember me from that shitty anime convention in Houston? Yeah, the one where my brother, a character who was not yet introduced in your webcomic at the time, nearly stabbed you with a sword from his strife deck, which you also found out was real. It was real fun, we forced you to show us your transaction history and-”

“Ok, ok, I get it, just hold the phone for a goddamn second,” Karkat cuts you off, waving his hand dismissively.

“Three things. One, you’re rambling again. Two, yes, that is exactly what we should be writing down. And three…”

He pauses for a moment and in that dramatic pause, you see his wide eyes and contemplating expression staring down at the paper before shifting directly to you.

“Do people not have sylladexes?”

You almost want to laugh. If Karkat was a machine, it would look like each component that was needed to make him function was shutting off one by one.

“I think it’s sylladi.”

Karkat doesn’t respond for a good couple seconds, slowly processing that bit of information before he blinks back into focus and begins writing again. You try to peer over your arms to get a glimpse of what he is jotting down before you eventually give up enough to ask.

“What are you writing?”

Karkat huffs in exasperation like it should be the most obvious thing on the planet.

“I am starting the email. You think that this is a lost cause and that’s fine by me but I at least have some faith that if Hussie knows us, even if we are only just characters he has in his head, he’ll know that we are writing this out of frankly pitiful desperation, are most likely going to be honest about what we say, and that knowing the end of the story is really fucking important.”

Sure. Fine. Fuck it. What could possibly go wrong, right? No harm, no foul.

“It’s worth a shot I guess, but you shouldn’t go putting all of your faith in that email,” You say after a couple of seconds. Karkat releases a clear sigh of relief as he continues writing once again.

“Thank fucking god you came around after half an hour. Now, sit up douchebag, you’ve got to help me.”

You shove your phone into your pocket for about the billionth time that day. What you said about not putting your faith into a sort of greasy-lookin’ guy was basically thrown out the window once you and Karkat sat down and sent the email from your account. Karkat notices, of course, and probably just made a snarky comment like “So much for “putting no faith in him”' or some shit like that. One hundred percent honesty here, you weren’t really paying attention to anything he’s said in the last minute or two because you were too distracted by Hal reminded you that he has the ability to tell you if an email is sent back.

Funny enough, you only remembered that Hal could have just hacked all the information you needed after the fact of sending the email, but then again it was probably better this way. I mean, what better heads up that the world and probably the universe is going to end soon than an email asking for spoilers to the end of your webcomic?

Your attention is only brought back to the present as the doors to the cafeteria open up and Tavros wheels in with Vriska sauntering leisurely behind him. Tavros looks a little panicked (but not in the “I’m around Vriska” way more in the “Shit, something bad just happened” sort of way) as he searches around the room before catching sight of your table and making a beeline for it. Vriska ends up following, although at the same leisurely pace she has been keeping up, which definitely heightens your suspicion about whatever Tavros is panicking about.

All of the small conversations at the table stop the moment Tavros arrives at the table. Even Terezi, who had been enraptured with a miniature murder trial among the tableware falls quiet.

“Hi!” He says loudly as he rolls to a stop with heavy breathing.

“Hi… quick question that might sound a little silly but is actually sort of an emergency, not that any of you guys should panic! But uh, you see I- um-”

“Spit it out already, Tav!” Terezi exclaims. Clearly, she is already getting bored with this whole encounter.

Tavros pauses nervously for a second, his eyes darting to Vriska quickly before he starts again.

“Vriska may have uh a-accidentally locked Gamzee’s keys in his car and we can’t get them out and it would be super cool if someone could help us?”

The table is dead quiet for only a small moment, which was enough time for Karkat to assume no one else will do anything and reluctantly agree with a “Shit, okay.”

Almost immediately, Karkat is out of his seat, pulling his phone from his pocket to dial whatever number he needs to.

“We might need to call a locksmith if we can’t open it so I’ll call my dad to see if he can give Gamzee a ride home today. I should probably go with him- Vriska, did you make sure every single door was locked before you threw the keys in?”

Vriska feigns a look of deep offense. 

“Are you accusing me of doing this on purpose! I would never!” She mocks before a small smirk creeps unintentionally onto her face.

“But yes,” Vriska admits with a small scoff. “All the doors are locked.”

Karkat pauses in his tracks and looks toward you with regret and it takes you a second to get why.

Kanaya now takes Rose and Terezi home, Gamzee takes Tavros, and you drive Karkat.

“‘S chill K. You go do what you gotta do or whatever. Saves me gas anyways,” You respond nonchalantly, hopefully assuring him that you will be fine without his loud backseat driving.

Karkat turns away for a moment to continue talking to Tavros and you take that moment to dig out your phone once again to check your inbox. All seems pretty much well until you feel a soft nudge in your side from Terezi.

“Kanaya and Rose are going on a date today so you got an extra seat, cool kid? I don’t want to third wheel on all that mushy shit!”

You don’t see why not. Karkat is probably busy and Terezi is pretty chill.

“For sure! You live in my neighborhood I think so it’s no sweat.”

“Sweet.”

You feel eyes staring directly into your skull and it sends an all too familiar feeling creeping down your spine. Thankfully, when you look up, it’s just Karkat.

His expression is nearly emotionless minus just the slightest hint of a frown. You couldn’t tell anyone what he is thinking- it doesn’t even look like he is listening to Tavros, who is rambling about Gamzee’s car. All you can see is the edges of his mouth move like he wants to say something but it never comes out. Tavros tugs lightly at the sleeve of his sweater and Karkat nearly jumps out of his skin, snapping his gaze away from you. 

You just barely hear Tavros ask “Are you ok?” and him respond with “Yeah” before the two begin walking away to solve the problem Vriska caused. Whatever that was, he seems to have gotten over it.

The bell rings overhead and you begin the process that every kid goes through at the end of lunch: shove your stuff into your bag, throw away trash, cross your fingers that your next class isn’t shitty.

“Aw, I wanted to check out whatever was happening with the clown guy’s car. Whatever, I’ll see you after school,” Terezi says with one of her classic wide grins before she starts off down the hallway leaving you to go to your next class alone.

The rest of the day goes by pretty slowly; you run into some of your friends throughout your classes but other than that, lunch was the main interaction of the day. The email never comes and Hal’s insistent “You need to stop checking your phone, bro” never stops. It’s even weirder to think about how Karkat won’t be pestering you for the rest of the day because he’s got things to do.

From the entrance to the school, you watch Rose and Kanaya drive away and the Signless- Mr. Vantas inspect Gamzee’s car while Karkat, Gamzee, and Tavros stand idly by. Terezi is taking a bit so you chill and talk with Hal for a little bit. 

Hal has been keeping busy while Dirk is doing his work for school. Besides the coding that is ultimately your only source of income, he also investigates more into when the universe will decide to throw you guys out. There haven’t been any big anomalies recently among your grouping which is why Hal is especially keeping an eye on your friends overseas and across the country.

You feel sort of bad that you haven’t talked to John or Jade in a while. You’ve known for the longest time that you and Rose were their only friends and vice versa until you came to this school and met the other players. It’s caused you to wonder if Jade knows about Prospit and Derse seeing how she did in the comic, but it feels out of the blue to ask her. There is always the chance that she has no clue, given that the session was never supposed to exist in this timeline and that SBURB as a game sold to people to play is completely nonexistent.

You let out a yelp, stumbling forward, nearly falling down the steps in front of the school as you are pushed forward.

“That’s what you get for not listening to me, dumbass. Let’s go already!” Terezi teases. Geez, how long were you just standing there?

“Long enough for me to tie your shoelaces together,” Terezi grins, catching your Freudian slip. You look down only to find that your shoes are in fact ok. 

You glare at her but it’s hard to keep a grudge when she looks pleased with herself so you guess you can let that slide. 

“Ha ha. Very funny, Rezi. Let’s fucking go, I wanna be home already,” You complain, adjusting your bag.

The two of you walk down to your car and get in, allowing Pyralspite to sit in the back. Karkat gives you a small wave as you leave and in a matter of minutes, the two of you are stuck in the traffic of students wanting to leave much like yourselves.

“So,” Terezi starts, putting her feet up against the dashboard and adjusting her glasses. “Do you think you are gonna go to the dance?”

You stifle a laugh. What? It’s funny. You were so busy thinking about literally anything else that you hadn’t given it any thought.

“Probably not,” You shrug, making sure not to hit a stupid kid with your car. “I might go if Rose drags me there but otherwise I think I’m good. I’m pretty sure Karkat and I were just gonna play video games or something IDK.”

Terezi snorts and turns her head so it’s facing the window. 

“Did you seriously just say “IDK” out loud? That’s weird, Strider!”

“You literally eat chalk.”

“Hmm, that’s fair but at least I don’t say texting abbreviations out loud.”

“WTV,” You respond, trying your best to hold in a laugh but that all fails immediately when Terezi groans in irritation.

“Please, for my sanity, stop,” She drones, dragging out her words.

“I think I might purposefully do it now just to spite you!”

“No!”

Terezi seems like she is debating whether to laugh at you or laugh with you, either way, she ends up resigning to a soft chuckle.

“Well, in any case, it’s a shame you’ve decided not to come. We could have had a lot of fun. If you ever change your mind, we should hang out there.” She comments once again after the hysterics died down.

“I’ll consider it. A cool dude like me’s got a lot on his schedule, ya know?” You respond. It would be nice to hang with some of the rest of the group too, even though Karkat is already relatively chill. Wait, you don’t think chill would be the right adjective to describe him. Chill is about the exact opposite of Karkat.

“Of course.”

The two of you are silent again as you finally get out of traffic and start actually moving though you have to pause for a couple of kids on bikes and skateboards to cross.

“Does this schedule of yours have an opening this weekend?” She speaks up once again and you shrug, pulling down your mental calendar in your brain to examine its empty spaces.

“I think I have work? If you swing by a little after noon-ish it’s slow as hell and you can hang out with Karkat and me?”

“Right,” Terezi says slowly. “I forgot you two work together. Jesus, if I wasn’t sitting in this car with you right now, I would have sworn that the waistbands of your pants were sewn together or somethin!”

“We don’t hang out that often,” You deny, trying to push all your focus to the road.

“Hm, you smell like you are lying!”

“I am not!”

What more can you do than deny? It’s not like you can just drop a bomb like Homestuck onto someone. It would only make sense that people would get suspicious of you and Karkat hanging out a lot. What if Rose told Dirk and he starts getting skeptical. Then the jig would really be up.

“Ok, now that I think about it...” You admit, looking at her for a moment before turning back to driving. You see Terezi’s face morphs into a gloating grin. 

“But there shouldn’t be anything wrong with spending time with one of your best bros. Also, you can’t say shit when you are around Vriska like 24/7.”

Terezi scoffs, crossing her arms like a child pouting.

“I can say whatever shit I want, Strider. Vriska is like eight times cooler than Karkat.”

You have to push down a quip to that specific end to the comment. Wait, does Vriska even have an obsession with eights here? You know what? It doesn’t matter and frankly, you couldn’t care less.

“C’mon, we can’t compare friends,” You start, pulling into your neighborhood. Terezi’s house should be around here somewhere. At least, you think.

“Oh, of course. I don’t suspect you would be the type to fight a losing battle.” Terezi mocks, shuffling to pull her phone out of her pocket and opening up to the GPS to make sure you’re on the right track. If your thoughts could sigh in relief they would ‘cause you had no idea where you were going.

At least that thought process distracts you from what she actually said. Not that you don’t like listening to your friends but stuff like that hits closer to home than you would like.

You pull up to the house you think is Terezi’s and her phone lets out a small “arrived” so you feel pretty confident as you park along the curb.

“Thanks for driving me home. I did _not_ want to catch a ride with Gamzee. His car smells like the disgusting grape Faygo,” Terezi mentions, slinging her bag over her shoulder and opening the backseat for Pyralspite to hop out.

“Was that the commotion at lunch? You told Vriska to lock Gamzee’s car?”

Terezi shrugs half-heartedly.

“Vriska has work and I mentioned that either I’d get you to give me a ride or have to go with Gamzee and ugh I thought he was fun to mess with at first but he kinda gives me the creeps!” Terezi says with a waver to her voice that you can’t quite tell if it is genuine or some theatrical gesture.

Man, you can’t believe you were completely oblivious to that.

“Well, if you ever need a ride I got you covered like fucking Geico. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. Although, gotta warn you in advance freestyle rap offs are mandatory.”

Terezi chuckles for a second, unwinding Pryalspite’s leash in her hand and winding it back up again.

“Somehow, I don’t doubt that. But hey, whenever you're free we should actually hang out and not just be forced into awkward settings due to the obnoxious people we associate with,” She says.

“Oh yeah, absolutely,” You reply with some of your more genuine enthusiasm despite having a straight face.

And with a “see you later, cool kid” Pyralspite leads Terezi to the next house over and inside. Damn, you really thought you’d got it. Whatever now you know for next time.

“Holy shit man, I thought we raised you better,” Hal comments from your car’s speakers as you shift gears to get out of your terrible parking job. His robotic laughter cycles through the car and you roll your eyes.

“In my defense, I have never been to her house. Actually it’s pretty cool that I got this close and not several blocks away. I am the fucking master of directions. A navigational god or some shit like that,” You lamely retort, pulling away from the curb and continuing deeper into your neighborhood towards your house.

“No, dude, not that. You don’t understand, that was some low IQ level shit. You are so incomprehensibly dense!”

“Wait what did I do?” You question, hoping you didn’t just mess up in a major way. Who knows, you probably did just do something incredibly dumb.

There is a soft lull in the conversation as you approach the turn for your house and it lasts until you are pulled into the driveway outside. Throughout that silence, you cannot stop running through that entire conversation trying to find the mistake you probably made that Hal finds so funny.

“I’ve got to tell Dirk about this,” Hal says with equal amounts of awe and humor and you almost jump out of your seat like you’re about to chase after him, which is also pretty stupid.

“What? No! What did I do?”

The only response you get is Hal’s robotic laughter as you turn off the car begrudgingly and stomp towards the house, completely oblivious to apparently whatever the fuck just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the late chapter. I did not intend this to take so long. A lot of things came up including wildfire evacuation and being overscheduled at work and I was just completely unable to get to my computer for a good bit of time. I am also sorry this chapter is a bit shorter- I wanted to add a couple of filler chapters that establish some relations and plot points before moving on to the bigger stuff I have planned. I hope you enjoyed the chapter regardless!
> 
> I also draw a lot and I drew what I think the trolls would look like Humanstuck so if you want to check it out here is the [link](https://adeclinedcreditcard.tumblr.com/post/624174393908674560/i-am-writing-a-humanstuck-au-currently-and-thought%22)


	13. >Karkat: Deal with these annoying bastards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness. Shit's been crazy and this chapter was ass to write. Thank you to all the people who leave comments and enjoy the book, I really appreciate them!
> 
> Also, this chapter wasn't preread so there are probably a lot of errors; we die like men.

You watch Dave shift in his seat again so he can pull out his phone to check it before shoving it back into his pocket. Let’s see, according to some counter you just pulled out of your ass, this is about the billionth time Dave has checked his goddamn email. It’s almost laughable how hard it is to believe that this is the same guy who was so opposed to writing said email in the fucking first place.

“If you keep doing that, your arm is going to fall off,” You grumble, stabbing your plastic spork into what the school calls a hamburger. 

Dave either doesn’t hear you, just flat out ignores you, or is just in some weird internalized monologue that Strilondes tend to fall into where they pose dramatically and stare off into space for a little bit. Seeing how it looks like he is just staring at a wall, you’ll side with option C.

You want to tell him to put his fucking phone down and that he can check it later and discuss it when he is dropping you off and shit. You want to but Terezi is a particularly perceptive person and will probably pick up that there is something going on between the two of you.

“We call our next witness, John Spoon to the styrofoam stand,” Terezi announces loudly causing you to glance over to the mess you have been ignoring. Terezi’s layout is a courtroom crime scene combo with a fork completely doused in ketchup and a knife which has been colored with her favorite sharpie. No doubt that is the prosecutor. Really, that’s all you can make out because there are a bunch of other colored utensils scattered about and it doesn’t look like there is a defendant at all. Yep, this is who you are worried about finding out all your secrets.

While you all seem to be in your own little worlds doing your own shitty things, it was a pretty unanimous head turn as the cafeteria doors clang open and Tavros wheels in with, oh god, Vriska following too casually for you to feel comfortable with what is about to happen.

For a moment there, you almost sat up to wave him over to ask what was going on, but by the time the thought was crossing your mind, Tavros spotted your table and moved as fast as he was capable with the crowded tables and teenagers to get to you. You feel sort of ignorant for just not immediately assuming that his rushing with Vriska behind him was an emergency most likely caused by the lady herself but you guess that can’t be helped now. Future reference: If Tavros looks like he needs to get somewhere quickly and Vriska is there, assume that there is something wrong.

Tavros parks parallel to the table and is clearly breathing heavily when he starts talking.

“Hi!” He greets quite loudly, well, more of wheezes, but you get the idea.

Tavros swallows, still trying to catch his breath. Ha, catch his breath and he’s a breath player, that’s funny. Damnit, focus Karkat, just give him a goddamn second!

“Hi,” He tries again, this time a little more successful. “Quick question that might sound a little silly but is actually sort of an emergency, not that any of you guys should panic!”

Oh no. Vriska next to him looks extremely pleased with herself and eyes Terezi a little bit but doesn’t say anything as Tavros stutters and stumbles over his words trying to explain whatever happened.

“Spit it out already, Tav!” Terezi states, lamely, already looking to get back to her Law and Order: Utensil Victims Unit game. At least Dave looks minorly concerned.

Tavros falls silent for a couple of seconds at Terezi’s remark, fiddling with his hands and glancing quickly between Vriska and the ground. Once he is sure that no one is going to start talking, he continues.

“Vriska may have uh a-accidentally locked Gamzee’s keys in his car and we can’t get them out and it would be super cool if someone could help us?” He rambles and you almost feel like sighing dramatically with relief; it’s good to know that no one is hurt or mutilated. Still, Vriska did lock someone out of their car.

No one seems to respond for a second so you speak up so you can get this over with. You were pretty bored anyway.

“Shit, ok,” You grumble, pushing back your shitty lunch tray.

Meulin gets her keys locked in her car more frequently than most so you have at least a little bit of experience. Your dad usually helps so you should probably call him- is he working today?

You dig out your phone from your jeans and- holy shit lunch is almost over! You’ll have to deal with this after school. You should probably go with them anyway.

“We might need to call a locksmith if we can’t open it so I’ll call my dad to see if he can give Gamzee a ride home today. I should probably go with him- Vriska, did you make sure every single door was locked before you threw the keys in?” You question, only slightly antagonizing her. 

Vriska gasps dramatically like she is the perfect picture of innocence and has never done anything horrible in her miserable life.

“Are you accusing me of doing this on purpose! I would never!” She dismisses looking extremely offended. Offended until the small smirk she had been concealing slides its way onto her face.

“But yes,” Vriska coughs out. “All the doors are locked.”

Fantastic.

You slip on your backpack and are about to head out when you catch a glance of Dave. Shit, right, he was going to drive you home today and get some McDonald’s or some other crappy fast food.

As you open your mouth to say something along the lines of “I got to deal with these imbeciles, sorry I can’t bear witness to your awful driving” Dave is already two steps ahead of you.

“‘S chill K. You go do what you gotta do or whatever. Saves me gas anyways.”

Alright, he’s good, you guess. Even if you feel a little guilty about that, what are you going to do when there is shit to get done. Though you don’t think that Dave would actually let on to how he felt about that and would act nonchalant either way but there is no point dwelling on that. 

“Gamzee was my ride home and I don’t think he has an extra key,” Tavros mutters as you scroll to find your dad’s contact in a list of numbers.

“I didn’t know you three hung out together. I always just assumed it was you and Gamzee. How did Vriska even get her hands on his keys?” You comment, finding the contact, and clicking on it.

“Well, you see it’s actually a funny story but-”

It’s not one of your proudest moments but Tavros’s voice almost instantly becomes background noise as you hear Terezi talking to Dave at the table.

“Kanaya and Rose are going on a date today so you got an extra seat, cool kid? I don’t want to third wheel on all that mushy shit!” Terezi says soft enough that you almost don’t even hear. But you do and instantly your focus is on that.

Dave seems happy enough to oblige, turning away from his goddamn inbox to face her.

“For sure! You live in my neighborhood I think so it’s no sweat.” He responds with a small smile.

“Sweet!” Terezi grins back with much more enthusiasm.

If you don’t know Terezi, you would just assume that is one of her content faces with her classic grin plastered on however you’ve grown up with Terezi and basically known her all of your life. Terezi, right now, is absolutely gleeful, almost illegally so.

For some reason, you can’t take your eyes off the both of them. In a way that’s extremely meta, you are hoping your self-awareness skills kick in and figure out what the hell is going on because you can’t stop staring in probably the most cliche way.

You’ve seen Terezi look like that in the past before. You can’t quite focus on a particular event, it’s more like snapshots. The only moment that comes to mind is when the two of you went on a date to explore the town a couple of years back and you ended up in this seemingly endless thrift store. Terezi found this freaky antique mask and scared the shit out of you with it and couldn’t stop smiling the entire day because of it. She told you that fun moments like that was one of the reasons she liked you so much-

Oh, you get it now.

Dave freezes for a moment, like a deer caught in headlights, before turning to look back at you. His face, while it should seem to be blank, has just the smallest hint of confusion.

Terezi, likes him. Scratch that, she like _likes_ him if you want to be childish and use reduplication rather than find some other synonym. That was relatively easy to figure out and you should have been able to guess this would happen with what is going on in the comic right now with the beta characters.

If Dave and Terezi do start dating then what happened between you and Kanaya will happen with you and Dave and you’d have to resort to hanging out with Miss Locks-Keys-in-Cars-for-Fun! God, somehow that feels worse than your potential of dying.

Something tugs on your sweater, causing you to practically leap five feet in the air, but thankfully snapping you out of your daze. Unfortunately, you should have been listening to that something describe the scenario you have to go deal with after you got distracted in relationship affairs that you have absolutely no business in. 

“Are you ok?” Tavros asks you, releasing your sweater and you can only nod dumbly, trying to gather your wits.

“Yeah,” You reply, funneling all of your composure into this moment. “Yeah, let’s get going to check this out. I think the bell is going to ring but I can be late for class.” 

You feel almost dizzy as you try and throw away whatever thought process stole you away for a minute there as you and Tavros head out to the student parking lot. You hardly even notice the bell as it rings overhead.

Gamzee’s car is not hard to spot in the midst of cheap to slightly not cheap cars. It’s pretty beat up and has a very distinct face spray-painted in deep purple onto the side of the vehicle.

Gamzee is completely draped across the hood of said car with a box of Lofthouse cookies on his chest as he looks up at the clouds. This guy is high as fuck a good portion of the time so this doesn’t particularly surprise you.

You allow the nerves to settle in your chest and then promptly ignore them; you haven’t spoken to Gamzee in at least a month so you’re curious, yet simultaneously completely disinterested, about how this interaction is going to play out.

“Gamzee!” Tavros calls out as you approach his poorly parked car.

Gamzee rolls his head slowly in your direction like he is well past his limits of exhaustion and is about .5 seconds away from passing out.

“Sup motherfuckers,” His scratchy voice greets as he sits up painfully slow, dropping the package of cookies on the hood next to him.

Clearly, a lot has changed in the past month. The facepaint he has on does absolutely nothing to hide the eye bags under his eyes. He keeps jolting upright like he is trying to stay awake but keeps nodding off. You’re pretty sure that if you asked him, he wouldn’t even be aware of being locked out of his car.

“Holy shit, you look terrible,” You comment, sending a quick message to your dad about the current predicament. You peer through the window of the car at the messy interior in hopes of finding the keys and try the door. As expected, all the doors are locked.

“Shit, I’d motherfucking imagine. ‘S a goddamn miracle, man,” Gamzee practically slurs before flopping back onto the hood with a loud clang.

Your phone vibrates in your hand. It’s your dad telling you that he’ll meet you after school and drive you all home, which is a relief.

“What’s the miracle? You look like you are about to drop dead,” You say, lamely, shooting a quick text back. 

He doesn’t respond for a minute and you almost think Gamzee had actually fallen asleep until his eyes shoot open quickly.

“Miracle that I’m still motherfucking awake, bro,” He explains before his head rolls back and he droops back into sleep before snapping upright again.

“You should try to get some sleep tonight,” You state, pocketing the phone and inspecting the car one last time. “We are already late for class, I suggest that we should get a move on. My dad says he’ll come by the school later to help us out and get us home.”

Gamzee groans and rolls onto his side, crushing the box of cookies he was munching on earlier. And mumbles something along the lines of “I don’t need a motherfucking ride, my motherfucking car is right here”.

Tavros, who had been watching anxiously from the sides, tries to get Gamzee’s attention to help him sit up.

“I don’t think you should drive. You’ll probably fall asleep at the wheel!” Tavros exclaims, almost dragging Gamzee off the hood of his car and to his feet.

“Knowing my dad, he’ll probably force you to take a nap or some shit like that when he drops you off,” You mutter, checking the time on your phone.

Gamzee doesn’t respond but judging by his closed eyes and nodding head, you figure he’s dozed off again.

“Man, I hope so. I don’t think he’s slept in like a month. It’s making him crazy,” Tavros comments, trying to nudge consciousness back into Gamzee who is leaning more and more on Tavros’ chair.

“Why’s that? I know we haven’t talked in a while but I never took him for the type of guy to actively avoid sleeping?”

Tavros shrugs and starts to push Gamzee a little more forcefully to no avail.

“Something about nightmares? Over a month ago he got a bad one and didn’t want to go to sleep again. I don’t even know how a dream could scare someone awake like that!”

If that has something to do with the malfunctions in the universe then who knows how many more people have had side effects that were just not talked about.

“Did he ever tell you what the dream was about?”

Tavros shakes his head, finally getting Gamzee on his feet, though he looks close to toppling over.

“No… I assume something about death but Gamzee was never really concerned with mortality outside religion so it has to be something else.”

“Well, whatever it is, I hate to say it but this is exactly what Gamzee would do,” You growl like he isn’t standing right there. You loop yourself under Gamzee’s gangly arms to help heave him into the school.

“How so?”

You recall the class analysis that you have read over and over again for each of your friends. Gamzee’s sticks in your head easily.

“He avoids his problems,” You start slowly, thinking back on the years you’ve known him. “Real laid back, obviously, but when we were close he was practically a die-hard optimist, believing that there is no real reason for why things happen but everything will be alright in the end.”

“I don’t understand why that means he won’t sleep,” Tavros debates but you just shake your head. It’s hard to articulate when everything connects so easily in your mind.

“It’s the maybe slightly convoluted optimism; if good things feel good and bad things feel bad then you’d just rather not think about all the bad. I guess that just means that if his dreams were that bad then why go to sleep at all if it’s just going to suck.” You shrug, trying to maneuver Gamzee’s sleeping body around so you can open the door with your side and hold it open for Tavros.

That was pretty much the end of the conversation as the two of you manage to haul Gamzee to his class and avoid the scrutiny of his teacher. The rest of the day passes pretty slowly but your thoughts still dwindle on Gamzee and his mysterious dream. 

You are pretty sure you are right on that aspect; Gamzee getting the shit scared out of him so bad that he just stopped sleeping to avoid it altogether. But you can’t help but wonder the contents of the dream and how relevant they are to SBURB.

In any case, it’s not something you can focus on while you wait to meet your dad at the end of the day. He’s probably going to lecture you to hell since you missed half of a class but knowing him, he’ll get over it rather quickly.

There is no use trying to find Vriska since she’s probably already fled the scene so all you can really do is stand and watch as your dad’s car pulls up to Gamzee’s and as he immediately gets to work, inspecting every inch of the car like you did earlier.

“It’s no use, I already tried. I think we need a locksmith unless Gamzee has spare keys at home,” You state, shoving your hands in your pockets to try and warm them.

Tavros and Gamzee both chime in at varying levels of attentiveness but both with the same response of “there are no extra keys!”.

A grimace crosses your dad’s face as he leans back from the car, taking a small glance at Gamzee’s exhausted figure and crossing his arms in the classic Vantas style although more fatherly than you or Kankri can muster. Who knows, in the next few years your brother might finally nail it.

“Well, it looks like I’ll be giving you guys a ride either way. I wouldn’t let you drive at all if I knew you were in this state,” Your dad affirms, turning towards Gamzee.

You know a lecture when you hear it and since it is not directed at you, tune out for the billionth time a day. Tavros gives you a look and shrug so at least you are not alone in your tuning out.

You catch sight of Dave’s car pulling out of the parking lot and give him a small wave as he passes and resume ignoring about half of what is going on. Hey, you went through this lecture earlier, you are passing the baton of talking to Gamzee about taking care of his well-being onto your dad and if the circle of idiocy wants to continue, he can give said baton to Kankri who will most likely hand it once again back to you.

“I-I think he’s got the message, Mr. Vantas,” Tavros sputters out after a couple of minutes without so much as a gasp for air during his talk. Gamzee looks about as glossy-eyed as he did earlier so there was practically no chance of that speech being absorbed into his head. You don’t blame him, you couldn’t run on that much sleep and be a functional human being.

Taking a moment to realize this fact, your father resigns with a “You’re right,” and the four of you, manage to shuffle back to your father’s shitty PTA parent mini-van (which, as shitty as it looks, is really helpful when transporting like six kids).

You don’t see the Grand Highblood Mr. Makara a whole lot. All of your parents were more or less friends in college but he was sort of the outsider in that group of people, not really hanging out with one person in particular. So you are not surprised to see him standing at the door, waiting for your car to pull up and drop Gamzee off right after dropping off Tavros, but it sure is weird to see him.

Your dad, of course, greets him like he greets all old friends of his with a hearty dad handshake and a clap on the back, most likely followed with some variation of “How have you been doing?” despite Mr. Makara’s towering and insanely imposing stature.

It’s strange to think that the two of them have any sort of platonic acquaintanceship seeing how the comic rolled out, but then again how is that any valid source of how relationships work compared to this universe.

You unravel Gamzee’s long limbs from your shoulders and nudge him inside his house a little. He gives you a small thank you and a weak thumbs up before you watch him shuffle over to a couch in the background and crash. Maybe your dad’s monologue did strike a cord in him but you try not to get your hopes up.

Like two parents seeing each other in a grocery store, your dad goes on and on about the recents in the friend group drama like Ms. Peixis’ disappearance (You’re sure Mr. Makara already knows that, though, seeing how they were friends) and the latest gossip of who was seen with who, etcetera, etcetera. Mr. Makara looks insanely bored out of his mind until the conversation (somehow) runs dry and your father retreats to the car. Thank god.

You almost thought the day was done, as you were buckling your seatbelts, until your dad started the grand interrogation for the evening.

“So,” Your dad starts, turning the keys in the ignition. “Do you know what that was all about?”

You shrug, cranking the heat knob and putting your feet up on the dashboard. “I don’t know. I’m not really around Gamzee too often anymore, but according to Tav, he hasn’t been sleeping at all. Something about a bad dream but that shouldn’t be an excuse to just brush off, I don’t know, something as important as sleep.”

“I’m not saying he shouldn’t be held accountable for that but if something is bothering him that much, it should be handled first. Perhaps he should go to therapy and talk about the dream? Did he mention anything to you?”

“Nothing. I’m actually surprised he was even cognizant enough of his surroundings to know I was even there! About half the time I expected him to just snap out of his daze, spout some random Juggalo bullshit and return to nearly passing out.”

“First of all, language,”

You groan, but your dad just ignores you.

“And secondly, that doesn’t surprise me. You can ask about it tomorrow if his dad doesn’t keep him home. I want to make sure this deprivation is not hurting him in the long run.”

You don’t let him know you’re worried too- you _are_ worried but definitely not what he’s worried about. Your dad can generally pick up on these things if you are not careful. There have been a couple of times that your dad has become suspicious of you and nearly found out about Homestuck but you’ve managed to avoid him for a while and you do not want him worried about something bigger than all of you

“Yeah,” Is what you end up responding with “I’ll have to keep an eye on him to find out if he’s starting to sleep. Still, I am curious about what kind of dream could make him stay up all month.”

“Well, maybe when he’s comfortable with it, you could ask him,” Your dad suggests and that’s the last thing either of you say before getting home, leaving you to think about Gamzee for the rest of the night.

Ok, maybe you can’t rag on Dave too much because you also could be doing so many better things than checking your email _this_ much. You’ve got schoolwork and research and even your own personal writing that you’ve wanted to work on and yet you keep drifting back to your goddamn Gmail account. It’s only been, what, two, three, days since you wrote and sent the email. People are busy and like Dave said, there is a chance that Hussie will wimp out and not write you back. You don’t know why he would do that, but there is the possibility.

It’s almost mind-numbing at this point. You have to find something better to do that allows you to procrastinate on all that other shit. 

The house is pretty empty today, Nepeta is running around with her friends, as usual, Mituna as well, Meulin is at work, and all the parents are gone at their jobs too. That leaves you. Kankri, and Sollux and quite frankly you’ve been on Kankri’s shit list as of late so that just leaves one sibling with the potential to annoy.

It’s a classic tactic all siblings have done at least once in their miserable lives; to stand in the doorway of the other and refuse to move out of sheer boredom. It’s effective if you need to get something out of them, whether an actual favor/thing or to induce rage, so you do it quite frequently, much to their dismay.

Sollux’s room is closed like always. In other conditions, he would totally lock the door but your parents, mainly mom, got sick of not getting his attention because his door was locked and his music was loud so they had all the locks in the house removed which sucks for everyone else who didn’t do anything. Now everyone can enter as they please which is exactly what you do.

You open the door to peer in at Sollux’s messy domain and are immediately hit with the strong smell of miscellaneous energy drinks and a small hint of honey. The energy drinks you can get since Sollux drinks them constantly but the honey, you have no clue. His room is covered wall to wall with notes and shit about coding, none of which you understand even after you tried to learn it.

Sollux is typing away at his computer and upon hearing the door open, looks behind him at you and turns back to his typing, You take this time to lean against the doorframe to let him know that you have no plans of moving.

“What do you want?” He grumbles at you and you respond with a half-committal shrug, not that he sees it.

“I don’t know. Is it so wrong to check in on you?”

“Yes,” He responds bluntly, pausing for a second, before resuming whatever he’s doing.

“Why is that, if you would be so _kind_ as to enlighten me and not be a dick?” You say anyway.

Sollux sighs a little bit, a clear indication that you are grating on his nerves.

“Because you obviously just came here because you were bored and not because you had any pressing issues and I am clearly in the process of doing something important so if it's not an emergency, could you _kindly_ fuck off?” Sollux demands, his lisp clearly evident in his speech.

You don’t know what could possibly be keeping Sollux busy after school. Normally he stays shut away in his room until someone drags him out so if he has business elsewhere, that is extremely weird.

“You’re right, I am bored but you are also clearly stressed out so if you need any help maybe I could-” You try to offer, stepping a little into Sollux’s goddamn cave before he stops you in your tracks.

“If you go in here or touch any of my stuff with your fucking virus hands I will actually kill you.”

“How the hell will you do that? Scoot like a child in the rolling chair you're sitting in until you’re in proximity to pathetically kick your legs at me while still typing your shitty code? Or maybe you’ll just wave your arms angrily in the air like a disgruntled old guy who can’t be bothered to move!”

“Superpowers, obviously.”

You hold back on a scoff of annoyance, in case you need it for later.

The two of you remain in the same spots, mutually annoyed with each other but unwilling to actually do anything until Sollux speaks up again.

“Are you still here?” He complains, hitting enter one final time before twirling his chair around to sit up and grab various papers off the walls and shove them in his bag on the bed. 

“I told you to fuck off, I need to get ready.”

“Get ready for what? You’re actually leaving the house?”

“You’re an ass, KK. I’m going out with Aradia to the woods to look at cool shit, not that it’s any of your business, but since you have obviously taken the time out of your day to make everyone’s shit your own, I might as well tell you.”

“That doesn’t sound excruciatingly boring and mind-bogglingly stupid. I didn’t even know there was a place like that around,” You say stepping forward, causing Sollux to yell at you again. You step back, obviously, but that’s annoying as hell.

“‘Cause it’s actually interesting unlike whatever lame waste of time you screw off to do. And it’s not around here. Damara’s working so Kankri is driving us. Does that answer all your questions?” Sollux grunts, pulling a sweater over his many layers of clothing.

Yes, actually, a lot of questions. If Aradia, Sollux, and Kankri are all going to be together then they are safe, you would be more worried if it was just the two of them or even Aradia or Sollux going alone. Did they find something interesting? It should be left unsaid that they probably won’t find thousand-year-old ruins in the middle of Colorado with coding on the side but it is sort of weird that they are driving all the way out there for what some bones? Sure, you might be a bit crazy but you have to consider that this shit is unpredictable. Or you could just be reading into things too much and need to get off your high horse.

The two of you hear the door open downstairs and Kankri greet Aradia in his low spiel of words. You can really only think “sucks for them” instead of any actual pity. Sollux seems to perk up at the sound of her walking in the house despite that.

Aradia’s footsteps are loud up the stairwell as she escapes from Kankri’s lecture, not even remotely caring about politeness, and swings around the banister towards you.

“Are you ready? I want to get out of here!” Aradia exclaims, here eyes wide and her bright red lips stretched in a wide smile. There is a bag hanging loosely off her shoulder that is packed to the brim with different tools and such about shit you don’t know. The way that she’s dressed, she looks like a female Indiana Jones but whether or not she did that purposefully is up for debate.

Aradia glances at you for just a second before staring straight at Sollux who just got done zipping up a mostly empty backpack.

“Totes, I am so ready to leave,” Sollux complains, shoving past you towards the stairs leading down to Kankri and you alone in the house.

“Later Karkat! Next time you should come with us! It could be interesting!” Aradia bellows as she descends the stairwell.

Before you can call out for them for whatever reason you’d want, the door is slammed shut behind them. Great, your plan for annoying a sibling into hanging out with you for a decent period of time has backfired and you definitely don’t want to go back to checking your email every five seconds.

Ironically as you think that your phone vibrates in your pocket and you fumble to take it out and check to see if your email was updated. Unfortunately, it was not.

timaeusTestified [TT] has started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TT: Are you worried?

CG: About what? There is nothing to worry about besides the impending end of our universe.

CG: Unless you *are* asking me if I am worried about the end of the universe, in which we can all stop bullshitting around and agree on yes.

CG: Wait, is this Dirk or Hal? Because in that case, it changes a lot of the conversation.

CG: Seriously, the two of you need to get different handles or something it’s fucking confusing and annoying.

TT: Yes, but if we get separate handles then we will never have conversations like these where identities become convoluted and whatever secrets we might have can be easily accessed.

Ah, here is a good use of your annoyed scoff. You’re glad you saved it.

CG: Maybe for you. The rest of us can’t access shit.

CG: Hal knows everything so this has to be Dirk. Also, that’s a pretty shitty thing to do if we have what I thought was a mutual bond of trust and friendship over the Homestuck ordeal.

TT: So you admit to having secrets about said ordeal?

CG: I never admitted shit. You were the one to suggest there was hidden information in the first place. 

CG: As far as everyone is concerned, I have nothing to hide, which is true, and you are not suspicious of anything.

CG: Not that there should be suspicion in the first place seeing how- oh wow look at this!

CG: There is nothing going on besides the great big giant impending doom we are hiding from everyone we know!

CG: It’s a win-win situation over the shittiest non-existent argument known to man.

TT: Hmm, you see that’s the thing.

TT: That entire lecture in itself is pretty iffy.

TT: And now I am less inclined to believe you which furthermore begins to topple our structure of trust fused with the bonds of friendship and magic.

CG: Oh dammit, Hal it’s you isn’t it.

TT: You’ll never know, unfortunately, I am just that good at being a Dirk.

TT: This entire account is just going to be that fatal scene in clone-themed movies of “shoot him, he’s the imposter!”

TT: But instead of shooting it’s just getting progressively more frustrated as the conversation continues.

CG: No, I’m pretty sure you’re fucking with me.

CG: Though now I can’t trust if you claim to be Hal even if I believe it’s you because I am confident imitating the other is exactly what any Dirk might do.

TT: So what are you going to do, seeing how I can outwit you?

CG: Stop being an absolute ass-muncher.

CG: I’d have to ask you a question only Hal would know and Dirk doesn’t.

CG: No matter how cliche this all is.

TT: Oh, so you do have secrets between one Dirk and not the other?

What was the point of this? Why are you here? What did you do to deserve this sort of bullshit in your life?

CG: I DON’T HAVE ANY GODDAMN SECRETS.

CG: STOP BEING A BITCH AND TELL ME WHO YOU ARE.

TT: The fabled typing quirk. Such a sight to see with my existent or nonexistent eyes.

CG: DON’T AVOID THE SUBJECT, ASSHOLE.

CG: GOD, THIS IS LIKE TEN TIMES WORSE THAN ANY INTERACTION I’VE HAD WITH YOUR FAMILY.

CG: CONGRATULATIONS MIGHT BE IN ORDER.

CG: ON HOW SHITTY AND A WASTE OF TIME THIS CONVERSATION HAS BEEN.

As soon as that last message is sent, Hal-Dirk, whoever it was, goes offline and you nearly chuck your phone at the wall in rage.

You are tempted to pull on a jacket and walk all the way to the Strilonde house to give him a piece of your mind or find some way to summon Hal by god knows what methods. Suddenly, but not surprisingly, your phone releases a deafening high-pitch noise that makes you drop it on the floor.

“Man, that was funny, we should do that again sometime,” Hal’s robotic voice rings out from the speaker.

You maturely hold back a screech of rage as you pick your phone up off the floor and inspect it for any cracks.

“I beg to differ. What do you want, Hal?” You grunt as you flop across your bed, phone relatively near you, though not far away enough to where you can’t hear Hal.

“I’m sorry, am I not allowed to check-in? I thought Obama said this was a free country,” Hal retorts with a few blips here and there that you are pretty sure Hal just added into his voice for the full robo AI persona.

“Every president says this is a free country, you Striders just particularly like Obama for whatever reason. And yes. Technically you are “allowed to check-in” but why would you if you didn’t need something from me?” You query, stretching to reach a discarded journal on the ground and flip through it for a moment before tossing it again, rendering that whole movement completely useless.

“I don’t need anything from you. I am checking in like I said. And I have and you seem annoyed so my work here is done and I can go back to doing whatever bullshit Dirk preoccupies my time with.”

Your face immediately morphs into one of confusion. 

“Wait, are you bored or something? Is that why you decided to bother me?”

“Whether I tell you the answer to that or not won’t actually change your mind from assuming I am bored. Despite that, in the vast expanse of the internet, there is so much tomfoolery to undertake I could never logically be bored.”

You go to check your email and scold yourself as you do so.

“The keyword there is “logically” but there is nothing logical about a person. What, are Dave and Dirk no fun to talk to anymore? It’s probably really fucking lonely if Dirk won’t let you talk to the Lalondes or for that matter, anyone else.”

Hal lets out the robot speaker version of a scoff and if he were tangible, would probably be rolling his eyes behind some obnoxious shades like Dave and Dirk do so often. “Dirk is never fun to talk to, I am not lonely, and I most certainly am not bored. I just asked if you were worried, referring both to Gamzee and whatever weird sibling interaction happened with you and Sollux but it has become apparent that not only can you type three hundred forty-seven plus words and not answer a question but also make ludicrous assumptions about the questioner.”

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

“I am under no obligation to respond to your baiting for an argument. This is stupid.”

“And now I am less inclined to believe you which furthermore begins to topple our structure of trust fused with the bonds of friendship and magic.” You quote, hiding a shit-eating grin.

This debate with this asshole is like a combination of Hal tricking you earlier with the identity shit and you standing in Sollux’s doorway only this time you are on the opposite side.

Below you, you can hear a car pull up into the driveway and someone fumble with the keys for a minute before unlocking the door. Most likely your father, or what everyone else calls him Psii. Besides that being more adjacent to his actual name in Homestuck than what most of the adults have (at least from your perspective; you refer to the adults as Mr. or Ms. whatever which does exclude your mom, dad, and Psii). No one actually knows why you all call him that-- there are rumors it was a nickname in college-- but either way, it’s something you’d rather not dwell on for too long.

Hal has fallen quiet, probably due to someone else being in the house, so you speak to him instead.

“Don’t think this conversation is over, Hal. When we get into SBURB or even before that, you’re gonna be able to talk to everyone,” You mutter before rolling out of bed and leaning over the banister to see who’s home.


	14. >Dave: Wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting for this chapter for a bit now and I was pretty excited to write it. School is kicking my ass so chapters are going to continue to be sparse. Enjoy.

Your vision is filled with purple.

Last night, you went to sleep thinking that everything was right in the world and that you would have no issues handling a basic human function. Clearly, you were wrong because it seems like somewhere along the line you messed up.

You go to rub your eyes. Your glasses are already on.

The sheets on your bed are the same lilac color as your walls. You push them off and get out of bed. Your feet barely touch the floor but somehow you are able to stand up just fine.

Far below the room you are in, you can hear the loud chatter and conversations of what seems to be hundreds of people, though you can’t see them. Conversations that you can’t quite make out. Making up nearly an entire wall is a paneless window. You hover past the edge of it to see.

The winding streets beneath your tower that fill the gaps between cluttered, decaying, buildings and towers are crowded with people all shouting simultaneously. You can’t understand them just due to the sheer number of people, definitely way over the hundreds you previously thought. You have to get closer.

As you float close to your tower, preparing to descend, you take in the horizon that’s filled with numerous other crumbling purple towers like your own and the giant chain that connects you to the even larger purple moon before you are met with the darkness of space. For the first time probably ever, it doesn’t hurt to fall out a window. You wouldn’t even call this falling, you just hover at level with the window and descend at a pretty slow pace.

You levitate a couple dozen feet above the crowd (to your surprise, they don’t seem to notice you) and you can see now that the crowd is encircling two much taller figures lying flat on the ground wrapped from head to toe in an ornate white cloth. In some macabre way, you wish you could see who they are.

A crack rings through the plaza as a nearby building shifts and crumbles in a mass of rubble but the people seem unfazed at their collapsing city, almost like this was completely normal.

From this distance, you can finally hear what everyone is saying, their voices ranging from hushed whispers to cries of outrage and disbelief.

“-I can’t believe those damn Prospitans-”

“-Prospitan Bard died last month! Both Bards! Dead! I never believed it but-”

“-who could have done such a thing-”

Another deafening crash fills the air as in the distance, one of the large towers like your own snaps in half and topples to the side, catching on another one and sends that one crumbling down like dominoes. It takes you a moment to realize that sound didn’t come from those towers.

People can see you now but you can’t bring yourself to care. You look up at the large fissure that has grown in the side of your tower that looms over you and the people gathered here. Several large chunks rain down from the deteriorating building, crushing the people beneath you.

The tower begins to lean and you have a moment to process that there is no way to escape this so, you do the next best thing.

You charge upwards towards the tower, hoping that seeing how you can fly, you also have some sort of superhuman strength too.

A second figure in purple clothes hovers next to the disintegrating tower you are ascending to meet and you can almost make them out.

The tower knocks into you with full force, sending you plummeting to the ground and-

“DAVE!”

You wake with a shout and shoot up from where you are lying, every ounce of your body shaking with adrenaline. You need to breathe.

There are hands gripping your shoulders trying to shake you awake. Your skin aches like it's on fire; you can barely stand the clothes on your skin. You struggle to get loose, kicking and fighting however to need to escape.

It was just a dream it was just a dream where you died but you died on-

“Dave, please talk to me!” The voice pleads.

The hands remove on their own and that's when you realize you probably shouldn’t be fighting him.

Whatever light is shining on you is too bright when you open your eyes but you can still make things out.

Dirk is halfway on your bed, his hands are all up in your business trying to calm you down. You stop struggling and let him do whatever paternal shit he wants to try and make you (but mostly his quickly fraying nerves) feel better. His constant muttering is kinda soothing though.

You suck in a shaky breath and close your eyes again ‘cause the light is too bright. You lean your head against Dirk’s shoulder and let yourself relax while ignoring the burning in your nose and eyes and chest.

Holy shit you might have just actually died.

Mortality is not your subject of choice. Given the option, you’d rather not think about you and your friends and family all dying someday so the fact that just might have… it doesn’t feel fantastic.

You swallow the lump in your throat as you exhale the large breath you had been holding and remove yourself from Dirk’s shoulder as calmly as you can. You didn’t see them earlier but Rose and Roxy are standing in the dark hallway. Rose is shining a light on you from her phone.

“Yo, I didn’t realize we were having a midnight party but if that's where the night is goin’ I am so down,” You finally say while your heart beats a mile a minute and you try to shake that damn quiver in your voice.

“Unless the party is just to stand awkwardly in my room in the dark like goddamn turn on the lights or somethin’.”

“The power went out,” Rose tells you quietly, covering her mouth as she yawns. She’s in her pajamas like everyone else in the room so you must have woken her up.

“Are you ok?” Dirk questions, ruffling your hair a little bit. You swat him away like the ungrateful youth you are, suddenly feeling embarrassed about waking everyone up and just overall not being cool with people touching you right now.

“For sure, don’t even trip. I’m making shitty dreams my bitch,” You say monotonously grabbing your glasses off the table next to you and sliding them coolly on your face for some immediate comfort.

Dirk’s lips press into that thin grimace he makes when he’s concerned and he sits up a little straighter, not saying a thing. In fact, none of them are. The silence is unbearable.

Rose looks at you with just as much concern. She knows she won’t be getting anything out of you tonight so all she does is sigh and wrap herself in her sweater, pulling the sleeves over her hands.

“Well, if you say you are ok, I don’t believe we have any other choice but to trust you and return to bed, even if all of this is rather phlegmatic. Good night, Dave.”

Rose nods curtly to the other siblings and with that final statement, she saunters back to her room. Dirk retracts himself from you, not breaking eye contact before sitting up as well. Roxy lingers in the doorway for a few moments, staring with their eyebrows pressed together like they are contemplative of whether to leave or say something. They end up leaving too.

You finally lie back down, suddenly feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over you and not caring remotely about the shades on your face.

That was Derse.

Even with your entire family around, in a town populated by characters, you still ended up getting glitched.

And Derse was _crumbling_. Whoever was in those towers that collapsed is definitely dead and the Dersites said that the Bards are dead too. 

But there was also the figure who was awake and moving around so that means there are probably even more people awake now too. Man, that makes concealing Homestuck a lot harder.

With all that in mind, you don’t get a whole lot of sleep that night.

Just as you pull into a parking spot at the school, you and Rose are jolted forward as another car rear-ends you.

It’s the following day, or you guess several hours after the “nightmare” and life is treating you great. You nearly missed your alarm because you were practically up all night thinking about what happened on Derse, you almost drove off without Rose who had lovingly made you coffee on this fine winter’s day, and this asshat just hit your car. Like you said, a fan-fucking-tastic day.

If you don’t end up metaphorically killing whoever did this, Dirk sure will and it doesn’t take very long to hear a yelp of “Aw shit,” behind you. Unfortunately, you would recognize that pompous dialect anywhere.

“Do you need any help with this, my dear brother?” Rose sighs, already pulling her gloves on and placing her bag and thermos of tea on her lap.

You turn off your car and ever-so-gently lean your head onto your steering wheel like it’s Dirk’s shoulder for a brief moment of serenity before having to deal with this.

“Nah, I think I got this,” You tell her, removing yourself from the steering wheel and grabbing your coffee. “If you want to stick around go buck wild, I ain’t stoppin’ ya.”

Rose nods, gathers her things, and exits the car, leaving you to debate if you actually want to fight this guy.

You get out of your car and approach Eridan, who has already gotten out of his car and is inspecting the damage. It doesn’t look like anything more than a dent but he doesn’t have his license for whatever reason and is probably going to get in an insane amount of trouble. If it were anyone else’s car, you might have patted him on the back for not just driving off like an asshole, but now you couldn’t give a shit.

“What the hell, bro?” You try and stay as composed as you can but goddamn it’s hard.

Eridan looks like he needs a moment to realize you are standing in front of him but as soon as it clicks in his head, he activates total dickwad mode.

“Oh, it’s you,” He responds lamely, crossing his arms and cocking his hip to the side dramatically. “Sorry your car’s shitty, it wouldn’t have dented otherwise.”

“I was out of your way. And my car’s not shitty, you’ve just failed your driver’s test more times than I can count,” You grumble, waving Rose off, who had chosen to stick around for a bit. You think this is gonna take a while.

Eridan begins to rattle off about how the accident is really _your_ fault but you don’t actually pay attention to any of that.

What you do pay attention to is how tired he looks. Eridan’s clothes are less put together than his normal outfits and his hair, which is usually obnoxiously gelled back, is sticking up in multiple directions and is hardly brushed at all. The bags under his eyes are heavy too and his speech is stumbling. Overall, he just looks exhausted.

Less noticeably, his ears look weird. Yeah, that’s sort of a mean thing to say and most people would just agree with you because his ears normally look strange but this time you actually mean it more than just a teasing comment. His ears are slightly elongated and have three small but distinct pointed tips at the top, middle, and bottom edges. They sort of remind you of the tail of a fish. Obviously, it’s only really apparent if you were really analyzing Eridan’s appearance (which only happens when you are trapped in a conversation with Eridan and don’t want to listen so you just look around awkwardly) but it’s not so obvious that you’d just notice and point it out in public like “Bro, look at those giant ass ears! What the shit dawg!”

Not only that, but there are also what look like gashes running across either side of his neck, mostly hidden by this scarf but nevertheless there.

“Dude,” You cut Eridan off from his rambles about being super out of it today and other excuses you don’t really care about. “What happened to your neck?”

You hope he can give you some sort of explanation for why he looks the way he does but judging how his hands immediately jump to the sides of his neck and his fingers graze over the now very clear ridges? Folds? Whatever they are, his face practically goes pale at the feeling of something that definitely should not be there.

“I-I don’t-” He stutters, his hands pressing over the marks completely. It’s the first honest thing you’ve heard out of his mouth so far. Eridan stares blankly at you like he can even register anything else besides the new additions to his neck-

Holy shit. Is he turning troll?

Eridan inhales a shaky breath, opening his mouth like he wants to say something but can’t. Man, he looks like he’s gonna be sick!

“I have to go.”

Before you have time to respond, Eridan stumbles back into his car and swerves away, probably to a different parking spot or back to his house. Either way, you’re pissed at him.

“Bro, my car!” You shout indignantly after him as he drives off.

Whatever at least it’s only a dent.

“Did you get a good look at him?” You say, quietly to Hal as you reluctantly grab your bag and drink from your car and lock it.

AR: I did. That’s weird as shit, dude. If I didn’t know better I’d say those were gills. But you don’t just grow a whole new organ overnight.

You shrug. “Maybe it’s one of those bugs?”

AR: I sincerely hope not. Bugs shouldn’t be happening in large groups like this.

AR: Unless there is something you’re not telling me.

All the internal laughter dies that second. Shit, you didn’t tell anyone about Derse. That’s going to be a great conversation. For later, that is.

“I’ll take a rain check on that one, Hal, it’s a fucking crazy story,” You say quietly, pushing open the door to the school building and are greeted with a wave of warm air.

AR: I’m holding you to that. If you’re telling the truth, you should probably keep a lookout for anyone who has physical changes. Don’t assume everyone is fine if they don’t show anything- a lot of the initial bugs we’ve seen involved aspects.

With that, Hal falls completely silent, leaving you to navigate the school. Hal is right, if Eridan randomly got hit then who knows who else. Maybe it will fall into some pattern if you’re lucky.

You pass Rose and Kanaya doing their couple-y shit and the two of them seem fine. Tavros, Terezi, and Equius seem to be in a conversation (with that particular assortment of people together, you can’t comprehend what they would be talking about) but as far as you can tell, they all seem fine. Ok, so it might have just been you, Eridan, Gamzee, and whoever the other Bard is. That’s cool. I mean, it’s not cool but it’s definitely better than way more people. Wait, shit there were also the towers and the floating person. Out of all the Derse dreamers, there are four other people along with everyone else totaling up to eight. Eight is pretty small in comparison to the entire population of characters you’ve got in this town.

“Hello, Dave!” Feferi calls to you as she passes by, smiling a very sharp, toothy, grin that almost looks like shark teeth, paired with some extra-pointy ears like Eridan and some grayer spots of skin like vertigo on her complexion that you wouldn’t notice unless you were looking for it.

You don’t even respond back. You just stare at her and wave slightly in awe..

So shit, that’s eight.

As soon as you get to your locker, you start unloading random stuff into the space so you don’t have to lug it around with you all day. 

The lockers next to you clang a bit as someone leans against them but you don’t need to think very hard to know who it is.

“The power turned off midway through Amélie just when it was getting good. It was gonna suck waiting all fucking day so that I could go home and watch the ending but Nepeta and Meulin have already seen the movie. So I asked them not to spoil it and all of a sudden Nepeta just fucking turns to me and spills the ending! I don’t know what’s up with her breaking our mutual vow of spoilers but it’s weird. She still hasn’t paid me back yet either,” Karkat rants loudly in a long-winded complaint.

You scoff. “You think your morning was bad? Dude, Eridan hit my car in the parking lot then drove off because I told him he looked weird. By the way, shit just got insanely real so we’re gonna have to talk. I was thinkin’ we could get food and chill at my house cause this needs to be brought up with Dirk.”

“Are you serious?” He responds and you can hear him lightly hit his head on the lockers.

“Hella.”

You finally finish piling stuff into your locker and shut the door. 

A pair of bright red eyes stare back at you.

“Fine by me, what do you wanna get food-wise?” Karkat questions, staring straight at you.

There doesn’t seem to be anything else that changed about him. No horns, no sharp teeth. His skin is not gray either. Did something happen with his aspect even though he canonically didn’t god tier? It seems like a pretty small change compared to Eridan and Feferi. Maybe his dream self died and he just doesn’t remember.

“Dave, why the hell are you staring at me like that. If this is some weird lame prank, I’m not having it,” He grumbles, turning away from you and back down at his phone.

“No, just, uh,” You sputter, trying to think of a way to deliver this in a cool, not at all freaked out way.

“Your eyes are red?” Nailed it.

Karkat scoffs. “I probably rubbed them too much or something unless I somehow got pink eye. I’m sure it’s fine and not at all warranting whatever bullshit you’re pulling.”

“No, I mean-” You try and articulate this, still sort of shocked by the fact that this shit is going down a lot quicker than anyone would have guessed.

“So you know how your eyes are normally brown- hazel? Whatever, that color is, that’s not the point. They’re not that color anymore.”

“Yeah right.”

“I’m one hundo percent serious.”

“Uh huh, you sound _real_ serious.”

Karkat scrolls to the camera app on his phone.

“And when they’re not red-”

“Which they are.”

“-Which they’re not, but when I see it for myself, you’re going to be in so much trouble for this horribly executed prank.”

Karkat holds his phone level with his face until all grouchiness and smugness dries up into nothing.

His (now red) eyes widen a little as he leans closer to the screen to inspect his blood-red irises, his hands subconsciously reaching up to his face like he is somehow going to feel out the color. His expression probably looks about the same as yours when you first saw him.

Karkat swallows and slowly pockets his phone before turning back to you.

“So,” He starts again, trying to relax his arms at his sides. “You needed to talk?”

“I mean food and Dirk sounded good earlier for sure but since you have become a super edgy anime character now is always chill. But ‘s whatever,” You say, returning to your staple nonchalant-ness.

“I don't think this is just whatever, Dave!” Karkat growls through gritted teeth before his eyes look around quickly. 

Karkat grabs your arm and starts heaving you deeper into the school. The crowds of kids start thinning out more and more as you go until there are practically no kids in sight. He let’s go after a little bit but by then he’s already dragged you to one of the bathrooms on the far end of the school. 

As soon as you get in, Karkat runs for the mirrors while you check the stalls to see if anyone is in here but it looks like you are in the clear.

“Holy shit,” Karkat croaks, leaning so close his face might as well be touching the mirror. 

“It had to be the power outage last night,” You say definitively, pulling out your phone for Hal to use as a speaker. “Or at least that was a side effect of the massive surge of glitches.”

“How do you know that it could have been a coincidence and this is just one event?” He questions still leaned over the mirror.

“Well, one, ‘s not just you, and two I’m pretty sure I died on Derse and when I woke up the power was out so idk I just assumed that those sort of things correlate.”

Karkat and Hal seem to be a hive mind or something because they both yell out a simultaneous “WHAT?”

“What did it look like? What happened while you were there? HOW DID YOU DIE?” Karkat squawks out. 

“That was one of the theories I came up with when you woke up last night but since you didn’t say anything, I assumed that wasn’t the case,” Hal adds from your shitty phone speaker.

“I didn’t say anything ‘cause I didn’t have the time,” You start, messing with your glasses as you do. 

“I mean, I guess I always have time because that’s my whole aspect, but seriously, I was in a rush this morning. Also, your mans just died you can have a couple of seconds to realize what the fuck just happened. That’s like if someone was in a hospital with third-degree burns from a house fire and some asshole comes up and is all like “what’s wrong?” Except in this scenario, everyone knows about the fire so that guy is just being a dick for the sake of dicking. Scratch that, dicking sounds like fucking but in some sort of weirdly specific kinky way instead of just dicking around. But it’s not that I need chill time, obviously, shits wack but ‘s nothing I can’t handle. I’ve got so much chill Ferris Bueller thinks he’s stressed out.”

“Great somehow descending into eroticism rant about basically nothing that doesn’t answer what the fuck happened!” Karkat exclaims with fake enthusiasm.

“I just died, y’know? Tower just fell and crushed the fuck outta me. I think someone saw that happen to me too. Uh, a couple other dream selves were dead too- I think I heard that Gamzee and the other bard are dead for a while before all of this- I saw a few more towers collapse which probably killed those people too. Everything was falling apart, idk I wasn’t awake very long.”

“Wait, Gamzee?” Karkat asks.

“Well, they said the Bards are all dead and Gamzee’s a Bard of Rage so I assumed-”

“How long ago did they say he died?” Karkat interrupts and it feels like his eyes are boring into your head.

“I don’t remember but I wanna say a month? Why?”

“Gamzee had a nightmare about a month back and it scared him to the point that he didn’t want to sleep anymore,” Karkat explains, running his hands nervously through the hair at the back of his head. “Did you find out what killed him?”

You shake your head, trying to recall the memories that all happened so quickly on Derse.

“People were quick to assume it was Derse since they believe Prospit killed whoever the Bard Derse dreamer is but I don’t know. I don’t think it really matters now.”

Hal makes a sort of humming noise from your phone. “Dave’s right. We can safely assume that there was some sort of massive glitch that caused the power outage and affected some people. We can also say that there are people who have been affected and people who have not. As far as I’ve seen, Dirk is completely fine, if not a bit suspicious last night, but I don’t know about Rose or Roxy- Karkat?”

Karkat leans against the porcelain sinks and faces away from the mirror.

“I didn’t see a whole lot of people this morning; my parents and the college kids are too. Kanaya and Terezi were fine from what I could see. The only person out of character was Nepeta but she might have just had a bad night. I didn’t notice any physical changes about her,” Karkat lists. So if you include Nepeta, you’ve got Karkat and yourself along with Eridan, Feferi, Gamzee, and whoever the other Bard is. Maybe Hal can figure that out.

“We can’t dismiss Nepeta. It’s better to be careful and consider everything. So, including her, the people we can definitely say have been affected are you two, Nepeta, Gamzee, Eridan, Feferi, and a mystery Bard. According to some calculations that I have pulled out of my ass and some extensive secret super spy level shit, I am about 96.9% sure that the other Bard would be the older Ampora sibling.”

You’ve never met him before but Karkat seems completely accepting of this.

“So Eridan and Feferi were messed up too. This doesn’t make any sense! If it were just some Derse dreamers it would be easier but both Gamzee and I are Prospit dreamers so what’s the connection?” Karkat demands, like any of you have the answer.

The room is silent until it’s filled with the blaring chime of the bell.

Karkat seemingly releases all his emotions in one large exhale as he hops off the sick and picks up his bag from the floor.

“Whatever. We need to figure this out. Hal, do you think you could figure out the classpects of the others?” Karkat requests and Hal makes another humming noise.

“Already on it. It’s good you two have first period together so we can talk more in class. Who knows how many more of your friends have gotten affected. Dave, at some point, makes sure to call John and Jade. If we were hit hard here who knows what might have happened to them. I’m going to keep an eye on people so for now, just keep a lookout.” Hal states finally before switching off the speaker leaving only the muffled footsteps of other teens walking through the hallway.

It’s not easy, but the two of you gather your things and manage to squeeze out of the restroom and get to your first class without any issues. You don’t manage to come up with any new theories besides the preexisting ones. The plan for the day, as Hal said, is relatively simple: Just pay attention to the people around you and make sure hasn’t hit the fan. Though with everyone spread out in different classes, nothing severely interesting happens until lunch, but c’mon that’s not surprising.

You sit with your normal people at your normal table eating your normal shitty food. At least you can look casual while you look around the room but Karkat is staring at each person so intently you swear his eyes are going to bulge out of his head.

Rose and Kanaya are still doing their couple things (which being exposed to in high doses is lethal but you don’t think Karkat minds as much) but there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with them. Rose didn’t seem that bothered last night either, just minorly inconvenienced by the power outage. As for Kanaya… well, you don’t actually know Kan as well as Karkat does but as far as physical features go, she looks completely fine. 

And besides, if something with her aspect was acting up, it wouldn’t be subtle at all; space is sort of a major aspect. Not that all aspects are unequal but aspects like Void might not be as prominent as Space but you never know. You always imagine that Space would just make some random object really big or something. You should probably research your aspects more but that shit’s for nerds.

You already crossed Terezi off your list; you two are close and if anything happened, you’d imagine she’d tell you.

Your attention is snatched away as Karkat nudges you in the side and gestures not-so-subtly over to the table where Sollux and Aradia along with a couple of their friends sit.

Aradia is as still as a statue in her seat and Sollux seems to be failing to hold up a conversation with her. He ends up getting pissed and resigns to his phone but Aradia doesn’t seem to register it. If you didn’t know better, you might have assumed she was dead. It’s strange seeing her without her creepy wide grin and excitable demeanor. It’s even more strange when she suddenly looks up from the table and slowly turns towards the two of you. Yeah, maybe you were being a little creepy there too.

You and Karkat quickly look away from her. If she was affected, it would have to be her aspect that she was plagued with seeing how nothing indicates any physical change. You wonder if she traveled back in time or forward, but that’s all if she actually did get hit with a bug.

Aradia stares at you for a little while longer before returning back to her statue-like position.

Seeing how your food isn’t getting any more appetizing and Eridan has not shown up in the lunchroom at all, it’s probably a good time to text your friends. Karkat looks over your shoulder as you open Pesterchum on your phone and scroll down to John’s contact to start messaging him. You haven’t talked to him or Jade in a good bit so hopefully, they’ll be understanding about it all. 

“Is he as annoying as in- as you’ve described him?” Karkat asks as you start pestering him, catching himself just barely.

“Uh, get your ears checked dude, John is cool,” You respond, and Rose gives you a look from across the table. She has the grand idea that you’ve had a crush on John for forever which is stupid speculation. When you inevitably have to tell everyone about Homestuck, ships are probably going to be the main topic of conversation because the fandom has some pretty ludicrous ones.

Either way, you give her a stink eye as a mature rebuttal and turn back to your conversation.

turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: yo john

TG: hows it hangin

EB: dude!!!!!!!!

EB: i was just about to pester you

EB: this is convenient :B

You turn to Karkat a bit as if to indicate that something might be wrong with the Egbert-Crockers. He is already super paying attention to the conversation.

TG: what happened

TG: did you get bombed again

TG: those damn capitalists

EB: oh did jane already tell you about yesterday

EB: never mind 

EB: something awesome just happened!!!!!!!!

EB: like waaaaaaaay cooler than when nic cage stole the declaration of independence

TG: wow cooler than that

TG: who would have thought

EB: shush

EB: anyways

EB: our house was getting shot at in another assassination attempt because jane went out side to check the mail

EB: its always the damn mail box >:(

EB: but so dad swept in to save her in the crossfire 

EB: and they got him right in the arm!

EB: i swear it was like a movie

EB: so dads on the floor bleeding out when all of a sudden…

EB: jane heals the wound!

You can feel Karkat lean closer, like he can’t believe what he’s reading. At this point, how are either of you surprised by anything? You try to play this off coolly.

TG: like takes the bullet out and does shit with medical supplies

TG: because that is the only logical solution

EB: i thought so too

EB: but!

EB: it was like magic

EB: the shot just disappeared

EB: do you hear me dude

EB: jane

EB: is

EB: MAGIC!!!!!!!!

Oh damn. Jane’s a life player. That’s eleven, counting the three mystery people on Derse. Shit, Aradia’s on the suspect list too, so it’s twelve. That’s a lot more.

TG: damn

TG: anything else thats been weird

EB: besides janes magic powers

TG: well are you magic

TG: since youre janes bro

EB: thats crazy of course not

How are you supposed to react? Is it better to just deny it all completely? John is probably going to look up magic powers either way.

But isn’t it better if they knew? Three heads were better than two and four is better than three, so why not more?

No. You promised not to tell anyone. Knowing John, he’d either not believe you or tell everyone and that would be bad.

TG: i think you messaged the wrong sibling

TG: this is roses alley for sure

TG: or jades

TG: i was about to talk to her too

TG: so i can ask her

EB: good luck with that dude

EB: i thought shed know more but she hasnt responded all morning :(

Damn, that’s probably not good.

EB: but we should catch up sometime

TG: totes

TG: later dude

EB: later!

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

And there we have it, a quick easy conversation with John. Now you are no longer an antisocial hermit who doesn’t talk to his friends. Despite what John says, you can’t just not check in on Jade, especially if there is the potential that something bad happened to her or Jake. Man, you forgot that Dirk kinda has a thing for Jake and that’s perfectly fine... he’d definitely be sad if Jake was hurt. I mean, obviously everyone would but Dirk specifically for that interest.

You quickly check in with Karkat who looks intrigued by your conversation with John. It nearly passes by you completely but Karkat has only seen the Strilonde siblings but not anyone else despite the fact that he knows a ton about them.

Regardless, you’re on friend numero dos.

Her profile says she’s online so you might as well give it a shot.

turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: hey

TG: u up?

TG: its been a while since we talked and i wanted to check in

TG: cause im such a good friend

TG: the greatest friend

TG: dare i say best

TG: wait are you asleep

TG: jade plz respond

TG: i adopted a dog and need names

TG: roxy wants to name it jaspers 2.0 which rose is not down with

TG: rose wanted it to be named after one of her wizard characters from the book she doesnt know we know about

TG: what was it called the complexity of the known

TG: i dont think thats right

TG: definitely started with a c

TG: dirk thinks it should be a weird ass name like brog

TG: what kind of name even is that

TG: brog

TG: bro dog

TG: bro

TG: home slice

TG: ok ur definitely out

TG: i lied we didnt get a dog

TG: i guess ill talk to you whenever

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

Well, that’s minorly concerning given the current circumstances but also very in character for Jade so you convince yourself you are not too worried. Cross your fingers that she messages you back at some point. Who knows, maybe it’s just time difference shenanigans.

The rest of the day passes slowly after that. Besides the people you’ve identified so far, no one else really seems to be troubled. You still haven’t figured out those three people on Derse either. Maybe they overlap with people who have actual physical effects on them. If that’s the case, then out of the technically four Derse dreamers (discluding you and Cronus since you saw the people and Cronus was long dead and including Aradia and Nepeta because those two are sus as hell) those three figures could be any mixture of Eridan, Feferi, Nepeta, and Aradia. So the number of people total could be anywhere between nine and however many players are in your session, which for now, you are assuming is the beta and alpha kids, the trolls, and the younger ancestors- man, you need a good name for those guys.

“Hey, I sort of want to just be dropped off. I need to see if my family is ok,” Karkat confesses as the two of exit the building after school.

You don’t blame him. That’s the whole reason you wanted to go to your house and not his. This shit’s crazy on its own so you completely understand the need to check in on his family. Sometimes, you focus so much on solving this mess that you forget that there are so many other people involved that can get hurt. Sort of an unconventional wake-up call from the universe but you get the message.

“For sure. I’ll tell Dirk and update you later,” You tell him and he nods.

“And I’ll text you if anything is fucked up with me.”

The car ride back is relaxing compared to the absolute shit day you’ve had. You and Karkat don’t talk even a little until you wave him off at his house.

The instant you are by yourself, you sink further into the seat, just out of pure exhaustion. You almost nod off right there in front of Karkat’s house. It’s not even just physical exhaustion, you are so fucking done with all of this shit. Your life had already been shit before Homestuck and now this is so confusing and impossible to figure out.

You always thought that when you and Dirk got out, it would be easy. You wouldn’t be fighting for survival. Hell, you wouldn’t even have to think about the potential of dying. The two of you with Roxy and Rose could just finally have some goddamn peace and quiet.

Alright, pull yourself together, dude. All of this is weak sauce compared to what you’ve already been through. You just got to tough this out for a little longer, beat SBURB, and when you start a new universe- holy shit, you have to create a new universe. Don’t get distracted, Dave.

When you start a new universe, you can finally just chill out even for the tiniest bit of time and it will be as cool as fuck. You’ll live in some weird domestic bliss on top of a hill or some shit like that and it’s going to be awesome. Just focus on what’s going on now and everything will work out.

Filled with a newfound, if not slightly reluctant, determination, you get home and march past Rose, Roxy, and Kanaya who are all gathered at the kitchen table and down the hallway towards Dirk’s room. They call out to you and you feel kind of bad for not responding but you give the universal head nod of “sup” and continue on your way.

Dirk’s room is always shut. Mainly because of the scattered bits of metal and electronics that cover the floor. It’s a hazard.

The door is unlocked so you have no trouble getting in. 

Dirk is hunched over in a chair working, his arm makes a mechanical whir every moment it moves even the slightest. Even if you don’t know shit about robotics, you can admire a sweet ass piece of tech when you see it.

“Sup, Dirk,” You say as casually as you can, still riding high on the spur of the moment tenacity.

“Yo. I’ll admit, I was expecting a conversation today,” He replies, spinning around in his chair towards you.

You stare a bit dumbly.

“You were?”

Dirk nods, not breaking eye contact to go and aimlessly stare at something else like you tend to do.

“Well, with the nightmare last night, I just assumed-”

Oh yeah, right. While that is totally a part of it, your mind just jumped to the conclusion that he knew everything including the glitches other people had and you, Hal, and Karkat’s plotting.

“Yeah, but ‘s not about that emotional shit,” You tell him, shutting the door softly behind you but still standing close to the door.

“Well, I’m all ears.”

Better to get it out, right?

“Funny story. Basically, I died on Derse and so did a bunch of other people. Prospit too, I think and now people have weird troll features or just plain glitched and shit’s goin’ crazy. Also, Derse was falling apart so that’s cool so like, I’m pretty sure we’ve got to get into SBURB soon or else everything blows up in our faces in a pretty major way.”

Man, that was a lot quicker than the conversation in the bathroom where you were dodgy as shit.

Dirk is silent for a moment, leaning back in his chair and using his feet to rock it back and forth while he’s contemplating. Dude, just say something. He can’t just leave you hanging after a big spill like that.

“Huh,” He says after a little bit, staring straight up at the ceiling.

What does that mean? This is extremely shocking news and should be resulting in one of those classic Dirk freak out moments that happen _oh so_ often but that doesn’t seem like a super surprised reaction.

Dirk sits up and clasps his hands together in his lap, looking straight at you like a dad going to give a lecture.

“Well, that doesn't explain a bit.” He says finally like he is just barely hanging onto the last of his composure. And there it is; an appropriate attitude for a fucked topic.

“Explains, what? This is insane,” You groan and Dirk just shrugs in response.

“Explains why I just had hellacious nightmares last night after my entire room caved in on me instead of being on Derse… how did you die?”

His voice is croaky and it’s clear he’s upset. 

Wait, time out. Dirk was awake on Derse before last night? He never gave any indication of that. How long has he been awake for? You know Karkat said a couple of people had one time dreams of Derse and Prospit a long time ago and Gamzee (and Cronus too) were killed recently too.

“A tower fell on me. But that’s not the point, now. When did you wake up?” You entreat.

“At the hospital. It didn’t seem to be a big deal but now my dream self is dead so…”

“Interrupting,” Hal chimes in from a precarious speaker on a shelf set for that exact purpose. 

“You didn’t even think to mention this seriously relevant thing to anyone? What were you thinking? Are you going to keep denying the fact that bad shit keeps occurring until you all are predictably crushed by meteors or are you fine with our siblings dying due to your head being up your ass?”

Woah, hey there Hal that’s a little-

“I mean goddamn, I’m a fucking arm and I’ve still been doing more than you would ever admit. If I wasn’t a computer who can monitor anything I want I would be asking what you do with your time besides jerking off to the delusion that all our problems vanished the moment mom and Bro disappeared off the face of the planet!”

You’ve known Dirk for a while now. All your life, some might say. You could go on some internal monologue about Dirk’s hatred for himself and how that parallels his distaste for Hal and vice versa or how easy it is for Hal to get under his skin or how Dirk’s very minutely changed expression gives you an in on how he feels but you’ve probably already done that before. To sum it up, Dirk is pissed at Hal and Hal (and yourself) are both pissed at Dirk.

Dirk, obviously, gets defensive and starts smack-talking Hal, who retorts something else before the two of them are bickering back and forth, though, you find yourself a thousand percent done with basically all of this shit. Despite those two being probably the most perceptive people (outside the Lalondes) that you know, you don’t think either of them notices you sitting up and walking the fuck away.

You are overcome by a feeling you have quite often. Most of the time, it would be when you were sneaking out of the apartment and had to race back before Bro came home or when you were on the roof losing a battle, though that encompassed a large portion of your life so you can’t really be blamed for not coming up with different examples. It’s always adrenalin-filled and never leisurely. 

In those moments where you know your shit is going to get screwed in a major way if you don’t do anything, it’s all about managing time. Trying to solve a conflict between Dirk and Hal is a waste of it ‘cause no matter what, those two are Type A pieces of shit who will inevitably butt heads until the end of space and time. Going off on your own will probably get you deleted or glitched out to the point where you are unable to function or something dumb like that. Bothering Karkat is also useless because it stunts progress in his own damn tasks so even less is getting done.

In short: Time is running out. What can you do to get shit done before it’s gone altogether?

Unsurprisingly, you find yourself hovering close to the conversation you passed earlier at the table.

Rose has a hand on Roxy’s arm, running soothing circles with her thumb in the reassuring action she so often does. Roxy, meanwhile, has their glasses pushed up into their hair and a hand supporting their head as they speak, clearly distressed.

Kanaya had since gone for whatever reason, probably work or something so the conversation has dissolved into something a lot quieter than before with a lot more intensity than just a casual chat.

“It just felt so real, ya know? I’ve never had a dream so vivid before- I even knew I was dreaming the whole time ‘cause I felt so conscious,” Roxy explains and you can almost hear the cartoon-esque sparkle in Rose’s eyes.

“Like sleep paralysis? Could you move or speak?”

Roxy shakes his head and looks down at the table.

“No… I could move and talk and stuff which is how I was able to get up and look around but it was just like walking around irl. The strangest thing though was that some things that happened in the dream seemed to like cross over or something in real life.”

“How so?”

Roxy shrugs as his hands mess with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“I think I saw Dave- or Dirk, those two look so similar nowadays- die and when I wake up Dave is- oh hey, I didn’t see you there. What are ya, some kind of stalker?”

Roxy’s shake-y voice smooths out a tad once they see you and uses the good old tactic of humor as a means to brush off whatever just happened.

On the other metaphorical hand, you are grappling with the fact that Roxy was one who saw you die. You could handle this with ease if it were anyone besides a family member, but it probably makes sense to see someone you’re close to within a dream.

So if Dirk was in one of those towers that collapsed (you can probably assume as much if he did die in a tower like he said), and Roxy was the other one, then the total number of people including that unknown tower should still be twelve so no new people have been added on or taken away.

“Yeah, I’m stalkin’ the hell out of you guys. You wouldn’t believe it, under my bed I got a full ass darkroom and stacks of photos of everyone in the goddamn town. It’s all a setup so I can start blackmailing for hella cash. Y’all won’t know what's coming until you’re in a mansion and killing each other Clue style.” You respond coolly, trying to lean against the wall all casual like, definitely not flipping your shit as you have been for pretty much every single day of this entire year.

“Delightful, now, what do you want, Dave?” Rose questions, barely turning away from Roxy to face you.

If you can convince Rose, she out of everyone is the least likely to go off the deep end and lose her shit. She can put together a plan faster than you and Karkat’s dumbass brains put together. This isn’t like the last conversation that even slightly bordered this topic. Even if she does nothing at all vis a vis Homestuck she can still be there to talk you down from doing something insanely stupid.

“I… was hoping to talk to Rose? But it looks like you’re kind of in the middle of something, so…”

Roxy laughs a little bit and sits up from the table, rubbing their eyes in their sleeve and pulling down their heart-shaped glasses once again.

“It’s cool, I think I’m pretty much at emotional capacity for today. You can cash in your daily one-on-one Rose time; she’s all yours!” Roxy dismisses, wiping their eyes under their glasses once more for good measure. Rose studies Roxy’s face meticulously, looking for any apparent signs of emotional distress.

“Are you sure?” She asks softly and Roxy nods their head before walking past you and only stopping to look back. Damn, now you feel bad.

The air is given time to settle as you and Rose are left alone in the dining room. You wish you could read minds as you make eye-contact with Rose when approaching the table. She’s practically unreadable.

“And what event would be a cause for such a conversation,” She starts as you slide into Kanaya’s previous spot. 

“You are failing a class and need my help? You’ve done something highly illegal and need an alibi? Perhaps some paramour you’ve finally come to share?”

“How would you react if I told you the world was going to end?”

Rose doesn’t remotely hesitate.

“I would tell you that you are completely insane and that I offer bi-weekly counseling sessions with a family discount of twenty dollars. Why?”

It is super easy to remain deadpan with shit like this in your life.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny, Rose. I am being for realsies rn though, so any non-sarcastic answer would be fucking rad.”

Rose pauses and for a moment you get a glimpse of hope. You want her to believe you. You need her to.

A smile etches on her face and your heart drops.

“Sorry,” she laughs, trying to remove the smile from her face and gain some sort of composure. “This is obviously a joke and a very strange one at that. Continue, please. How will the world end?”

You wonder if Roxy being essentially a clone of Mom- wow, never thought about that before, that’s kind of fucked- could look into astronomy stuff too.

“Meteors,” You tell her, finding it hard to sit still under her gaze. “The world gets crushed by meteors and unless we find a way to get out of here, we’ll die.”

“What are your resources? Any page of works cited?” She jokes and god you wish she wouldn’t. 

“There is a comic about us. It’s got you and me and John and Jade and all of our family in it. I thought it was a stalker until weird shit started happening and it’s continued to happen over the last few months. We all play a game which gets us away from here and we know enough about it to beat it.”

The smile falters slightly at the mention of a stalker and your family being involved and you feel slightly relieved that if anything she would worry about a comic like that existing.

“And what is it called, I want to find this alleged comic.” She asks and it takes a hell of a lot of self-control to not blurt out the answer super loudly.

“It’s called Homestuck.”

The guilt you might have felt over completely abandoning the promise you made to not tell anyone is replaced by an overwhelming sense of solace. Spilling a secret you’ve been dying to tell (in any measure of importance) is mostly relaxing even if it was probably not the best thing to do. Even if she doesn’t believe you now, when she finds the comic, everything will work out.

Rose takes out her phone, as anyone would expect, and starts searching.

“That is quite an ironic name for a comic which seems completely about losing one’s home and having to leave it. I did not know you actually had a grasp on what irony is,” She comments and all you do to respond is a hum in acknowledgment. 

Patience has never been your strong point and maybe never will be. You’ve never liked silence a whole lot either. So this process of waiting for Rose to find this in a silent room is painful. You guess it’s also pretty painful knowing that you are waiting for something as major as Rose discovering Homestuck. Rose, please hurry it up cha boy’s dying over here.

Rose finally looks up at you and sets her phone down on the table.

“Well, that was entertaining, David, though I was expecting a strange website to follow.”

You don’t hear anything from Dirk’s room.

“Don’t feel discouraged. Consider this a trial run. Did you gain this idea from John? Perhaps you should take more advice from him on the upstart of your pranking career.”

Rose doesn’t catch you before you can snatch her phone off the table and swipe through her searches on Homestuck but she can protest loudly about it.

She spells it all right which removes that possibility. She even went forward to look up each individual name of our family members but anything comic-related is completely gone.

Your phone is out of your pocket before Rose can ask you what you are doing. Every tab you had open with the comic or the wiki or anything else is gone. You can’t even search up Homestuck; no results will show. 

Hal must have done this. He’s everywhere and had to have seen what you were doing even if he was arguing with Dirk and put a stop to it. Damnit, there was no way she was going to believe you without any of that and now you have nothing.

“I won’t say you had me fooled for a second because it is astoundingly ridiculous, but the execution was well done. You should try that on John or Karkat, I’m sure they’ll fall for it,” Rose tries to console you.

“I am not lying I-”

The air suddenly feels wrong and you immediately know Dirk has stepped in the room. Hal is probably watching the conversation anyway but he wouldn’t cut in and interrupt even if he wanted to.

“What are you talking about?” He cuts you off. Busted.

You stumble through your words but thank god Rose is there to help you tell Dirk the entire situation!

“Dave was just pulling a prank on me. “The world is going to end” and other talk like that. Very interesting, Dave should tell you sometime.”

Dirk hums in agreement, never removing his eyes from you for a second.

“You’re right. I’d like to hear it. Dave, you needed help with your homework, right? We can talk about this while we do that.”

It’s as simple as that. One second you are talking to Rose and the next Dirk easily isolates you and himself away from your sister to get to the real discussion.

You are really not in the mood to talk about this.

Dirk shuts the door and immediately both Hal and Dirk are lecturing you at very different volumes.

“Dave, please enlighten us on what you were thinking?” Hal says with a robotic hiss. He’s gotten so riled up that even the lights on Dirk’s robotic arm are flashing and whirring.

You don’t actually know. Today was shitty and as soon as you had that talk with Dirk, telling Rose was the only thing you could think of to do. It probably wasn’t the most logical thing to do- some could argue that it was fucking dumb- but you still stand by your choice to tell Rose.

“We have to start telling people, and Rose would’ve believed me!” You defend, trying not to get all up in Dirk’s face while you’re arguing.

“No, she wouldn’t have. You know why? Because this is bat shit insane. You could have sent us hurdling for disaster and for what. What did we gain from this?” Dirk groans, rubbing his eyes and causing his glasses to ride up into his hair.

God just stop talking, Dirk. He has absolutely no right calling this whole mess insane when he’s been actively avoiding it forever. More so, he has no right criticizing what you do.

“We got nothin’ no thanks to you guys. Look, I just thought it would be a good idea to tell her but clearly, the two of you have different ideas.” You grumble, your hands itching to move and do stuff. The restlessness starts in your fingers and creeps up your arms.

“Damn straight. What you did was stupid.”

Just stop- how can you get out of here? The window is shut and so is the door but if you’re quick enough maybe you can get past him and out of this goddamn house. This conversation is as useless as shit.

“You panicked, Dave, and we can’t blame you for that but that’s why we have to fucking communicate with each other-” Hal pauses and it’s almost completely directed at Dirk “-so we don’t do impulsive shit.”

Jesus, don’t argue again. Just stop it. Stop it.

“Oh, you’re blaming this on me?”

“No. I’m not blaming you per se. But if you look at the timeline of events-”

“I don’t have to tell you everything, Hal. I’m entitled to my own privacy.”

“Ok, then let’s approach this from a moral point. You built me to research this comic and so by withholding information that is directly related to my purpose, you are essentially putting me out into a world and depriving me of the things I need while still expecting me to come up with solutions to a problem you seemingly don’t care about. So no, I am not entitled to your goddamn privacy. Frankly, I don’t care. But I need to do the only job I have.”

“Will you guys just shut up?” You complain before Dirk can come up with a clever retort to dissolve the lecture into another shitty argument.

“You guys can fight or whatever but it’s annoying as hell and I really don’t want to be here so whether you work it out or keep bitching, I’m out!”

You go to leave the room but Dirk stops you in your path. You try to move around him but he doesn’t let you.

“Dude,” You say, once again trying to get to the door.

“No, you’re not leaving,” Dirk says, simply.

“Why?”

“We still have to talk about that shit that you literally just pulled.”

“We don’t. You think that I fucked up. I don’t but I promise I won’t go about telling people shit, if not to get in trouble, then to avoid this clusterfuck of a conversation we seem to get into every time Homestuck is remotely brought up. Can I leave now?”

“You-” Dirk starts before pausing and considering his next words very carefully. 

Obviously, he didn’t consider enough because the next thing he says is. 

“You’re grounded.”

“What?” You hiss incredulously. Hal was kind enough to echo you on that.

“Sorry, bro. It’s what you get. You can’t go around telling people this shit. Not until we figure it out.”

“Love to break this to you but Dave and Karkat get me the most intel unlike your sorry ass so this is not helping. Also, grounding Dave for no reason will look awfully suspicious to Roxy and Rose.”

“A few days is not going to kill you. And I’m going to tell Roxy it’s your grades so they’ll know you’re not supposed to be out. And if I catch you out of this room it’s going to be even longer.” Dirk states clearly high on his legal guardianship before finally making his way to the door and closing it behind him, not even allowing any room for debate.

Just like that? No reasoning it out? You’re just grounded? Like hell you are going to listen to him. The last thing you need is to be in this house. You don’t think you could face Rose anyway even without Dirk around.

“I seriously am starting to doubt if Dirk cares about the end of the world. He is not doing any research on his own so does he really believe I am just going to figure this all out on my own?” Hal whines and you bet that if he did have a body, he would be pacing with unbridled rage.

“He’s got to have a plan or something. I never took him to be the type of guy to just accept death. More than that, accept the death of people he likes.” You comment, flopping back down on your bed. “By the way, totes leaving this joint. I’m leaving my shades and phone if you tell Dirk.”

“Under any other circumstance, Dave. Right now he’s pissing me off.”

It’s hard sometimes to believe Hal is a clone of Dirk. They talk the same way, sure, and their thought process is pretty much the same too. The main difference that sticks out every time, though, is the investment in what’s going on. Hal was programmed to research it but you don’t think he was programmed to care so much about it. Maybe it comes with having read everything there is to know about Homestuck or maybe it’s actually seeing what it’s done to people. Can Dirk ever care about it that much?

Hal talks to you while you wait for the dust to settle. It’s mostly how Dirk is not taking this seriously and that if he cared at all about the comic you wouldn’t be grounded. You agree with him, obviously, but that doesn’t stop the small amount of regret that makes its way into your head for even getting into an argument with Dirk in the first place. Of course, it is easily overshadowed by every other emotion.

After a bit, you are tired of waiting and get ready to get the fuck out of this house. 

Fueled by unrivaled annoyance and frustration, you grab an extra jacket from your closet, your bag, still yet to be emptied from school, and a couple other things before prying open the window to your room and jumping out.

You’re lucky the keys to the car are still in your pocket along with your wallet and phone or else this would have been way more difficult. The driveway is far enough away from the house that if you were to start the car and drive away, no one would hear you.

You don’t know exactly where you are going to go but like a light in the darkness, you get a message.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has started pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: Yo, are you there? I just got done checking on everyone and for the most part, everyone seems ok minus Nepeta, who's just been quiet.

CG: I think we made the right call on her.

CG: How is everything going at your house? Did you talk to Dirk?

You don’t even hesitate to respond.

TG: shit went down in a way different way

TG: like way with fifty billion a s

TG: do you think we could hang out

CG: Wait, what happened? Are you ok?

TG: well technically im grounded now and need to drive away as quickly as possible before dirk knows im gone so are you cool w/ it

CG: Wow. Yeah. Maybe not at my house but we can get food and talk.

TG: cool

If Dirk noticed you were gone, he didn’t say or do anything about it. Hal probably would have told you anyway.

Karkat was out of his house the moment you pulled to the curb, shouting something to the people behind him as he ran out the door.

If this were anything normal, you would lock the doors on him, leaving him to quickly get aggressive to the point where his face turns red then let him in. Though, it was clear that he knew tonight wasn’t those moments and entered the car without hesitation.

“What happened?”

If you were in any other shitty mood you probably would have scoffed and said some snarky comment. Now, you can only go straight-faced and give a snarky comment. How disappointing.

“God, give a guy a chance to hit the road before you hit him with all the questions.” You say, lamely, pulling the car out onto the road. Man, you haven’t eaten since lunch. What time is it now? Whatever, the real question is what do you want to eat. 

Karkat sits back in his seat with a grumble.

“Sorry, but what else am I supposed to ask when you follow up ‘shit just went down’ with ‘can we hang out?’. I don’t give a fuck if I’m overanalyzing but what did you expect?”

“I dunno. McDonald's or Jack in the Box? We went to McDonald's last week so I’m thinking the ol’ J in the B. I want those mini churro things.”

“You’re avoiding the question, Strider.”

“I am totally not. What do you want to eat?”

Karkat lets out some sort of wheezing noise before turning towards the window.

“I don’t care, get me whatever random bullshit but you have to start talking after that.”

You pull through the drive-thru for Jack in the Box and order a bunch of random bullshit per request. You don’t actually want to piss off Karkat but you also don’t want to be driving and have to focus on formulating thoughts about serious stuff; everything out of your mouth would be incoherent. And yes, maybe you are avoiding the topic a little bit but it’s sort of stupid listing off excuses for why.

You end up parking after getting your food. The car had become completely silent after Karkat stopped asking you to spill and you stopped answering.

“Dirk has been dreaming on Derse for months and I think he was in one of the towers I saw fall.”

Immediately Karkat perks up from his seat to face you.

“Really? But he didn’t tell anyone. That’s shitty.”

“Damn straight. He didn’t think it was relevant,” You reply, feeling pretty bitter about the whole situation.

“Hal, did you know?”

You used to forget that Hal could listen in on these conversations but now you just assume he’s always around.

“No. He didn’t tell anyone.” Hal’s voice responds matter-of-factly through the stereo.

“So there was the shocking yet also not so shocking news that Dirk was hiding a secret from everyone but that can’t be all the shit that went down?” Karkat questions with his mouth full.

“I mean, yes that is shitty but on the grand scale of shitty-ness I feel like that is pretty low in terms of today.”

The more you sit here and have to reflect, the more you don’t want to think about it at all.

“Roxy was the person who saw me die. They mentioned it when talking to Rose.” You say, trying not to make eye contact with him and instead just stare out the window at the cars on the road slowly turning on their headlights as it grows darker.

“You’re forgetting something,” Hal chimes once again and Karkat looks at you expectantly.

“And,” you hesitate digging out more garbage food from the slowly emptying bag.

“I might have freaked and told Rose about Homestuck.”

Karkat’s eyes widen as he sits up in his seat and faces you entirely.

“Holy fuck. Does she believe us? Is she going to help us?”

“No,” You tell him and all the youthful energy evaporates instantly as he sinks back down in his chair. “Dirk, and I’m guessing Hal too, got to me and played it off as a prank before she could become super suspicious. Which is why I am grounded.”

“I still think it was a bad idea to ground you but unfortunately I can see where he is coming from.” Hal states and you know it was supposed to be relieving that Hal is on your side but it sort of makes you feel worse.

Karkat is silent for a few moments and for the first time probably ever, you can’t get a read on how he’s feeling.

“Well,” He starts with a inhale as he starts putting garbage back into the now empty bag the contents of which the two of you had been slowly consuming up to this point. 

“It’s not like I don’t get it. I’ve said this a billion times already but when I found out that people started getting fucked up because the universe hates us, I told Terezi and she thought I was bat shit insane and broke up with me.

“This is not the sort of thing that you can just convince someone to believe in. They need to see it for themselves and with everything going down the way it is with people getting fuckin fish ears and grey skin and shit, it’s probably not going to be long when they’ll have no choice. That fucking sucks to say but there shouldn’t be a believer group and a non-believer one; this isn’t science fiction it’s goddamn fact!”

You find yourself laughing a bit.

“Woah, dude, no need for a sermon, we already know what’s going on. We are in the same fucking boat.” You tell him and you can see the rage slowly building up.

“Fuck you, this is cathartic!”

At least this got your mood up a bit. Even though Karkat is right, some parts of this still feel like a fever dream. Karkat’s had a good year or two to come to terms with this all being real but it’s still only been a couple of months for you. Like goddamn, you still have your cast on from the hospital.

“We need to start working harder,” Hal states firmly, sucking any sort of joy out of the conversation. “But since David here got grounded, that won’t start for at least a week.”

“That’s not true,” Karkat pipes up. “We can always say he’s doing a group project and then do whatever. Not only that but Dave and I can always talk at work.”

“While that’s fair and Roxy could believe that, Dirk actually knows what’s up and will see through that in an instant.”

If you guys are going to make any progress, it has to be something risky and during a time when Dirk thinks knows where you are at and what you are doing with the utmost certainty.

“There’s that shitty dance this weekend that everyone’s been fussing about. Rose and Terezi both want me to go and it brings up an excuse to where I am at. And so I can ask Rose to cover for me and we can go and do research.” You say, a plan already formulating in your brain. You’ve had this idea lurking around for a while but you never thought you would actually have to go through with it.

“Ok, in the extremely unlikely circumstance that Dirk lets you go to the shitty “dance”, what would we research? We’re spending the entire week doing nothing and then we are given a few hours to read a stupid webcomic?” Karkat questions rather aggressively.

“Nope!” You say with as much enthusiasm as you can force.

“We’ll be triggering a glitch.”


	15. >Dave: Be confronted by a load of bullshittery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if anything is messed up with links and images. I've never done this before and HTML is actual bullshit. Enjoy.
> 
> ALSO heads up the next chapter might take a bit because I have a lot of shit planned so sorry in advance for the wait.

gardenGnostic [GG] has started pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GG: dave!!!!

GG: i am so sorry i missed your messages!

GG: yesterday was a complete blur and i think i was partially asleep for most of it.

GG: by partially asleep i mean passed out...

GG: mid-day...

GG: in the middle of a strife...

GG: i would have loved to see the look on jakes face when i conked out if i were awake!

GG: anyway is there something you wanted to talk about?

GG: it would be awesome to chat again so i can tell you about how i managed to defy laviosiers law while i was asleep!!!!!!

GG: at least according to jake… actually you would probably have to ask him about it.

GG: i think he just managed to find a really big pumpkin to pull a goof on me but thats what you get when you are exposed to the influential nature of the crocker-egberts

GG: oh i just realized its probably single-digit morning hours over there.

GG: pester me when you get the chance!

gardenGnostic [GG] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

Sorry, Jade, you’ve got no time to respond to that if you are going to make it back before anyone catches you.

This might have been another one of those perfect moments to put “Your name is DAVE STRIDER” and continue on whatever bullshit internal soliloquy format the introductions always use with interests and current events but you don’t have the mental capacity nor the interest in setting something like that up in your brain because of how insanely meta it is.

If you were a side character (because, at this point, you feel pretty main character) it would make sense, you have to admit. Homestuck’s plot is already pretty chaotic and as everything descends into further chaos, new characters are introduced with other insane circumstances, making the plot even messier and messier.

So, at this point in time, when you are trying to sneak back into your house without getting caught and even more grounded, it seems like the perfect messy time when you would be introduced to the story, in the hypothetical case where some omnipotent being is making a webcomic about this particular universe and timeline or some shit like that. But again, that is way too meta and existential for what is going on.

You adjust your grip on the windowsill of your room and scramble up the paneling of your house, making it through the window with ease, relatively no noise, and landing in a practiced roll. That makes you sound way cooler than you already are, which is impossible.

Thankfully, the house is silent minus the faint humming of the heater and the creaking of the window as you slide it shut.

You hold your breath for just a moment in case anyone gets the wise idea to suddenly wait up and realize you left, but luckily, you are in the clear.

You fall onto your bed and kick your shoes off, sinking into the bedding that has gotten super cold from the window you left open like an idiot.

Despite the risk of getting insanely in trouble, the conversation in the car actually ended up being productive. You were sort of hoping to just chill out and eat crappy fast food, but having a plan of action makes you feel a lot better and more confident than just ignoring the issue entirely for a couple of hours. It probably wouldn’t have been super fair to Karkat that way anyhow.

Karkat and Hal both decided that the best time to leave in order to trigger the glitch would be around the time of the dance since you can get people to vouch that you are there to Dirk. Dirk will probably automatically assume you to run out and do stuff during the few hours without him personally watching you but if you can convince him to let you go to the dance (with insistence from Rose who you need to talk to at some point) and that you are there the entire time, you could practically be gone the extent of the dance and should be alright.

Karkat mentioned that Sollux and Aradia often go to a particular hiking trail in the woods when they want to go hunting for bones. It is a little ways out of town so you should have no problem getting there, not far enough for you and Karkat to just disappear, but far enough where something is bound to happen.

The plan is pretty simple: drive out to the middle of the woods, park, and see what happens before driving back. Hal protested enough at first that there is no point in triggering a glitch. This is one of the times where Hal is wrong. The only times you have experienced a glitch, you have always learned something that dictated what would happen later (whether information that influenced your actions or a warning). This entire endeavor is riding on the hope that you won’t be hit by physical changes or time shenanigans but instead be given a method of getting into SBURB.

You are going to have to work rather quickly after the fact because there is a change some bullshit like Karkat turning completely into a troll is possible and very hard to hide, thought that didn’t deter him from wanting to be involved. And who knows, maybe Hussie will have finally written you back before you go to the dance so you can have a slightly better idea of the many ways the glitch can mess you up.

There is a knock ar your door.

As proper mannerisms go, you should never leave a person hanging at the door unless they are trying to solicit something, so you go to answer it, completely cognizant that it might be Dirk telling you that you are super busted.

Roxy stands in your doorway looking slightly tired. A cup of tea is in one hand and the other is shoved in the pocket of their robe.

“Sup, Rox,” You say casually, trying not to arouse any suspicion. Then again, what would Roxy be doing here if they weren’t You sort of wish you never got up from your bed; you are hellaciously tired and would much rather be sleeping. Roxy seems to be feeling the exact same way.

“Hiya, Dave. How’s the homework coming along? Holy hell, it’s cold in here! Are you trying to freeze to death?” Roxy exclaims, wrapping themselves in their robe a bit more and taking a sip from their tea.

You have not remotely touched your homework. You didn’t have a whole lot anyway so you can probably do some tonight and finish the rest tomorrow before school. Maybe Hal will help you.

“It’s going. Dirk helped me a lot earlier so I am just wrapping things up,” You lie easily.

You don’t like lying to your siblings but you think this is an exception.

“You’ve been working on your homework for... three hours?”

“Yep. That’s usually how long homework takes.”

“Wow,” Roxy starts. You forgot Roxy was homeschooled because of mom but you don’t know if that meant more or less homework. “Sorry, I just didn’t realize that leaving the house to do whatever would take so long. What class was that for again?”

Oh shit, you are so busted. Play it, cool Strider, you’ve got this.

“I asked Dirk and he said it was cool. It was just dropping off some group project stuff with Karkat so he could work on it.” You state simply. Roxy is right, it’s freezing in here.

Roxy hums a bit, leaning against the doorframe. “Aight, chill. So why did you leave through the window, then?”

“Gotta live life on the edge sometimes.”

Roxy sighs and takes another sip from their tea, the exhaustion setting in a little deeper.

“Look, Dave. We both know you’re lying. Unless you have some inarguable proof, we can both go to sleep and have a talk with Dirk in the morning.”

In a split second, Hal’s newly red test flashes in your vision and you instantly get what he’s putting down.

“I mean, I can show you the messages on Pesterchum we sent?” You say, sounding unsure of yourself and picking up your phone from where you put it down on the really comfy bed you would die to be in.

Hal instructs you to click on Dirk’s contact rather than his own so that is exactly what you do. You scroll down your list of chums, looking past the notification from Jade, until you reach Dirk’s contact and click on it before handing your phone off to a drowsily curious Roxy. Luckily, it shows Dirk being offline, but Hal is probably messing with a couple of things on Dirk’s account so you have no clue if he’s actually offline or not. A series of messages you don’t remember appear on the chat.

turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: yo dirk can i go out for a hot sec

TG: i need to drop some school stuff off for a project with karkat

TT: Dude, I grounded you literally an hour ago.

TT: I’m pretty sure it can wait until school.

TG: its due tomorrow

TT: Fuck.

TG: also the whole reason you grounded me was cuz of my grades

TG: kinda hypocritical of you

TT: You can just complete your half, Karkat can do his part, bring it to school and combine it like a BFF necklace from Claire’s except instead of saying ‘Best Friends Forever’ it says whatever bullshit topic you have to do for school.

TG: its about the ethical complexities of a book i didnt bother to read but karkat did

TG: hate to break it to you btw

TG: but this thing is like a poster that needs gluing and shit along with knowing basic shit about the book

TT: Goddamn, ok, fine. I want you right back, though.

TG: for sure

timaeusTestified [TT] has gone offline

Thank you so very much Hal but you’ve got this from here.

“So yeah, I might have stayed out a bit longer than what I promised but that was because there was a lot more of the project that wasn’t done than we thought so I stayed to help him.” You say, sliding your phone back into your pocket after Roxy hands it back to you.

Roxy looks satisfied enough, emptying the last of their drink.

“Damn, I thought I caught you. Oh, well. Just know I’m watchin’ ya!” Roxy says ominously, conjoined with a tired laugh. 

“I am now super aware of that,” You agree and nudge Roxy out, bidding them goodnight like the gentleman you are before shutting the door.

You wait until the sound of footsteps disappears down the hall before slumping against the wall and sighing with relief.

“Hal, you are a godsend, Jesus, thank you,” you state, removing yourself from the wall you leaned on momentarily to flop onto your bed once again.

“No need to thank me. I got to talk to Roxy- well, I didn’t actually talk to them but they got to read something that I had written. Even if they thought I was both you and Dirk, which I guess I am a clone of Dirk but whatever, they saw me,” Hal rambles through low volume so no one hears the two of you through the walls.

“Hell, yes, dude,” You respond, trying to match his level of enthusiasm but you doubt that is even possible. “And if we can get into SBURB soon, then there will be no reason for you to hide and you and Dirk can use your combined sick nasty robot skills to make you a body!” Man, that small interaction made Hal so ecstatic. Since you talk to him on the daily, it can be easy to just forget that he only gets to talk to a few people.

And that is another topic of discussion that has been floating around you and Dirk. Once you are in the game, there is a matter of getting Hal a body. You pitched that he could be a sprite since the canonical form of the sprite is either all the way back in Houston or a copy of yourself, but that is something you can’t guarantee because weird-ass things can happen with sprites. However, Dirk should be able to figure it out once the game starts seeing how he will have access to a surplus of supplies. Either way, besides getting into the game, you want to give Hal the chance to get a body.

“Hell, yes,” Hal agrees. 

“By the way, did you ever look at the messages from Jade?”

You shrug.

“I skimmed them when they popped up in my glasses but I couldn’t read them entirely while I was trying to get into the house.” You explain, pulling our your phone again to glance at what Jade sent you. You’re tired so you’ll probably respond to her tomorrow.

“It basically sums up to Jade was hit with the glitch too. Honestly, I’m surprised not a whole lot is happening to those two on the island. Maybe it’s because the island itself is so integral to the comic that just being there protects them for the most part? You and Dirk were always pretty safe game-wise when you were at the apartment and Bro was out so maybe it’s the places too?” Hal theorizes and you hum in agreement. You’ve been thinking about that too.

“That would make sense why people here were getting fucked up because it’s not like the troll-characters can just return to Alternia. I am still confused about how the universe picks and chooses who to get glitched, but I am tired and already gonna be exhausted tomorrow so I should get to sleep,” You respond getting up to switch to pajamas, brush your teeth, and other hygienic stuff.

“Yeah, you should. You look like shit.”

You can’t help the small smile that makes its way onto your face. 

“Shut up Hal.”

The following morning, you try to act completely normal. Like you didn’t sneak out to establish a plan of action, like you didn’t nearly get caught, like one slip up could reveal Hal to the Lalondes, and especially like you didn’t straight up tell Rose that the world is going to end and that you know this because you read a comic that _just so happens_ not to exist.

You and Roxy both look exhausted but that is not going to inhibit you in any way from doing what you got to do today. Hopefully, Roxy is ok, despite the sleep deprivation you imposed on her.

Surprisingly, Dirk does not show up the entire morning, even up to the point when you and Rose normally leave for the day.

You asked Hal about it but he never gave you a straight answer about it so the whereabouts of Dirk was dropped. Hal did give you a rundown on Dirk’s behavior, not from a psychoanalytical perspective but from his view as a part of Dirk. From a non-Dirk Strider perspective, it is one-half understandable, one-half completely irrational.

The meer possibility that entering the game could bring back Bro and mom was not something he desired at all. If that feeling wasn’t based around the probable unchecked trauma spurred but having his arm literally amputated among years of abuse, it would be about not wanting Bro to hunt the four of you down and kill you. It’s probably a little bit of both. According to Hal, Dirk is perfectly fine with everyone getting fucked up by glitches for the rest of their lives if it meant not having the two of them exist anymore.

You can admit that the possibility of Bro coming back is something you would like to avoid at all costs, but unlike Dirk, you’ve seen some shit and playing SBURB seems so inevitable that you just push that thought to the back of your mind and continue trucking forward.

Karkat doesn’t know about Hal’s theory on people who’s disappeared so he also thinks Dirk is being completely irrational but for minorly different reasons. And even if he did know, you can’t imagine he would stop all progress. There have been one or two people out of the trolls that have disappeared and knowing Karkat, he would probably fight anything to get them back.

Ignoring any thought that has to do with Bro, once you, Karkat, and Hal find a way to get into SBURB, the biggest problem is going to be convincing everyone else. It would probably involve having everyone read the comic so the adults know to stay safe and not beef it and the players to know the basic mechanics of the game and how to react under normal circumstances. Seeing how the universe is breaking slowly, anything can happen.

You and Rose wave goodbye to Roxy and strap into your car, which had already been left running with the heat blasting. You had been planning to talk to Rose as soon as you were isolated from Dirk and Roxy but like usual, Rose beats you to the punch in terms of starting conversations.

“Pardon my bluntness but I want to confirm that you snuck out last night to see Karkat,” Rose states in that voice she gets when she thinks she has you all figured out.

“Ok, snuck sounds like I was doing something against the rules. I got permission from Dirk like a good grounded kid. I’ve never actually been grounded before, I don’t think. Not in a healthy way, at least,” You respond, pulling out of the driveway and onto the roads.

“You’re doing that thing that you do where you hint at your unshared trauma but refuse to acknowledge it, though I think that is a long conversation for a different time. For the topic at hand: you don’t deny you saw him?”

Something in her voice makes you hesitate. You don’t know where this interaction is going but you don’t like it at all.

“Yeah, I went over for a group project and we worked on it for a couple hours before I left,” You continue, coolly. 

You can practically hear the smirk spread across her face as she leans back in her seat all satisfactory-like and stares out the window in front of her.

“That’s not what Nepeta told me.”

The immediate fear that fills your bones is astounding. Is Rose going to tell Dirk and Roxy? Man, you are going to get grounded for fucking ever. Not even Hal will be able to save you.

“She said that you and Karkat were gone all night without telling anyone _and_ when you were supposed to be grounded-”

“PLEASE DON’T TELL DIRK OR ROXY!” You blurt out, effectively cutting Rose off.

The car is silent for a moment as the smile on her face spreads into a full-on grin. Her hands reach for her mouth but she is too slow to cover up a loud laugh.

“I’m not going to tell them!” She defends, still trying to keep her composure but the smile still remains. You are still trying to figure out what part of this is funny. Whatever at least she won’t snitch. That’s pretty relieving.

“I have to know, though,” Rose trails off, relaxing the wide grin from her face. returning to her normal small smiles and taking a deep breath.

“How long have you liked him?”

Hold the fuck up.

“I mean, you both are so extremely dense, it couldn’t have been that long, but I am surprised that no one noticed sooner with how often the two of you hang out!”

“Karkat?” You mutter in the midst of confusion as Rose keeps rambling.

“Yes. How long have you liked him?” Rose questions and you think some key component in your head breaks.

“WOAH HEY, you think I _like_ him? Karkat? As in romantically or in any other form besides something strictly platonic?” You babble, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“I feel like we’ve already clarified that I mean Karkat, but yes, naturally,” Rose says and you feel like you would rather not be breathing anymore. This is unrelated to the current situation you find yourself in but if you were to just stop breathing and keel over dead, that would be super cool.

“Nope! Absolutely not. No, sorry to burst the bubble of homoerotic fantasy you’ve surrounded yourself in but Karkat and I are best bros. Nothing going on there. Just- _really?_ He’s Karkat. I’m Dave. How the fuck do you even- I’m not gay! I’m the fucking straightest person you’ll ever meet!”

You haven’t remotely considered the possibility that gross teenagers would perceive you and Karkat trying to secretly save your friend’s lives as a relationship? It’s uncomfortable even thinking about it. Rose can like girls and Dirk can like guys and Roxy can like whatever they like, you aren’t exactly sure, but _you’re_ not gay. That’s g- it’s not gross it’s just not you. Not saying that Karkat is gross but Rose is wrong.

“You sound pretty defensive there, Dave. I’m sorry, but I just assumed with how often the two of you are together and especially since you so blatantly brushed off Terezi-” Rose starts but you cut her off again.

“Terezi?” You question without thinking. When would that have happened at all?

“Well, yeah,” Rose says slowly. “She was clearly interested in you and on one occasion, according to her, she tried flirting with you and all you would bring up in response was Karkat.”

Holy shit when you were dropping Terezi off and Hal was laughing at you- oh my god you are inconceivably dense. You thought Hal was worrying you for nothing! Damn, now you feel bad.

The sudden realization of what is so evident to everyone except you is probably pretty clear on your face so you guess that’s why Rose falls quiet at the sight of you.

“Thanks, Rose, for making what I originally planned to ask you seem super weird as fuck,” You tell her, pulling yourself from the silence that has filled the car.

“I have very few regrets. What do you need?”

“Karkat had plans for when the dance was going on. Can you cover for me?” God, you feel so lame saying it after this mess.

Predictably, this makes Rose laugh more. At least she agreed.

Almost the instant Rose is out of sight and the car is parked, your vision is overwhelmed by red text, like Hal is just spilling his thoughts about the conversation all over the place. Thanks, Hal.

AR: Oh my god.

AR: Holy shit, it’s happening.

AR: If I could cry I would. This is so goddamn funny.

AR: You did not do a good job defending yourself!

AR: It sounded like you were in denial!

AR: Like one of those scenes in anime where the character in question starts shouting nonsense to try and divert the topic even though their obvious crush has been the focus of the entire show for the past several seasons.

AR: From the bottom of my nonexistent heart, thank you, Rose.

AR: God, I wish could have seen your face.>

AR: “Sorry to burst the bubble of homoerotic fantasy you’ve surrounded yourself in…”

AR: I need to send this to Dirk.

Despite being a of Dirk’s brain and months of borderline trauma, you are glad Hal has gained a sense of humor.

You don’t give him the satisfaction of any sort of response and instead, continue walking through the snow to get into the warm school.

Maybe it’s just the high of all the shit that went down yesterday or the fact that today is so inexplicably normal but something feels off and you can’t really describe it. You try to brush it off and continue on like normal, but you’re finding it hard to do.

Everyone does seem to be in a better mood today as opposed to yesterday, especially those who had gotten glitched, so that isn’t anything to complain about. Anyone who had something physical change about them has come up with a clever way of hiding it for the most part. Eridan’s scarf is wound so much around his neck you think if anyone pulled it would choke him and the parts of his ears that are not concealed by the mound of scarf are hidden in his hair. Feferi has taken a similar approach and hidden her ears by her long hair. She solved the teeth and skin crisis by wearing a mask that covers a good half of her face and claims to be sick, which is probably a good idea anyway since it's flu season.

You almost wonder what Karkat has done, but the answer is in front of you before you have the time to dwell on it.

Like every day, Karkat is leaning against the lockers next to yours and staring down at his phone absent-mindedly. He has on a set of tinted glasses that look like they came directly out of Weekend at Bernie’s. How hard would it be to get the actual glasses from that movie? John managed to get you these glasses and a signed picture of Ben Stiller but then again John has hella connections.

The awkwardness of the conversation with Rose that was not even minutes ago hasn’t shaken off yet. You wouldn’t call the feeling that overwhelms you as you see Karkat as embarrassment instead probably as an intense and vicious desire to abscond the fuck out of here.

Karkat looks up from his phone the moment you hesitate and waves, so you pull your shit together and trudge forward to dig through your locker and get whatever you need for today.

“I didn’t know you wanted to steal my image so bad,” You comment, keeping it cool and using both hands to hold up all the junk threatening to tumble out of your locker.

“Either that or you are super hungover because the kind workers at Jack in the Box spiked your Dr. Pepper last night.”

Karkat scoffs, not shifting his gaze from his phone.

“You can keep your shitty image, trust me, I don’t want it. And I’m not hungover either,” He grunts, taking off the small circular glasses and stuffing them in his pocket as proof. “I ordered some colored contacts so hopefully these are temporary.”

“Fingers crossed. I don’t need a double.”

“Tough luck, Time bastard.”

You finish getting whatever you need and slam your locker shut, shoving the rest of your stuff into your bag and slinging it over your shoulder.

“Since when did aspects become an insult? Sure, everything is going to be excruciatingly stressful all the _time_ but at least it’s cool- Hey, what does a Blood player do again?” You remark and Karkat’s face goes dark with anger.

“Fuck off, Blood along with a couple of other aspects are going to be really cool since they don’t appear a whole ton at their full potential in the comic. Just watch as I god tier and can do some blood-bending A:TLA shit,” He rants, looking like he is about to explode.

Goddamn, this is hilarious but there is still shit to be done.

“Whatever, dude. In any case, it sort of sucks that your eyes turned a different color and now you have to wear glasses for a short period of time. The emotional exhaustion you must feel is probably through the fucking roof. Though, your eyes used to look really nice so I guess it is-”

Oh my god, do you even think before you speak what the hell.

Karkat looks at you quizzically and you flounder to get your hellaciously cool and definitely not embarrass-inducing prose back. 

“-really disorienting to look at yourself and be like “damn my eyes look like someone took a color wheel and turned the saturation up to a hundred percent” but that doesn’t mean they look bad they actually look really fucking cool but it’s just probably really weird anyway-I gotta go do something before class starts so I’ll catch you later-”

The hallway goes completely dark for a moment as the power surges and naturally, all the kids who were in said hallway begin screaming because this wouldn’t be a public school without shouting in a dark hallway. 

It’s pretty fucking opportune, though, because it gives you the moment you needed to turn on your heel and do what you wanted to do in the first place: Abscond the fuck out of there.

You hear Karkat let out a noise of confusion as the lights turn back on but that is shadowed by several more shouts from students as someone falls to the floor behind you and the noise echoes through the hallway.

Rather than the red of Hal having a goddamn field day with whatever bullshit just caused that conversation to crash and burn, panicked blue texts scratch the edges of your vision.

This is unmitigated chaos, but holy shit speaking of Everything Falling Apart at the Seams Number Two: Electric Boogaloo, there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of _time_ to waste vis-à-vis covering everything going on. 

You feel a sense of control wash over you in some dramatic flare that, from an outside perspective looks fucking stupid but you don’t care. But not control in some omnipotent god sort of way, that might happen down the road just using your intellect on current events. Either way, you can make a choice.

_Who do you want to be?_

==> [Be Jane.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27568357)

==> [Be Karkat.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27573136)

==> [Be Dirk.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27582518)

All done? Sick.

The lines of blue text keep increasing in number as you continue walking. You don’t actually know where your walking to and your brain feels way too disoriented to actually make out the messages until you finally maneuver into an empty bathroom further in the school and pull out your phone to read them properly.

GG: Dave, I know we don’t talk a whole ton but please I need you to answer.

GG: I tried talking to Jake and Dirk because those two seem like the type of people to have dealt with something like this before but Jake didn’t know and Dirk suddenly went offline.

GG: You’ve got to help me!

You hate to call what seems like an emergency a distraction from that mess with Karkat but thank God for whatever reason Jane needed to text you. You should send her a gift basket or make her a mixtape or something- what kind of music does Jane even listen to? You could add in one of her Homestuck songs in for funsies.

TG: what the fuck happened

TG: or is happening

TG: this is seeming like a currently going down kind of shit

GG: John is doing some windy thing where he just spontaneously generated super strong winds like magic!

GG: I am so tired of explaining what is happening just tell me what to do or message him or try to calm him down, I don’t know just help me!

Ok, actually scratch that. Whatever you just stated in your internal monologue is now completely irrelevant. Man, you really cannot catch a fucking break with the universe like goddamn. Five seconds of peace and quiet really isn’t a whole lot, right? Wait, did last night’s chillaxing seminar with Karkat take all the moments of peace you had saved up like vacation days and spent them all on those couple hours? Fuck.

Whatever so John’s glitched now and can’t stop doing windy things. And it happened more or less at the power shortage so there are probably more people here who got hit. That’s super cool.

TG: oh ok cool uh

TG: is he freaking out

TG: i mean probably right?

TG: what kind of person would be in the situation like john is and not be freaking out

TG: well probably no one since this is probably the first windy bullshit thing in history

GG: Dave!

TG: im thinking bro just chill

At this point, you are just uselessly stringing sentences together and not really helping anyone. Pandering, if you will.

Jane should probably try to calm him down, right? If she is hiding from all the shit that’s probably flying her way, then even just seeing her might calm John down. Then again, if all that stuff is flying around like in fucking Matilda or some shit like that, she might not even be able to get to him.

You take the time to scroll down your contact list to John’s handle and try to message him.

turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: hey bro

TG: dude

TG: you there?

ectoBiologist’s [EB’s] phone has been destroyed

TG: shit

Jane will need to get close to him if that will actually calm him down. So that’s the deal, she’ll go over and make him all happy, the wind will stop and everything will be cool.

TG: i think his phone was destroyed unless pesterchum is fucking with me

TG: try standing close to him and see if you can touch him

GG: What good will that do?

TG: you wanted help and im not a fucking wind expert

TG: im grabbin at the same straws as you are

TG: if you can get over to him we can maybe both force a chill pill down his throat so he doesnt keep freaking out

You consider sitting against a wall but that’s fucking nasty so you just lean on the wall instead. You’re pretty sure she’s got this. You don’t exactly know the extent of how powerful the wind is but it can’t possibly be that bad. They’ll be fine.

The bell rings loudly, echoing through the silent restroom. You might as well be late for class. Not like it’s going to matter a whole ton to your future. You think you can get away with missing school for a little.

To be honest, you probably should be hidden a little better if you are dead set on skipping. This might be one of the safer places to be rather than sitting in the middle of a hallway or wandering aimlessly around but it is still not the greatest. You don’t actually care a lot, you are just glad that it’s calm for now. You dig out your earbuds from your bag and plug them in for some music and for Hal to come and chat if he wants. You don’t have anything specific to think about or anything to rush to get done. Nothing at all.

“Hey, Dave, since you seem pretty chill now, do you want to talk about whatever the hell that was back there?”

Goddamnit Hal, really?

“ _That_ was nothing” You mutter, hitting shuffle on a playlist and shutting off your phone.

“It didn’t sound like nothing,” Hal says teasingly and you manage to resist the urge to throw your phone into the opposite wall.

“Yeah, well you like to read into things that mean nothing. I wasn’t paying attention to the words I was saying like when I get ad-libbing and accidentally turn down awkward sexual metaphor lane that somehow involves my sister. I obviously don’t mean it and it makes the conversation really fucking weird.” You hiss lowly, conscious of your volume.

“If you say so- by the way, you’ve got a message from Jane,” Hal states before going quiet as the blue text registers on your glasses.

GG: I got him. He’s still not completely calm and the wind hasn’t stopped.

GG: When I got close to him initially, the wind died down a bit so we were right, it’s tied into how he’s feeling!

Relief overshadows any hint of embarrassment you had left.

TG: fuck yes

GG: Thank you so much, Dave! 

GG: Also, did anything happen to Dirk? He suddenly went offline when we were talking and I was wondering if something was up.

TG: dirk?

Oh yeah, she had mentioned something about Dirk going offline when the conversation first started, but you have absolutely no clue where he is or what he’s doing. Hal didn’t tell you this morning and you doubt he is going to tell you now. Dirk should be fine. You don’t think he could get himself into any real danger anyway.

TG: i havent seen him all day so i couldnt tell you

GG: Oh. :B

Jane falls silent yet again so you can only assume that she’s talking to John. You’re glad he’s ok. Health-wise, you mean. Emotionally he’s probably shaken up, which sucks. When you traveled back through time, you were too anxious and high on adrenalin to have the capacity to process through it a whole lot. And even initially when you saw your future self, you were more concerned with what he told you. It’s even weirder to think that seeing another version of yourself going to be at least slightly normal sometime in the future. All of this is.

You’ve found yourself thinking about the beginning of the comic. You guys didn’t really freak out about a whole lot in the game until shit started getting bad in a pretty major way. I mean, you could remove household utensils and be transported to fucking outer space and not find it all even remotely strange. It’s so different from John practically destroying his house with wind and stressing about that small instance of something strange and time traveling for the first time. 

Homestuck, for how fucking dark it is, seems almost romanticized of this grand adventure when it’s probably going to be really fucking scary for some people. You and Karkat and Dirk have a one-up just because you read the comic and have had time to process this but not everyone will.

You don’t expect everyone to react the same way. Assuming that the way John reacts to everything compared to someone like Vriska is completely inaccurate. John might be hesitant purely based on his Dad while Vriska (and the other two Serkets, let’s be honest) are probably gonna have the time of their lives. Either way, there shouldn’t be any sense of normality.

Your phone vibrates in your hand and once again messages pop up in your glasses once again.

GG: hey, dave! it’s john if you couldn’t tell :)

TG: sup dude

TG: i cant believe you lied to me about not being magic

TG: i thought we were tight

TG: the betrayal is intense

GG: i honestly didn’t think i was!!!!

GG: i don’t even know how i did that!!!

GG: even more, i can’t believe you totally called me being magic

GG: how do i do that again????

TG: beats me i mean youre the one who did the fuckin

TG: windy thing

GG: on accident!!!!!

GG: but you’re the one who told jane what to do.

GG: if anything you know more than the both of us.

TG: thats just because im super fucking cool

TG: by the way was your phone actually destroyed

TG: or are you using janes pesterchum account out of convenience

GG: oh yeah my phones totally gone.

GG: it was actually in my hand when the wind started and launched straight into poppop crocker like a missile

TG: damn

The conversation between you and John continues for a while. A lot longer than you were expecting. So long, in fact, that you slowly lose awareness of your surroundings. This is not good for a number of reasons, most of them you do not have the time to talk about. This is because the main one, being that you’ve been just standing doing nothing in the bathroom for about half an hour, comes to bite you in the ass as most things have your entire life. You didn’t even attempt to go sit in your car or hide off-campus. You just decided this spot was good and that there was no way anything could possibly stop you from staying here for the rest of the day. A huge oversight on your part.

“What are you doing?” A loud voice rings out through the restroom, almost making you jump out of your skin and drop your phone.

You don’t know all the teachers in the school nor do you actually care enough to go out of your way and learn each one. Knowing who this was might have been a slight advantage in this situation, but since you have at least basic problem-solving skills, you deduce that A) he is a staff member B) he is already tired of students even though it is approximately nine in the morning and C) you are definitely not about to keep standing here.

“I am...uh…” You’re drawing a blank here, in terms of excuses. Every other illogical idea is just telling you to bolt but that’s stupid. Man, will Dirk put you on house arrest longer? You don’t think that he could or really would enforce you being grounded. But maybe that track of thinking probably comes from not getting caught. You might as well just get this over with.

“Just standin’ here on my phone. You?”

Yeah, you get sent back to your class pretty quickly. 

It’s English so there’s no way you missed anything important for that.

Karkat’s gone, though.

It’s weird. You’re always so used to having him around that the instance he isn’t in a place he is normally is off-putting.

Maybe he’s avoiding you because of what you said. Even though you’re in the fucking extreme reaction zone, it’s actually not a super embarrassing thing to say just in general. This isn’t to say Karkat doesn’t overreact because he hella does- Jesus, was it that weird?

No, he would have come. He’s not a super shy person and wouldn’t avoid doing something just because another person was there. 

You don’t actually have to think about it for too long because Karkat walks in a couple of minutes later.

His eyes are immediately locked in on your direction and the instant he sees you, he inhales sharply, hands the teacher a late note, and marches over to his seat next to you, never shifting his gaze.

Fuck, you knew it, you made things weird. Actually, you know what else is weird? Giving a crap about opinions of each other in this current moment. 

The universe is cracking apart and all you want to know is whether you fucked up. Like goddamn, the two of you have to work together in order to save the people you love and care about but who says he has to like you? Sure, you think he’s pretty fun to hang out with but in the comic, the two of you weren’t even friends, you were fighting over Terezi which sparked most if not all of your comic interactions. Rose and Terezi were right, you are around each other twenty-four-seven and if your fucking unstoppable runaway train of a mouth crossed some line then Karkat doesn’t have put up with that after you’re through the metaphorical tunnel.

You turn away from him and focus down on your notebook, doodling a small picture of Hella Jeff on the corner of your page. You can feel his eyes burning holes in the side of your head but you don’t look up. You almost think he is going to lean over and pass you a note or whisper something like the two of you normally do but it never comes. He just watches you before turning away to his own work.

AR: Hey, I don’t fully understand what is happening here but whenever the two of you are done being inconveniently non-communicative teenagers and all emotions have been sorted out as they should, grab Karkat for a meeting, we’ve got some things to talk about.

Cool. It’s fine with you. You don’t even bother investigating what Hal wants to talk about. At this point, you’re used to random calls for a talk where the topics are far fetched and borderline nonsensical that you’ve given up on trying to figure out what the latest conversation topic is going to be. The biggest issue is gonna be how to approach Karkat.

The moment the bell rings, you grab your things and leave, moving quickly to your next class. You think Karkat shouted something at you like “Hey! Wait up!” but you don’t. Maybe you should have told him about talking at lunch but that was the last thing on your mind as you left.

You wouldn’t call it avoiding per se, as Hal had quipped from your glasses, just a really intense desire to suddenly be very academically motivated.

The day continues like that; you move from point A to point B, do whatever bullshit work you have to do at the beginning of class, every time you see someone that remotely looks like him, you either turn the opposite direction or trek on more quickly. Karkat’s getting pissed off. You know this not only because he is normally quick to anger but also because you’ve heard him shout “WHAT THE FUCK?” as you turned to go the opposite direction.

You feel sort of bad about the entire thing, mostly because you thought he would be super chill with not having you around the whole time seeing how you’ve formed this inkling that he hated your guts. But if he only hung out with you out of universal obligation as you suspect then why is he upset? Maybe he has something important to tell you, but that can wait until the scheduled meeting. Man, you sound like some annoying capitalist businessman.

Hal still has other goals to accomplish and has been pestering you about the meeting he called at lunch and you promised you would actually talk to Karkat… at some point. He waits for no one, though so the moment you find yourself alone during lunch, you feel someone pull on your backpack and drag you into the hallway.

You don’t know how you didn’t see him although you are betting on Hal giving away your location, he’s an asshole like that. This was bound to happen anyway so you might as well go along with it.

Karkat is still pissed off. Probably even more pissed off than before, if that was even possible. He looks seconds away from throwing a destructive fit- red in the face and teeth clenched so tightly you think he might crack them.

“What is your fucking damage, Strider?” He growls, trying to measure his breathing to calm down. It’s not working.

“Have you been waiting to have an argument with someone to pull out that line?” You respond coolly, shoving your hands in your pocket and keeping a straight face.

His anger falters quickly, as it tends to do.

“That is beside the point. Why the hell have you been avoiding me?” Karkat forcefully questions.

You shrug. “No particular reason. We hang around each other a lot and I assumed you like having space every once in a while. But ‘s whatever, Hal wanted-”

Karkat cuts you off.

“What possible indicator could I have given that I wanted space? That’s just idiotic. And we hang out because the end of the universe needs discussing and-” Karkat pauses for a second and every last bit of anger deflates.

“We’re friends, right?”

It’s like you’re a little kid again and you’re watching your teacher sort through your backpack because you accidentally let your sword out of your sylladex or that tingling on your skin when Rose or Roxy wrap you up in a hug that you never saw coming. You can only describe it as vulnerability or some shit like that. Whatever it is, you don’t know if you like it.

At the same time, it is almost relieving. You thought he didn’t like you. 

But it doesn’t matter whatever extra emotions you are feeling. There is one that overwhelms it all; The guilt of being an irrational bitch.

“For sure. Sorry, that probably was really fucking weird then,” You mutter out, awkwardly, looking away. 

“It was, but you’re a weird person so whatever.”

It’s in his nature to forgive and (for the most part) forget. You don’t know how he does it and you certainly don’t deserve it.

Hal was getting impatient waiting on you to tell me, which would have been great in advance, but he told me there was some kind of conversation that needed to happen?” Karkat agrees, crossing his arms expectantly.

You sigh, really wanting Homestuck to just not exist for a day, though you guess by conjunction, you also would not be existing. That doesn’t sound particularly bad.

“Yeah. I don’t know what he wants to talk about but a couple of things happened earlier on my end.”

“Oh right, there was the glitch earlier. I was wondering about that.”

There is a certain process for meetings. First, you have to argue about where you are going to have said meeting. It mostly ends up with the first empty room to sit and talk. If you are feeling hungry, you go and get food and either talk while waiting in a drive-thru or while wandering the food store. Today you felt like coffee and Karkat didn’t feel like debating that.

It used to be exciting to make new discoveries about Homestuck. It marked another step towards finally being done with this bullshit. In moments where you are not working to get into the game, the three of you talk about the things you’ll experience once you’re in the game. The alchemizing is definitely a plus and even though it involves death, god tiering seems like it would be pretty cool. But it’s tiring now, thinking about the future. Thinking about how much work is left to do. That’s the only thing you can think about in this moment, waiting in a fucking drive-thru for some coffee.

“Before we begin this meeting, I want to know what the two of you experienced today,” Hal starts. You’re glad you got here early, the line of lethargic teenagers is almost awing.

“What is this, a 1st-grade teacher’s lesson plan? Let me take a wild guess, your next question is going to be “What was your favorite thing you learned today?” followed almost immediately by a line of varying emojis and “What best depicts how you feel about the subject?”.” Karkat grumbles from his seat with his arms crossed like a pouting child.

“If only that was as big a burn as you’re acting like it is. No. I obviously know everything so none of this is a surprise to me. I just want you to let each other know so it’s more convenient,” Hal explains, minorly taunting Karkat in the process.

“How is this any more convenient? We’ve swerved off into an entirely different lane of conversation traffic like-”

“As much as I like convoluted metaphors slightly improving this conversation by making it even more dense and lame, I’m going to have to cut you off there because this seems to be a consistency we have here. Mr. Vantas, what did you learn in class today?” Hal states in his low, sarcastic voice he especially made when he wants to be satirical.

Karkat looks like he is going to bite back for just a second before he decides that petty arguments are actually getting all of you nowhere and resigns to defeat.

“Equius passed out from apparent asphyxiation. Void of air, if you will, and Nepeta and I brought him to the nurse’s,” He mutters, somehow looking more grumpy than before.

“Very good! You get a gold star!” Hal cheers.

“Fuck off, Hal.”

If Hal had a head, you swear it would be turning towards you much like Karkat’s did.

“Jane pestered me about John suddenly doing the windy thing and I helped her with that- by the way, did something happen to Dirk? Jane mentioned something like that” You question, inching the car forward a little bit and probably pissing the person in front of you off.

“Getting to that. So Equius and John. What do those two have in common?”

“C’mon, Hal, don’t make this a shitty puzzle-”

You have to pause to give the lady at the drive-thru your card and receive coffee in return. A successful bounty.

“Is it the color blue?” Karkat questions and you half-expect Hal to trigger a buzzer noise like what you would hear on a game show.

John and Equius… They do both have blue as signature colors even with Breath and Void. I mean, they’re both opposites in a sense- not in an in-your-face way like Karkat is the opposite of John, but in general. They don’t interact in the comic a whole lot if memory serves you right… John is the Heir of Breath and Equius the Heir of Void!

“Classes! They’re both Heirs!” you blurt out. How did you not see it before?

“And Dirk ran into the other one while out today. Mituna is the Heir of Doom, to further solidify the theory, which is why he had to stop helping Jane,” Hal remarks.

“So what happens when every single class has been hit?” Karkat asks and Hal doesn’t shoot back with his normal response. There’s a pause as he thinks about it.

“I don’t know,” He admits and you and Karkat share a look. Hopefully, that doesn’t mean meteors. You should probably get Roxy to work on that.

“But, I do think I have something that can help us, besides this little experiment we are doing.”

Hal pings something on Karkat’s phone. Probably for dramatic effect since you would see what it was almost instantly on your glasses.

Karkat wrestles his phone out of his pocket and holds it between the two of you as you pull into the school parking lot. It’s an email.


	16. >Karkat: Cross that bridge once you've gotten to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, I'm sorry for not updating in a long time. On top of school and college applications, my parents are going through their divorce arc and I have a lot of mental diagnosis shit. 
> 
> **I don't know when I am going to be updating next, but if you want to hear more about the story or ask me questions, feel free to leave a comment or send me an ask on my tumblr @carddec.**
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter! I like how it turned out but it was very hard to get motivated to write it so thank you to everyone who is invested in the story! I genuinely thought no one would read this and I am grateful for you all every day.
> 
> Also, I meant to post this on Valentine's Day, but I legitimately did not finish this until a good ten-twenty minutes after it hit twelve. Happy late Valentine's Day!
> 
> P.S. This bitch was not beta read, we die like men.

For someone who watches as many rom-coms and consumes as much romantic fiction as you do, it seems like Valentine’s Day would be the perfect holiday. You can woo your partner with gifts and gestures of affection like flowers or chocolates; pretty much anything like that. In the case of the school’s Valentine gram sale offering that perfect gift for your oh-so dearest partner…

Dave gives you the most pathetic glance from the side, almost like he is in agonizing pain, as the third choir of students singing Elvis Presley’s _Can’t Help Falling in Love_ that you’ve heard today ends on a final, shakily out of tune note. It’s only midway through second period. You don’t pity Dave at all. This is a group torture you all have to go through together.

Some Einstein up in ASB thought a brilliant way to celebrate the capitalization of love was to allow students to send annoying-ass choirs to each other. At first, you had no clue why Feferi came to you in dismay asking if you could call all the singing telegrams sent by Eridan off. You get it now.

At first, it was pretty cute, you won’t deny that. The guy the choir was sent to was so embarrassed that he ended up hiding in his jacket and including the terrible singing made the entire ordeal pretty funny. The Valentine grams pretty much went downhill from there.

And yes, you are all for the idea of showing affections and romance and other shit like that but this holiday seems like a way for big corps to profit off of romance and instill the behavior that love can only be shown through items with monetary value. It’s completely stupid and people go way overboard for this shitty holiday.

Maybe you wouldn’t be so bitter if you had a date.

The classroom erupts into polite clapping as one of the choir members gives the girl they had been surrounding a valentine from whoever hired them and immediately sets out once again to terrorize more classrooms.

Dave finally looks up from his seat as the last person leaves before taking a deep breath and fixes his glasses.

“Man, got gonna lie these guys make Dirk’s anime intro shower solos sound almost perfect pitch,” He comments with exasperation as he turns down to his notebook that is almost entirely covered with random doodles. You can’t help but hum in agreement.

You twirl your pen clumsily between your fingers as you try and hunker down and write notes in one of your many journals. You know the end of the world is happening sooner or later and that at some point, it will just be useless to continue focusing on school but for now, you just need to make it through the day without any distractions. Speaking of which…

Dave has been trying to catch your attention for the last minute, hissing under his breath and whispering “Karkat” over and over again. Somehow it’s not the most obnoxious thing that’s happened today. You spare him the embarrassment of having to keep vying for your attention for a long period of time. 

“What is it?” You grumble under your breath, looking to the front to make sure your teacher doesn’t catch notice.

“Why aren’t you excited about this shit? Isn’t romance like…” Dave pauses for a second as if trying to remember the rest of the English language so he can finish his sentence. “...your thing?”

“My...thing?” You repeat slowly not because you don’t know what he’s talking about—you do know— but to see how he reacts, thinking he’s fucked up. You feel like being a bit of a prick today.

Dave stops all speech and freezes in place. His eyebrows furrow and his mouth moves wordlessly as if he’s trying to solve an equation in his brain but has forgotten all basic math skills.

“Wh- you like rom-coms? Fuck, wait, troll you liked quadrants so I assumed-” You doubt the glasses on your face are doing him any good; you’re too tired to put on any kind of expression anyway.

“You assumed?”

“Are you telling me you are not interested in that romance shit like besides the movies and books and— oh, you’re fucking with me. Okay, thanks, Hal,” Dave mutters, growing quiet towards the end. “But quadrants seemed to be like your whole thing in the comic?”

You shrug, turning back to your notes. “Well, quadrants are a troll thing and I am very much human so I don’t give it too much thought…” You try to whisper, repetitively looking up at the teacher who is going on about something you haven’t been paying attention to. It’s probably fine.

“...but?” Dave catches on to your trailed off sentence. A rant about the different things that have happened because all of your friends are human and not troll is very tempting however you are in the middle of class. This is going to bother you like an itch you can’t scratch.

“But, I still obviously have thoughts. Hey, isn’t not giving a fuck about romance like… your thing?”

Dave scoffs and mutters something under his breath. “Yeah, I don’t care, but I am curious,” He responds, turning his head towards his work. The classroom starts up in quiet chatter so you can only assume the teacher has designated work time.

“About what? Quadrants? For the first time ever in any single possible universe?”

“All I’m saying is you are like a thousand times grouchier than normal for a day all about romance, which is notably one of your top character obsessions,” Dave responds nonchalantly, scribbling a large rectangle on his page that is most likely going to turn into a full-blown comic by the end of the period. “Unless you’re angry because you’re really sad and lonely because everyone else has a date and you don’t.”

“That’s none of your business, Strider,” You sneer, “unless this is some lame attempt at asking me out, in which I will respond with a definitive and emphatic ‘no’.”

You don’t have to be facing Dave to know he’s red in the face. It happens whenever the nonlinear lines of ‘romance’ and ‘Dave’ cross on the graph and share some sort of point. You’ve done your best to avoid thinking about that since your conversation with Nepeta. It is pretty funny, though. What you wouldn’t give to hear what Hal’s writing in the corner of Dave’s glasses.

“I’m not gay.”

“Alright, that solves that then.”

The two of you fall into an awkward silence and you feel the sudden and visceral urge to fill the conversation with something.

“I wouldn’t be lonely if quadrants were a thing if that’s what you meant.”

“So you’re admitting to being sad and alone now,” Dave jokes, easing the tension little by little.

“I’m not admitting, shit. I’m just saying based on everyone’s relationships now, the likelihood of being in a quadrant with one of these fools is high.” You start, the temptation to ramble about this particular topic growing almost unbearable. “I don’t actively think about this; it’s just easy to gather after a while.”

“Who would it be?” He questions.

“Kanaya,” You respond almost instantly. “We’d probably be moirails. She’d be flushed with Rose, obviously, and probably wouldn’t have any other quadrants. I don’t think the comic was wrong about Gamzee and me a year or two ago either.”

“How can you tell?”

You muffle a snort. “Well, I’m not an idiot, for starters,” Dave makes an expression that screams ‘well, actually’ but you keep talking, “but the whole point of a moirallegiance is to pacify and make each other better people by learning strengths and weaknesses. Kanaya’s like that for me, but I’m not going to run around and nonconsensually push Kanaya into a square she has no clue exists. I don’t talk about it often for that reason.”

Dave hums thoughtfully, finishing the heavy line art for a speech bubble coming from Hella Jeff’s mouth. “What about the others?”

You ponder for a second whether you should berate Dave for asking all these questions about a topic he seems disinterested in but then again, he’s giving you the opportunity to talk about this sort of shit, which you can never do normally so you might as well take it and run with it.

“Terezi and Vriska have something going on in human terms, but that would probably translate the best to pale or blackrom. Nepeta and Equius, blatantly pale. I am not delving into whatever mess Eridan and Feferi have- they’ve broken up and gotten back together so many times just as regular humans that quadrants would be a whole world of problems.”

You rattle off a couple of other observations like Sollux’s relationships platonic or otherwise with Aradia and Eridan or Tavros and Gamzee but don’t go too into detail and you certainly don’t jump the bridge into any of the beta and alpha relationships.

“What about me or Rose?”

You raise an eyebrow. “What about you or Rose?”

Dave hesitates. “I don’t know, you just seem to have an opinion on just about anyone.”

“I don’t. You and Rose just haven’t been around long enough for that to be obvious, well, besides Rose and Kanaya. Besides that, the only person you hang around with is me and the next close seconds are literally your sister and Terezi. If you so desperately want to be a part of the inner workings of the hypothetical quadrant map I have in my head, hang out with someone.”

There is a small part of your head that thinks back to what Nepeta told you yesterday. It’s unbelievable and entirely impossible. The idea of Dave having a crush on you seems so out there that you feel like you unconsciously draw connections that aren’t there. This conversation seems to be one of them. You silence the ideas that float around in your brain.

“Ugh, but making friends is hard, and everyone who isn’t immediately going to potentially die in who knows what period of time is really weird,” He complains, shoving various objects off the face of his desk and into his bag. You didn’t realize how much time had passed.

“Well, unfortunately, all those weird people are going to be stuck with us.” You grumble in response, slowly cleaning up your desk. A wave of uncertainty washes over you as you stare at the carvings of various vulgarities and crappy drawings etched into the surface. How many more times will you get to see this before it’s gone for good. The feeling weighs on your chest and you want nothing more to do than shove it down. What a luxury to be able to experience shitty choirs and school desks.

“At least they won’t die.”

You find yourself in agreement once more with Dave.

“Yeah, at least there’s that.”

The response to Hussie’s email was as anyone could have guessed, short, slightly bitter, and unsociable. It’s hard to be satirical or joking when really, truly confronting the end of the world, and you’ve come to realize that after reading and rereading over his email.

You and Dave and Hal and Dirk have all joked about it or used it as an excuse for when you don’t want to do something. “What’s the point in paying attention in school if it’s going to vanish?” or “What’s the point of having a job?” “Doing homework?” “Making new friends?” You view it as something so inevitable that when someone new finally writes to you, explaining all the possibilities of torment and hurt and suffering that comes with everything going away and _apologizing_ that there is little to do to stop it, does the emotion come.

_To Dave and, apparently, Karkat,_

_Even though every single possible and logical part of me wants to completely ignore your email and call the strange series of coincidences we’ve discovered as just that, coincidences, I feel more inclined to believe you than resort to any of that._

_Your email is very predictable. I had assumed after that interaction months ago that this would happen, though, Karkat, you are a bit unexpected. Now that I reread the letter, it seems you have written a majority of this, huh? The two of you are such a strange combination, I can only think of one or two actual interactions that you’ve had so far in the comic, so Karkat coming from left field is very bizarre. I think I would have expected Rose, the other kids, or even Terezi before you, but it feels like the more I think about it, the more it makes sense._

_I have been regretfully putting off this email for a while, which had no doubt caused you lots of anxiety which I apologize for. There doesn’t seem to be a proper or casual way to address this issue and everything that will ineluctably happen in the future, which is why it has taken so long._

_We’re probably going to die, right?_

_More specifically, I’m going to die. I’m sure the two of you will be fine. I write comics for a living and have no actual grasp on the mechanics of the universe so I find it painfully ironic that the humorous way I have pictured the creation and end of everything to be an actual reality over scientists’ and philosophers’ predictions. I am still struggling with the concept of it even as I write this email and I don’t think I will ever fully come to terms with it; the fairness of who lives and dies, the unfairness of not having a choice, the fact that I can do absolutely nothing except sit and wait with this terrible secret until everything is gone._

_I suppose this is the point where the two of you grow tired of the minutely dense introduction and speculation on life so what more can I do besides answering your questions._

_To get the response to a few basic queries out of the way that, for some reason, were included:_

_No, I don’t think I can get ‘Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff’ off of my Wiki page where it lists me as the author._

_No, I haven’t god tiered._

_No, I am not sending you free merch._

_And finally, yes, I am, quote on quote “fucking sorry about the con air bit”_

The letter continues listing basic summaries and events that happen in the future, such as the meteor and ship making it to the timeline and everything dying to the retcon powers John gets to the hopefully happy ending everyone wants. You had read it over Dave’s shoulder, slowly taking in every bit of truth. Dave had probably felt the same agonizing reality that Earth will be gone a lot sooner than you had. The feeling lasts in your head as you adjust the collar on your shirt and tie your shoelaces.

_Hussie,_

_I’m sorry that you had to find out like this. I think that if I was going to die to a shitload of meteors, I would have wanted to find out when one was hurtling towards my house and not have to look at every kid in the hallways at my school and know that there is nothing I can do to stop this. I hate it even more knowing that I am probably going to escape that fate._

_Thanks by the way, for not being an absolute dick and not telling us the many ways we could die or keeping all the secret boss battles to yourself. I don’t know why I’m thanking basic human decency but it felt needed._

_Maybe you’ll find some strange solace in knowing that there is a possibility your fucking self-insert is registered in reality as a character so you might actually live through some unknown method or be able to traverse around the dream bubbles. Who’s to say? It’s hardly optimistic by any measure but it’s something._

_Good luck, we’re gonna fucking need it,_

_Karkat_

Nepeta’s anxious footsteps pace through the hallway as she harasses other siblings for makeup supplies as she prepares the dance. Her dress makes an audible rustle as she passes your door over and over and over. You take one final look in the mirror at your own reflection. You wanted it to be functional for a dance but could survive the cold while walking around and you’re already sweltering underneath the layers. You pocket several necessities and wait for Dave to arrive.

Anxieties worm their way into your nerves and you feel the sudden urge to check to make sure everything is there. Phone. Wallet. Keys. Maybe it’s a stall for time, a method of stopping the world right where it is so you don’t have to think about the possibility of disappearing into nothing or finding some life-damning secret or even completely collapsing the world. You don’t want this to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. You bite down your apprehension. Your fingers and hands are trembling so you comb them through your hair. Your legs feel like jelly so you pace around the room. Nepeta’s steps and dress keep running up and down the halls and your siblings shout across the house.

How can time feel so slow yet so fast at the same time? It’s taking so long for you to get on the road while uncertainty charges at you like a battering ram. You decide to head downstairs once the noise becomes too much.

The sky had faded from a light blue to an orange by the time headlights pulled in front of the house.

You swallow a thick lump in your throat as you ignore Nepeta’s teasing and tell your parents that you’re leaving.

The cold air blasts in your face as you leave the house and you suddenly wish for even more layers than you’ve got on. Dave greets you as you slide into the passenger seat and the two of you head off up the road.

“Do you even know where we are going?” You ask him, warming your hands with the heater in front of you.

He shrugs. “Not really, but Hal is on navigation, so we should be good.”

“Are you worried at all?”

“Nah, I’m sure it will be fine.”

“Really?”

Dave doesn’t seem nervous at all but something is telling you differently. His hands grip the steering wheel with white knuckles and he keeps biting the skin on his lips.

“Yep. Do you want food? It’s not that long of a drive but I didn’t eat at home.” He responds. You felt too nervous to eat so you probably should munch on something.

“I didn’t either. Just go wherever you feel like.”

You end up getting food at a Mcdonald’s.

There is something that feels nostalgic or off about starting a trip when it’s dark. In early mornings, it reminds you of getting a jump start to a vacation where everyone is piled in the car in their pajamas and blankets and pillows. People drift off as the sky turns to a cold blue and wake up in the day. The night feels different. You travel in the dark when you need to get home after a long day. People go to sleep at night. It always feels urgent and secret when you drive at night, knowing that you absolutely need to be somewhere else.

The car is silent minus soft music that Hal turned on once the two of you initially fell quiet. The edges of town slowly shift into the woods until the streetlights are gone and the only thing lighting your path beside the faint glimpses left of sunlight through the thick woods is the headlights of the Volvo.

The sky turns completely dark after only minutes and the world seems to drop in temperature.

“We shouldn’t stay for long,” Hal’s robotic voice chimes from Dave’s phone. “It’s cold out and I don’t want you two getting sick or hurt.”

“Okay, dad,” Dave teases, his gaze only briefly blinking down at the GPS route displayed on his phone.

“I’m serious. If things get bad I’m calling Dirk.”

“It’ll be fine,” you repeat what Dave had commented earlier in assurance.

Hal navigates you through the forest until a small gravel path appears off the side of the road. It’s bumpy for a long stretch until a clearing comes into view. It is completely dark.

“Did you bring flashlights?” You question as the car pulls to a stop in front of a sign labeling the hiking trail.

“Yep. Hal insisted I bring supplies in case we get stuck,” Dave hums, “it’s all in the backseat, blankets, pillows, extra clothes, some snacks, water, and some other random junk.”

You hate the idea of being stuck out here.

You’re the first to move out of the two of you, stepping out into the cold. Your shoes hit the gravel with a satisfying crunch as you shut the door behind you and grab a flashlight from the backseat. Dave’s car is the only one parked here and you feel both grateful and worried because of it.

The trail seems darker than the rest of the forest as you shine your light towards it.

“Hey, Karkat, look at this!” Dave says, his light shining over the sign. “Beware of bears. Shit man, we’re really in danger now.”

You stifle a laugh. “Please, you would shit bricks if you came face to face with a bear. Can you even see anything? You’re literally wearing shades and it’s dark as all hell!”

With a quick motion, a sword falls into Dave’s hand. You’ve never actually seen him with any weapon before, let alone a sword. It scares you how casually he holds it.

“I can see! And bears got nothin’ on me,” He states confidently, “fuck bears.”

“You’ve just insulted so many animals. Now all of them have a vendetta against you. Maybe you could take down one bear, but an army?” You hear Hal chime and you can’t help but smile.

Dave marches forward along the trail into the woods and you swear you hear him grumble about ‘doubting him’ as everything except his light disappears into the trees. You’re quick to follow.

The forest is dead silent besides your feet on the worn path. Your skin grows colder and colder as the night creeps on. You’ve never found trees to be scary but they tower above you like giants while you stand small and inadequate. They blot out the stars and moon making the world seem like it is covered in a dark blanket. It’s frigid and you’ve already wrapped yourself as tight as you can in all of your clothes and shoved your empty hand in your pocket. You’ve never liked the cold.

“How far do we have to walk before anything kicks in?” You sniff, your nose starting to run and the cold nipping at your cheeks and ears. You can’t wait until you're back at home. Hell, you’d settle for being at the dance with a bunch of hormonal teenagers. Screw being scared of dying in the cold woods.

“Who’s to say. You guys haven’t been walking long. Maybe at a certain point, you should wait around for a bit,” Hal answers. 

“How long has it been?” Dave grumbles, almost muffled by his completely zipped up jacket.

“About ten, fifteen minutes maybe?”

Dave scoffs. “Disgusting.”

You continue further.

Nothing happens.

The soft sound of running water is heard up ahead as the two of you reach a wooden bridge that hovers over a small creek. You stop there and try to peer down into the water, unable to see anything in the void of darkness. You don’t know why you even tried in the first place.

Dave shifts around where he stands, his arms crossed close to his chest as he leans against the opposite railing. He lets out an audible, shaky breath.

“Are you cold?” You ask.

“No,” He mutters back sarcastically “it’s only fifteen degrees out here, why would I be cold.” He moves to sit on the wooden railing. For a split second, you worry he might fall back into the water, but try to shake away the anxiety. It’s Dave, he’s fine. A pool of uneasiness rests in your stomach regardless. Will something happen? Will it happen soon? Will it happen at all?

“We should wait here,” He states, pulling his phone out of his pocket, the blue glow alighting his face. You settle on the wooden boards of the bridge, your back against a support beam, and turn off your flashlight.

“Sounds good to me.”

The two of you stay quiet and it feels strangely intimate. You look up at the clearing the small stream has created. The sky is smothered in stars like someone took a paintbrush and flicked white paint onto a blue and black canvas. All the simple constellations you’ve learned over the years are easily visible.

“You can see Ursa Major,” you say, pointing up at the sky, not knowing if Dave can even see you in the dark. “You gonna fight it?”

“Obviously. What do you think I’ve been training for my entire life? Grueling combat every day, just so I can fight the Great Bear. It’s the showdown of a lifetime.”

“Damn, I didn’t know you were this passionate about animal cruelty,” You feign awe, not moving your eyes from the stars. It’s a good way to pass the time. It distracts you from how cold you are.

“That constellation kinda looks like a dick.”

And moment ruined. Thanks, Dave.

“What a way with words,” Hal muses from Dave’s hand.

“At least I’m entertaining. Nothing is happening,” He complains.

“That’s your idea of entertaining? I am genuinely worried for you,” Hal shoots back, plainly.

“This isn’t supposed to be entertaining in the first place. We’re on a serious mission here!” You interject. It would be more serious if some answers would show up. You grow more worried that the longer it takes, the bigger the glitch would be.

“Serious mission?” Dave echos, “What are you, eight? Are we playing make-believe mission impossible?”

“Shut up, Strider. You know what I meant.”

Hal quietly plays ‘mission impossible’ from Dave’s phone and you try so desperately to continue frowning. Through the darkness, you can barely make out Dave smiling at the small joke.

“I think I am going to walk ahead,” You say, standing up and brushing off the back of your pants. “Maybe a glitch will trigger if we’re farther apart.”

“Absolutely not,” Hal interrupts, “Sorry, dude, but there is no way that is happening.”

The whole point of coming out to the woods was to get more information about the glitches and maybe find some way into SBURB. Leaving with nothing, at this point is not an option.

“What, you’ll call Dirk? You know better than any of us that we need something, anything to happen,” You state, turning your flashlight on once again.

“I don’t want you guys to get hurt or deleted,” He says, his electronic tone growing gentle.

“And I won’t. If anything happens, to Dave or me, you can just notify the other and we’ll meet back here at the bridge. I’ve experienced glitches before, I know how it feels when one is coming up. I’ll tell you if I notice anything.”

This time, it’s Dave who speaks up, quietly from the railing. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. If it makes you feel better, we can stay on a call, but I don’t know how good the reception is out here,” You respond, shining a light down the path you’ll head.

“It’s shit,” Dave mutters, “back here in ten?”

You check the time on your phone, _6:21PM_.

“Yeah. If I’m late, expect that something happened.”

With that last comment, you start trekking down the path, further into the woods, leaving Dave to wander about on his own, the only sign that he’s still there being the light of his flashlight. 

Leaves and pine needles crunch against your steps as you walk, each practically echoing through the silent forest. You won’t say that you’re not scared. It’s hard not to be because the truth is, you don’t know what will happen.

You travel farther.

And farther.

The small light from Dave’s flashlight has long since disappeared as the trail grows narrower and steeper.

It’s more worrisome than anything else; something _should_ have happened by this point. This was your _only_ plan to get into SBURB.

You take a large step over a rock in the middle of the trail.

Hiking isn’t one of your favorite pastimes. In fact, you wouldn’t call it a pastime at all. You’d follow along if anyone invited you but you’d never go out of your own volition. Arduous exercise, either way too cold or way too hot, there are bugs and dirt and miles and miles of isolation in every direction; not even remotely ideal. You could think of a billion more things that you would prefer to do over hiking.

Your flashlight shines on a tree so large, it would take several of you to wrap your arms around it completely. The bark is dry and dark and stretches upwards into the sky until it almost blends in with the atmosphere.

The trees will be gone. So will this trail and probably the bridge and the creek and rocks and plants. You’ve never held any desire to look or appreciate these sort of things. They’ve always been around and so they would never really leave and it was not something you had to think about. Unconscious guilt swirls in your stomach and rises to your throat as you reach out to touch the bark of the tree. 

For a moment, you want to believe that if nothing happens tonight in the forest, that you and Dave stay safe, the world won’t end. The forest will still be here until some adventure capitalist chops it all down and life will continue. You won’t have to miss things you wouldn’t normally and you wouldn’t feel guilty of ultimately beginning the cause of its demise.

“Karkat, somethings wrong with Dave.”

Reality doesn’t give a fuck about what you want to believe.

Bright blue light blinds you from behind the tree. You use the thick bark as a shield from the light and turn away from its source. As quickly as it comes, it dies down.

“Holy shit, it’s cold as hell!” A voice shouts out almost immediately as the blue fades. You don’t recognize it in the slightest. “Alright, where is he?”

You know it’s probably in your best interest to pop out and say hello to whoever that is but you find yourself unable to move like your limbs have turned to iron stakes dug deep into the earth.

“I dunno, he said he was being a treehugger right about now so seeing how we’re in the middle of the woods, that could literally be anywhere,” another voice states, making you almost whip around from your spot.

“Dave?” His name spills from your mouth as you peek from behind the tree.

Your flashlight shines directly on the source of the voices, which stand out like safety reflectors.

There is Dave, obviously, you’d recognize his shitty ‘cool guy’ monotone from anywhere. Right next to him, though, stands a boy just a little shorter than him. It’s hard to make out his features in the dark but the light of your flashlight reflects off the square rims of his glasses and makes his blue pajamas practically glow. The same could be said about the red clothing Dave wears.

“Hey, Karkat,” Dave calls to you, rather fondly. You inspect closer. A long scar runs from the bottom left of his chin to the right of his nose that is conveniently missing from the Dave you know.

“John?” You say slowly, looking towards the blue boy. His face lights up almost as bright as the sun as he flashes you a toothy grin.

“It’s still so weird to me that you’ve known me even before we were properly introduced,” John tells you, loudly. 

You don’t know if your brain has quite caught up yet. Here are Dave and fucking John Egbert standing in front of you, god tiered, and looking slightly worse for wear, judging by scars and other cuts that adorn their skin. You watch Dave look down at the muddy ground and try to gather up his long cape so it doesn’t get dirty. After a couple of seconds, he decides to lightly hover above the floor, saving his cape and doing minimal effort. You think that’s when it finally clicks.

“Holy fuck.”

“Ey, there’s the Karkat we know and love,” Dave chimes, crossing his arms from the cold and hovering close to you. “How are you doing, man?” He looks genuinely happy to see you.

You probably look like a fish with your mouth opening and closing like there. There are about a million questions traveling through your head at the moment but none are solid enough to land. It mostly consists of several comedic and questionable noises of confusion along with singular words like “what?”, “huh?”, “deadass?” and other vocabulary along that border.

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen him rendered speechless. I feel like this is a monumental occurrence that needs to be documented,” John mumbles in genuine shock. The actual nerve some people have. 

“How are you here?” You shout, pointing a finger accusingly at the two.

“The glitch, obviously,” John states “I used my retcon powers and brought Dave along because he wanted to come and now we’re here.”

“Why would you need to use retcon powers? What is there to retcon? You clearly got into the game. I don’t think either of you are dead. Why are you here?” Questions flood out of your mouth rather than be listed in some organized manner. Either way, it gets the job done. How much time do they have here?

“Well, you wouldn’t know what needs to get done,” John scoffs, though you’ll admit it’s a little hard to concentrate purely on him as Dave hovers lazily around the woods, inspecting every inch of it. “We came here so that you do a better job than we did.”

“What do you mean?”

“Stop asking questions, Karkat or we’ll never get anything done around here— I don’t remember how much time we have,” Dave urges softly before he flickers and suddenly he’s moved to the edge of the clearing, watching something. He pauses for a second before returning over to you and John.

John makes a quick, familiar motion with his hand as he opens his sylladex, taking things out and shoving them back in until a small flash drive falls into his hand.

“We didn’t realize that when trying to start SBURB in a broken universe, it would only speed up the process. Hindsight’s twenty-twenty if you think about the moons. We were unprepared for that,” Dave halts his speech, his voice lower and more serious than you ever think it could be compared to his amiable tone earlier. “We lost all of the space players and so this is me making good use of being a time player. Who’s got the better aspect now?” His voice holds none of the actual enthusiasm of a joking conversation.

“They died?”

Dave hums remorsefully “Right off the bat. So did a lot of other people. The game doesn’t start up normally— there are so many chunks missing. You’ve got about, hm, seventy-one and a half hours once you’re in game to have an escape plan and get as many people god tiered as you can before everything completely collapses. You probably want to be gone before then, though. You’ve still got until John’s birthday to figure it out.”

John holds out his hand to give you the flash drive, on it has your recognizably scratchy writing with the single word “SBURB” on it. Would this be a paradox? You stare at the piece of plastic in your hand. A strangely dark thought of “What if you are dead in their timeline” passes through your head and you try to shove it aside.

“What will happen to you guys?” Your voice cracks as you look back up at Dave and John. They look tired and sad.

“I don’t know, die probably? We left like seconds before everything ceased to exist so when we get back, that’s gonna happen. The most important thing was warning you, so it feels like we’re pretty much good now,” John says nonchalantly. 

“Kickin’ it in dream bubbles would be chill,” Dave adds and John nods excitably. 

“I want to see Jade again and-oh Vriska and Terezi too. Bet there’s some people you’re missing.”

You glance between the two of them. This conversation… you don’t think you should be here for it; it’s strangely morbid. Dave glances back at you for a few seconds with an expression you’ve never seen on his face ever before resuming his small talk with John. You hate the implications of that.

“I’m not heartless, John, I miss them. That’s like me saying you don’t want to see people because the only love language I hypothetically understand is words of affirmation or some shit—screw you Karkat for having me memorize this— and you have never said a single positive thing about me. I thought we were bros, man,” He chatters casually, like he didn’t just stare, looking impossibly sad, seconds ago. 

“We are!”

Holy shit, they’re crazy. Absolutely nuts.

“So seventy hours,” You jut in, “protect the space and time players, get them god tiered and everyone else too, and try not to die? I don’t understand how this is any different from the original plan.”

The soft smile that has worked its way into Dave’s face falls and he floats towards you, “Man, all work all the time, you’re no fun,” He sighs and you’re in no place to deny it. “The difference is that we spent the beginning trying to understand the fucked up game mechanics and figure out what to do since this was obviously not the SBURB we read about instead of moving quickly. There’s no Just or Heroic deaths when it all goes to shit, you’re just gone. Whether you’re god tier or not. And there's-” Dave sucks in a sharp breath and you can see the color drain from his face, “there’s another thing.”

“Worse than everything you’ve told me?” You grumble. Holy shit it’s cold.

“No, I-” His eyes shift to look behind you and you feel the visceral urge to turn around, “Dirk was always cautious about going into the game ‘cause the game was what took away Bro and mom and the people that you knew,” He explains. “We had brushed it off as nothing but he was right.”

He doesn’t seem to be talking to you at this point. His stare almost looking through you. You decide to turn around.

Another Dave- _your_ Dave stands there. Well, stand would be the term closest to what you think you see. His chest rises and falls with each breath at an extremely fast rate and all his motions seem sped up and jagged. His hair is tousled and his clothing disheveled, like he’d been out here for hours as opposed to the ten minutes you’ve been standing here.

“I didn’t see him. I saw mom, though. More specifically, I saw her corpse but that indicates that she was alive and wandering around. Just figured…”

Your Dave is moving too quickly to get a good read on him but he doesn’t seem to be doing especially great. You’ve never pushed him on the subject before, he told you enough that first day you met to get the general gist of it. You don’t even know if Dave wants to talk about it either so you’ve tried to avoid the topic of Bro.

The other Dave frowns for a second before there is a second flash of light. He grabs a hold of your Dave’s arm and with some Time bullshit power, he tugs your Dave into the correct speed. 

Dave stumbles forward a touch before regaining his balance and straightening up in a measly attempt at not looking like a train wreck. 

“I’ve been stuck like that for almost an hour,” He mutters under his breath but not so quietly that it’s completely unheard, “You’re a real one, thanks dude.”

Time is such a bullshit aspect. You manage to piece together that if he was moving quickly then everything around him was probably moving very slowly. The hour thing actually makes sense and is not just Dave bullshit. You’re not going to act like you understand anything that’s going on, though, so you turn to John.

“This has SBURB on it?” You question, gesturing with the flash drive. It feels impossibly small for something so grandiose. 

“Sorry, I assumed you could read. Yes, it does,” He responds teasingly and annoyance ticks in your brain.

“Hey, assmuncher, I didn’t come here to be harassed. If I recall correctly, I’m the one holding SBURB. I don’t have to save your life,” you grunt, shoving the flash drive into your pocket for safekeeping.

“But you will, you’re just fun to make angry.”

“I feel like you're projecting off of this pre-established friendship that I am completely unaware of where I am super pleasant to be around all the time.”

John laughs a bit, glancing over at the two Daves talking quietly amongst themselves. They both look miserable. “Maybe just a little bit,” He admits, “You and I actually become close buddies!”

“I sincerely doubt this.”

“I feel like you’re projecting off of this preconceived image that I am minorly aware of,” He mimics.

Oh fuck off. “I definitely don’t want you to die,” You start after a deep inhale to unwind. It’s not as effective as you would have liked. “But you are seriously annoying and I want this conversation to be over.” John just laughs at you again.

“Don’t worry, I think we’re just about done here, anyway. Dave?” John calls out to his red counterpart. “Any last words of advice?”

Future Dave looks down at your friend before turning towards you. He mulls over his words for a few seconds.

“Between the four of you, including Dirk and Hal, there is not a single fucking shred of competancy. Rose is super smart so listen to her. Roxy too. And Kanaya… Actually scratch all of that, if a girl tells you something, she is probably a billion times smarter than you so you should probably listen to her.”

“-Unless it is Vriska,” John hastily adds, “She knows you’re dumb and will try to exploit or kill you.”

“Noted,” Dave confirms as the other Dave floats over next to John, adjusting his cape before his feet touch the ground. “Also, uh, John?”

“Hm?”

Dave hesitates for a moment, messing with the collar of his ineffective jacket against the cold. “It was nice to meet you. In person, I mean.”

John’s ever persistent smile only grows. “Make sure to tell the other me that too.”

With that final phrase, John puts a hand on Dave’s shoulder and with a blue flash of light, they are gone.

Your flashlights flicker off and on as your vision blinks back into focus.

“What the fuck was that?” You find yourself saying, feeling an itch underneath your nails, skin, and gums. It’s aggravating.

“Glitch stuff, obviously. I can’t believe you got the cooler one. All I got was everything slowing down and even more time out in the cold. It sucked ass,” He complains, instantly folding into himself to try and generate some heat.

“At least you didn’t get deleted. We got SBURB too, so let’s look on the bright side,” You say, digging into your pocket for the flash drive to make sure it’s still there. 

“I never took you as an optimist.”

“I’m plenty optimistic,” You defend loudly.

“Actually, on the topic of SBURB and freezing weather, why don’t you two start walking so we can get the flash drive back as soon as possible and you two are not stuck in the middle of the woods in February,” Hal states from Dave’s phone, mostly muffled by the layers of fabric covering his pockets.

“We’re going to be out of the cold soon!” You exclaim with fake enthusiasm and a terribly sarcastic grin “How’s that for positivity?”

“Oh my god, you’ve completely convinced me. You’ve done a complete one-eighty on your character and now you’re more like John than yourself. Next thing we know, your classpect will change and you’ll start pulling pranks.”

“If you ever see me purposefully attempt to pull an elaborate prank I need you to shoot me.”

“Stop being so pessimistic.”

“I actually hate you.”

The walk back felt so much shorter than the initial hike. Dave had been wandering around way longer than you had so despite the trail not being marked well and the lack of light, he’s able to direct you back across the bridge and to your car.

The cold air from the unheated AC feels like ice on your skin but you hardly care. You are only a thirty minute drive and a shitty high school dance away from getting a good night’s sleep. It’s strange that out of everything that has happened this evening, all you can focus on is how tired you are. Yeah, the dance is going to be horrible but you’d prefer your confidant not to be hellaciously grounded.

Dave looks equally, if not more, exhausted. His hair is all mussed up from the wind and his clothes are disheveled and dirt covered. You probably don’t look any better.

You flip down the mirror above your seat to fix your hair.

“How much time left until the dance is over,” You question absently as you work.

“We left an hour before hand so the dance started about thirty minutes ago. Paired with the drive, we should get there with an hour or two to spare.”

Your fingers brush over a lump in your hair and you freeze.

“Rose will be happy about that and it’ll be nice to be out of the house longer,” Dave says, shifting gears and turning back onto the road towards town.

You don’t even look in the mirror anymore, your eyes are glued to the dashboard of the car as you continue combing through your hair over the bump. It doesn’t make any sense. That was never there before.

“I’ve never been though, so all I have to go off of is A Cinderella Story and that movie was actually shit. I’ve heard you defend some bad movies, but that one takes the metaphorical cake.”

The lump is small but thick, only a centimeter or two tall, but that’s still way more prominent than you’d like. There’s a second one almost completely parallel on the other side of your head.

“The music’s probably gonna be bad. I have never seen a single movie where the music in those kinds of scenes were good. If the music doesn’t slap then the party is done for. Hal, do you think you could hack it?”

“Probably. I’d play something super obscene, though.”

The first immediate thought that crosses your mind is horns but god you don’t want that to be the case. You chew your lips nervously as you bring a second hand to your head. Your teeth pierce through.

“Fuck!” You shout, covering your mouth as it begins to bleed. The car jerks to the side as Dave nearly leaps out of his skin.

“What the hell?” Dave asks, glancing over at you as you try to reach for the small medkit tossed haphazardly in the back seat.

“I’m fine! I’m fine, just keep driving,” You answer, unbuckling your seatbelt to maneuver and grab ahold. You dig through the small bag for a gauze, ripping it open and pressing it between your lips as you search for a wipe.

“No, I mean what happened?” He asks again as you start cleaning the bit of blood from your hands and around your face. 

“I hab a gaub im my moumh,” You try to respond, holding the gauze down.

“He bit his lip and it started bleeding,” Hal clarifies.

You buckle your seatbelt again and inspect the wound in the mirror. Four separate piercings begin to scab on your bottom lip. More interestingly is the sharp teeth that caused it. You run your tongue over the sharp edges, each one threatening to puncture if given enough pressure.

“My teeth!” You exclaim, moving the gauze the instant the bleeding stopped. Your hands unconsciously travel to your hair one last time for the bumps. You part your hair at one revealing a barely visible, but still an unequivocally orange nub.

“What about your— _oh_.”

You resist the urge to scream or let out any noise that would reveal a fraction of the amount of panic you feel. No matter how you try to cover up the horns, they seem constantly visible. Blood red eyes stare back at you through the mirror.

Your fingers fumble with each lock of hair and your knees knock together anxiously. You knew this was a possibility. You knew it after seeing Eridan and Feferi and every other glitch that’s happened. Seeing it is different though. The small bit of orange constantly peeking through your dark hair, the distinct points of your teeth peeking out from under your braces. How can you explain this? The mirror becomes unbearable and you fold the visor up.

“Do—,” You swallow harshly, peering into the back of the car once again, “do you have a spare hoodie or a hat that I could borrow?”

Dave’s face scrunches up in an expression that you can only describe as pity. “Yeah, there should be a grey jacket in the backseat or trunk.”

The car is completely silent as you slip off the blazer you had picked out for the dance and pull on the grey hoodie, pulling the hood over your head and feeling minutely better. It still didn’t stop the shaking in your hands. The flash drive in your pocket reminds you what this was for.

The student parking lot is filled with cars and students wander in and out of the building leisurely. You make sure you have everything before entering the school. Phone. Wallet. Keys. _Flash drive_.

The commons where the dance is held is completely dark save for several colorful lights decorating the room. Balloon arches and heart decorations are strewn about with purpose and attempt at interior decorating. Next to Dave and literally every other person in the room, you feel underdressed, not that you can complain a whole lot. Between being up to dress code or keeping the horns and teeth under wraps, you’d stick with the hoodie.

“I was right, the music is ass,” Dave states as the two of you gaze over the room to find your group of friends. You can feel the bass in the floor but can’t discern any of the lyrics. “We should take a picture so Dirk can’t accuse me of not being here.”

You nod in agreement and take a quick photo in front of the crowd of kids dancing with severe lack of inhibitions. It’s a pretty low quality photo, both you and Dave look tired and slightly depressed but the small smiles are passable. You move back to search the crowd for your friends.

The first person you spot is Nepeta. Besides that generally being hard to miss, you immediately catch sight of the dress she had been gushing about for weeks beforehand with the layers underneath making the skirt wide and puffy. She’s dancing carelessly off to the side of the room with Equius’s hands in each of her own. Equius, on the other hand, seems to care a lot and more specifically looks desperate to not be dancing. Knowing Nepeta, it probably didn’t take her too long to wear him down in the first place.

It’s easy to spot the rest of your friends from there; whether they realize it or not, everyone congregates in the same vicinity as each other. Rose and Kanaya are quietly chatting at a table set up in the corner, Gamzee is also napping at said table and it looks like Vriska, Terezi, and Tavros (who is frantically searching for escape) are planning next to him the best way to wake him up and cause the most psychological damage. Feferi is talking on the side with Sollux and Aradia who range from politely interested to desperate to leave. It wouldn’t be a surprise to you if by the end of the evening, Equius, Tavros, and Sollux have formed a small, awkward group that sympathises over the common emotion of not wanting to be at the dance but are sticking it out because it makes their friends happy.

Unfortunately for you, none of those people are the first to see you. You don't know how you didn’t notice him earlier with his clearly super expensive and lavish clothing and the fact that he is standing awkwardly alone, probably because he’s chased everyone who had even the smallest remote intention or desire to talk to him off. Despite that, people can count on Eridan for exactly two things: his complete lack of shame and his ability to jump to conclusions.

Eridan’s eyes grow as wide as saucers as you nudge Dave in the side and point towards the rest of your group. You squint your eyes as you watch him stride over to Feferi at an alarmingly fast pace, share something excitedly with the group, watch everyone in said group become immediately more interested in whatever he said, and turn towards you and Dave as you approach. Your nerves spike and slightly change course to land at Rose and Kanaya’s table as opposed to being confronted to whatever the fuck that is. Their gaze follows the two of you as you pass.

“Dave! Karkat! Nice of you to finally show up,” Rose smiles as the two of you sit down on one of the benches, keeping wary of the sleeping Gamzee.

“Hey, Rose,” He greets with a minor yawn, “I’ll be honest, never expected to be relieved to be here.” You decide to bury your head in your arms for one single second of rest. The hoodie… smells like him.

“Isn’t that your sweater?”

“Yeah, we got food and Karkat was a dumbass and spilt shit all over his jacket so I let him borrow mine,” you hear Dave lie easily to Rose and Kanaya hums that knowing hum she does when she thinks something is up. 

“See, Fef, I _told_ you,” Eridan loudly states, making you peek out from the grey fabric towards his voice.

“I can’t believe it. Honestly. But you’re totally right… I owe Sol some money,” Feferi complains and turns to dig out her purse. You feel like you’re missing something here…

“You’re lying,” Rose purrs as you tune back into Dave, Rose, and Kanaya’s conversation.

“He’s not, but whatever. Why is everyone being weird?” You grumble, your voice probably sounding a lot more tired than you’d like.

“Karkat, you’re joking,” Kanaya states and you have to look up at her to make sure she’s not playing you for a fool. You’re eyebrows furrow as she stares back at you with stone cold intensity.

You slowly sit up from the table and her gaze follows. Did she see the teeth or the horns? That has to be why everyone is looking at you funny. That’s the only logical excuse you can think of.

“I’m not joking. What the fuck is going on?” You glance at Dave, who seems to be trying to piece it together as well. He adjusts his glasses— probably looking at something Hal sent him— and his expression falls, mouth agape and everything.

“Karkat!” You hear Nepeta call out to you and you whirl around in your seat to face you.

“Nepeta,” You greet as she wraps you in one of her familiar hugs.

“I’m so sad! Why didn’t you tell me?” She whines, clasping your hands in her own.

You sigh harshly. “Tell you what? What am I missing? Why is no one explaining?” You say a bit too loudly, growing aggravated. Whatever it is, it’s probably Eridan’s fault. Her gaze dashes between you and Dave.

“That you two were together! I feel so stupid for that conversation the other day, now!”

Dave’s head slams into the table with a bang and you have to stop yourself from choking on nothing.

“Excuse me?” You yelp out, tearing yourself away from her grip, your face flushing almost instantaneously. You can’t even look in Dave’s direction.

“It’s pretty obvious, Kat. I mean, look at you!” She scoffs, guestering between the two of you. You’re wearing his jacket, he looks disheveled, like he got into a fight or—

Your eyes grow impossibly wide and you finally get why Dave made the face he made. Feferi owes Sollux money. _They put money on this_.

“OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL!” You shout. How the fuck are you going to explain where you had gone without it sounding suspicious? Why Dave looks like that. The hoodie.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” She implores, clearing growing impatient to hear the “juicy details”.

“We-We’re not _together_ ,” Dave groans from the table. You do your best to scoot away subtly.

“You ditched like half the dance together alone?” Nepeta points out, her voice dripping into confusion.

“Because Dirk fucking grounded me and the dance was a shitty excuse to get out of the house,” He explains, sounding like this conversation is physically hurting him. A small part of you wonders if the concept of dating you is just that revolting but you stomp it down almost immediately. Now, out of any moment, is not the time to be thinking about that sort of stuff.

“You look—”

“Like a mess because we took a walk and it’s cold and windy,” You tell her, exhausted.

You go out and risk your lives for this kind of treatment. When you finally can tell everyone about all the shit you’ve gone through, it’s going to be the biggest “told you so, stop assuming” in all of existence.

“But the hoodie—”

“Spilt food on his jacket, couldn’t wear it, it’s cold and windy, I had a spare in my car,” Dave drones, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

You notice that conversations around you have quieted to hear this interaction. Hell, even Vriska and Terezi stopped their plotting to listen in.

“I don’t believe you. You’re totally lying,” Eridan accuses. You can’t recognize if that were out of his desperation to be right or if he genuinely believes it.

“I don’t understand why we have to make a case and you guys can’t just, I don’t know, believe us?” You add, trying to sink further into the warmth of the sweater, “Like I get if it was an honest mistake, but you guys are insistent. I don’t even understand why it would be a big enough deal for this sort of over reaction. Don’t think I didn’t hear it, but _money_? Seriously?”

The music pounds in the background and loud chatter fills the commons but it all falls on deaf ears as your friends fall silent, hopefully a majority of them feeling some sort of discomfort.

It is uncomfortable, and that is an undeniable fact. Even if, for whatever reason, you did have some sort of feelings towards Dave or if you were hypothetically dating, this level of reaction feels too intimately involved, like the relationship was some sort of entertainment as opposed to something private.

More than that, might you repeat, this is not the sort of shit you need in your life. You get why people have these assumptions of you but at the end of the day, it’s just another added stress onto the growing pile. You don’t want any of these fools to die even if they are idiots. You don’t have the leisure to actually become friends with Dave for the sake of becoming friends with him. And yes, you are friends with him, but it all spurred from the shared knowledge that if you don’t do shit, everyone will die. Maybe things will get better after everyone knows.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think anyone meant it like that,” Kanaya tries to sooth and you really, really want to calm down. You want to go home and you want to fall asleep and forget everything from the meteors in a few months and everything that follows that to this bullshit. You don’t have the time to think about it. You crush intruding thoughts.

“I know. I get it,” You mutter, rubbing one of your eyes with the palm of your hand. “Do we have to stick around here for the entire time, or can we just go home?”

Dave remains silent for a good couple moments before speaking up. “I don’t really care either way, let’s just go,” He decides quietly. The two of you hadn’t even been here twenty minutes.

You sit up lethargically from the bench and take one final look at Rose and Kanaya before following Dave out of the commons.


End file.
